Chapter 21
The past few weeks went by like a rollercoaster – pretty fast. You know when you’re on a rollercoaster and it goes too fast and you can barely breathe and your stomach does somersaults? Well, that’s how it felt like. It was going too fast for my liking – I was enjoying the vacation too much. Well, I’d rather say I was dreading the end of it all, leaving Nathan, my mum dying and what not...
Jess and I set up Jake and Nate when we went to the movies. Jake didn’t know Nate was coming and Nate didn’t know Jake was coming. At the start, it was awkward because Nate kept giving Jake death glares but soon enough, they shot off like a rocket and were friends again.
My mum and I also bonded more, we went to the mall and I got her some new clothes – a difference from all those ripped baggy jeans and shirts she often wore. She was ecstatic about her new clothes; she even burst out in to tears at one point because she felt bad about barely buying me clothes when I was younger.
But that was in the past.
Jess and I spent a lot more time together than we had for since the beginning of this holiday, but all we did mostly was go shopping and paint each other’s nails.
That all leaving me just two weeks before summer vacation is over... But I don’t want it to end.
Today, Nathan’s coming to pick me up to take me out to his favourite restaurant – The Fire Dragon. It’s a Chinese restaurant; they serve the best Chinese food known to mankind. I love that place. So why don’t I want to go?
Maybe because if he impresses me, I’ll become more attached than I already am... and that’s a lot. But then I’ll have to leave him behind when I leave to go to home. It will only make it harder to part with him... but I can’t turn down his offer, can I? It would be rude. So I told him I’d go to dinner with him.
Jess had done my hair and picked out my outfit for me. She’s like my fairy godmother. She picked out a nice polka-dotted playsuit that hugged my figure with the brown belt that rested on my hips. To add to that, she lent me her black cardigan just in case I got cold.
Whilst I’m out with Nathan, Jess is going to go bowling with Jake. I wish I could have gone with them instead... It wouldn’t have been so stressful.
* * *
“You look beautiful,” Nate said as he stood outside my door looking not too bad himself. He wore a grey shirt with a pair of black smart trousers, his dark hair in its usual messy state and his shirt had the top two buttons undone and wasn’t tucked in. Some would say he looked like a five year old at a wedding five minutes in, already messy – but I think he looked perfect... perfect for me. He took my hand and led me over to the car. I plastered a smile on my face and he returned the gesture however his smile was probably more genuine. It wasn’t that mine weren’t, it was just that I couldn’t help but feel a tad upset.
“You’re quiet,” Nathan whispered as he started up the engine. “What’s up?” I toyed with my fingers as I thought about whether I should tell him. I mean, the chances are he seemed the same way but what if it ruined the day? What if instead of a fun night out with the love of your life turns in to a stressful, downer day?
“Nothing,” I mumbled, still playing with my fingers. “I love you, you know that, right?” I looked over to him; he wore a wide smile on his face as he drove.
“Of course and I love you too,” he confessed, still smiling as he drove over a speed bump. “And I’d kiss you right now if I weren’t driving.”
“About that...” I began, turning in my seat as far as the seatbelt would let me to face Nathan. “Where’s your dad? Hasn’t he taken his car back?” The smile on his face faded as a new, frustrated one appeared.
“He hasn’t come home,” Nathan let the words roll off his tongue carelessly. “After the argument, he went out, left his stuff, left his money, left everything and never came back.”
He sounded so... careless. Shouldn’t he be the tiniest bit worried that something may have happened? Sure, his father was a no-good guy but he was still his dad.
“Do you think something may have happened to him?” I questioned, rather concerned for someone who was made upset by the same person we so happened to be talking about.
“Don’t know, don’t care,” he replied nonchalantly, his eyes still on the road as he drove. I turned back in my seat and looked down in my lap.
Why was he so careless? But then I can’t really talk, can I? I’ve hated my mum all my life for what she did and when I found out she had cancer, I wasn’t really fussed. Well, I tried to tell myself that...
“Babe,” he sighed, his voice soft. I looked back up at him as he took a quick glance at me before setting his eyes back on the road. He stopped at the red lights and turned back to me. “I don’t wanna talk about that, okay? I just want this day to be about just me and you. No stress, no worries.”
“Okay,” I let out, feeling a warm hand on my leg.
“I wanna make the most of what we have left,” he said, matter-of-factly as he picked up the hand of mine closer to his and entwined his fingers with mine.
“Me too,” I let out in a sigh. Good, he felt the same way. At least this way, he wouldn’t be mad at me for bringing up the fact that this won’t last forever. The lights went green and he continued to drive. “Trust me, me too...”
“Lil, are you crying?” Nathan asked me, sympathy in his voice. In the corner of my eye I could see him looking at me then back to the road, then to me and then to the road. I quickly wiped away the tears from my cheeks that I didn’t know were falling but it seemed as soon as I had realised that I was in fact crying, I cried even more. “Lily, what’s wrong?” I could feel his eyes on me, watching me as I drown in my own tears.
“Nathan watch the road,” I managed to say between sobs.
What was wrong? What was wrong? What was wrong was that any time soon my mum could die. Any time soon I’d have to leave Ohio and pretend nothing happened whilst I was away. I’d have to go home and tell everybody that my name isn’t in fact Cassie but its Lilian and that I’m not the rich blonde I make out to be. I’m just a poor girl from Ohio. Of course, I could pretend nothing had changed, that I was Cassie, and that I wasn’t adopted. But did I want to? No, I didn’t want to be that girl anymore. That girl wasn’t me. She’ll never be me like the same I’ll never be her. Also, I’ll have to leave my only ever love to move back to California. That was what was wrong.
Parking in to a side road and turning off the engine, Nathan undone his seatbelt and turned to face me yet I didn’t return the gesture, I just stared and my hands that were moist with tears.
“Baby... Sweetie, what’s wrong?” he asked again but I refused to reply, clenching my jaws tight. “Talk to me.”
I want to talk to you. I always want you with me to talk to you. I want you to stay with me forever. I want you to hold me always. I just want you.
“Please don’t cry, I hate it when you cry,” he told me, his voice still soft but more shaky.
For you, I’ll try my hardest not to cry but for you they’ll keep falling.
“Lilian, what’s the matter? Was it something I said?” he asked me, his voice sounding different to before. Then he sniffled. I looked up at him, water at the rim of his eyes, his eyes sparkling with water and then, a sudden drop of water fell from his eyes and on to his shirt before sinking in to it, leaving a small patch on it. I felt a tug at my heart.
“Nathan, please don’t...” I begged as I lunged myself in to him, feeling his body warmth on me, feeling his warm tears fall on to my neck.
“I don’t want you to leave,” he whispered, tightening his hold on me. More tears fell from my eyes and to his shirt. “I love you. Not again, you can’t leave. Not again, Lilian.”
“I don’t want to leave you,” I cried out as I bit my lip, trying my best to stop crying. “But I have to. Don’t you understand that?”
“Of course I do, babe. I know you have to go. I just wish you didn’t have to...”
I pulled away from Nathan, looking at his red eyes and trembling lips. He looked as torn as I was. I wanted him to feel the same way I did but now, I’m not even sure. No way in hell do I wish the feeling upon anyone – it’s one of the worse things I’ve ever had to experience.
“I’ll always love you no matter what happens,” Nathan told me, picking my hand back up and playing with my fingers.
“I’ll never stop loving you,” I responded as I wiped the remains of my tears from my face. “What do you say we go to this restaurant before we miss our booking?”
“I’d say you’re quite the clever one,” he chucked before planting his lips on mine. It wasn’t long before he pulled away and started up the engine.
And then after, things felt so much better. Things were still quite upsetting, like my mum leaving this world and me leaving Nathan but after crying it all out, I felt like weights had been lifted off my shoulders. Nathan just had that affect on me.