WARNING: IF SUICIDAL OR ANOREXIC THEMES ARE TRIGGERING TO YOU, YOU MAY NOT WANT TO READ THIS
This is darker than the normal story. You have been warned.
So you guys told me that you would be okay with me just writing a one shot for the bonus, so here we go!!
If you're wondering where the 75k one went, I got rid of it because it was trash. Forgive me, but then again don't, 'cause I really hated that shit.
Now the happier news:
(ONE HUNDRED FUCKING THOUSAND WHAT THE FUCKETY FUCK)
(GUYS, GUYS, THATS A TENTH OF A MILLION DO YOU UNDERSTAND?????)
(WHATTTT????)
SOTC #1: drugs by EDEN
• Things I would rather be thoughts in the back of my head but I'm addicted to hurting •
SOTC #2: Cancer by Twenty Øne Piløts (I know it's a cover, I just prefer this version. sorry)
• But counting down the days to go, it just ain't living •
•••
The weather was less a storm and more a drizzle, the kind of rain that brings out the gray in things. A plastic bag tripped across the road and flattened against the curb, grass sticking like chewed gum against skin. The stretch of road might have looked dismal, but heavy cloud of steam made everything just a bit more diluted.
A drop of humid sweat trickled down the nape of Carl's neck, clinging to his back. He shook his hair from his face, eyes darting around as if he was scared. He swore to himself that he wasn't.
He counted the three houses down the right side he'd already raided for supplies. Number four definitely reflected this cloudy sky, cracked gray paint and rust trailing up the sides. Carl hugged his gun to his chest and whipped the door open.
But not a single walker awaited him. He looked around, relieved, at the plastic flower arrangements and hardwood floors, a thick tree keeling over in the back window. Carl, an ominous feeling in his gut, quietly shut the door behind him.
He found the kitchen, an open arrangement with an aloe plant on the windowsill and white tiled floors. Ripping open the cabinets, he shoved as many cans as possible into his bag.
Then he heard it.
A quiet, barely audible sigh and shifting from the other room. Carl's nerves set on edge, he cocked his gun and slowly stalked towards the doorway.
Painstakingly silent, he peeked over the vintage couch to a form splayed out on the carpet, a blanket draped over, leaving only an outline. Carl began to breathe again. Just a walker. He could handle this, he told himself.
He kicked the end of the blanket over with the toe of his boot, and the form began to stir, mumbling incoherently. Suddenly, the blanket was flung over, revealing the flushed, sweaty face of a girl.
The first thing Carl noticed was her hair, the color of sand. It clumped in greasy, dirt-caked swatches about her head. Her eyes: deep brown and pleading. Carl took a step back.
"P—Please," she sniffled, sobs rising to her bloody lips, a desperate, jagged breath racking her words. Where Carl expected her to beg for food, her teeth grit together in a tight line. "Jus' k—kill m—m—me."
Carl attempted to make sense of the situation, and ultimately failed. He tucked his gun into his belt loop. "Why would I do that...?" he asked, an innocent tone to his voice that made it evident to the girl that he hadn't felt the loneliness that she had.
She'd been the only one in this house for years now, slowly picking off the leftover cans from the cabinets. The hot water tank in the garage had already been drained clean by her parched lips. She would watch the drops trace down the windowsill, remembering the old times and the day her brother left, shotgun slung across his broad, hopeful shoulders. She counted the things that she knew about herself and not much surfaced. She knew she was alone, she knew there was barely any food left, she knew she was starving herself.
She'd been trying to die for so long that she barely remembered why, though she knew, in the way her thoughts swarmed like wasps around every dark prospect, she knew that she needed to flip the switch. How she craved the instant power of a bullet, but she had no gun. She rehearsed the movement, barrel in her mouth and push the trigger backwards until there's just a—
She cried into her pillows and attempted smothering herself. But the second her breath ran out, she pulled her fingers off her nose.
She couldn't do it. She didn't want to leave the house, because she'd heard the screams before. Always faint, never completely noticeable. But even as the cities began to die, the screams never seemed to dwindle.
The world was ruled by the monsters. Not only the monsters that lived on the streets, but the ones in her head, her brother's head. They were in everyone, even the boy in front of her. And she prayed he had enough to give her the damn gun.
"Why?" Carl asked again, crouching down in front of the girl. Her arms were slender with pale skin stretched across the joints. She looked like a ghost. She looked like a walker.
"Can you g—give me the gun?" She sniffled and groped for it, but he pulled away.
"I have a camp with my dad in a house down the road," he said, disquieted and perplexed that this girl would be so intent on killing herself. It didn't make much sense to him. "What's your name?" He tried.
She shook her head. "I l—lost that a w—while ago." Just like she lost the joy in rain, her hatred of school, the buzzing itch of boredom.
She just wanted to go home. She wanted it with all her heart. She imagined her brother's face, smile splitting across his face, dimples framing the corners of his mouth.
"I—If you want to know the t—truth," she started, clammy fingers squeezing the hem of the blanket, eyes cast downwards. "I've been trying to k—kill myself for a w—wh—while n—now and I'm scared of the w—walkers and the kn—n—knives..." she dissolved into a blubbering mess, her face pressed into her hands. It was clear enough that she'd been fending off tears for a while now.
Carl pictured the feeling of killing his mother, a bullet in the head. The bang echoed one—two—three—four times, before fizzling off, and only then did he realize exactly what he did. He could count the things that haunted him from that moment so many months ago: The handle was slick with sweat, the green pair of eyes, filled with a thin flicker of accusation, the slumping motion of the body, the way her earrings were glinting in the muted light. He had felt the life force leave his mother, an absence that seemed all too void-like.
His life was filled with voids. And he pictured how the girl must be feeling, swallowed into her own self. He laid his hand on hers, and she flinched, but didn't let go. Drawing circles on her palm one—two—three—four times, he drew the gun from his belt loop.
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A/N: ...hehe oops that was really dark
Well this just shows you what I think about in my free time.
I'm just going to say it one more time before I annoy you guys to death. Wowsa. 100k. We frigging made it.
Uhhhh do you want some music recommendations?? Of course you do! Hehe
•I'm Born to Run by American Authors
•Bohemian Rhapsody by Panic!
•Morning in America by John Bellion
•Itch by Nothing But Thieves
•Sheezus by Lily Allen
•Too Young to Remember by Florrie
•Flesh Without Blood by Grimes
•California by Grimes
•Hideaway by Kiesza
•Get by Easy Does It
•Toothbrush by DNCE
•In the Name of Love by Martin Garrix
Yes there is a singer named Grimes and yes she is awesome.
She also just came out with a series of music videos with HANA, and they're weird and aesthetically pleasing and pretty odd. (P!ATD, anyone?)
Oh, and I'm addicted to these two albums:
•Worlds by Porter Robinson
•I Think You Think Too Much of Me by EDEN
Slightly in love with Nightcore as well? I'm a weird human being.
Sidenote: Right now, as I'm typing this sentence, the sky is my exact aesthetic and I feel like this is meant to be.
Beautiful, huh?
I leave you now with the question of the day (dear God I've missed these): What would YOU love to see in the companion novel? Characters, scenes, jokes?
If I really like yours, it might make it into the book! (and you'll get credit of course)
Goodbye fluff nuggets! Don't die! Stay tuned for more! And thank you from the darkest pits of my heart for one hundred thousand reads! You guys rock 🙌
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Word Count:
1478
Created 9-27-16