I slammed on the breaks as I came to the end of my empty street. The lost momentum caused my body to lean foreward, and slump back aganist the seat. I was breathing quite hard, and my clouded mind couldn't figure out as to why I had walked out of that house, leaving such fowl words hanging in the air. My father had looked beyond pissed off, but it shouldn't bother him that much...especially after that episode between him and my mom.
I curled my legs to my body, and sat there, rocking back and fourth. My shallow breaths and hot tears seemed to be more soothing than being in that asylum of awkwarness and desperateness that I call my home.
I worried me, to be honest. The last thing I would ever want is for something to happen to our family...Like what happened to Ashton's. If what my brother had told me the other day was true, then what's to come next? I was never awake to hear any of the "fighting" my brother claimed went down almost every morning, and quite frankly, I don't want to be. Ever.
Surely nothing too intense could happen, right? Maybe this is just a bump in their relationship. Yeah, that's probably it. I wouldn't have any experience to know, but I'm pretty sure all couples have those thing. Me and Ashton will probably have some of those too, eventually. It must be normal.
Ashton. My thoughts instantly went to him, and more tears came to my eyes. I didn't know why I was crying right now, there are just so many emotions flying through my head in these long minutes that I sat in my idle car. It felt hotter than usual in here, and I closed my eyes, resting my head back on the seat. "Ashton." I half whispered. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, and I ended up failing to punch in the right passcode three times, due to my excessive shakiness. "FUCK." I yelled outloud, even though no one could hear me. I finally got in, and scrolled down to Ashton's contact.
I let out another breathless cry as it went to his answering machine almost instantly. It must be out of batteries. I thought to myself with a sigh. I tossed my phone to the seat next to me, and started the car up again. There was ne fucking way I'm going back to my house tonight, so might as well just go to Ashton's. I just needed to see his face and hear his voice right now; it would diffidently make me feel better.
I sped down the road once more, and kept the car silent the whole ride out of my neighborhood and to the Strip. I didn't seem to be distracted by anything this time, because my eyes were glued right to the road, as if that would get me to Ashton's quicker. I finally took a turn out of downtown, driving through Michael's neigborhood on the way. I prayed to God Ashton would be where I thought he was, because I really didn't feel like going on a man-hunt for him. I took one last turn, onto the old dirt road that took me over to Ashton's trailer. I saw the lonely piece of machinery not too far away down the road. The one window was lit up, making it very distinguiable out here the darkness.
I pulled my mom's car to a stop right beside Ashton's red truck, its presence giving me hope that Ashton was home. I took a step out of the car, and I was taken back byh ow cold it gets out here, being liberated from all the heated schenanigans that go on back in the city. I wrapped my tired arms around my body, trying to heat myself up as I walked right up to the front door. I knocked on the old door a couple times, and took a step back. I waited a couple seconds, and finally the door opened.
Ashton stood there, in black skinny jeans and a maroon crewneck sweatshirt. His hair was moppy and his concerned eyes shone through his big black glasses he was wearing. He looked utterly confused to see me at his door, and also very confused as to why I was crying. But, he still looked perfect.
"Brooke?" He asked, stepping down onto the ground and quietly shutting the door behind him.
"Hi." I squeaked.
"What happened?" He asked. He stepped closer to me, his breath shaking.
"I just..." my voice trailed off and I looked down to my shuffling feet. "Can we go somewhere and talk?"
"Yes, of course." he said sweetly. We climbed into my mom's car, and I sniffled a few times.
...
"Wait, what did he say?" Ashton asked. We had gone to the old run down building, the desert winds not as intense so high up. Our back were rest against the small wall that stood between stable ground and falling off on the roof floor. My hands were enclapsed in his, and my head rested in the crook of his neck. I was beginning to feel more sane, Ashton's warmness was extremely conforting.
"He was thankful for all of his money he makes." I said. Ashton sighed tiredly. Before he could say anything, I kept talking. "Its like thats all he cares about."
"My dad was the same way," Ashton replied, rubbing his hand softly over my back. "Only he was obsessed with alcohol and stuff like that."
"I don't even know why I got so..like, emotional."
"Its because your anxious, silly."
I sat up after the words left his mouth, and brought my face level with his. "What do you mean?" I asked. Ashton shrugged. "You know," He said. "That something's going to happen."
"Oh," I said back. "I get that." I rested my head back where is was before, and sighed.
"There's nothing wrong with that, Brooke." He said. "I still get anxiety too. All the time, actually."
"Why?" I asked.
"Just, you know, when I think about my mum. Like, how she's doing, how she's been, if she's finally clean. That sort of thing." He replied. We were both silent for a while, the only sounds were the breaths that escaped our mouths. Finally, Ashton sighed again. "It fucking sucks, man."
I sat up again, and faced him. He looked like he was about to break down and sob right then and there. "Don't you cry on me, Ashton." I pleaded, my own tears filling my eyes. I needed someone somewhat emotionally stable right now.
"I'm not, I wont." He mumlbed. We were both quiet again, looking at eachother. Ashton ran a soft thumb across my cheek, wiping away my last tear. "C'mon," he said quietly. "I wanna show you something."
"You always want to show me something." I said, laughing and taking his hand. We walked down the stairs, and out to my car. Ashton got in the driver's seat, and I got in next to him. "Where are we going?" I asked. Ashton smiled tiredly, but didn't give me a reply.
We drove in tired silence, my eyes focused on the darkness outside of the car. I began to grow confused as Ashton took the exit leading out of the city completely. "Where the fuck-?" I started to say, but the car came to a sudden hault under an abandoned freeway. Ashton got out, and I reluctantly followed him.
"Follow me." Ashton said, taking my hand. We walked off the road, and onto open desert land. We seemed to be walking in the direction towards some mountains, about half a mile away from us. It was completely dark ahead of us, the only source of light was the city behind us.
"Why are we doing this?" I asked. Ashton chuckled.
"I don't know," he said. "Because I like to be metaphorical."
I had absolutely no idea what the hell he was talking about, but I didn't protest. We kept walking and walking, both remaning silent. Finally we reached an old train track at the base of a rocky mountain. "Wow thanks for showing me this." I laughed. Ashton sat down on the track, and joined him. I looked back over where we had walked to see the bright city of Las Vegas not too far away. It was lke an island of neon lights, stationed in a bowl of complete darkness.
"It's kind of the oposite, really." Ashton said. I looked over at him, confused.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Its the only source of light in a 10 mile radius, yet everything bad that happens to us is in that fucking city. I mean, c'mon, we're surrounded by unclimbable mountains. If its so damn light in there, why is does it always feel so dark and empty? There's really no way out. I'd rather be out here, where I'm liberated from every person and thing that drives me insane. I felt like we should've just left it for a little while, so we don't go crazy."
I was surprised to hear those words come out of his mouth. They sounded so intelligently false, but it made perfect sense to me. Before I could say anything back to him, he kept talking.
"I always thought of this place as a human mind. So many things go on inside of it, yet nothing comes out. Its a city full of crimes, and bad people, bad thoughts. But what is that person gonna do about it? Nothing. They're not gonna talk to anyone, they're gonna keep everything inside of their mind, unable to express how they actually feel because their too afraid to step out into the dark abyss, even though its way more peaceful out here. Think about it."
I thought about it. Ashton was right on everything he just said. I could see how he could look at a simple city, not only because he's a fucking genious and he can notice things like that, but because I could tell that's exactly how his mind is.
"I've never been out of this city sense I've moved here. I've never been down that main road that takes you somewhere else, this is the farthest I've been." He said. I knew exactly what he was implying here.
"So you don't talk to many people." I asked. It wasn't really a question, it was more of just a statement.
"Not about the things that make me tick." Ashton replied.
"But you talk to me-?"
"Exactly," Ashton said quietly. He looked down to me, our eyes meeting. His were a flourescent green, glowing from the full moon. "Because you understand it."
I don't actually really understand the things Ashton thinks about or talks about, because there's no way I have any personal experience with it. But, I'm not stupid, and I'm not one to give shitty advice.
"What about Michael?" I asked. Surely he can't keep his past away from his best friend.
"Well, yeah Michael knows about it..." Ashton's voice trailed off. "...but I don't talk about it much."
We were both silent again, and my thoughts went back to what he said earlier. Now I know what he meant by being "metaphoical." This whole city was a symbol on its own; giving me a perfect representation of the typical teenage mind.
"Its sucks," Ashton said. "Because everyone is like this."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I can see it, everyday," Ashton replied. "In their eyes, in the way they walk. There's something they're thinking about and all they want to do is just shout it out to someone, but they think no one cares. But people do care...they just don't do anyting about it."
He took a deep breath, exhaling it as he looked up at the bright stars. "They want to help them...but they can't. I couldn't."
For the first time since I met Ashton, I finally seemed to read his mind.
"You were six." I said, looking at him.
"I was scared," He said. "And I could've done something about it."
"You did," I said, trying to assure him. "You called the police..." my voice trailed off as I thought about where that action got him. Separated from his mother, strugging to stay alive with what little money he and his Grandmother had. "...although, I'm not too sure on how great the outcome was."
"The outcome?" Ashton said. "Was fucking shitty. But, I must say, it turned out to be incredible."
"Why is that?" I asked. This whole time he had kept his eyes on the sky above us. Now, his face turned and he looked at me, a small smile on his face.
"It led me to you."