This is the revised version of Attraction - AND, this is where the big changes are starting to surface
I stared at my reflection in the full-length mirror and thanked my luck for being moderately close to Chris' size. I didn't have a closet full of suits to keep me well dressed over several nights, and the graphite colored material made me look quite all right if I was allowed to say so myself. At least I wouldn't be embarrassed when I met my hubby.
"The shoulders are a bit wide," Chris commented.
I adjusted the suit jacket. "Well, it's better than nothing. Besides, we can pretend we're back in the 80's. Thanks for letting me borrow it"
"No problem. You look better in it than I do."
"That's not true. But, we'll have to go home and change before we go out dancing." I couldn't picture myself rocking the dance floor unless dressed more fabulously.
Chris tried to style his dark blond hair which always was a bit of a mess. "I guess. I mean, the club's opening hours aren't great, but we're not exactly in a hurry."
"Do you think we should start our evening with another drink?" The mini bar was fully stocked, and since I'd never had the opportunity to actually empty one before, it made sense to try it out.
Chris shook his head, but I figured the gesture had more to do with his unruly hair. Just as I was about to help him out someone knocked on the door.
He sighed. "We better get going."
"Already?" I checked the time. Damn, we'd been fussing around for more than an hour.
Tom entered, looking hot as always. His gaze swept over me from head to toe, and a flicker of appreciation made me stand up straight with a grin.
"Time to go," Tom said, using his professional voice. It was kind of awesome to hear the difference because it really showed that something was happening between us. If only I'd known exactly how to label it.
Feeling all warm at the sight of him, I strode across the floor until I could brush up against him. Tilting my head, I gave him a quick peck. "We're ready."
"No, we're not," Chris replied, raking his fingers through his hair again.
"Don't worry. I'll help you in the car." I reached for the hair wax standing on the hallway table. It was kind of cute to see Chris so nervous. He had no reason to be rattled since he wasn't the one who would stand in front of a crowd and do his absolute best, but then again, logic and emotion don't go very well together. I glanced at Tom. Oh well, sometimes it seemed that rational choices could be followed by irrational ones just fine. Or maybe it had been a rather irrational choice from the start.
As if he knew I was thinking about him, Tom placed his arm around my back, softly squeezing my side. The touch, much like all his other ones, seemed to overwhelm my senses. My skin warmed beneath his caress, and the feeling radiated in sweet waves.
Chris tilted his head and smiled as he watched us. Thankfully, he didn't say a word. As much as I wanted Chris to understand, I also knew that what Tom and I had was precariously fragile. It felt like the mildest perturbation could shatter whatever progress we'd made. Hopefully I was wrong because I'd fallen harder than I'd signed up for.
I leaned into Tom's side, hoping my heart would calm down. The thought of losing him hurt too much, and it was stupid to worry about anything like that when we were doing better than I could ever have hoped for.
****
The concert hall appeared smaller as we entered. Rows upon rows of seats were filled with people, and their chatter rose toward the ceiling. The excitement was tangible and oh so very beautiful. I hoped Dante would enjoy his night because I certainly would. I'd never heard him perform with an entire orchestra before, although I had a feeling it would be hard to impress me more than he'd already done at our wedding.
I glanced over my shoulder and smiled at Tom, remembering all too vividly how nervous I'd been. It seemed like ages ago which was far away from the truth. It was yet another reminder of how strangely we perceived time. Days could pass in a blur only to be forgotten, but they could also stretch endlessly if you looked back. So much had happened since our first kiss that it felt like I'd known him for a long time.
Chris nudged me and nodded at the stairs leading down toward the stage. He hid his nerves rather well, and if I hadn't seen him shift back and forth during the car ride, I might not have noticed it at all. I followed his steps as he led us toward the front of the hall. I found it a bit strange that the group preferred seats so close to the orchestra, but Chris had explained that he liked to be able to meet Dante's gaze in the event that anything went wrong. It was cute and very much an answer I would expect from Chris. The guy was totally devoted to his boyfriend.
Chris handed me the program the moment we were seated. "Do you want to have a look?"
"Nah, I'm fine. We're here to listen, not read." I sank deeper into the red chair, hoping it would be kind on my poor ass. The concert was quite long, after all.
I peered at the stage and waved at Dante as he saw us. Leaning into Chris' shoulder, I whispered, "Your boyfriend looks kinda hot tonight."
"Doesn't he always?" Chris sounded immensely smug.
When I turned my head in his direction, I caught a glimpse of Tom as he walked down the stairs next to Lara. "He does," I said.
Chris followed my gaze and let out a chuckle. "Now you're just talking about Tom."
"Of course." Another memory came to mind. I recalled how I'd reacted the first time I saw Tom at the night club. It had been a turning point in my life, but I hadn't known at the time.
Tom claimed the seat next to me, and even if he surveyed the room, I could tell he was perfectly aware of my presence. He brushed his knee against mine. I wanted to be less subtle and simply give him a kiss, but the surroundings didn't exactly allow for such behavior. Even if we hadn't been overly secretive in public lately, I had a vague suspicion that Tom wanted to keep it professional during the concert.
A bell chimed, and the members of the orchestra all sat up straight on their chairs. They began to tune their instruments in a more organized fashion, which only seemed to add to the tension across the hall.
The wait made it even worse, especially since both Chris and Tom kept completely silent on both sides of me. I even read the program to pass the time although it made very little sense to me.
The lights dimmed over the audience, silence descended, and the conductor slowly raised his arms. The anticipation was killing me in the best way possible.
It started with a trickle, a faint whisper that ghosted through the air. The fragile sound seemed to tease and taunt until it settled into a steady flow. It evolved and grew, transforming into a whirling wind. More instruments joined in, building the harmony into a multi-faceted creation that seemed to chant in the voice of thousands.
I closed my eyes and simply listened. Music like this had to be felt rather than heard. They were calling for my soul, and I was more than ready to let them inside. Ignoring my previous determination to stay away from obvious contact, I gripped Tom's hand, lacing my fingers with his.
Emotions welled forth, disregarding all those barriers I'd erected to keep them at bay. Sadness, loss, grief, love, everything all at once. It was overwhelming, almost unbearable, until I felt the faint caress of Tom's thumb on the back of my hand.
I opened my eyes, briefly glancing in his direction. The hidden smile on his lips made everything better.
I wasn't alone. Not anymore.
* * * *
My emotions were all over the place when the music stopped. I'd gone through so many stages of upheaval during the performance that I felt wrung out like a dish cloth. Still, it had left me with a hopeful feeling.
Tom squeezed my fingers. "Let's go backstage with the others."
"Is there any place we could be alone for a bit?" It sounded dirty, but for once I had other things on my mind. Important things. If I didn't say them now, I doubted I would get the nerve again.
He seemed to get what I meant. "Sure. I think we can find an empty dressing room. I have a feeling Dante wants to be alone with Chris for a while too. He looked harried when he walked off. Never a good sign."
Tom steered me through a small black door to the left of the stage that I wouldn't have seen at a glance. It was lively on the other side—the musicians wiped their faces and instruments in turn, talking about the set. They all seemed perfectly happy, if a bit tired.
"Let's try in here." Tom opened a door, entering a tiny room with a table full of scrambled music sheets.
We stood in silence for a while, and I was grateful he gave me a few seconds to collect my thoughts. Finally, I took a deep breath and let it out. "You know how you said you were sorry you'd left Luke behind?" I had to start somewhere.
"Yes."
"Well, sometimes we don't get second chances. I'll never get that chance, and I'm... I don't know how to say this. I struggled with this a lot. That I survived. That I never went into the water when I saw them being swept away."
Tom placed a finger against my lips. "You know they wouldn't have wanted that."
"I know. I've been in so much therapy. Fuck. I know, okay. It's one thing to know it, and another thing to feel it. Anyway, I just want to say that you can still do something about it. It doesn't matter that it was long ago."
Another silence. It was my turn to wait for him to process what I'd said. Perhaps it wasn't fair, but I didn't want him to live his life in regret.
"You're right." His stance was one of defeat.
I hugged him as tightly as I could. "I'm sorry for pushing."
"No, you're right. I can still try. I guess I'm just afraid of another rejection."
"I understand." I didn't know what else to say.
"Fear isn't a good excuse, though. I just have to think about how to do this."
I tilted my chin, placing a kiss on his jaw. "You're brave."
"Or stupid. But I guess we'll see."
"Brave and stupid go well together."
He chuckled in response, sweeping one of his hands up my back until he could press his thumb against my neck. "I think we're doing this yin and yang stuff pretty well."
My smile only grew. "Of course, now let's go meet the others. I heard there was some kind of party later."
His kiss was sweet. Tender. A meeting of lips until we'd told another story without words.
* * * *
We landed in the middle of a scene. Intruders in a realm of elegant furniture and pissed off friends. The large dressing room appeared too small to contain the anger.
"No, I'm not doing this again!" Dante vibrated with tension, staring at Lara without a shred of hesitance. It seemed the argument had been active for quite a while.
"You know as well as I do that it's required. I know you hate it, but it's just for an hour. Everybody does it." Lara's voice held a cold edge.
"Not tonight. I've had it with these stupid parties."
I had a feeling he wasn't talking about the potential visit to a night club.
"Fine, skip the party. But I've all but had it with your attitude this week."
"My attitude? I'm doing all I can to play. Night after night without a fucking break. You try, see how you like it."
"Calm down."
"No, I won't calm down."
Lara stepped forward only to change her mind, perhaps realizing that it was a threatening move. "Talk to me, Dante. Tell me what is going on. I can't help you if you won't help yourself."
"What do you want from me?"
"Honesty, if that's not too much to ask." Her control seemed to be running thin. She could have kept that sentence light, but she didn't.
Chris rose from the sofa, clearly just as agitated as Dante although the signs were more subtle. "He doesn't want to disappoint. You know that, Lara."
She inched back, taking a less agitated stance. "I do know."
The tension settled slowly but surely. I hoped it was a sincere breakthrough rather than a moment of respite in order to prepare the next battle.
"Look, Dante," she continued. "Being on tour is stressful for all of us. I'd hoped you would feel safe to tell me if things got too intense rather than letting it fester like this."
Dante sneered. "So you're blaming me?"
"Partly, yes. You're an adult. You have to take responsibility for yourself and your needs. I'll call off the rest of the dates for two weeks if you want, but I want to hear you say it. This should be your decision, not mine." It almost sounded as if she'd set this up as some sort of test.
"Then cut the tour short." More hesitant this time.
"Very well. I'll be out of your hair. I have a few phone calls to make." She turned her back on him before he had the chance to reply. With each step she took toward us and the door, the fight in her seemed to lessen. Her hand rested on the handle when she turned again. "Thank you for telling me, Dante. It's not wrong of you to say no when you need it. It will be easier for both of us if you make it a habit."
She was out the door within seconds, leaving a strange atmosphere behind.
Chris wrapped his arms around Dante, and when he did, Tom reached for my hand. "Let's give them a moment," he said.
It was probably a good idea. Even if I hadn't been involved in the argument, I still felt drained. I needed some alone time with Tom to recharge, just as the other two needed each other.
Lara hadn't gone far. When we stepped outside into the narrow corridor, she was leaning against the wall. It struck me as an odd position. In fact, I'd never seen her slouch.
"I shouldn't have pushed him like that," she said.
Tom seemed confused, frowning slightly. "Then why did you?"
"Because I need to be able to trust him. I want him to communicate rather than letting me guess and second guess to anticipate his needs."
It somehow made sense, and seen in that light, I could understand why she'd deliberately pushed his buttons to make him react. I wasn't sure I approved of her methods, but at least she'd had some sort of motive.
She sighed. "I hope he will forgive me."
"Lara, you kinda played him in there," I said. Perhaps it wasn't my place to speak, but I figured it was better that I took the risk of a potential backlash. "If you want him to be honest, then you have to offer the same in return. And maybe apologize."
She sagged, more or less hugging herself. "You're right. And I will apologize when I've made those phone calls."
Tom patted her shoulder. Once. Twice. "He'll forgive you. Chris might not, but he'll come around if you give him time."
I hadn't even thought of Chris, but I had a feeling Tom was spot on with that deduction. Chris was protective, and Lara had hurt the person he loved. Definitely too much drama for a Friday night.
"I'd like to take a few days off if you manage to cancel some dates," Tom said.
Lara winced as if she didn't like the idea, only to force a smile. "Of course. I can't remember when you last had a longer vacation. What have you planned?"
"Nothing firm. You sprung this on us less than ten minutes ago."
Lara's smile grew less strained. "True."
"I think we might be headed to Virginia," Tom said.
The shock was absolute. Lara lost her smile only to put it back on. My reaction must have been similar, but I wasn't sure. Thoughts and worries shifted inside my rapidly tiring brain. He'd said we. We were going to Virginia to contact his family. Damn. He'd actually listened to me.
"We are?" I asked.
"Yeah, before I change my mind." Tom wound his arm around my back, nudging me to step closer.
Lara still appeared a bit lost. "You're doing the right thing," she said, but I wasn't sure she believed herself. "As long as you remember that there are people who love you for who you are. If they're still idiots about this, you can go home and never think about them again."
"I know," he replied.
Nothing in life was ever that easy, but sometimes you had to make hard decisions to move forward. I would have done anything to get a chance to speak with my family again, and Tom still had that opportunity.