Please point out any mistake you might find while reading so I can fix them.
Don't forget to vote and comment to let me know what you think! :)
Happy Reading!
13
John Lee braces himself above his wife, slowly sinking into her warmth, and savoring its wetness. He needs this release after having nothing but solo hand jobs for the past few months. Their sex lives had all but vanished after the break in, partly because of Sally having to sleep in their bed, but things are finally starting to turn around for them, so he had to get while the getting is good.
It doesn't take long for the bottle of wine to disappear between the two of them and before he knew it their clothes are cast to the floor and they're in each other's arms, soaking in a bubble bath, and enjoying each other's company. When the last of the bubbles slipped down the drain they found their way to their bed and the rest is history.
He nuzzles her neck, nipping at her pale skin and he sighs as her muscles clench around him.
Oh, God, do I need this. He thinks as he slides back, only to thrust deeper into her. Her legs clamp around his waist and she pulls him into a kiss as his hips continue to grind against her. Each thrust comes in harder than the next, making him that much closer to ecstasy but he's afraid it'll end too soon so he toys with her. Pumping fast, watching as her face contorts with pleasure and listens to her moan beneath him only to slow to a near stop before pulling out all together.
"Get on top," he says breathlessly and rolls to his back. Without a word she complies, straddling his hips she slowly sinks down onto his shaft and starts to rocks against him with the help of his guiding hands. He lets out a low moan and watches her breasts jerk with movement. Her moans grow more intense and her muscles contract around him as she teeters on the edge of orgasm.
"Don't stop." He grunts as she moves faster, throwing her head back she closes her eyes and cries out as she gives into her orgasm. Her muscles spasm around him and he quickly follows suit.
A loud crash echoes in the hallway and Sally's voice quickly follows, "MOMMY!" she shrieks.
"Oh, fuck!" he shouts. His orgasm is wasted on the sheets as he rolls to his side at the sudden noise and his wife nearly falls to the floor with his hurried movement.
Words: 405
Question time:
Please be as honest as you can so I can improve my story. If something sucks I'd rather hear the truth. Also answer with inline comments so I can easily go through them and know which answer goes to what.
What do you honestly think of this chapter as a whole?
Did the chapter hold your interest until the very end?
In your opinion what can make this chapter better? Examples?
What did you like most about this chapter and why?
Where there any boring, annoying, or frustrating parts? If so what parts and why?
Does anything seem unclear/confusing with the setting, character description, emotion? Examples?
Does the opening hook you as a reader?
Does the ending make you want to keep reading?
What do you think will happen next?
Was the dialogue believable and natural?
Did you notice any obvious, repeating grammatical, spelling, punctuation or capitalization errors? Examples?
Is the pace too fast, too slow or just right?
Is there enough or too much description in this chapter? Examples?
Was the chapter length good?
How would you rate this chapter? Scale of 1-10
As always, any and all feedback is welcome and highly appreciated, so thank you so so much for all of it! Also, don't forget to follow me, add the book to your shelve so you can keep up to date and show the book some love by giving it a vote. :0)