Nessa Marie Daniels
17 Years Old
"Cigarettes on cigarettes, my mama think I stank
I got burn holes in my hoodies, all my homies think it's dank
I miss my cocoa butter kisses, I miss my cocoa butter kisses
Cigarettes on cigarettes, my mama think I stank
I got burn holes in my hoodies, all my homies think it's dank
I miss my cocoa butter kisses, I miss my cocoa butter kisses".
I let Chance's voice fill my ears through the ear buds of my iPhone. Music was my only escape to this cruel, cold, wild, sick, world i live in. The sole of my converse lazily scrapped the pavement before it went up against the wall. I let out a small giggle as i remember how Bri used to get on me for shit like this.
"Why you always stand like a boy. Your so ugh"!
She would snap stomping her foot. I would just laugh and shrug. Everything reminded me of her. Especially the ugly girls round this school giving me sympathetic looks. I didn't need that. I didn't need people coming up to me, tell me that their sorry for my loss. I would respond with a scoff and walk away. But this time, that shit had me lit.
I watched the girl in her knee high leather combat boots and matching small leather jacket walk over to me. Her brown locks of hair flowing in the cool fall wind behind her. She made her way over to me with already apologetic eyes. The fact that she reached out and touch me, made me look at her twice. Was she serious?
"I heard what happened Ness. I am so sorry. Me and Bri talked a coup-"
"No. You acknowledged Bri's presence like any other fucking dumb person in this school. But you didn't talk to her. Nobody knew her like i did. If your here to tell me your fucking sorry you can walk away. I don't have time for this shit".
I licked my lips and looked away from her, but when i realized she was still there i gave her an annoying look.
"What"?
I asked annoyed. She shook her head and finally walked away. I don't care about people's feelings, just like they didn't care about me or Bri's when they took her away from me.
I held the straps of my book bag as i walked lazily into the school. I kept my outfit simple today. I wasn't the type to mourn by crying and not eating or bathing. I would take my anger out on everyone else. But oh fucking well. People will just have to get used to it.
I wore a pair of ombre white, grey, and blackw jeans, with black converse. A white crop top hugged my breasts and the necklace Bri gave me in 2nd grade adorned my neck. On my wrist were a charm bracelet we always wore together and six other different bracelets. Nothing major though.
I kept my hair the way it was at all times. I honestly didn't care that much for it. Everybody goes crazy over hair. But hair is just...hair. I don't hate mine, I just don't care for it. If i was to go bald...oh well.
Bri promised she would keep all of my secrets til the grave, and she did. It just sucks she had to go so early.
...
Once school was over I began taking my usual route home. I headed to the corner before I made a turn down the block my house was on. Before I could cross the street, a white Range Rover sped out of the alley way without honking it's horn. I jumped back, gripping the straps of my book bag.
"What the hell"?
I mumbled to myself. He licked his lips looking me up and down before he spoke.
"You needa' ride ma"?
He asked. I gave him a foul look and crossed the other street, going around his car. Did he really think my black ass was about to hop up and jump in his damn car? I think not.
I walked about 30 minutes until i got home. I entered the house and the smell of apple pie smacked me dead in the face.
"Hey babygirl. How was school"?
Now if its anything that pisses me off the most is my mom. Now don't get me wrong, i love my mother til death. But, she didn't give a shit about me until Bri's death. Ever since she's been on my ass.
"Fine ma".
She snatched the oven mitt's off her hands and came up to me. Giving me a bone crushing hug.
"You know i love you baby. Soo much".
See what I'm saying? She hugged me for atleast 5 minutes until my dad walked in the room. He groaned and walked over to me and my mom, who was still clutching tightly onto my arms. And i stood still, not even hugging back.
"Come on Camille. That's enough".
He said grabbing her arm and leading her away from me. I gave him a smile and jogged upstairs to my room. My dad always helps me the most. And I'm glad he's not smothering me about Bri either. I cant take both of them at once.
As soon as i got up to my room, i slung my book bag across the clean white carpet. I took my shoes off by the door and let the hang from the tips of my index and middle finger as i brought them to my closet. Best believe, this carpet isn't gettin dirty.
I laid back on my bad, letting my hair expand out all around my head and onto the blue sheets. I pulled out my ringing iPhone from my pocket and slid over the answer button.
"Hello"?
"Wassup Curly"?
I smiled a little hearing my brother's voice. He's been calling me curly since i was 3. I remember Bri used to have a crush on him. Everytime he came home from college she would be over for the big dinner, sitting right next to him.
"Ant is so fineeeeee".
She would stress biting her bottom lip. I would scrunch my face up at her and shake my head. I knew my bro was a looker, but of course i wasn't looking at him like that. He's my brother.
"Hey Ant".
"You cool"?
"Yeah".
I replied sitting up a little and scratching my head. Ant is 2 years older than me and earning his degree in business.
"Awe okay just checkin up on you. Hows ma and dad"?
"They cool i guess. Ma still on me about Bri though".
He sighed and i could hear rustling on the other line.
"Damn, i know man. Shit, its gone be iight tho k"?
I sniffed a little and closed my eyes. Damn. Ant always make me get emotional.
"Aye aye aye. Stop all that cryin Ness. You strong iight. Bri wouldn't want you cryin like this would she"?
I shook my head no like he could see me.
"Hello"?
"Nah. She wouldn't want me cryin".
I wiped away a tear that slipped down my cheek with the back of my hand.
"So then cool it okay? Imma come up there next week to see yall and i don't want no crying. We gone chill for the whole week iight"?
"Just me and you"?
I asked. It was quiet on the other end for a bit before he spoke.
"Yeah just me and you. I love you okay Nessa".
"I love you too bro".
"Imma talk to you later okay"?
"Alright, bye".
I hung up and laid back on my bed, soon slipping into a deep sleep.
..
"Ness. Nessa. NESSA"!
"Mm".
I groaned in response, turning over. I felt my dad sigh and i knew he was gettin frustrated.
"Sweetheart. Its time for dinner".
"Ill skip".
I grumbled with my face into the sheets.
"We let you do that last night. Come on, you gotta eat".
I sat up some, pushing my hair from my face. I gave my dad a look putting on a pouty face.
"Can you bring my plate up"?
"Nessa"-
"Pleeeeaaassee"?
I asked batting my eyes. My dad sighed before walking out my room.
"Love you"!
I shouted as he made his way down the stairs.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah".
I heard him mumble. I laid back down on my bed and picked up my phone, getting on Instagram. I scrolled liking some pictures then put my phone back down.
Dad came back upstairs giving me my plate. I ate then took it downstairs for it to get washed.
I walked back upstairs and took off my clothes, getting ready for my shower. I started the warm water and stepped in. Not to brag or anything but i have hair that can get wet and draw back up. Its really the only memory i have of my grandma. I got my hair from her.
After taking my shower i threw on some shorts and a tank top. I laid in bed looking up at the ceiling for a minute. Nothing was swarming in my mind really. It was just calm and quiet.
Soon i fell asleep. And as soon as i did all thoughts that left my head for a minute, came rushing back. I let my dreams take me places reality couldn't and hopped to stay in this state forever.
....
#Wild
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