The beating of my heart momentarily stopped as I felt my head almost fall out of my hands and slam into the wooden desk. Rapidly blinking, I sat up in my chair in an attempt to wake myself up again.
Last night's attempt at sleep had proven to be a failure, and after all that gym training, missing out on getting in a few good hours had really negatively impacted the day.
Sure, Mr. Dennis' English lessons weren't exactly the most lively part of my Monday mornings either, but with graduation so quickly approaching I wanted to get the most out of the last few months of high school. That meant actually staying awake in classes.
He drawled on at the front of the class, talking about the book we were supposed to be reading for our next exam. I tried to focus on his words, but the combination of his dull tone and my overwhelming thoughts had me switched off in an instant.
I couldn't stop thinking about this afternoon.
At 4:00 pm, I was supposed to return to Lynchmond park to meet with Eric. Or not show up at all. The decision was in my hands. And after an entire night and foggy morning of thinking it through, I still had no idea what choice to make.
The fear and doubt were still there, reminding me every step of the way how crazy this all sounded. It was there to convince me not to show up that afternoon, and that hopefully after today I could put it all behind me. But that other part of me...
The undoubtedly stupid part.
I sighed, directing my eyes to the front of the room. I would think more about it as the day went on.
"Now, I feel as though I shouldn't have to remind you all that you won't be allowed to take notes into the exam," Mr. Dennis spoke. "The question will be provided to you on the day, so you'll have to by that point already have a decent understanding of the main themes and conventions which means, yes, you'll have to actually read the book."
The room broke out into groans and other sounds of annoyance. As quickly as they were heard, they were soon silenced by the shrill sound of the bell ringing.
Students immediately got up from their desk, ignoring Mr. Dennis as he continued to urge the class with desperation to grasp at least some form of an appreciation for literature. I kind of felt sorry for him. None of us could have really cared less about the classic novel he seemed to have a deep love for. Who the hell had the time to read a book with all the other studying we were meant to be doing? It was without a doubt that SparkNotes would experience a spike in web traffic over the next few weeks.
As I collected my things, I joined the end of the queue of students filling out of the room and into the hallway. With recess finally here, I felt relief to take a break from pretending to pay attention in class and have the opportunity to see my friends.
"Three weeks!" Mr. Dennis called out to the group of students leaving, in reference to the exam. I clutched onto my books tightly, edging forward in the line and feeling a promising hope as I finally caught glimpse of the crowded hallway outside. Before I could make another move forward, an arm shot out in front to block me.
I abruptly stopped, bringing my head up to the teacher whose stern gaze was upon me.
"I can't offer any extensions on this exam, Rebecca," he told me. From the proximity of his above height, I could see his nostrils flaring. "Gymnastics does not come as an excuse to be behind in your study. School should be coming first, correct?"
I averted my gaze, slowly nodding my head. "Yes, Mr. Dennis," I managed to mumble out with an exhale.
We'd had this conversation a few times before, so I was already well aware. If I had a dollar for everytime gym had interfered with my schooling...well, I'd probably have enough to bribe the school board to let me graduate early and escape these next few months of hell.
Seeming satisfied with my response, he moved his arm, allowing me to finally exit the classroom that now only contained the two of us. I took the opportunity to dive out the door and into the hallway.
Making a break for my locker, I wove my way through the crowd. Shoulders brushed up against me and loud voices rang in my ear. I paid no attention as I caught sight of Debby walking down the opposite end of the hall.
She appeared more lively that I did, but she always had that radiant look about her. Even on the gloomiest Monday morning, she could act like it was a Friday night party. When she locked eyes with me, her face transformed into a wide grin. We'd caught up briefly in the morning, but due to my late arrival, it hadn't been for long. A reunion was in order.
As I took notice of the red locks of her neatly braided hair and the perfectly paired skinny jeans and leather jacket, I wondered how Debby found the time in the mornings to put so much effort in her appearance. On a good day, the most I could achieve before leaving for school was foundation that wasn't patchy - maybe even a quick application of mascara.
"Stop looking like a goddess every morning, you're raising the standards for the rest of us," I joked when I was finally within earshot.
She rolled her eyes. "A few extra minutes in the morning is all it takes."
We both turned to the row of light blue lockers that were each covered with chipped paint, revealing the slight rusting underneath. As I located my metal companion, I eagerly approached with my heavy load of books.
"Then how come I can never seem to find these few extra minutes you speak of?" I asked.
Debby leaned against the locker next to mine, raising an eyebrow. "You really want to know the real reason for that?"
Halfway through entering my locker combination, I turned to her with a frown. "What?"
She responded with a sigh, looking like she was reluctant to bring up what she was about to say. I had a feeling I already knew what it would be about.
"It's all your gymnastic training," she said. "You need to cut back."
I turned back to my locker, eager to avert my eyes from hers as I opened the door. It swung back, revealing the messy pile of textbooks and crumpled pieces of paper that had formed some kind of mountain of educational despair.
"You do gymnastics too," I pointed out.
"Yeah. Once a week. Even with all my other activities I still do nowhere near as many hours as you dedicate to gymnastics," Debby sighed, "and I'm already finding it hard to keep the balance."
"Are we really going to have this conversation again?" I asked, shoving my books on one of the shelves without any caution. "Because I'm pretty sure I already know how it goes. You tell me I need to cut back on gym, I tell you I can't do that, then you say that I need to in order to focus more on school for the sake of my future, but then I tell you that gymnastics is my future and we end the argument there."
Debby smirked. Of course, even if she was the slightest bit caught off guard by my words, I'd likely die before I ever witnessed her show it.
"Alright Einstien, you've got it all figured out," she shrugged. "I guess we just differ in the sense that I tend to not enjoy wasting my weekends slaving away on some routine in a sweaty gym."
"We do differ," I agreed, closing my locker door shut with my lunch in hand. "Because I don't view it as a waste of my time."
Unlike me, Debby hadn't joined gymnastics out of choice. It had been another one of her parent's ideas for expanding her ever-growing list of talents that also included playing the violin, debate club, and costume design for the school musicals. I guess it made good for college applications - and the occasional brag at dinner parties.
Looking at her, however, wouldn't exactly give you the impression of a person maintaining a 4.0 GPA and following her parents every expectation. Her bleached red hair and usual bold fashion choices screamed "rebellion" to anyone who didn't know her. For the most part of high school, Debby had kept her hair naturally brunette and clothing choices neutral but after coming out to her parents in junior year, she'd decided to change things up a little. Her parents had been surprisingly supportive of it all, their top priority still being her education and only main concern surrounding what damage the box of red dye would do to her hair.
The last two years had been transformational for her, and being able to watch it as her best friend had been a privilege. I was incredibly proud of her for the person she'd become, but there was also a part of me that was sparked with jealousy. She seemed to have it all figured out. Who she was, what direction she was heading in. I, on the other hand, felt like I'd be lucky enough just to survive the school year.
"I don't think gymnastics is a waste of your time either," Debby told me, as we walked alongside each other down the hallway. "I just think it takes up a lot of your time and prevents you from being...well, living like a normal teenager."
"That's rich coming from you, Mrs. extra-curricular everything," I rolled my eyes.
I could feel her side-eye gaze without even looking directly at her.
"You're an idiot. I literally just said to you two seconds ago that all the time you dedicate to gym is still more than all my other activities combined."
She was right. I was just looking for more defensive ways to deflect from her criticizing of my hectic schedule. Breathing in slowly, I exhaled and watched as the hallways began to slowly empty, students entering the cafeteria.
Debby and I made it into the wide room, eyes raking the scattered groups of friends seated at their individual tables. We both appeared to catch sight of Kevin at the same time, sitting alone near the corner of the room eating his lunch.
Moving toward him, I felt Debby's hand touch my shoulder from behind.
"Look, I'm sorry if I'm coming across really critical or whatever," her voice rang out, "I just don't want you to overdo it."
"I get it," I said. She was only trying to show concern for me. But her method of confrontation was much different from my usual tendency to just avoid a problem until it boiled over to an exploading point.
"It's just, you have so much-"
"If you say 'potential', I'm going to run away," I warned. Arriving at Kevin's table, he looked up to us with a nod in greeting. I sat down next to him, placing my bag of food down on the table while Debby took the opposite side.
She raised her hands in surrender, "Okay, I'm done."
Kevin took another bite from his pasta before turning his attention to the two of us. "What are we talking about?" he asked.
Great. I resisted the urge to sigh. The conversation had just ended for it to only resume almost immediately again.
"The ever-loving sport of gymnastics," Debby replied, sarcastically batting her eyelids, "and how it seems to consume a lot of time."
He raised an eyebrow at her. "You thinking about quitting?"
She paused for a moment, pursing her lips together. "Maybe."
"Wait, really?" I looked at her with wide eyes. I hadn't even considered the possiblity of her leaving. From the beginning, she'd always been in gym with me. Granted, I only saw her in group training once a week and spent the rest of the time training solely with Coach May, but the prospect of her leaving stirred an uneasy feeling in me.
Debby looked toward Kevin, "How do you think your Mom would take it?"
His brown eyes squinted in thought. "I'm not sure. But I know if Becca was to ever dwell on the thought of quitting even for a second, she'd probably have a heart attack."
"You should be more concerned about how your own parents would feel about it," I reminded her.
She shrugged lightly, showing no sign of worry. "I've been doing gym since I was a freshman, that'll still look good on any application. Maybe we could compromise on me picking up a different sport instead."
"You should do tennis like me," Kevin suggested suddenly, a bright look appearing on his face. "Friday afternoons and the occasional weekend tournament are the only time requirements.
To my surprise, Debby appeared to pause, taking in the suggestion. Her eyebrows arched and her gaze averted upward. "That's not actually a bad idea..." she muttered.
"What?" I quickly interrupted. "Just like that? You're going to leave gymnastics for tennis?"
"Hey, don't knock it till you try it," Kevin said, taking offense to my tone.
Debby laughed softly, giving me a serious look. "Becca, gym is your passion. Your future. Not mine."
I could feel my teeth anxiously grinding. Of course, I knew that. But just the prospect of her being able to switch up her choices in such a carefree manner had me bewildered.
"Sometimes, change is good," she continued, "and you know I've always had a thing for new experiences."
"But what if it doesn't work out and you realize you've made a huge mistake?" I asked.
Her mouth opened slowly and closed again with a quick sigh. "If it doesn't work out, simple as that. But I know one thing's for certain, I'd rather be able to say I took the leap of faith to damn well find out."
I slowly nodded, my thoughts going off elsewhere.
Throughout this conversation, the other lingering thought in my head had still been present. The one that had been with me since that Saturday night.
This afternoon, I had a decision to make. With the hours slowly disappearing, I began to wonder what would happen if I didn't show. That's when I realized, I couldn't stop wondering. I had so many questions, so many thoughts that they were slowly consuming me one by one, dying for answers.
Debby had put it into a different perspective for me that I'd yet to consider. If I turned down this opportunity and woke up tomorrow morning, never knowing what would have come of it, how was I going to feel?
"One thing's for certain," Debby continued, her attention turning to Kevin. "If I join tennis, I don't want your coach. He's scary as hell. That guy needs like, several anger management sessions."
A sly grin slowly appeared on Kevin's face, expanding wide. "That one is mostly on me. Last Christmas, I gave him a shirt that said 'I Hit Balls' for secret Santa."
There was a moment of silence. Brief, but noticeable. It wasn't long until I could see Debby's pursed lips forming a smile.
Laughter immediately broke out among the three of us, growing with each second. I leaned back on my chair, sinking into it deeply and for the first time that day, I felt clarity.
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Rewrite A/N: Hi, my name is (what) my name is (who) my name is chka-chka shitty updater
Honestly guys, don't even read this book until it's up in full. I'm terrible at updating.