He gave me a hickey. Sure that went down well with Luke and the other boys and no matter what Harry says he did deserve me ignoring him for the rest of the day especially when a few of the girls outside the hotel picked up on it and as I stuttered for an answer to their questioning stares he just stood there laughing behind his hipster sunglasses and the stupid hippy bandanna he insists on wearing just to annoy everyone. Lou particularly loves it after spending an hour making sure his hair looks perfect and he barely makes it out of the chair before wrapping the scrap of fabric around his head messing up her master piece.
A few days had gone past since the whole Ashleigh dilemma and to be honest none of the boys had really spoken of it since. Luke and I made up as soon as we saw each other with a hug before he focused on the dark deep bruise that was now sitting on my neck courtesy of Mr Styles. Things felt normal again.
In those few days we had moved on to the next city, with just as many fans as the last, it was my first time on the tour buses which were surprisingly more comfortable then I would of imagined. Of course I was trapped on the 5sos bus obviously not being allowed to stay within a closed space with the one direction boys for fear of ‘my innocence being ruined’.
It was around 4 in the morning when once again I decided to give up on sleep, finding it surprisingly difficult to fall into slumber in a moving vehicle. I dragged my blanket over to the lounge area deciding to go and finish my friend’s marathon whilst being curled up in my blanket. I was half way through season 7 when the separation from the bedrooms opened revealing a very sleepy ex.
His POV
I had been awake for a while, just knowing Kayles was sleeping in the bunk above me made me want to have her in my arms. I’ve never really slept properly since we came on tour obviously I just kept telling myself and anyone that would comment on the bags under my eyes that it was because of the unfamiliar bed and drastic change in schedule. Deep down I knew it was because she wasn’t in my arms, I miss her.
Somehow I managed to get a few minutes sleep, when I woke I heard noises coming from the back of the bus, hoping that it may be Calum who is always up for a hug at ridiculous times of the night I crept out of bed heading towards the door only in my sweats. When the door finally opened I had to rub the sleep from my eyes to make sure it was her sat on the sofa.
“Sorry if I woke you.” She whispered, looking me up and down.
“No you didn’t I can’t sleep.” I whispered back stepping into the room letting the partition close behind me before taking slow careful steps to sit next to her. We never really spoken since I left and I sure as hell wasn’t going to mess this up.
“Yeah me neither.” She half smiled before moving to create more space for me and turning her attention back to the TV
“You’re still obsessed with this programme?” I asked as I smiled at the memory of all the times she made me watch the same episode over and over again.
“Of course, I love friends! You know that.” She inhaled sharply as she turned to look at me both of us remembering how we used to be.
“Yeah, I remember.” An awkward silence settled over us, as I tried thinking of anything to say. “So, I never asked how did you like the show?” it was the only thing I could think of that resembled slight normality.
“Yeah, it was amazing I’m so proud of you guys! You’ve come so far, last time I saw you play there were like 4 people in the audience and now you’re playing to thousands! It’s amazing!” I smiled as she giggled, however my mind transfixed on ‘last time I saw you’, the last time I saw her I couldn’t even say goodbye. Not properly anyway, not how I should of. Just a hug.
*Flashback*
This was it. This was goodbye to beautiful Sydney and hello to the world. From this tour amazing things could happen, we could have our own tour, release a single or two or even an album. We could be a name the whole world would know simply from playing a few songs before One Direction storm the biggest stage in the world. This was our time; however I was breaking apart from the inside out.
All four of us stood side by side saying good bye to our families and friends trying desperately to keep the tears from falling.
“Look after yourself son.” My dad whispered as he pulled me into a hug that I’m pretty sure was crushing my air supply. After my father finally let me go I knelt down to the height of my sibling pulling them into a hug.
“Bye rock star.” My sibling said as they squeezed their eyes shut, hugging me as close as their little arms would let them.
“Bye buddy, behave!” I tickled their side slightly desperately trying to get them to laugh instead of cry. Eventually they were pried off of me with the help of my parents; I didn’t have a chance to breathe before my mum engulfed me into a hug.
“I’m going to miss you.” She whispered.
“I’ll miss you too.” I squeezed her closer
“Promise something?” She asked as I nodded my head. “Kiss her.” I sat there stunned as she pulled away from my shoulder giving my cheek a kiss and looking up at me hopeful. My mum was the only person to ever know about Kayles and I so of course I knew who she wanted me to kiss. She had caught me texting Kayles one evening and wouldn’t leave me alone until I told her why I was smiling funny and who I was texting but she was a good secret keeper and was happy that I was dating Kayles. I gave her a confused look; she knew why it was all a secret. “She needs you.” That’s when I noticed her eyes look up to someone behind me.
I turned round to see Kayles with tears in her eyes as she was being hugged by the other boys with her eyes locked on my own begging me to comfort her. That was something I wanted to do more than anything. I slowly walked over as the other boys all let go of her. As soon as I reached her I pressed her body to mine slinking her arms around my shoulder, I knew she was pleading with herself not to cry as she took deep breaths into my chest.
“Don’t leave.” She whispered as I pulled away from her wiping the tears that had fallen onto her plump cheeks. I wanted to stay, I wanted to say I would never leave her that even if we were a universe apart I would still love her, I would still be hers. More than anything, I just wanted to tell her I love her and to kiss her one last time. Seeing the look in her eyes of complete disappointment, she knew I couldn’t stay and it was the only thing she wanted in the world.
After that I couldn’t look at her, I couldn’t look at the most important person in my life, I couldn’t look into her eyes knowing I completely broke her, I couldn’t be hers anymore.
*End of Flashback*
I looked down at my hands when I felt something wet drop, yep I was full out crying in front of my ex girlfriend, over my ex girlfriend that isn’t talking to me. Yeah that pretty much spells awkward. I looked up when I felt her small hand graze over my cheeks wiping away the tears.
“I’m sorry” I sniffled as I tried taking deep breaths to calm my tears.
“Its okay, Friends can be pretty emotional.” She smiled slightly cheering me up instantly as I chuckled.
“Not over friends. I’m sorry I never said goodbye.” I looked into her eyes as her breath hitched.
“It’s fine.” She muttered taking back her hand. I felt like I was losing her all over again as she began closing in on herself again.
“No it’s not; I wanted to kiss you, to tell you that I loved you. That I’d stay for you.” I whispered the last part.
“Then why didn’t you? I asked…”
“Because I thought I was doing the right thing. I didn’t want to screw up the band or the relationship between you and Luke. You need him Kayles, no matter how many times you say that you don’t”
“I needed you as well!”
“I know and I’m sorry. But you have to understand, I never wanted to hurt you! Getting on that plane broke me; just the thought of not seeing you ripped me in two.”
“You know, right up until you landed in London and you sent that text I prayed that you’d stay. Somehow I thought that maybe you’d realize you were making a mistake and had managed to turn the plane around and come back.” She giggled at that. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too, you have no idea.” I inched closer to her, reaching out to wipe away a few stray tears that had fallen before relaxing back into seat. “So how have you been since?”
“You mean since us?” I nodded “Well, Dad knows about us. When you first left I cried in my room for like 2 weeks so he obviously figured something was wrong. I’m supposed to tell Luke before he comes home.” Okay I breathed that’s something to prepare myself for. “Anyway I haven’t been with anyone or anything if that’s what you’re wondering. Ashleigh says she knows, about us that’s what she’s threatening me with. Other than that I’ve been okay. You?” I took a deep breath wondering whether lying would be better here or not, probably the latter.
“Honestly?” she nodded “Unbearable. Completely unbearable, you’re all I think of when I’m on that stage. I don’t think I’ve slept longer than an hour a night because I know that you won’t be there when I wake up. The boys constantly ask me if I’m okay because I’m short with them and if I’m completely honest I haven’t looked Luke in the eye or even given him a second glance.”
“Why?”
“Because when I look at him all I see is you, my heart aches because all I want is you and I can’t look at him without feeling angry and blaming him for me losing you then I end up feeling guilty because it never was his fault it’s mine as I was the one to let you go.” I sniffled slightly trying to hide the small sobs that were escaping my chest.
“I don’t sleep much either.” She whispered as she slowly threaded her fingers through my clothes gently bringing my head to her shoulder whilst moving her blanket to cover the two of us. “Maybe we can sleep together?”
“Please.” I whispered my eyes already slipping shut as I wrapped my arms around her waist pulling her closer to me.
“Sure, baby.”
That was the best night sleep I had had in the last year.