We were sitting at our regular table at the cafeteria during lunchtime the next Wednesday, and Annie was laughing.
She’d been giggling at her phone all throughout lunch, and wouldn’t tell us who she was texting that was being amusing enough to get her to react in said way. I had my suspicions – she and James had been getting increasingly close with time – but we couldn’t know for sure. Her engrossment with her phone had gotten to the point where it was downright ridiculous. Her food was untouched, and she’d barely said a word to any of us since she’d sat down.
Iris was apparently thinking the same as I was. “Earth to Annie. Who are you texting anyway that’s so interesting?”
“Huh?” She looked up as though she’d just realized we’d been sitting around her all along.
“Is it James?” Meredith waggled her eyebrows.
“Oh, you’re asking who I’m talking to? It’s not James. It’s Ben.” She looked down and promptly returned to texting, another giggle escaping her mouth. Already it was as if we hadn’t spoken.
While Iris and Meredith brushed it off and started debating over whether Ryan Gosling was cuter than Channing Tatum, my mind was still reeling over what Annie had said. Ben was the person she’d been texting all this time? He was the one that had been making her laugh and forget about our existence?
As Annie laughed again, it all crashed down on me. Of course. It surprised me that it had taken so long for me to notice – I was so used to these kinds of situations that it was borderline unhealthy. Yet I’d clearly been too dense to see it until now, even though the obvious had been staring at me in the face right from the start.
Ben had been talking to me to get close to Annie.
I felt a pang of something I failed to recognize in my chest, even though I knew it was ridiculous to feel shocked. This wasn’t the first time something like this had happened. Guys often felt intimidated by Annie – the best word to describe her was radiant. She was confident, outgoing, alluring, and knew she was beautiful. So in order to get to her, guys often used me. I was definitely not intimidating, - I couldn’t be further from it – and because I spent the majority of my time with Annie it usually didn’t take long before both parties had started flirting and I was all but forgotten.
I should feel happy for Annie. From what I knew about him, Ben seemed to be a far more decent guy than James was, and with what I worried about Annie, I knew a guy like Ben was exactly what she needed. Yet for some reason, I couldn’t help feeling slightly disappointed. I tried to brush it off as wishing I was as confident around guys in general as Annie was, but I couldn’t help checking my phone every couple of seconds and feeling a slight pang in my stomach every time I saw no new message had popped up.
I spent the rest of the day feeling as though it was a dream. I was there but I wasn’t present; half the time I had no idea what any of my friends or teachers was talking about. All I wanted was to go home, crawl into my bed, and take a long, undisturbed nap.
“Elle.”
A nap actually sounds amazing right now, I thought, yawning as I gathered the last of my materials from my locker. I was finally feeling the exhaustion catch up to me – this whole week I’d been staying up until ungodly hours of the night on my phone, texting Ben.
So he could talk to Annie.
That thought made me slam my locker shut with a little more force than would have been necessary.
“Elle!”
“Huh?”
I turned to see a slightly annoyed-looking Iris standing behind me, looking like she had been waiting for me to answer a question I hadn’t heard for a while now. I managed to grin at her sheepishly.
“Sorry. What?”
She rolled her eyes. “I was saying, do you know if we have any History homework for tomorrow?”
I tried to think through what our teacher had said at the end of class, but all I could remember was counting that there were exactly sixteen tiles in a straight line on the floor from my desk to the board.
“I wasn’t paying attention, sorry. I have no idea.”
Her annoyance seemed to disappear, a smirk replacing it. “Don’t worry about it. I know these days you’re too busy thinking about your boyfriend to pay attention to anybody else.”
My unreasonable disappointment I was trying to hard to suppress came rushing back. “Ben’s not my boyfriend,” I said through clenched teeth. After lunch today, how hadn’t anybody else realized what was going on?
And I thought I was the oblivious one.
Iris frowned. “Hey, chill, I’m just kidding.”
I smiled at Iris, feeling bad for snapping at her. “Sorry, Iris. I’m just in a crappy mood. I’m really tired, I’ve barely gotten any sleep.”
“It’s okay.” We walked together in the direction of the parking lot, mostly in a comfortable silence.
“What’s going on with you two, anyway?”
“What, me and Ben?”
“Uh-huh.”
Once again I found myself sighing. “Nothing. Nothing is going on between us, and nothing is going to go on. We’re just friends.” At least I hope we are. I had to accept the fact that there was a possibility he’d only been acting nice to reach his goal, and not because he actually liked me. That would be a shame; I enjoyed his company.
“Answer me honestly. Do you like him?”
Do I? I shook myself internally for even considering it. Of course I didn’t like him. We were just friends, and he liked Annie. “No.”
“No?”
“No. And even if I did, it wouldn’t matter anyways.”
Iris frowned. “What do you mean, it wouldn’t matter? Elle, the guy’s crazy for you. If you like him, you should let him know.”
I scoffed. “I think you mean crazy for Annie. He doesn’t like me.”
Iris stopped walking and turned to look at me in bewilderment. “What? Ben likes Annie? How do you know?”
“It’s so obvious! Didn’t you see Annie in lunch? They’ve been texting a ton. And why wouldn’t he like her? She’s great.”
We were already at my car at this point, but Iris was leaning against the hood, looking as though she was deep in thought. She’s probably thinking she’s an idiot for not noticing it before.
“Don’t worry, it took me a while to pick up on it too.”
“I don’t think he likes Annie.”
“What?” I raised my eyebrows. “Why else would he be talking to her so much? It makes sense that he’d approach me first – she was hooking up with his best friend.”
She shook her head. “I still don’t think he likes her.”
“But it’s so obvious. He’s talking to me to get to her.”
The corners of her mouth pulled up in a smile. “Have you ever considered that he might be talking to her to get to you?”
I had no response to that.
Iris smirked at me, standing upright and laughing at my expression. “Think about it. You might end up reconsidering your answer to the question ‘do you like him?’”
With that, she sauntered off in the direction of her car, looking ridiculously pleased with herself.
As much as I wanted to brush them off, Iris’ words kept running through my head. Was it possible that Ben liked me? The thought made another emotion I failed to identify bubble in my stomach. This time, however, it was different – lighter. My heart rate had sped up considerably, and I couldn’t stop the smile that was spreading over my face.
I drove to my house, still in a daze, going over all the different possibilities. Why was Ben hanging out with me? And more importantly, the question Iris had asked me kept running around my head. Did I like Ben?
My good mood lasted all throughout my drive. I was still feeling unreasonably excited while I walked into my house and made my way up to my room. I threw my backpack in a corner, plopped onto my bed, and took out my phone to check for new messages.
Nothing.
And then reality hit me in the face. Hard.
The facts were simple – I had only been deluding myself by choosing to ignore them. Annie was outgoing and confident. I was not. Annie wasn’t nervous and awkward around guys. I was. Thousands of guys had asked Annie out before. Not me. It was a thousand times more likely that Ben liked Annie. Ben didn’t like me. I didn’t like Ben.
Did I?
My bad mood was back, and I left my phone on my dresser before tucking myself into the covers for a much-needed nap. Homework could wait until later, and I reasoned that my lack of rest was probably what was making me give this issue so much thought. I’d be able to think more clearly when I had caught up on at least some of the sleep I had missed.
***
There was an annoying beeping sound that I couldn’t place disturbing my peace. I rolled over in my bed and placed one of my pillows over my ear in an attempt to block the sound out. When that didn’t work, I resorted to pulling the covers up until they were covering my face as well, but to no avail.
I was going to hit somebody.
Groggily, I got up and tried to place the ongoing sound. I saw my phone lying on my dresser, finally recognizing the sound as my ringtone. Somebody was calling me, and if it wasn’t something important I was going to get mad. My nap had been going way too well for it to be so rudely disturbed.
As though whoever was calling me was doing it on purpose, the ringing stopped as soon as I took my phone in my hands. Blinking, I tried to focus on what the screen was telling me.
Missed Calls: Ben Stout (3).
I felt my breath catch in my throat and I shut my eyes for a couple of seconds. However, when I opened them back up, the same message stared at me in the face. Ben had called me. Thrice.
Before I called him back, I had to make a decision. I had settled on the fact that the only reason he was talking to me was to get to Annie. But while I wanted Annie to get with a guy that deserved her, I didn’t appreciate being used. I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to call him back to see what he wanted. Now that he and Annie were actually talking, he might even want me to put in a good word for him before he asked her out. Or figure out what her favorite restaurant was, or her favorite food.
Before I could make my decision, my phone beeped and vibrated once again, only once this time. There was a different notification this time, informing me that I had a new text message.
I opened it, my breath coming more quickly when I saw that the text was from Ben. I opened it warily, not expecting what I was about to read. As much as I wanted to deny it, a smile spread across my face and my heart fluttered a little faster as I read, Believe it or not, I finished The Truth About Forever. Meet me Friday afternoon?
All of my doubts on whether or not I should keep talking about him long forgotten, I texted him back. Yes. Where?
I was screwed.
***
I don't even know what to say except for: I love you guys.
Seriously. Every new read, vote, and ESPECIALLY comment I get makes me smile like an idiot (which makes people around me doubt my sanity as well, but whatever.) Thanks for your support on this story. <3