It was about 10:00 by now, and I did not text my mom yet. I didn't even realize that I didn't until my phone vibrated in my back pocket. We were all in Michael's living room/kitchen. Most of us were on the couch, but Ashton and I were in the kitchen, making pasta for our hungry selves.
"Shit it's my mom." I muttered as I looked at my screen.
"You didn't text her?" Ashton asked.
"I forgot!" I paniced.
"Tell her you're staying at my house!" Natalie's voice said from over in the other room. I nodded to myself, and unlocked my phone.
"Hello?" I said into it.
"Where the hell are you?" My mother replied. I kept my eyes on Ashton as he stood at Michael's stove, stirring a pot of boiling water and noodles.
"I'm so sorry mom," I lied. "I totally forgot to text you! I'm staying with Natalie at her house tonight. You know Natalie, I went to the mall with her?"
"Oh, well you could've told me." My mom said.
"I know I'm sorry I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I'll text you in the morning, okay?"
"You better." She replied and she hung up instantly. Well shit.
"I think she's mad at me," I said loud enough for everyone in the other room to hear. "What do I do?"
"Just ignore it babe," Ashton replied. "Looks like you need a place to sleep now...Michael, we're staying here tonight."
"Why is it always my house?"
"C'mon man!"
"Ugh, fine."
I gave Ashton a little kiss on cheek in gratitude, and helped him finish making our dinner. We brought it over to the kitchen table where the rest of them sat, and spent the next 30 minutes talking about nothing really important. The boys talked about some ideas they had for new songs and whatnot, and I just listened contently. I was actually quite interested in all the things they discussed regaurdng their band. They kepy talking about how much they really need a lead singer/guitarist, and my mind seemed to picture Luke. I feel like Luke would actually be really good friend's with these guys if they gave him a chance, but that obvioulsy won't happen. Luke is a popular football player, which is completely different from Ashton and his friends. Not in a bad way, of course. Personally, I liked this crowd much better.
"When's your parents gonna be home?" Ashton asked as he placed both of our plates in the sink.
"Tomorrow," Michael replied. "Some buisness thing, they're at."
"What do they do?" I asked out of curiosity.
"I honestly have no idea," Michael replied with a laugh. "Some accounting crap that barely pays for the air condtioning."
Everyone laughed, as iI they could relate to Michael's words, except me. I began to feel a little out of place, and a little spoiled. I didn't know why, though. It wasn't my fault my mom was a doctor and my dad owned his own company and I seemed to have so much more than everyone I'm sat with...I guess I just got lucky. I looked down to my knees, as if I was too ashamed to look at anyone in the eyes.
I felt Ashton's warm arm wrap around my shoulders, and I let out a relaxed sigh as he brought me closer to his body, kissing my temple. "Hi." He said quietly, so no one else could hear him. I didn't see how they could, though, because they were all cracking up at something Calum had said. I looked up to Ashton and gave him a soft kiss on the nose. making him smile cheekily.
"You see Calum?" Natalie said. I looked over across the table to see her staring at me and Ashton. "Why don't you smile at me like that?"
"Why don't you kiss my nose like that?" He said back. I could tell they were joking, but their subtle gesture to tell us that we were cute made my heart flutter. Michael's eyes darted around the table and he quickly draped his arm around Sydney's shoulder.
"Smooth, Michael." Ashton joked.
"Shut up." Michael laughed, both of them eyeing eachother. The random conversations went on, and all we seemed to do was say anything that came to our minds and crack up about it. Ashton kept his arm around me for what seemed like forever, and I felt warm and comfortable. I rested my head in the crook of his neck and breathed out cigarette smoke along with him.
About 10 minutes later, the room went silent.
Michael looked around, as if to check to make sure no one else besides our group were in the house. He looked back to us, a slight smile on his face.
"You okay Mike." Ashton said.
"I got something," Michael replied at almost a whisper. "I'll be right back."
Michael walked out of the room and the rest of us were quiet. Ashton gently rubbed his thumb over my hand that was enclapsed by his, and everyone else seemed to be staring into the abyss or on their phones. Finally Michael came back into the room, tossing a small plastic bag onto the table. I couldn't quite tell what was in it at first. All I saw was green leave things. But, by the way everyone stared at it, I caught on to the fact that it was weed.
"How the fuck did you-?" Calum asked.
"I know a guy." Michael winked.
"You're my hero," Ashton said with a small laugh. My heart dropped a little, because I've never seen/been around this kind of stuff. From what I've heard, weed wasn't as bad as the cliche "drug", but still. "Lets go." he said.
Everyone got up from the table immediately, and I followed their lead, so I didn't look as uncomfortable as I felt. Everyone walked out to Michael's backyard, and I had no idea why we were outside. 'Why out here?" I asked.
"My parents would flip the shit out if they came home to the smell of this shit," Michael replied. "They know I smoke cigarrettes, but not this."
I nodded slowly, following Ashton's dark outline infront of me. I reached out to take his hand, but I stopped as everyone else ceased walking. We stood infront of an old, broken fence, than separated Michael's backyard from a small canyon not to far away. There was a small hole in the fence, big enough for one person to get through at a time. Calum went through first, leading Natalie in after him.
"You guys are no fun." Ashton chuckled. He jumped onto the fence, his hands grabbing onto the metal diamnonds, and hoisting himself up. I watched in awe, the streetlight casting a yellow-ish glow on his flexed muscles. He strattled the fence, and looked down at me.
"You comin?" He asked. I laughed and walked through the hole in the fence. "No thanks," I replied. "I'm not as dangerous and badass as you." Ashton hopped down and joined me, wrapping his fingers around mine. We all reached the canyon mouth, by now it was pitch dark. A small flame appeared not too far away, which lit Michael's face up. A weird and familiar feeling started to bubble in my stomach, and I didn't know whether to go on standing silent, and say something.
"Ash?" I blurted out quietly, tugging on his hand. "Mhm?" I heard his voice reply.
"I..uh..." My voice trailed off for two reasons. One, I didn't know how to say I wasn't sure if I want to do this, and two, there was a small part of me that felt as if this wasn't as bad as I thought. Like, I wasn't just about to "do drugs". "...Nothing." I managed to say, mentally punching myself and patting my self on the back at the same time.
"You sure?" He asked. His voice sounded concerened, but I just gave him a small kiss on the cheek.
"Yep." I smiled, even though it was too dark to tell.
"Here." Michael's voice interrupted Ashton and I's small conversation. He handed both of us what felt like a cigarette in my hands; I couldn't tell because it was too dark. It was a joint or whatever, from what I could blindley tell. I waited until I felt Ashton put his in his mouth, and he exhaled a heavy breath.
"Yeees." He groaned. I decided it was now or never to just do the same.
Don't be a wuss. A voice said in my head. I placed the joint in between my lips, and breathed in. I wave of an unfamiliar taste got caught in my throat, and I ended up chocking on it, coughing out whatever chemicals were in me. Everyone in the group laughed, and I laughed at myself as well as Ashton draped one of his arms around my shoulders. I rested my body against his, and I instantly felt safer than before. I but the thing between my lips once more, and repeated my previous process. Only this time, I didn't choke like a complete idiot.
This felt weird, different, yet just as satisfying as a cigarette. By now everyone was smoking the herbs, not acting any different as they would if they were just smoking a cigarette. I knew, though, that soon enough that would all change.
"Oh that's fucking awesome." I breathed, turning to face Ashton.
"Michael," Ashton's raspy voice said in he dark. "I love you for this."
"Hell yeah." Was Michael's response. I felt Ashton's hand wrap around mine, and I looked up the sky. The stars were pretty bright for being next to a neighborhood, and I watched as they stood there, idle in their own little space of air and matter.
"Ashton," I said. I felt his arm run down my back to my waist. "I love this."
"I thought you might." Ashton chuckled.
The next 10 minutes seemed to go by like light years. We just stood in a tight circle, talking about nothing in particular. The smell of the weed was pretty strong, and I could see why Michael wouldn't want it in his house, because it was pretty distinguishable. The whole time I felt Ashton's heart beat against my back, speeding up everytime I felt the rise of his chest as he inhaled the stuff. I'm not stupid to know he's obviously done this before, but he didn't talk much, as if he was in a trance or something.
I blinked slowly, and looked back up the stars. I let out a laugh as I saw the stars moving, like they were square dancng with eachother.
"Do you see that?" I asked. Ashton giggled.
"See what?" He asked. I threw my hand in the air. "THAT!" I laughed.
"Well now we know Brooke's never been high before," Natalie said. "This didn't take long at all."
"What?!" I said loudly, stepping forward. Everyone laughed and Ashton brought me back to his body.
"You're cute." He said.
"Ashton you're pretty much the same way," Calum said. "It doesn't take you that long either."
"I know." Ashton chuckled.
I felt my legs wobble beneath me, and grabbed onto Ashton's shoulders for support. I looked around our bodies to the street light above the fence. The yellow-ish glow I had once recognized was now a bright green, switching off the pink and blue and red and purple and so many other colors, bluring together in a wave of funny light. I turned my whole body, and staggered over to it.
*Ashton's POV*
"Shut up!" my mother's voice echoed in my head.
"You can't escape me, you dumbass." my father's voice replied.
"Mummy-" I tried to say, but I was silenced by a blow to the face.
"Shut up." he spat.
"STOP!" My mother cried out. It's not like her words could save me. Or herself, for that matter. The monster was here, and he was never leaving. It was painful, to see this unfold infront of me everyday. I thought by now I would be over it, but I wasn't.
My head snapped back up, my vision blurred. My heart was racing and I almost forgot where I was. It was dark out, and hot. The taste of sweet weed danced on my tongue, and I rolled my head back in pure confusion and satisfaction. Reality was back, yet the pain from what just went though my mind was still echoing through my head. Luckily, Brooke's voice behind me pulled me out of another stupid flashback.
"ASHTON!" She said, he voice cracking. I let out a loud chuckle and turned to her.
*Brooke's POV*
"Yes dear?!" Ashton said. He turned to face me, his eyes squinted and a sloppy smile plastered on his face. I was about to ask him why the street light was changing colors, but it was almost instantly that I felt the whole ground beneath me soften. I staggered back, laughing.
"Ah shit, man!" Ashton laughed, his voice raising and cracking as if he had just woken up. I reached out to my boyfriend and pulled his body to mine. "Hi." I said. I took another inhale of my joint and pulled at his hand.
"We'll be somewhere else." I called out to the rest of the group. I limply walked, pulling Ashton's laughing self behind me.
"You're so fast." He said. "Slow down."
"I'm only going like..." my voice trailed off as my head slumped down and I shut my eyes. I opened them back up, and everything was super bright out. It was like a white light, like I was surrounded by nothing but empty space.
"ITS MORNING!" I yelled, turning back to Ashton. My eyes met his, and I was taken back by how red and puffy they were. His brown hair was messier than its every been, and his licked his lips everytime he blew out a puff of antoxicated smoke. He smiled at me, and pushed me up against the fence that I didn't realze we had walked to.
"You look perfect right now." He said, his voice barely audible. His words were slurred and he pressed his shaking body to mine. "I'm so fucked right now man." he planted a warm kiss on my neck, and another cloud of his exhale grew between us. I took another hit to my system, the drugs filing into my lungs and racing through my veins. I began to hear random voices in my ears, like so many different sides of my brain, telling me to stop.
I didn't listen, though.
I laughed quietly and stood onto my tippy toes, locking my lips with his. A cloud of familiar smoke flew into my mouth, and Ashton groaned as our lips separeted. The shared smoke disappeared into the hot air, and I reconnected our lips once more. I felt my body go against the fence, but it ws as if I was being forced upon a soft, infinite cloud. Ashton's hands ran down my body, his lips on my neck. A trail of familiar kisses and sweet sensations were sent down my neck and the rest of my body as Ashton's touch was cold against my heated skin. Yet, it was the most comfortable I've felt this whole day. My eyes seemed to role back into my head, and everything was dark again. I blindly reached for Ashton's hands, intertwning both all of our fingers together. My eyes shot open as I felt my legs completely give out from under me. I let out a cracked shriek as my butt in the the sandy ground, my back still against the fence.
"So I make your knees weak, do I?" Ashton chuckled as he slumped down next to me. I looked into his eyes, and they were just as mangled as before. His neck veins seemed more prominent than usual, and his hands slightly shook. I looked down at my own hands and came to the conclusion that I probably looked the same as he did. My head slowly moved back and fourth, my vision going in and out of constant blurriness. I didn't speak, because my mouth couldn;t find the courage to open itself.
Finally, after minutes of us ust stitting there, too lost to speak, Ashton started laughing.
It wasn't his normal, cheery and adorable laugh, thought. It was cold, hearltess, empty, and deseperate. I focused my eyes on him, and I was confused as to what was so funny.
"FUCK YOU!" Ashton yelled, his head tilted towards the dotted sky. My eyes widened in surprise, because I wasn't quite ready for his random outburst. Before I could say anything, he kepy talking.
"I fucking hate you!" He spat, swinging his head back down and running his hands through his hair.
"Me?" I asked, not too fully aware as to if I cared or not is he was talking about me. Ashton's eyes shot over to me, and he looked the most sincere he has this whole night.
"Of course not," He said quietly. "His eyebrows furrowed and he looked out into the canyon not too far away. "I'm talking about him. Brandon. FUCK YOU BRANDON."
I remembered then that Ashton's father's name was Brandon.
"Ashton-"
"Why didn't my mom ever come to get me?" Ashton said. We both silent for a couple moments. "I know why."
"What are you-" I tried to ask, but Ashton interrupted me again, his voice louder and raspier than before.
"Because she never cared about me!" He yelled. "She never did, thats why. Maybe I was a mistake, I don't fucking know, but its obvious-"
"Ashton-"
"-that it was all my fault! I didn't mean to be myself, but how the fuck could I fix that?" Ashton let out another eerie laugh, and he fell silent instantly. He looked down at his hands, his eyes squinted just enough so he could still see.
"I want to go home." He said.
By now, every wierd and amazing feeling I had was drained out of me. I could see the yellow light above us, and I knew exactly where we were, what we just did, and how high Ashton still was. I remembered how I think Ashton is an odd drunk. This, however, was a totally different ball park.
"Ashton?" I asked. His head perked up, his eyes darting over to meet mine. They were dark, yet wide and glossy. I was so confused on what the fuck to say to him, but he interrupted me again before anything could slip my mouth.
"Remember when we first kissed?" He asked. I slowly nodded, confused on why he was asking about it. Ashton nodded too, and he laughed again. "I loved that night." His voice sounded somewhat normal again, and his laugh wasn't so durranged as before. Before I could reply to his previous statement, he kept talking.
"I hope you know how much I appreciate the fact that you listened and cared enough about what I told you. That was the first time I've spoken about it in so long, and I didn't regret tell you at all."
"Well Ashton," I said, my voice quiet enough so no one on the entire planet could hear except Ashton. "I can see now that those things really seem to haunt you everyday-"
"Yeah, they do." He said with a sigh.
"But," I continued, my voice louder than before. His eyes looked into mine, and they were still how they were before. By the way he breathed and the way he looked around with nervous eyes, I could tell he was still very smashed right now. I didn't care, though, because I knew he could understand me perfectly. "I'm here to say if you ever want to talk about it, or anything, you just come to me, okay?"
I slightly raised my eyebrows at him, looking at his slumped head for a reply. We were both silent for a little, and my keen hearing was startng to come back. I could hear the shrieks and laughs coming from the rest of the group down in the canyon. But, other than that, it was just Me, Ashton, and the faint desert winds blowing around us. Finally, Ashton looked up, his eyes meeting mine for the 100th time that night. An adorable and sloppy smile spread across his face, and he fastly wrapped and arm around me, pulling both of us up to our feet. "You're the best." he mumbled sweetly, pulling me to his arm chest for another kiss. I could tell he was still pretty out of it from our previous activities, but we both put ours out by stepping on them, the sand ceasing the burning leaves.
...
"Lucky for you," Ashton said as he dug through Michael's dresser. We had successfully made it back into Michael's house, the rest of the group told us they would be in soon as well. I needed a place to stay, from what I made my mother believe. It was already 2 in the fucking morning, and I was about ready to fall asleep then and there. "These are mine."
He tossed me a pair of gray sweat pants. They were clean and smelled like laundry detergent. "Are you sure?" I asked. That would be pretty awkward to just sleep in Michael's stuff.
"Yes I'm positive." Ashton replied with a smile. By now, his eyes were back to normal, along with his voice and behavior. I followed him into the guest room, and familar memories flodded into my mind. Like, the first time I was drunk and the first time Ashton and I had a pretty intense makeout session. I think Ashton was thinking of that too, because we both looked at eachother at the same time and laughed.
"Memories." Ashton joked as he took his shirt off, along with his jeans. I quickly threw off my shorts as well, tugging Ashton's sweatpants onto my legs. They were big on me, but they were soft and already warm. I decided to just sleep in my bra, since thats probably not a big deal between us anymore. I pulled my shirt off of my body, and climbed into the right side of the bed. Ashton did the same, pulling the covers almost above his head. I tired not to giggle at how adorable he looked, and I scooted closer to his body, the bed already warming up. I realized then I've never really shared a bed with Ashton. Well, I have, but I don't remember any of it because I was either too drunk or asleep to.
"Are you sure Michael's parents wont mind?" I asked. Ashton chuckled and brought my body right up to his. His skin was warm and soft as his top arm draped over me, our eyes leveled.
"No its fine, promise." Ashton whispered. His softly kissed my nose and I smiled, keeping my gaze on his for a couple minutes. His eyes were deffidently back to normal; they were a glowing green, a green I've come to really adore. We were both silent for a while, then he finally sighed.
"I want to go home." He said for the second time tonight. He tiredly closed his eyes, and snuggled his face in closer to mine. I was confused as to why he said those words, because I'm pretty sure he couldn't wait to get out of that trailr.
"We could've driven back." I said, my voice at a whisper now.
"No, no..." Ashton said tiredly. I coul tell he was on the verge of falling asleep and I probably was too. "Like, home home." He kissed my forehead one more time, and like that he was out like a light.
I knew exactly what he was talking about, and it made my heart ache for him as I too fell asleep almost instantly.