The Love Hotline [ ✓ ]

By hcrondale

319K 16.4K 4.5K

❝Hey. I think I need some advice. I fucked up big time.❞ ❝What did you do?❞ ❝I asked a girl out on a date.❞ ❝... More

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a u t h o r ' s • n o t e

XI

12K 662 76
By hcrondale

Gideon | Carys

Guess who has good news?

My grandpa?

What? No. Me! I have good news. Guess what it is.

What? And don't say 'you have to guess!!!'

Aww you're no fun, Cupid.

Cool. Now what was the good news?

I think I'm over Lydia.

Great! So you'll stop talking to me now?

No.

Ohhh I see. You found yourself a new infatuation. Who's the unlucky girl?

You've helped me with her before. Jenna Michaels.

You just jumped from a taken girl to a girl who has sworn off boys for the rest of her life.

Well, she accepted my date, right?

True. But was it really a date?

You have a very valid point. I'm not sure, which is half the reason why I need your help to make Jenna understand that I'm not the ass she probably thinks i am.

Honestly, everyone thinks you're an ass but since you insist...

Great! So I have a few questions about her...

Fire away! I'm not sure how helpful I'm going to be since I give ADVICE on how to not screw things up with your possible significant other.

Okay. What's her favourite movie genre? What's her favourite food and drink? What does she do in her spare time? Why does she like tennis and wrestling? What qualities does she look for in a guy? Why did she swear off guys?

Woah there, Romeo. That's a lot of questions that I regret not answering. I'm not a stalker, you know? Why don't you just ask her all this at your possible next date?

Oh. That's tonight. I still haven't planned anything though. I'M A FAILURE. HELP ME CUPID.

Oh my god. Calm down Gideon. You're doing fine. I showed up at my date's house one day and he was still in his pyjamas.

Wait. So that's not how a date goes? Shit. I need to change?

What. You were planning to wear your Elmo pyjamas on a date?

... how did you know they were Elmo pyjamas? You're creeping me out.

It was a wild guess, but thanks for the blackmail information.

Eh. Well, if you didn't tell me that I needed to get out of them, Jenna would have found out anyway.

True. Well what are you planning to do at this date?

Sit and do nothing until it gets awkward and she leaves.

What? I thought you liked her.

I do. I was joking. I have a few movies lined up. That's it.

You need to put more effort into this. I still can't believe she's giving you a second chance at embarrassing yourself.

Well excuse you. I'm not going to embarrass myself because you'll be there guiding my way through this date today.

And how do you suppose we do that? It's rude to text on your phone while Jenna is sitting next to you. She'll think you're bored.

Calling.

What?

I could call you and then you whisper things in my ear about what to do through a Bluetooth earpiece.

That's not a bad idea. Too bad I'm not into talking to my clients.

Aww come on. I probably won't recognise your voice anyway.

I don't want to take any chances. I really don't. So drop the idea and find a new one.

Nah.
SHE HAS ARRIVED. PICK UP THE PHONE.

Idiot Dog is calling...

• • • •

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