Why me//G.D

First day

Dear diary,
      Hi I'm Alishaya I know my name is really ghetto. This is my first time writing in this. My mom got me it so when I start my new high school  I can write and put all my feelings in it. But who cares? Let me tell you a little about me and this boy I saw today. While I don't know how to say this but I hate myself. I was diagnosed with depression  when I was in the 3rd grade I was always down. And it didn't help that I got bullied. I'm not your average  skinny  girl I'm fat or what my mom says thick. I have always been overweight. I always dreamed about being skinny I try to lose weight but it never works. I went 3 weeks with only eating one meal a day. I worked my ass off every day. I never loved my body. I think I'm so ugly but I'm always  told that I'm not but deep down they know the truth.  No one liked me because  of my weight and I'm always scared to fall in love because I know how it ends. I know that the guy is going to call me ugly or fat. I always ask myself why am I alive. Let me give you details  of how I look. First off I'm mixed my mom is black and my dad is white. I have red curl hair. My eyes are a Dark brown color. I have freckles going a cross my nose. And I'm body shape will is just not the best. You are wondering  why I'm telling you all this will it has to do with a boy I saw at school today. He was tall and gorgeous. His jawline was so sharp it could cut me. When I looked at him it was like looking at Jesus him self. He was so cute but his looks didn't matter he was so funny. He was in my math ,English, and science class he made me laugh  so hard. This boy made me feel a way that no one else made me feel. I felt happy. Your probably wondering  what his name is? Well his name is Grayson Dolan and ugh words can't describe  how he makes me feel. Oh and did I mention  that he had a twin named Ethan Dolan.