A smile spread across Sarah's face and she fought back tears. "Uncle Oscar? Is it really you?"
"Why, hello Sarah. What brings you here?" the good doctor looked up in surprise. He was wearing a brown Hawaiian shirt and was seated around a long circular table with about ten other creatures of various sorts.
Sarah ignored the others as she ran to her uncle and threw her arms around him. "Thank god you're alive! I was so worried about you!"
"There there, sweetie," Dr. Octavius said soothingly as he patted her on the back. "I've been around the block a few times. I know a trick or two about staying alive."
Max wandered casually into the room and shook his head back and forth a few times. "Well if this isn't a suspicious group of characters, I don't know what is. You! Old man! Unhand the lady immediately!"
"Max," Sarah glared at him. "This is my uncle. Remember? The guy we've been looking for this whole time?"
"Uncle he may be," Max shot an index finger in the air. "But what, pray tell, is he doing holed up with this gathering of rogues in a little room guarded by a bunch of deadly traps? Something rotten's in the air and last time I checked I sprayed on some deodorant this morning."
"Oh, sorry, that might be me," a sickly-looking sewer rat spoke up.
"Has it ever occurred to you he might be hiding for his life?" Sarah asked.
Dr. Octavius let out a hearty chuckle as he looked Max up and down. "And who might you be, young man?"
"I might be a certain Maximillian J. Toad! Part time detective and full time enforcer of the law! If you're pulling anything sketchy here, have no fear, I'll sniff it out. And then you'll rue the day you launched yourself on your pathetic little lowlife criminal career!"
"Stop talking to my uncle that way, you stupid toad!" Sarah glared menacingly at him.
Dr. Octavius laughed again. "It's all right, sweetie. I admire his spunk. Hello, Maximillian. I'm Dr. Oscar Octavius. Pleased to meet you." He stood up and extended his hand in greeting.
Max eyed him suspiciously before taking his hand and giving it a cursory shake. "Kissing up is good, but I'm warning you. I'll be watching you like a hawk!" He pointed two fingers at his eyes and then at the old man.
Dr. Octavius chuckled again and sat back down. "Please, have a seat you two. We were just about to begin."
An oversized canary pulled up two empty chairs next to the good doctor and Sarah and Max sat down. All at once Dr. Octavius and the other ten creatures pulled off their Hawaiian shirts revealing t-shirts emblazoned with bad math and science jokes on them. Dr. Octavius wore a shirt that read "Kiss my asymptote," while a green squirrel on his left sported one that said "Mathematicians put the e^x in sex." A long haired cat on his right wore a shirt that read "The SN2 Mechanism: Because it's always good to hit it from the back side." The sewer rat's shirt read "Physicists do it at light speed."
"What's going on here anyway?" Sarah asked.
"Ah, many of the top scientific minds in Quartzwater City have gathered here today in secret to discuss the toenail issue one more time before I give my speech at the convention tomorrow."
"What's the deal with this toenail thing? I don't get it."
"Well, you see it's a bit of a complicated issue," Dr. Octavius said as he moistened his lips with his tongue. "We believe that we've isolated the location of the universe in which Quartzwater City resides to a single molecule that exists under the big toenail of a man named Steven Hinkleheimer who lives in Cleveland, Ohio, in our universe."
"I see," Sarah crinkled her face in confusion.
"Now Trevor Mastodon and his like are operating under the belief that if Mr. Hinkleheimer were to have his big toenail clipped off it would sever all ties between our universe and this one, thus negating the prophecies of a certain Morton the Mystic. We believe this is a very bad idea."
"Why is that?" Sarah asked.
"Well, because we've deduced the location of our universe to be a single molecule in the small intestine of Larry here." He indicated the sewer rat.
"Pleased to meet you," Larry waved at her.
"Wait a minute," Sarah scratched her head. "So our universe exists as a single molecule inside this universe, but this universe exists as a single molecule inside our universe?"
"We believe that is the case," Dr. Octavius responded cheerfully.
"But how can that be possible?" Sarah asked.
"You have much to learn about the ways of existence," Dr. Octavius smiled kindly. "It's really quite a multi-layered sort of thing. If it helps you can think of the relationship between these two particular universes as a bit of a moebius strip, or perhaps a snake eating its own tail."
"You know, I thought that same thing when I was wearing the god helmet at the Museum of Interdimensional Oddities one time," Max spoke up.
"Ah yes, the museum," Dr. Octavius said. "Quite a fascinating place. I've spent much time there over the years. But I'm forgetting myself. Where was I?"
"You were talking about how our universes were located inside of each other," Sarah offered helpfully.
"Yes, of course," Dr. Octavius took a sip off a cup that appeared to contain tea. "So as you can see our universes are quite intertwined with each other. That's why we believe if the toenail gets clipped off it could have disastrous consequences for both universes. Rather than being just physically separated we believe they would both be destroyed."
Sarah rubbed her face in confusion. "But this guy in Cleveland hasn't been around forever and I doubt Larry has either. Surely both universes existed before they were born."
"Undoubtedly," Dr. Octavius replied. "But Mr. Hinkleheimer's toenail did, in fact, exist in nascent form inside the womb of the womb of the womb of his ancestors dating back to the beginning of existence itself. It was just a matter of time before it manifested itself in the same physical dimension in which we happened to find ourselves living."
"But if that's the case, what does it matter if it gets clipped or not? Wouldn't the universes still exist regardless?"
"Well, that's the thing. We happen to believe that its location is very key in the rather precarious balance of existence. Imagine for a moment if the earth somehow got knocked out of its orbit and began tumbling through space. The outlook for life wouldn't be very good, would you say?"
"I suppose not," Sarah considered. "But what happens when this guy dies? Will existence continue?"
"We're not really sure," Dr. Octavius admitted. "Sometimes toenails continue to grow for awhile after death. Or perhaps the all important molecule will naturally find another means of sustaining itself. On the other hand, that could be it. All universes have to come to an end at some point. For obvious reasons we'd like to sustain ours for as long as possible. That's why we take good care of Larry here."
The sewer rat smiled and waved at her again. A prairie dog sitting next to him, who wore a t-shirt that read "Absolute Zero is Cool!" patted him on the back supportively.
"So how did you become involved in all of this?" Sarah asked.
"Well, I stumbled on Quartzwater City quite by accident a number of years ago. I had recently purchased a new door for my laboratory and I was carrying it through the room when it suddenly became firmly stuck in mid-air. I wrestled with it for awhile but I just couldn't seem to dislodge it. So I opened it and stepped through. At first nothing happened. But I kept tinkering with it and finally I linked it up with the proper voltage of electricity that created results. I walked through the door and found myself in downtown Quartzwater City. At first I was extremely disoriented. As you may have noticed the laws of science around here, though very similar to our universe in many ways, have a number of odd quirks. You might almost call the whole thing slightly 'mad.' Considering the nature of my profession, this obviously intrigued me. I spent several months here before stumbling upon a way back home, again, quite by chance. It seems there's a pond in the Butter Moss Gardens that contains an underground tunnel. While going for a swim one day I discovered it and decided to explore. I emerged back in our world in the septic tank behind Dr. Wentworth's laboratory. You remember Jonas from down the street, don't you honey?"
"Yes," Sarah nodded.
"Anyway, he happened to catch me climbing out of his tank and immediately demanded to know what I was doing there. I didn't want to share the secret of Quartzwater City with just anyone so I refused to tell him. Since then he's been deeply suspicious of me. Thinks I'm constantly 'up to no good,' the poor misguided man."
"Or possibly holds a healthy level of mistrust," Max spoke up again. "I still don't trust you myself, Doc."
Dr. Octavius smiled again and continued. "Anyway, I've made the trip back and forth between our worlds many times since then. Unfortunately I have no other choice but to return by way of Dr. Wentworth's septic tank and it drives him insane every time he catches me on his property. Nothing to be done about that, I suppose."
"So how did you get mixed up with this Trevor Mastodon character?" Sarah asked.
"Well, he's been fanatically against outsiders from the start. He took an instant disliking to me when he found out I was from out of town. It all has to do with a prediction made by Morton the Mystic, who I believe I mentioned earlier. He stated a group of outsiders led by a creature that was part chicken and part monkey would invade the city and overthrow the powers that be. Now under normal circumstances we'd have no problem with maintaining the status quo, but from a series of somewhat archaic predictions Morton made we believe things are due to take a turn for the worse before this revolt or whatever it is occurs. It's no secret that Trevor Mastodon has long held ambitions of power, so it's pretty clear he feels fairly threatened by this foretelling."
"But how do you know all these events are really going to occur?" Sarah asked.
"Morton the Mystic is legendary," Max spoke up again. "His prediction record so far is absolutely spotless. He even predicted the day and method of his own demise."
"Your friend speaks the truth," Dr. Octavius nodded. There was a murmur of agreement from the other scientists at the table. "We still have no idea where that grand piano came from or why it was there, but darn it, Morton said it would fall from the sky and, sure enough, it did."
"That's amazing," Sarah said. "So that's why you were trying to mate Michelangelo and Esther."
"That would be the reason," Dr. Octavius smiled again. "I hoped to help facilitate this particular prediction, but unfortunately I've been unsuccessful so far. I would have kept at it, but unfortunately Trevor Mastodon's agents seem to have followed me back to the pond one day and discovered how to reach our world. Fortunately they still don't know Mr. Hinkleheimer's identity or I'm sure they would have attempted a forceful toenail clipping on the man by now. As it stands I believe they came to our world and attempted to force me to take them to him. Luckily I spotted them leaving my laboratory and executed a precautionary escape plan. I'm terribly sorry I couldn't take the time to tell you where I was going, but time was of the essence, for I believe the fate of both of our universes is at stake. It seems like you were able to locate me on your own though. I have to say, I'm very proud of your resourcefulness."
"Yeah, well you can thank me for that," Max puffed his chest out. "She'd have never gotten anywhere near this place if I hadn't done most of the legwork."
"Well thank you very much, young man," Dr. Octavius said. "Anyway, it's somewhat ironic that Trevor Mastodon harbors such a dislike for me. The truth is, I haven't told anybody on earth about the existence of Quartzwater City. Quite frankly, I don't want them coming here either. You're the first person other than me to come here from our universe. I have taken Michelangelo and Esther on a few occasions in an attempt to sort out their problems, but other than that I've brought no one."
"Vance and Zeke came here with me," Sarah said. "But unfortunately, Zeke got captured by barbarians and is probably dead."
"Poor boy," Dr. Octavius appeared saddened. "He wasn't the best or brightest lab assistant I've ever seen, but he was a good kid. He appeared to have great difficulty succeeding in his natural world, so it's no great surprise he couldn't hack it in this one. Quartzwater City is no place for someone like that. Truthfully, I must say I'm worried about Vance being here as well. He's a bit... well... uncultured."
"Aw, you're too hard on Vance," Sarah protested. "He's the best man I've ever met. As it happens, he's doing fine. He's spending a lot of his time sleeping at the hotel."
Max rolled his eyes at this remark and let out a sarcastic laugh.
"You shut up," Sarah scowled. Suddenly her body took it upon itself to transform into a rat once more. "Not this again!"
"Oh dear me," Dr. Octavius said in mild surprise. "Are you feeling well, sweetie?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just ate this stupid donut that makes me change into a rat from time to time. You wouldn't happen to know any way to make it stop, would you?"
"Ah, rat cakes," Dr. Octavius peered at her curiously through his glasses. "I've heard of such things but this is the first time I've had the opportunity to view the results up close. Very fascinating. I'm no expert but from what I understand the only cure is time."
"Well, I for one think it's an improvement," Larry spoke up. "No offense, but you were kind of ugly in that pink monkey form. But now, whoah baby, I think you and me could stand to hook up."
"No thanks," Sarah tried to hide the revulsion on her face. Even though she knew Larry was important to the fate of all existence, he looked pretty disgusting.
"Well, if that's all the questions you have for now, we do have some important business to attend to here," Dr. Octavius said. "You're welcome to sit and listen. We also have some cots set up in the back room if you'd like to rest up. We'll return to town early in the morning. Tomorrow's a big day and I fully expect Trevor Mastodon to stir up some trouble."