I woke up to a pounding headache and a silent dorm. Getting up, I tried to open my eyes and sighed as I realised they were glued together with dried tears. I sighed and felt my way to the bathroom. Knowing the place so well I was able to get to the sink and clear some sleep from my eyes. With cloudy vision once again, I turned on the taps of the bath, put the plug in, and walked back into the room. I looked at my bed and grimaced at the blood on the sheets, rubbed off from my hand. Looking down at it, I felt another tear roll down my cheek and watched as it fell onto the blood. It smeared and the saltwater began an elegant dance on my skin. Mixing and twirling with the ominous red, bringing it back to life from the dried, crusty state it had been in. 'STOP IT' A voice in my head shouted at me. Great, now I was hearing things. I angrily wiped the tear away and took in a deep breath. I counted to ten and smiled. Picturing memories with Hermione and her parents. Our holiday in Spain two years ago. That was it, I thought. Keep the good ones. I quickly stormed back into the bathroom and slammed the door.
***
Swiftly going up to my seat in the hall. I sat down with Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. Who were eating dinner.
"Hey guys!" I said brightly. "Why didn't you wake me up?" They looked between themselves before Ron shrugged.
"Dunno. After yesterday we all thought you could do with some sleep." He said.
"What happened yesterday?" I asked, knowing it would sound crazy. But I was feeling jumpy and wanted to test them. Would they know not to mention it? Or would have to be the time I have to tell them that it is not to become a topic of conversation. Hermione looked at me sceptically before sitting up straighter and smiling brightly.
"Nothing!" She said, but she reached for my hand under the table and gave it a quick squeeze. I smiled at her gratefully. Her support was all I needed. She knew me well.
"Are you still coming to Diagon Alley today Ron?" I asked. He looked surprised, before shaking his head.
"No. I went earlier. I didn't want to get then to wake you up. Sorry." I felt slightly crestfallen but smiled at him none the less.
"That's okay. I'm going now though." I replied, getting up.
"Wait. You haven't eaten anything yet?" Hermione said. I smiled sheepishly.
"I know. I'm not hungry." I turned around and left. Failing to fight the urge to look around. I caught a glimpse of Dumbledore's blue eyes watching me with sadness. But saw no black cloaks. Not injured hand. No broken heart. Snape was not there. I bit my tongue, gripped my purse tighter, and walked up the stone steps. I gave the Fat Lady the password and was taken aback when she smiled sweetly and let me in.
I walked up to the fireplace and grabbed a handful of the Floo Powder that had been put next to it for the day. Stepping inside, I took a deep breath and shouted out my destination. "The Leaky Cauldron." My stomach twisted and I felt as though I was being pushed through a thin tube, but it ended as soon as it had started. My feet landed firmly on the hard stone floor and I walked quickly up to the bar.
"Ya'll righ' Amy? What can 'E get ya?" David, a middle aged man with silvery blonde hair and my boss from the past summer, smiled at me. Before frowning. "Some 'nck strong by't looks o' it?" He continued, looking slightly concerned. I smiled weakly.
"Just some water for now. I have some shopping to do, but can you have a Fire Whiskey ready by half nine please?" I asked. That should give me enough time to take out some of the money I had earnt over summer and buy everyone's gifts.
"You sure sweetie? I can't tempt you into a Butterbeer? On the house of course." He said, winking. I laughed at his attempts to cheer me up.
"Honestly Dave! How on earth do you expect to keep this place running when every time I order something you tell me it's on the house? I will have a Butterbeer please. But I'm paying." I said, knowing what his answer would be.
"Nonsense." He replied, reaching down to retrieve a bottle from behind the bar. Quickly opening it, he passed me the bottle and I put two sickles on the side. "Amy..." He warned. Pushing it quickly back to me. I tutted and put it back in my purse. David went and served someone as I sipped my drink, before he returned and sat the other side of the bar to me.
"So then Darlin'. Who's been goin' roun' upsettin' my gurl?" I laughed softly at his comment.
"No-one. I have upset myself." I admitted. He looked at me questioningly before replying.
"Well watcha go doin' that for?" He asked me, the soft candle-light reflected in his eyes. Making the bright green dance gold stars.
"It's what I think is best. I had to push someone away because I don't want to hurt them."
"But you've 'urt yourself?"
"Doesn't matter. I don't want to talk about it. Make sure my drink is ready at half nine please Dave. And I will be paying for that one." I said. Getting up suddenly and walking to the door. He watched me go.
"No you won't!" He called. I shook my head as I closed the door to the small brick alcove. I watched the old, unassuming bricks ahead of me and smiled as I saw the soft shimmer of magic over one of them. A sign that the Disillusionment Charm was wearing away after years of use. Not that anyone noticed. They were all to busy doing this, that, and the other to notice small things.
I took a deep breath to clear my head and tapped the bricks. Slowly, an old archway appeared before me and I stepped out into the noisy, cobbled street of Diagon Alley.
***
A couple of hours later, laden down with several bags, I was heading back to the arch when I spotted something in the window of Flourish and Blotts. My heart clenched as an idea came to mind. Could I get him a present? I thought to myself. Yes. I had hurt him. Pushed him unceremoniously away from me. It had taken everything but I had done it. Could I then get him a gift? I looked into the orange bag on my shoulder. Holding small gifts for Minerva, Flitwick and Dumbledore. Yes, I could get him a present. It was no different from any other teacher. And that was all he was to me. My teacher. I bit back a sob and walked into the shop, plastering a solid smile on my face as I did. I picked up the gift, and payed the owner. Putting it quickly into the blue bag with Ron's, Hermione's, and Ginny's gifts, I headed back to the Leaky Cauldron.
Walking through the door, I dumped all the bags on the floor and began to shrink them all.
"What on earth did ya buy?!" David exclaimed, wiping his hands on a surprisingly clean tea towel.
"Oh, nothing much just... Reductio, presents for everyone for Christmas." I answered, shrinking the penultimate bag and putting them all into the one that was left.
"Oh. Right. So then Lassie. Your drink's on the side by't way. You gonna explain what's goin' on? You're not yourself." I looked into the dark green eyes, and caught the reflection of the inn in the mirror behind David It was empty. Except for a couple sat at one of the tables at the back, clutching foaming mugs of something dark. Shaking my head, I walked over to the bar and picked up my drink. David watched me carefully as I downed the glass. I felt the warmth rush through me, making the ends of my nerves tickle and my eyes itch as my throat burned. "Woah sweetheart. Slow da'n." David said, quickly taking the glass from me.
"I'm okay. I just needed a drink. I'm fine." I said, watching my shaking hands in fascination.
"Well. You know I'm not one to push fo' information. That comes wit' ownin' a pub I s'pose. But ya'll talk to me if ya need to righ'?
"Hmm..." I replied. Looking out at the wet, cold sleet starting to fall. I put a galleon on the bar and slid it towards David. "I need to get going. Keep the change." He began to grumble and push the coin back towards me. I felt annoyed at his not listening to me and for some reason Severus flitted back into my mind. Feeling tears heat my eyes I hissed and glared at him. "Take it David." He watched me curiously before his eyes softened and he nodded.
"See ya soon Swee'ie." I picked up my bag and walked to the Fireplace, taking some of the green powder.
"Gryffindor Common Room!"
***
I stumbled out of the Fireplace and straight into Minerva. Looking around I saw there were only a few of the younger years sat on the sofa's now watching me inquisitively.
"Oh! Dear! You are lucky! I was just about to close the Floo Connection." She said, brushing a small patch of ash from my shoulder. I shrugged in reply and looked at the floor. She was going to ask me. I knew it. I didn't need questions now. Severus... Where was he? He hadn't been at dinner. Had anyone seen him? Was he okay? He had been so angry. Shutting me out quicker than I could register what I had done. Storming away from me. I blinked back tears as I watched Minerva close the Floo with a few flicks of her wand. She turned to me and smiled softly. "Put your things in your room and come to my office. We need to talk." I sighed and nodded, heading off and up the stairs. I walked into the dorm and found Hermione sitting on the window seat, reading. Where the other were I don't know.
"Hey you." She said as I put the bag under my bed.
"I can't stop Hermione. I need to go and see Minerva." I said quickly, turning around.
"Oh okay. But wait." She said, and I turned around to face her. "Are you okay? What happened yesterday? You were really ill? And Snape's vanished. Has something happened between you?" What?! I thought.
"What do you mean Snape's vanished?" I asked, my pulse raising slightly.
"No one knows. At breakfast this morning he wasn't there. Or at lunch. Or even dinner, as you saw. After you left, Dumbledore seemed really worried. He said if anyone sees Snape to report it to another member of staff immediately." She said. Oh no. My heart felt like it was going to beat itself out of my ribcage. What had I done? I had made him leave. What was he doing? My head started swimming and I backed towards the door. I needed to see Dumbledore. But Minerva... I would tell her. Unless she knows. She probably knows.
"I... I have to go." I said quickly and charged out of the door and down the stairs. I heard Hermione call after me, but she didn't follow. I raced through the common room, startling the students that were in there as I fell through the circular door. I leaped down the stairs three at a time and didn't knock as I slammed into Minerva's office.
***
Severus's POV
I stumbled drunkenly into my home and fell face down onto my dark grey sofa. It was about 2am and I had been drinking since Amelia... I scrunched up my eyes to try and stop the tears that I could feel building up and shouted obscenities into the soft material.
"Master?" A startled voice squeaked next to me. I looked up to see my house elf, Zuri, looking down at me in shock. "What is Master doing home? Would you like some tea?" I sat up and watched Zuri as she gasped in surprise at the tears on my cheeks. "Master. Whatever is the matter? Is everything okay?" She questioned desperately, her own eyes glistening. I chuckled weakly at her.
"I'm okay Zuri. Everyone is okay. Just..." I rested my head in my hands, my body shaking as grief and alcohol mixed. "Why does love exist. For fuck's sake. It leaves you so... What do I do Zuri?" I asked. Looking at her. Hoping that she would assume some sort of authority for once. I needed someone to tell me what to do. She shook her head, about to speak, but I cut in. "Please. Just. Help me?"
"Master must go upstairs and brush his teeth and go to bed. Zuri will bring Master tea and Potion tomorrow morning. Master is drunk." I closed my eyes in relief and let what I had to do run through my head. I stood up and kissed Zuri on the head between her ears. Heading for the stairs, I left her shocked, standing in front of the tear-stained sofa.
***
I awoke the next morning and tried to sit up, swearing as my head pounded. I weakly called for Zuri and she appeared with a pop next to my bed.
"Master is awake. I will bring some tea. Do you need some of your Alcohol Potion Master?" I nodded and she disappeared, coming back minutes later with a large mug of tea and a small blue bottle. Grabbing it quickly I pulled off the cap and downed the contents. The sharp liquid burned my throat but I sighed as my headache vanished. Grasping the tea, I took a sip and put it on the bedside table.
"Sit." I said to Zuri, motioning to the bed. She jumped a little, trying to get up, but didn't quite make it. I laughed at her as I helped her and grinned as her ears turned red.
"Zuri is please Master finds her 'amusing'." She said sharply. I raised my eyebrows at her and drunk some more tea.
"All in good humour Zuri. Come on then. You have questions. Ask away."
"It is not the place of a House Elf to ask questions Master." She said sheepishly, playing with the corner of my duvet as she sat by my feet.
"Zuri. I know that I need to respect you in order for that honour to be returned. I want you to know what is going on so I don't have to explain it at a time that may be..." I paused, not knowing what word to use. "Inconvenient."
She smiled at me and nodded. "Master seemed angry at love yesterday. Is Master in love?" She asked, turning her head to the side in question. I felt my chest clench slightly as I knew what the truthful answer should be. Taking a deep breath, I looked into Zuri's sharp grey eyes.
"Yes. I have been unfortunate enough to fall in love with someone Zuri. But I fear you would hate me when you find out who it is."
"Zuri could never hate Master! Master is the best Master a House Elf could wish for." She replied, horrified at my suggestion.
"Zuri. I have fallen in love with one of the students!" I confessed.
"Oh. That may be a problem Master. Does Mister Dumbledore know?"
"Yes. In fact he actively encouraged it."
"Then why was Master crying?" She asked with wide eyes. I briefly explained the events of the previous night and had to fight hard to not end up crying once more. She looked thoughtful for a moment, before confusion flashed across her face.
"So why is Master at home? Should Master not be at Hogwarts?"
"But Amelia's there..." I whispered.
"Master! You cannot miss work because of this. You should go back."
"I know. I will. Just, please. Let me have today." She nodded, watching me for a moment before climbing gracefully off the bed and, taking my now empty teacup, heading to the door.
"Zuri shall make breakfast for Master. What would he like?"
"Just a bacon sandwich please Zuri. I'm going to get showered." She nodded once more and left, so I got up and headed for the door.