On the authority of Abu Muhammad al-Hasan bin Ali bin Abi Taib, the grandson of the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ëalayhi wasallam, and who is dearest to him, radiyallahu ëanhuma, who said: ìI committed to memory from the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu ëalayhi wasallam, (the following words): "Leave that about which you are in doubt for that about which you are not in doubt."
[Al-Tirmidhi and al-Nasaíi related it, and al-Tirmidhi said: It is a good and genuine Hadith]
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Numb
Without the power of sensation and motion or feeling insensible. Not able to react, surprised, shocked.
It was a feeling she had started getting acquainted with, from the moment the averse news was disclosed.
It has been hours? A day? She didn't know, she had closed herself from the world as she went through the three stages of emotion.
Shock
A sudden or violent mental or emotional disturbance
She couldn't believe they've set her marriage, at least not this soon. A month from now, she couldn't figure out the reason behind it been this early. Hafsat's own was for eight months, Abdulrahman a year, why does hers have to be a month, what's the rush?
And with Fahad, she kept trying to convince herself that nothing other than a platonic relationship was going to happen between them but now, she's forced to come to terms with this arrangement, that he'll be her husband. He'll be the one to complete half her deen, the key to her Jannah. It was. . . overwhelming.
When she first got a hint of what Hajiya Iya wanted to do years ago that was when her relationship with Fahad became nill and void but up until then their relationship was quite alright. She had then decided to start avoiding him, she thought by doing that it'll stop it from happening and when she later realized nothing could change Hajiya Iya's mind, she couldn't stop avoiding him because then it was awkward when ever they met, both of them knowing what Hajiya Iya's plan was.
Fit
A sudden outburst of emotions.
She threw a fit, she was determined to go to all the elders, especially Hajiya Iya to make them change their minds or atleast to change the date. But ultimately, she knew she couldn't. She dared to do that. A tradition uphold would never be changed or altered just for her. Impossible.
And now she's numb.
She had completely closed off to the world, she had locked herself in the room when mama went out.
Her phone started ringing, she looked at it until the call ended 6 missed calls from Hafsat, she hadn't bothered calling back.
She couldn't help but feel bitter about it, she was here wallowing in self-pity about her marriage fixed with someone she disliked. Even though Hafsat's own was arranged, at least she's happy, and now she's somewhere across the globe having the time of her life on her honeymoon with the love of her life.
She got up and entered the bathroom, the bathroom setting reflecting her emotion, dark and empty. She looked at the mirror, she looked horrible. On a normal day she would've never let herself look this bad, as she's normally a beauty freak.
She opened the faucet and washed her face with water. She decided to do ablution, when she finished she came out. She got out a hijab, a praying mat and a holy Quran. As she faced the qibla praying, she felt a feeling of calmness, Salāt has always being a calming agent to her alongside reading Qur'an. She elongated the sujood, praying to almighty Allah to help her through this tough time.
She read the holy Qur'an, a warm feeling engulfing her, she whispered the shahāda under her breath. Her mind cleared making her think rational.
She grabbed a chocolate bar from her stash of junk food, munching on it. She looked at the closed door, she was determined to lock herself up until they did something about the situation, they wouldn't want to see her suffer, right? She hoped so.
The landline rang, she knew someone in the house was trying to reach to her and she couldn't be disrespectful by not picking it up no matter what.
She picked the phone keeping quiet, waiting for the other person to start talking.
"Aysha, what's this I'm hearing about you staying enclosed in your room" the strict voice of her father, Abba was heard through the phone.
"*A'a ba haka bane*. No it's not like that"
"I want to see you in my office right now"
"OK" she slightly whispered.
She donned a long hijab covering her whole body before opening her door. She went to Abba's office and knocked on the large oak door. She opened the door and with a salam she entered.
"Come and seat" Abba said from his place on the sofa adjacent to his desk, his face looking so serious. She knew that mood very well, it was the one he used when reprimanding them. She gulped before sitting on the carpet.
"I heard you threw a tantrum, what's all that about. You knew it was bound to come but still you are acting so childish. Why can't you be like Hafsat, I didn't hear her throwing a tantrum when she was fixed to be married"
Again with the 'why can't you be like her', she'll say it was good growing up with a sister who you were almost twins with, but then it'll not be completely true. There was always this competition of who could be better. It wasn't from their parents but other people. It hurts because one can ever win when trying to imitate the other, you've got to be yourself and be content with that.
"You better get your facts together because this marriage must happen no matter what. Its my mother's demand and it must be met with" she kept her head down for she knew if she was to look him in the eyes she'll break down. She was never that close with her dad, none of her siblings were too, it was always their mom. Their dad had always chosen his work over them and it came to the extent that the only time he was seen with them was very rare and only when it was necessary does that happen.
"You may leave" she didn't need to be told twice, she quickly left the room feeling shittier than she ever was.
She sat down on her bed, and that was when the first set of tears made their way out. She didn't cry when her marriage was fixed, nor because it was fixed to be in a month without her permission, but she couldn't bear what her father did, so harshly has he spoken to her.
She laid on the bed crying her eyes out. Mama came into the room and sat on the bed next to her, rubbing her back.
"Why?" She sobbed. "Why me, why did Abba speak to me harshly, why was it fixed without my permission, why is it fixed to be this early?" She threw questions, she had many unanswered question if only she'll get answer to will lessen her burden.
"Some things cannot be answered or rather its better if they stay unanswered. But just know that your father is going through a phase, so don't take it to heart on how he talked to you" mama whispered, its breaking her to see her daughter this miserable, but the ball wasn't in her court, there was nothing she could do.
•••
Salam,
How are you? How do you like this chapter. Her father was being mean right? 😟😟
So, since school has resumed the updates will be slower than it already is.
Allah Hafiz,
AmatullahAG ❤️
14th October 2016
REWRITTEN