Ashton didn't look at me. He stared down at his shaking hands, sniffling obvious tears every couple of seconds. I didn't know what to say, so I just stared at him, my mouth agape.
What the fuck did I just listen to? That can't be true, it just can't be. Jessie was one of the sweetest people I've ever met...It just..it can't be.
But, by the Ashton sat there, almost too ashamed to look me in the eyes, and the way I could tell he was on the verge of sobbing, I knew it was all fucking true. It was allso very, fucking true, and I wanted to throw up at how fucked up that is.
"I..." My voice trailed off for a little. "Ashton-"
Before I could finish whatever was coming out of my mouth, Ashton's head shot up, his glossy eyes piercing into me. Tears were streaming down his face and I was starting to feel even more sick my stomach.
"You know not everything bad that happens to people is my fault." was all he said. His voice was quiet, yet there was so much emotion in his few words that made my heart break. I knew exactly who and what he was thinking about, and it wasn't just Jessie. My heart was fastly breaking with each second that passed. Ashton was shaking and breathing inbetween little sobs, and i didn't know what to do.
So, I just looked at him and opened my arms for him. He instantly let out a cry and crashed into my body, burying his face in the crook of my neck. I was utterly surprised at this, because I've never seen Ashton so upset and so vunerable before. I lightly rubbed his back, letting him continue to cry.
Once again, it wasn't fair. Jessie was obviously just a fucking idiot and didn't know what the fuck to do with herself. Why did she blame Ashton for everything, and be so fucking mean about it? He was just being her friend, and helping her get self confidence. It wasn't his fault! It wasn't at all.
I could just tell that Ashton was thinking about his parents right now. He probably thought that was all his fault, too. But it wasn't. He was fucking six years old, how could it be his fault? There was no explanation for it, yet Ashton still seemed to feel that way. He was still sobbing, and it made my heart break more and more as minutes passed. The boy who had protected me from getting my ass kicked last month and today, was crying.
"Ashton." I said.
He didn't answer.
"Ashton." I said a little bit louder.
Still, the cries weren't stopping. I cupped his face in my hands and brought it to mine, our eyes level and our foreheads touching. His eyes were red and puffy, and I could feel his racing pulse on his neck.
"Listen to me," I said. "None of it, and I mean none of it, was your fault. Do you understand me?"
"How do you know?" Ashton sniffled, sitting up to face me.
"Because she's fucking ridiculous!" I said in frustration. No one was home yet, so I didn't care how loud I was. My voice was startng to shake, but I knew I couldn't cry. I needed to be strong right now. "Look, she didn't tell me any of this. She told me you were disgusting and she hated you, which isn't true, but she never told me any of that. I'm glad she didn't, because she would've told me some fake ass story. Almost as fake as herself."
My last words made Ashton let out a small chuckle, but he was still wiping tears from his eyes. I decided to keep talking.
"I don't think you're a jerk, or a monster, or that you ruined Jessie's life. I think the complete opposite, actually. Obviously, she did it to herself. And if anyone ever tells you that you're not caring, or compassionate, or sensitive, then they're fucking wrong. Because you are all those things, and thats something I really adore about you."
Ashton blinked slowly, and his tears stopped flowing. I tilted my head slightly, praying that my words helped him in anyway. Finally, he sighed.
"Thanks." he said, his voice sounding less broken than before. He looked down at his fumbling hands and let out a heavy exhale. We were both silent for a while, then I felt the tears came to the front of my eyes.
No no no don't cry right now.
But, I couldn't help it.
"Its not fair!" i cried out. Ashton seemed startled at my random outburst.
"Brooke its fine-"
"No its not! Fucking Jessie is such a liar! I bet of I asked her about it she would tell me something completetly different! And its rediculous! Why is it always you-"
By now Ashton's arms were around me. "Hey," He said at almost a whisper. "Then why don't you ask her?"
"What do you mean?" I sniffled, looking up into his eyes.
"Just confront her about it, if it really bugs you..." his voice trailed off for a second. "...I mean, its not that big of a deal, but I'm not stopping you from what you feel right now."
We were both silent for a while.
"Yeah, maybe your right," I finally replied. "Maybe I should talk to her."
Ashton planted a warm kiss on my cheek, and layed down, my body resting on his chest.
"I think we're both very tired." He chuckled. I snuggled in closer to his body, and fell asleep almost instantly.
-
The next morning, my eyes shot open to the sound of yelling coming from downstairs. "Shut up!" I heard my mother's voice. "No!" I heard my father's voice back. I tiredly sat up and rubbed my eyes, and I was about to go out there and see whats up, but the yelling seemed to cease. I would still go down there, but I was very tired.
I slumped back down on my pillow, but my eyes shot open once again.
Where the hell is Ashton? I thought, sitting up and looking beside me. The bed was empty, unfortunately. My heart sank a little, and I was somewhat worried. I leaned off my bed, and unplugged my phone from its charger. I had a text from Ashton.
"Hey, i heard your parents come home like, 10 minutes after you fell asleep, so i took that as my qeue to leave. Sorry I didn't say goodbye, i didn't want to wake you. call me when you can xoxox"
I smiled to myself, and dialed his number.
"Good morning!" Ashton said after the first ring.
"How the fuck did you get out of my house?" I asked.
"The window."
I sat up and looked to my window, and sure enough, it was open.
"Oh my God, Ashton!" I laughed. "Did you get hurt?"
"No not at all," He replied proudly. "I'm quite good at sneaking in and out of windows."
I chuckled, and we both said goodbye for now. I got up, and walked down stairs. When I walked into the kitchen, only my mother was there.
"What was with all the yelling?" I asked.
"Oh, it was just a little discussion," My mom assured. "Its no big deal."
I was about to say it sounded like more than a simple discussion, but I didn't want to piss her off anymore. "Alright." I said after a long pause. As I got out the toaster, my phone vibrated. It was a text from Natalie.
"Hey! Mall today?"'
My face lit up as I replied to her.
"Yeah! Sounds fun"
"Okay! I'll pick you up arount 11:30?"
I looked over to the clock, to see it was 10:30.
"Hey mom?" I asked.
"Yes?"
"Can I go to the mall with a friend today?"
"Who?"
"Her name is Natalie," I replied. "You don't know her."
"Well, I guess thats okay," my mom said. "Do you have money? Here." She reached into her purse that sat on the counter and handed me 100 dollars.
"Damn, really? 100?" I asked, shocked. My mother just shrugged. I decided to just text Natalie back.
"Sounds like a plan! See you then :)"