Owens p.o.v
I dug the razor across my wrist, then across again. They were turning red, causing little bumps across my arm, were little incisions hide themselves
I dont feel anything at all, its to numb.
Im to numb.
I feel like an empty vessel--Im trapped in my body with no reactions to anything in particular.
Like Im in a comma, but I can see.
Again, and again I sliced my wrists, till they were slightly bloody, cut up and raw. I was alone; forever alone.
Sitting on the bathroom floor, in the corner near the toilet, door shut. Razor tightly held in my hands, trying to cut away and memory I have of Tyler.
No love.
Tears feel down my cheeks, as I sniffled. The salty tears getting into my open cuts. They stung, but nothing what I couldnt handle.
It doesnt even feel like when Sean gave me that letter, no. It felt much worse. Think of the most sever pain you have ever had, times like one thousand. Thats how I feel right now.
Maybe its because I was to ugly, maybe its because I have no muscles, maybe its because Im deaf, and unstable, maybe because Im a boy.
Dragging the razor, pointing it deeper in to my skin, I cut it again. Making me inhale a some breath. That hurt; I smiled when more blood poured out of my arm, and onto the floor. Im going to have to clean this, I frowned at the thought.
Getting up, I wobbled, but hunched over. Pointing my finger, the red liquid rolling off and into the toilet. My head snapped to the side when the bathroom door opened, standing there was a shocked mother. She raced towards me, holding my arm. Dropping everything, including her phone. She rushed forward with a towel and quickly knotted it over my arm.
Her eyes glistening with unused tears. My heart clenched. And I started to cry... Again.
Im sorry, I apologized to her in my head. I slithered down the wall, wrapping one arm around me, crying. My mom had to pull me up, and set me on the covered toilet. She took some soap, and started to rinse my cuts as I hid my razor in my pocket. Im not going to loose that too.
My new sense of happiness.
She held me in her arms, hugging me on the couch, my arm was wrapped but I was still numb.
'What happened sweety?' she signed, wiping her eyes and then wiping my cheeks.
“Hes gone” I sobbed, still hugging her. “Hes gone, hes gone, hes gone”
My mom pulled me back, giving me a look. Tyler, Tyler, Tylers gone. I said to myself, crying. She caught on quickly, and ran to the house phone. I could see her lips move, something like 'Im going to kill him'
But I couldnt let that happen, I dont want to seem weak. So I got up and shook my head, making me dizzy. 'You cant, no, please' I signed to her, she gave me a weird look.
But really, it doesnt matter, as long as hes happy. I dont care. He can live his life with a girl, I just wish he didnt steal my heart. And rip it to pieces making me feel like shit, I dont think Ill ever be able to get over him. My first boyfriend, Tyler Williams.
She shook her head and sighed. Pulling me up, and sitting me in the kitchen chair, leaving, then coming back with food.
My stomach churned at the site, I was hungry... But at the same time I wasnt. My stomach was telling me to eat, my brain, not so much. I found it revolting in my eyes, like if I ate it, I was selfish and I would puke it all out.
With that decision made, I pushed it away, 'Im not hungry' I told her.
I seen her frown before I walked to the stairs, climbed them. And laid on my bed.
I wish tomorrow everything will be better. I wish I dont have to see Tyler again, I wish it would just go back to the way it was.
Tears poured out of my eyes, as I curled up in a ball and clenched my eyes closed.
[~*~Next Day~*~]
My whole body was sore, and aching. My head was pounding, and I was cold. My nose stuffy—hell I couldnt eve breath in through it— I swear, its like Im dying.
Hauling myself off my bed, I slumped down the hall, holding my head, cause a headache was being born.
I didnt bother with the shower, because it wouldnt help how I look, because I look like a corpse, I do indeed. My hair was sticking up in every direction my eyes had big blue circles around them, and were slightly puffy and red, my cheeks stained with old tears and I was a little pale.
Rinsing my face with water, it felt so good. And did make me look maybe five percent better.
My clothes for today would mimic my mood.
Gray, and black—sad and empty.
Grabbing my empty bag. I walked down the stairs, and gave my mom a small smile. Then went to the door, walking to school.
Tylers p.o.v
My heart ached as I saw Owen come through the school doors. He was dressed in shades; black and gray.
"See, I told you, you werent a fag" Shannon, my 'girlfriend' for two days. I could feel my eye twitch as she said 'fag'
"Thank the lord!" Joe piped in, I turned my head, and did a weak smile.
"Oh, ew. Queer alert!" she yelled across the hall, to Owen, even though he couldnt hear her. But it caused her and Joe to burst out laughing. Me on the other hand, just watched Owen, Sean was walking towards him and the slammed his shoulder into Owens, who fell on his back, letting me see his face.
I winced at how he looked, he looked... Dead. He had dark circles under his beautiful pale brown eyes. His hair was all messy and knotted, his head was low, and he was a sicky pale.
"Got what he deserved" Shannon muttered to herself, dragging me to her locker .
Looking at Shannon, I thought. Shes a total bitch, she isnt even classy, shes a whore, shes a girl. She has boobs, and a vagina, I dont like that. No. I like flat chested guys, no... I like a flat chested boy, Owen.
Whos broken hearted because of me and my selfishness, and me not being able to stand up to what I want, and love. My parents, I dont talk to them. I dont even stay in the same room as them. I go out and eat. And I hide up in my room with the door closed, and locked every day. My mom has once tried to come in, but I didnt even respond. She and dad tried to bribe me, but what they said to Owen, Im never going to forgive them, there dirty, filthy, people that should go to hell.
But the thing that pisses me off the most is my mom, she cant even accept the fact that her son, I was in her for nine damn months, I was a part of her. Ive been doing everything for them—for her. Ive stayed in school, planned to go to college, kept my grades up.
Every. Fucking. Thing.
I was snapped out of my thoughts when a sticky lips met mine, Shannon.
You slut.
"Babe" she pouted, I looked at her, "Why do you always space out on me... Its like your thinking about that gay slut" she pouted, her fake lip poking out.
"Yah, about how disgusting he was" I grumbled, mentally punching myself for saying those things about Owen.
"That little greaser" she spat. She looked up at me, her boobs pressing against my chest. "What to go to the library?" She asked 'suductivly', pushing herself against me more.
Gag.
Mentally rolling my eyes, I smirked and nodded. I hope I go to hell.
She smiled, intertwined our fingers, making me go sad. They didnt fit worth shit, unlike Owens who were perfectly made for mine.
She pushed open the doors, walking in before me. Then I walked in, she walked to the back, were nobody ever went. She got me here before, she tried to actually have sex. And she couldnt even get me up, and we were kissing, Owen could get me up when we were just kissing, I wont even explain, or I will go up, and she will think its cause of her and like rape me.
I was pushed back against the shelves and she attacked me, her lips sucking mine off my face, she grounded herself against me, which didnt even give me a spark.
I tried to kiss back, but it was just to sloppy, gross, and she tasted like cheap ass lip gloss.
She slithered her hand down my body, making me flinch. I jumped when she cupped my mini me, and squished them. Does she not have any self respect?
Her hands went up my shirt, and touched me. It was just revolting. Lemme tell you that. She lowered them to my belt, and started to un-do them. I grabbed her hands trying to stop her, only receiving a growl.
"Shannon, stop" I said, pulling away.
"What?" She pouted, using her big blue contacted eyes. "You never stopped me before" she deadpanned.
"In a library?" I said, trying to buy time, I hope a teacher comes, I prayed.
"But we did it in at your house. Come on just one more" she pleaded.
Ok... We didnt do it, I just let her give me head, and I didnt want to..... I swear to god, my dad was watching, or spying on me through the door of my room. So I had to fake moans, it was just so bad. She was bad which is an understate meant. She was horrible, not bad.
She even tried to make me have sex. Like, what the hell is wrong with this girl. "Shannon, stop. Were in school, thats just wrong" I scolded her.
"But Tywer" She pouted, my heart beat stopped at how she said my name, thats how Owen used to say it. Tywer.
His voice was always music to my voice, something I wish I could hear everyday of my laugh. But I wont be able to no more, because I broke his heart. Ive hurt him so bad when I told him I wouldnt.
God, Im so sorry Owen,
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Enjoy ~!