a/n: and here we are ─ the final chapter. thank you all for sticking with me through this journey. i started this book a year and a half ago, and to those who have been here since day one, i'm so sorry i had to make you wait this long for me to finish it.
obviously a lot has happened in that year and a half, and my writing has changed (improved?) a lot since then. which is why a part of me hates fool proof because of the terrible writing and the problematic essence of the book in general lmao.
nonetheless, i have enjoyed the experience that writing this book has given me. i will forever be appreciative of each and every one of you who have taken the time out of your day to read this.
i'm sorry it's a bit rushed, to be completely honest i lost all inspiration in writing gmw books but i didn't want to leave it unfinished, so this final chapter is a product of my laziness and desire to get things done. again, i apologise for that.
anyway, thus concludes my gmw book era. it's been an amazing past few years with you guys ─ i've found so much comfort and familiarity with this show and the fandom it has brought about. i cannot thank gmw enough for the beautiful friends i have made because of this. we will always be a family.
. . .
lucas friar
The days following prom were nothing short of mediocre. And believe me, a while ago, I wouldn't have minded mediocracy. I would've enjoyed it, even. But these past few months had changed me in a way that seemed to have irreversible effects.
In a strange way, life had sort of gone full circle. Riley wasn't speaking to me, and it was fairly obvious that Maya had been avoiding me. So everything had gone back to normal. Back to the way it was before.
I sat now on the empty couch at Topanga's, surrounded by a multitude of NYU students studying together. In a few months, I would be one of them. That is, if I even got into NYU. It was a couple of weeks until graduation and I hadn't even begun to think about where I would be going.
I had gotten so used to the notion of getting lost in the moment and living in the now that I had completely neglected every aspect of my future.
"Coffee?"
I halted my thoughts. Looking up, I was startled to see Maya holding two cups of hot coffee in her hands, gesturing one towards me. I wasn't much of a coffee drinker, but I didn't have the heart to decline the offer so I took the mug from her hand.
She hesitated for a moment, looking at the empty spot on the sofa couch. No more than a few seconds later, she situated herself next to me, the uncomfortable squeal of the couch painfully silencing the both of us. She fiddled with the rim of her coffee cup. It looked as though she wanted to say something, but no words came out. I decided to help her first.
"I thought you were avoiding me?" I asked, but perhaps I meant it more as a statement. I knew she had been avoiding me.
She glanced up at me in reluctancy. "What? N-No, I ..." she stammered, shaking her head. She put her cup down onto the table, taking a deep breath. "Look, I never had the chance to apologize for cheating on you with Missy. I never wanted to be that sort of person, you have to understand that," she assured.
My lips unexpectedly parted. A strange noise came out from the back of my throat, and I tried to cover it up with a nonchalant cough. "It─It's okay. I'll admit, I hadn't even thought about it. Maybe I even deserved it," I muttered.
She shook her head. "Don't say that. I've been cheated on before and I would never want anyone to go through what I did. I'm sorry," she said.
"Maya, it's okay. You're forgiven," I said, and she nodded at me, plastering a small smile on her face as she brought the cup back up to her lips again.
"Hey," I suddenly said, perking her interest. "If you were always into Missy, why would you ask me out?"
She paused thoughtfully, trying to choose her words carefully. "Remember in the fifth grade, when you dated Alice Scott? As far as dating went back in elementary school, anyway," she remarked, laughing under her breath. "I remember being so jealous of you two, and I used to think it was because I didn't want her to steal you away from me. I wanted us to be best friends forever, just you and I. But then our friendship kind of died and I knew that wasn't the reason I was jealous."
"Okay ... So?"
She sighed, continuing: "When we got older, I kept thinking back on it, because I needed to know why I was so jealous. And then I thought, maybe it was because I liked you? And the only way I could've tested that theory was if I got close to you again. But after dating you, I knew I was wrong. Turns out I was actually jealous because I─"
"because you liked Alice," I murmured to myself in sudden realization, unintentionally cutting Maya off.
"Yeah. I was so gay beyond my years," Maya remarked, chuckling. Her expression suddenly turned serious. "Look, you and Riley are so oblivious to the way you feel about each other. Somebody had to get you two kids together," she said.
I furrowed my brows in confusion. "And you did that by asking me out?" I questioned.
"Riley liked you, but she was always too scared to go after you. I needed to push her, and maybe I needed to push myself, too. To see if what I felt for Missy was real," she said.
I paused thoughtfully. "And was it?" I finally asked.
"When I was with you, all I could think about was her. But it doesn't even matter now. It's over," she muttered.
"How could you love someone and let it be over, just like that?"
She ran a hand through her blonde hair. "Missy wanted so much more from me, but I couldn't give it to her. I wasn't ready to out myself yet. I liked the sneaking around ─ I felt safe knowing that my relationship with her was a secret only we knew. But she kept pushing me, telling me that she hated having to hide us. She wanted everyone to know. I told her I didn't want to and so she thought all I cared about was my reputation. But that wasn't true. I wasn't scared of admitting myself to others, I was scared of admitting it to myself.
"And─ I don't know. I guess things got complicated. We argued for hours about it and realized that we were a lost cause. We both want different things from the relationship and can't compromise. So it's over. The funny thing is, she told me we brought out the worst in each other, but she actually brought out the best in me," she uttered.
I pondered for a moment. "So you're going to drop everything, just like that? If she brought out the best in you, and if you love her, shouldn't you fight for her? Maya, you deserve to be happy and she makes you happy. It doesn't matter that you two fought, or that right now you're finding it hard to compromise for each other. Love takes time. And I know you'll regret it if you do nothing. Trust me," I said.
Maya smiled, then suddenly stood up, her blonde locks bouncing with her. I silently laughed at the thought of myself once swooning over Maya's hair, and the way it would bounce in its structured gold curls. I had come a long way since then.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
Her smile only grew wider. "I'm fighting for my happiness," she said with simple directness. She walked towards the door, grasping onto the handle before she faced me again. "Hey, Huckleberry?"
"Yeah?" I responded.
"I'm meeting Riley right here in a couple of hours. So if you're still around ..." she trailed off, a suggestive smirk playing on her face. "Just something to keep in mind."
. . .
The coffee had gone cold by the time the waitress asked if she could collect my cup. I nodded politely at her, allowing her to place it on her tray as she walked past me.
What was I still doing here? It was well into the evening and I had been here since morning. I sighed, running a nervous hand through my hair as my knee bounced up and down in agitation. Despite my reluctance to admit it, I knew exactly why I hadn't left yet. But there would be no point. Riley probably wouldn't even want to speak to me.
I stood up, quickly speed walking toward the door before I allowed myself to think any further on this. It was a dangerous thing, allowing your heart to overrule your mind.
Stepping outside once I opened the glass door, I felt the breeze on my face as I shoved both hands into my pockets. I don't know why, but I lingered for a moment longer at the door. Perhaps because a part of me hoped she'd be here by now.
I sighed, shaking my head. "So stupid," I muttered to myself under my breath, lowering my head as I walked away. Suddenly, my shoulder met with another, the slightly rough collision eliciting an: "Ow!" from the other figure. We turned around at the same time, and of course. It was Riley.
"Lucas," she breathed.
Maya smiled pleasingly from behind Riley. "Well, would you look at that. You're still here," she playfully said.
Ignoring her, I was still looking at Riley. "I need to talk to you," I blurted out.
Riley narrowed her eyes at me. She turned around, lightly tugging Maya on the wrist as she said, "Let's go somewhere else, Maya."
Maya looked at her sternly. "I think you should hear what Lucas has to say," she whispered, just loudly enough for me to listen. She grabbed Riley's hands, comfortably interlacing her fingers through Riley's before she dropped them and walked inside. Riley turned around and glanced at me.
"Riley, I─"
"I'm really tired of fighting with you," she uttered, interjecting me.
"That's why I need to explain things," I said.
She shook her head lightly, almost painfully. "Even if you do, I just won't─ I won't be able to forgive you. You hurt me, Lucas. And I think I even hurt you too. Look, I'm sorry ... but at the same time, I'm not."
I stepped closer to her, the words almost spilling out of my mouth immediately. "You know what? I'm not sorry either. I'm not sorry for the way we met, as terrible as my intentions may have been. I'm not sorry that I got to know you and that I began to care for you. And I'm not sorry that you cared for me, too. I'm not sorry how we constantly hurt each other, because it made me realize your feelings are the only thing I care about. I know we're broken beyond repair but I'm not sorry for wanting to fix us," I said, feeling my chest rise and fall at uneven paces. I could see hers was, too.
"I can't─"
I exasperatingly groaned, cutting her off as my impatience grew. "I know I have been nothing but horrible to you, and I have made decisions that I regret deeply. But there was a reason for all of this. There was a reason why I was as naive and vain and selfish and ignorant as I was. You're my reason, Riley. You taught me everything. Isn't that supposed to mean something?"
She shook her head again, and she almost seemed disappointed that she had done so. "I can't trust you," she said quietly. "I want to, but it doesn't work that way. How could I possible look at you everyday knowing that once, you were in love with my best friend? That you were willing to use me so you could be with her?" She sighed, rubbing her fingers over her necklace. Old habits never died young.
"I'm begging you, Riley─"
"You just don't get it, do you?!" she suddenly shouted, alarming nearby people at their tables. She lowered her voice once she realized. "You don't think that if I could, I wouldn't want to be with you? This past year has been the best year of my life and it has also been the worst. And strangely enough, you're the reason for both of them. I can't think of a future where I'll ever be able to forget this."
"But─ I love you," I whispered, with a tone that sounded like exhaustion and pleading and finality. "Is that not enough?"
She took a step forward. "If you had asked me this a few months ago, yes, it would've been enough. God, it would've been more than enough," she breathed.
"And now?" I hesitantly asked, not expecting an answer from her. We both knew what she was going to say. I swallowed back the lump in my throat as she reached out both her arms, wrapping them lightly around my neck. The hug seemed oddly intimate.
She sighed, and I felt the hot air from her breath as she spoke into my shoulder. "Lucas, don't get caught up in whatever young, teenage thing this is ─ it'll be no comparison to when you find the real thing. And when you do, you'll look back and wonder why you even bothered to fight for someone like me. So please don't. The entire universe is yours, Lucas! You have all of it waiting for you beyond me." She detached herself from our embrace and my body already felt cold from our lack of contact.
"But I don't want the entire universe, Riley. I want you," I said.
Her eyes widened for a slight moment, my comment catching her off guard. "I'm sorry," she said, and then she turned around and walked inside.
. . .
I woke up to the sound of a loud knock at my door. I opened my eyes, the sun piercing through the closed curtains as I readjusted to the bright light. I forced myself out of bed and stumbled into the hallway, towards the front door.
What time was it? I groaned at the thought of having to speak to anyone this early in the morning, but that's what happens when you're always home alone. I swung the door open, and standing there on my front porch was Farkle.
"Geez, Lucas. You look terrible. It looks like you just got out of bed or something," he immediately remarked, stunned as he looked at me.
"I did just get out of bed," I said, somewhat in annoyance.
He widened his eyes incredulously. "You do know it's four in the afternoon, right?" he asked.
Four in the afternoon? Had I been asleep that long? It couldn't be. I hadn't even gone to bed that late last night. After my terrible encounter at Topanga's, I walked home, had dinner, and went to bed at 1am.
"Wow, your talk with Riley went that bad, huh?" he observed, almost as if he could read my mind.
"How'd you know we talked?" I asked.
Farkle ignored me, pushing past me as he made his way into my hallway. "Okay, sure, just come into my house," I mumbled sarcastically, reluctantly following him into my kitchen.
He sat on one of the stools at my countertop, elbows leaning on the marble coating of the counter. "Riley told me you two talked last night. She didn't tell me what was said, but judging by your state, I'm assuming it didn't go well," he said.
"Yeah, clearly it didn't," I snarled harshly. His eyes narrowed at me defensively, and I sighed. "Farkle, what are you even doing here? Are you here to tell me off again? Because I already know. Riley doesn't want me in her life and I'm done trying to fight for her when she keeps pushing me away! I'm done. So there, I promise I won't hurt her. I won't even be in her life to be able to hurt her," I muttered.
Farkle sighed loudly, lifting his elbows and leaning back on the stool. "You're an idiot, Lucas. If there's one thing I can absolutely say, it's that you're an idiot. But you love her. I know you love her and I can't believe I'm saying this, but you have to fight for her."
I stared at him incredulously. "But ... but," I sputtered. "But you were right. I hurt her so much. And the worst part was, I knew I was doing it. Sometimes I actually meant to hurt her and I knew it was the wrong thing to do but I just couldn't stop. Do you know how much I hate myself for that?" I said.
"Probably no more than I hate you for it," he commented lowly.
I sighed. "Look, I can't be with Riley. And I don't want to, especially if it means that I'm hurting you. I would never want to hurt you, Farkle," I breathed.
"Don't say that. You've already hurt me," he pressed, sternly glaring at me. His harsh features softened as he changed his tone. "But we're best friends, and best friends always forgive each other. And we also know what's good for the other person. And I know for a fact, that Riley is good for you. You two belong together. I'm not going to get in the way of your relationship with her."
"Why? Why are you doing this for me?" I asked.
"Best friends don't take from best friends," he said matter-of-factly, almost as if it was as simple as that.
"But she isn't mine to be taken from. I don't deserve her! Don't you remember when I was a total jackass to her, you were the only one who called me out for it? You were always there to protect her. You warned me off her because I would break her, and I didn't listen. And now here she is, broken because of me, and I don't think I can ever forgive myself for that. That's why you deserve her. Please don't give up on the love of your life because of the stupid mistakes that I did," I said.
He shook his head. "If our friendship means as much to you as it does to me, then you know that I'll be fine. I know you'd do the same for me," he spoke calmly.
"But I am doing the same for you. I'm giving Riley up! You're perfect for her and she's perfect for you. And I'm sorry it's taken me this long to finally realize it," I said with a quiet voice.
He let out a breathless, humorless laugh. "Even if I am perfect for her, she'll never love me the way she loves you. That's just a fact. And I'm tired of pining after a girl who will never love me, aren't you?" he asked, a hint of playful sarcasm in his tone.
I laughed, understanding what he had meant. "Yeah, I guess I am," I chuckled. "So what about you and Smackle?" I inquired suddenly.
"We had a long talk. She was never mad at me or Riley, but she said she needed someone to blame. Everything's all in the past now. Some part of me thought maybe we could start over again, but she's changed, and I've changed too. We're not the same people we used to be and it just wasn't enough to be able to go back to where we once were," he explained.
"And here I was now beginning to wrap my head around the idea of change actually being a good thing," I said.
"Nothing is ever inherently good or bad," Farkle muttered. "It's up to you, and how you interpret the situation. That's what makes a difference."
I found myself genuinely smiling at him. He was, after all, my best friend, and even though we had our disagreements, I couldn't have loved him any less.
"I hope you find happiness, Farkle. No matter if it is with somebody or just with yourself, I hope you get to a point in life where you're truly happy," I said, and I smiled at him, knowing I had meant it.
"Thanks, Lucas," he replied. "You know, your compassion seems oddly familiar. Riley's changed you. Whether or not she wants to believe it, and whether or not you want to believe it, you're a better person because of her. And that's why she's good for you. And that's why you deserve her."
"Riley is ... well, Riley is Riley." I didn't know what else to say.
"Yeah," he said, chuckling lowly to himself. "It's all she's ever known to be. She is the best version of herself; the best version of everyone. Riley is Riley. You're right."
. . .
a few weeks later
The moment we threw our graduation hats in the air, it was as if all of time had slowed down. And as I looked around at the people surrounding me, all smiling and cheering, I couldn't help but feel sadness. I had spent the past few years getting to know these people, and after this, I probably would never see more than half of them ever again. And that meant I probably would never see Riley.
I spun my head around frantically, trying to locate her out of the crowd of high schoolers. But I couldn't find her. And perhaps it was better this way. Because even if I did find her, what would I say? There was nothing left between us ─ no more unspoken words to say. We were practically reduced to nothing.
And now, suddenly, all of time sped up and one moment I was laughing with my friends in our graduation gowns and the next it was over and I was in my car, aimlessly driving down the highway.
I thought about all Farkle had said. He told me to fight for her, but how could I do that if she didn't want to be fought for? Was I just supposed to somehow persuade her? Farkle made it sound easier than it actually was.
But then I thought about what I had told Maya. I said love wasn't supposed to be easy, but that's what makes fighting for it so much more worth it. I didn't even know if that was true. After all, I didn't have much experience when it came to love, but I had just told her what I felt was right in that moment.
What I felt was right in that moment.
I abruptly swerved into a different lane, turning my car back around the road. I didn't really know what I was doing, nor why I was doing it, but in this moment, it was what I felt was right. I found myself smiling as I continued to drive down the highway to one destination and one destination only. Riley.
. . .
I hadn't really thought about how I was going to approach the situation by the time I pulled up outside her apartment. Knocking on her front door certainly wasn't a viable option, so I opted for a less conventional approach: climbing through her window.
I had done it many times before, but that was when we were friends. And now ... I didn't even know what we were. I peered around the side to check if she had come home from our graduation, and surely enough, her car was parked in the lot.
After climbing the fire escape and reaching her apartment floor level, I briefly peered through the glassed frame, raising my hand to knock on the glass when I finally noticed her through the window. And she wasn't alone.
She was sitting on her bed, joined by Maya, Missy, and surprisingly, Farkle was there too. They were all still in their graduation gowns, laughing over something Maya had said, I presumed. I noticed Maya and Missy were holding hands, and smiled reflexively at the sight. Maya fought for her happiness, and she actually got it.
Which meant maybe I could, too.
My hand, still suspended in the air, quietly tapped on the window once, but I stopped immediately once my eyes glanced over at Riley again, and I truly saw her; not for the girl who I thought she was, but for the girl she really was.
She was the Riley I saw before I had came into her life and indefinitely screwed it up. She was klutzy and loud and giggling and glowing with absolute beauty. She was surrounded by the people who she loved, and who loved her equally as much. But most importantly, she was herself. And that was something I hadn't seen in a long time.
You see, change was good. I had learnt that the hard way. But sometimes, staying exactly the same was good as well. Some things didn't have to change. Sometimes, people were amazing just the way they are.
Riley had came into my life, and she had changed me. And I feared if I spent any longer in hers, I would change her. And I didn't want Riley Matthews to change.
Perhaps I had to keep my distance. Just for now, anyway. And as I stepped back from her window, I realized just how flawed my fool proof plan really was. I guess I was never meant to get the girl, anyway. But that was okay. As long as Riley was herself, everything would be okay.
. . .
no sequel :(
i was very conflicted about the ending of this book ─ believe me, i wanted to give my two smol children a happy ending. but i started this book when i was young and dumb and i realized that i had unintentionally made lucas a very problematic character, so i didn't want this book to follow the trope of "bad boy is rude to the girl but eventually wins her heart in the end!1!1!!" lol love me or hate me for it, i don't mind.
anyway, i love y'all. always. also, check out my two other books, missed call and jessie's girl because i adore them both. and yes, this is a shameless promo.
much love, anna