I'm starting Twilight drama between Adam and Jay >.<
I love all the feedback, and you're comments are awesome so please keep them coming :D
I have a question for my loyal readers.
Do you guys like the direction the story is going? Answer honestly, thanks.
So yeah not much to say, but KEEP VOTING!!!!
Actually that's a lie. I have a new book planned out and on Friday I'll be posting the teaser! It's based on a true story of someone I know, but you won't know who until the end. So be sure to check it out. Here's a hint, and this is for all of you who missed my comment earlier, the title is 'Mimic'.
Enjoy.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
BLAIRS POV
"I'm fucking sorry Blair. I don't know what I was thinking." Jay said beside me.
"Don't be sorry. I mean, shitty he saw what happened, but honestly I don't regret it." I said.
I can't believe that just happened. I don't even know if I'm completely over Adam and the voice in my head is telling me I had to go talk to him, but I would have to wait until after school. I didn't want my father getting angry with me again.
"Still though I shouldn't have done that. You're confused enough as it is, and I just made things a lot worse for you." He said looking guilty.
After he said that the tarty bell rang and we went inside the classroom. The more I thought about what had happened the more I wanted to see Adam and let him know my side of things. What he saw looked really fucking bad and he probably assumes that's what I've been doing this whole time when I haven't. I know I have feelings for Jay, but it's not like my feeling for Adam could just disappear over night, right?
Maybe I just missed him and aimed my feelings towards Jay. Maybe not being around him as much made me vulnerable and confused with my feelings.
Whatever the reason I needed to see him as soon as I could. The rest of the day went by dreadfully slow. I couldn't concentrate on anything and I wish my phone was charged so I could at least text or call him. It was the end of the day and I was waiting in the front by Jays motorcycle.
"Blair what the fuck is going on?" Ryan said as he walked up to me.
"Hey Ryan." I said squinting because the sun was in my eyes.
"Answer me dude. Adam is really messed up right now. He keeps saying that you betrayed him. What happened? He was perfectly fine when I saw him this morning before school."
"He... he saw me kissing Jay then kind of flipped out." I said.
"What's wrong with you?" He said as he looked at me with a disgusted face.
I just crossed my arms and prayed that Jay arrived soon. I didn't want to loose Ryan as a friend so I hope he'll just let me explain and not just ignore me.
"Look Ryan there's a lot more going on than just that."
"So let me get this straight. You had Adam go through hell with that dumb bitch so he could be with you and a couple of days into it you're kissing another guy? Anything I'm missing?"
"No, but..."
"But nothing Blair. Adam has been nothing but good to you and this is how you repay him? Seriously?"
"There a problem here?" Jay asked walking up behind Ryan.
"I hope you're happy with yourself." Ryan said as tears collected in my eyes then he walked away.
It was then that I realized I was being completely and utterly selfish. How could I do this to Adam? After all that we have been through and everything he has done for me. The least I could have done was be honest with him so he didn't get hurt. He sacrificed a lot for me, and I repay him by hanging out with someone I might, well do, have feelings for. I should have tried to avoid this from the begining, but instead I led him on thinking my feelings where still the same.
"Blair, everything ok?" Jay asked as he got closer to me.
"Can you just take me to Adams. I need to sort this shit all out." I said wiping away stray tears.
"Yeah sure. Where does he live?"
"Across the street from my house." I said as I got onto his bike after him.
He started the bike and made his way towards Adams house. I saw his car in front and I was relieved. Jay parked in the street then helped me off.
"So call me if you'd like. Just know that no matter what happens everything will be ok." He said as he ruffled his hair after taking off his helmet.
"Yeah I will. I just need to talk to him about everything." I said then leaned forwardand pecked him quickly on the lips.
He smiled then put his helmet back on. "Later Blair." He said through the plastic that covered his face.
I nodded then turned to walk towards Adams house. I rang his door bell, but he didn't answer after about two minutes. I kept ringing it, but nothing. I took a chance and turned the knob. I was surprised to see it unlocked, but invited myself it because it still felt as though I lived here. I walked through the first floor to the stairs.
"Adam?!" I yelled, but got no answer.
After seeing the house so many memories came flooding back.
Adam and I playing hide and seek, us baking and throwing food in the kitchen, us kissing forever on the couch without a care in the world. Everything that felt right with him came back to me. I walked up the stairs and towards his room. The door was slightly open so I peaked through and saw Adam laying face down on his bed.
"Adam?" I said quietly.
"Go away." He said angrily.
"No Adam. We need to talk. Please."
He sat up and stared at me with red eyes. "Ok lets talk. Lets talk about how you made me go back out with Mandy even when I didn't want to.
"Ad-"
"Lets talk about how I let you stay in my house then you moved out when it obviously hurt me.
"Lo-"
"Lets talk about how you fucked me over and kissed that guy! A guy, may I add, you just met, what? Three days ago. Lets talk about how you made me look like a fucking dumb ass for trusting you!"
"Adam dammit listen to me!!" I yelled finally getting a word in. "How am I supposed to talk when you keep interupting?"
He stayed quiet and I continued to talk. "Look, yes what I did was fucking shitty, but that was the first time anything happened, I swear."
"Didn't look like the first time." He said rolling his eyes.
"Well it was. I'm just really confused right now, ok?"
"Confused about what Blair? A couple of days ago you were fine, we were fine. Then you meet Jay and completely forget about me. It's pretty fucking simple."
"No it's not. When I first met Jay we were strictly friends, but then I got to know him."
"Spare me the details and go off with your new toy. I'm done with this."
"So you're not going to even try? I still love you Adam, but I couldn't help but feel like I was jumping the gun. You're my first boyfriend, the first guy I ever had feelings for, first everything." I said walking closer to him. "Jay was just something different in my life. He understands me in way you won't ever get. And I missed you so fucking much. I don't know if I like him because I missed you or because I really do like him."
"So you love me, but still want to be with him?"
"Yes I still love you Adam, and I don't know what I want. That's what I'm trying to figure out."
"Prove it then." He said standing up.
"Prove what?"
"That you still love me."
Slowly he leaned in and I closed my eyes out of habit. I felt his breath hit my mouth and his scent filled my nose. His soft lips started to touch mine, and I parted my mouth getting ready for what was about to happen next. So many emotions were running through me, happiness, anxiety, confusion, but once he grabbed the sides of my neck with both of his hands, all of them disappeared and longing took hold of me. His mouth met mine and at first it was slow and savory then he slid his tongue over my lips and plunged into my mouth. My tongue met his and his familiar taste brought my taste buds to life. Everything about this felt right, but something was missing. Something that was there before, but no longer was.
I ignored the feeling, and wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me. All this time apart had made me forget how he made me feel. The warmth of his arms felt like home, his scent was intoxicating, and the way his lips felt on mine was blissful, but I couldn't help myself when I compared it to Jay. Jay was exhilarating, and nothing I've experienced before while Adam was familiar and comfortable. Jay made me feel normal, and ok with myself while Adam was always there, but tried to fix me even when I didn't think I was broken.
We pulled away panting and put our foreheads together. If anything this kiss confused me more. I know I should be with Adam. He's my first love, my best friend, but I always felt the need to hide myself from him. I couldn't be me because I was afraid he wouldn't love me anymore. I caused way too much drama for him, and it seemed like every time we got better something would bring us down. With Jay I felt accepted. He knows me and we have connected on so many levels and I just want to get to know him better before I let him go, if I let him go. Jay keeps me wanting more, and makes me feel alive while with Adam I feel boring and that we've been married for twenty years. Both of them have the positives, but it seems like Adam is the one with the negatives.
Maybe I just haven't known Jay long enough for there to be any negatives, but what could there be? He's care free, fun to be around, and doesn't have drama surrounding him. Yeah he does drugs, but he seems to have them under control. I have a feeling that if I chose Adam right this second I would always think 'what if' for the rest of my life.
What if I didn't make the right choice? What if Adam wasn't the one for me? What if I missed out on this opportunity to be one hundred percent happy, and passed up on it because I settled. But is settling such a bad thing? With Adam I'm set. I have a guy who loves me and cares about me, but would that ever fade for him like it did for me? If Ididn't settle and went with Jay, I'll experience more in life. He'll love the same exact things I do, and with him I could be myself without him trying to change me. Jay makes me feel like there's more to me than just a helpless girl who has been abused by her father and lost her mother while with Adam he treated me as if I would break if you breathed on me wrong.
It's times like these that I wished my mother was still around to give me advice. I needed someone to understand both sides, and give me a good honest opinion. I can't think about that right now though. She is gone, and I have to do things how I feel I need to do them. I wasn't going to settle. I wanted to know, without a doubt, that I want to be with Adam. No 'what if's, or doubts. Also, what about Jay? It's crazy to think that I've only known him for a couple of days, but is it any different than how Adam and I started dating? He understands me, and doesn't judge the things that I do.
He knows what it's like to go through what I do, and I know for a fact that I do like him. In order for me to move on I need to know if they are real, or if they were just bundled up emotions meant for Adam.
"You ok?" Adam asked breaking me out of my mental debate.
"Yeah I'm fine Adam. Look, I know that I love you, but I need to do what I have to do. I would understand if you didn't want to wait, but I need to know for sure that this is what I want. I'm sorry, but....but I can't live my life hiding anymore. This is how I feel so let me do this."
"B..." He said then sighed. "I won't wait forever and I'm still fucking pissed as shit about what happened earlier, but I don't want you to be with me because you feel like you have to." He said then dropped his arms.
"What happens with us?" I asked quietly.
"Until you can make up your mind; we are no longer together. I'm still going to try to win your heart though Blair. I'm not just giving up." He said then sat down on his bed looking real upset.
"I'm so sorry Adam. I just don't want to feel like I made a mistake. Either you, or him, I need to know for sure."
"Well I hope it's me."
After he said that the room fell silent. I couldn't even hear him breathing. I hated doing this to him, but I needed to know. For too long have I been unhappy with my life. One of the things I can control are the ones I choose to be around and keep around that make me happy. I love Adam, I do, but in the back of my mind a little voice keeps telling me to not let go of Jay just yet.
"I'm gunna go. I have homework, and shit to do at home. I'll see you around then?"
"Yeah, see ya." He said then laid back down on his bed.
I let myself out of his house and walked towards mine. No more confusion, well, not as much confusion. From here on out I was going to do things that made me happy. And right now Jay made me happy.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
ADAMS POV
A little while after I talked with Blair I heard a motorcycle revving it's engine outside. I walked to my window and peered down to the street then saw Blair get on the back of Jays bike.
Jay, that motherfucker. I wish I could kick his ass until he was black and blue all over, but it's not his fault how Blair feels. When I heard her come into the house I thought we were either going to get back together, or break up. I never thought that she would ask me to wait for her while she made up her mind about Jay. Did I make the right decision on telling her that I'll wait? Should I even wait? What the fuck is going to happen to me in the end if she picks him? Would I just get tossed to the side or will we be able to still be friends? I'm pretty sure being friends with her would be more painful than not seeing her at all.
This is the last time though. The last time I try to get through to her. Maybe it was the drugs that clouded her mind. It still pisses me off how someone she's known for a couple of days could get the girl that I love. It's not like the dude knows her that well. He could but if I couldn't get Blair to be honest with me, how could she be honest with him? He did say in the hallway that he knew a lot more than I thought.
I just wish I could turn my emotions off for a while. Seeing her kissing someone else was like a stab to my heart. It made me nauseous knowing that his tongue was where mine used to be. What am I thinking? I need to stop before I drive myself insane. I called Garret hoping that he could give me some advice on how I should deal with this whole situation since he's the voice of reason in our group.
"What's up Adam?" He said when he picked up.
"Hey man, I need some help."
"Let me guess. You saw Blair kissing another guy. She went to your house asking for time to sort out her feelings, and you said yes. So I'm guessing that now you actually thought about it, and doubt what you said."
"Umm yeah actually.... what the fuck dude?"
"I just got off the phone with Blair. That girls life is more confusing than a Rubiks Cube."
I laughed humorlessly then replied. "Yah I know what you mean. Why did she call you?"
"To talk. She needed someone who could give her an unbiased opinion with some things."
"But you're my friend, how could you be unbiased?" I asked.
"I can turn my emotions off, and see both sides as if I don't know the person involved."
"You are so weird sometimes Garret." I said sighing. "Anyway, what did she say?"
"Nuh uh, no can do buddy. I'm not getting involved with that drama. You're just going to have to wait since that's what you decided."
"Well, could you tell me what advice you gave her after hearing everything?"
He sighed then was silent for a couple of seconds. "I told her to do what made her happy and not to do something that she doesn't want to just because it'll make the other person happy. I also said for her to stop over thinking everything, and to go with her heart."
If he had told her that, why was she leaving with Jay?
Was I fighting in a fight I had already lost?