|35| Lyla Pembroke |
It's okay.
It's all okay.
There's no chance, right? Mother Nature has not come to visit me because of the birth control pills. The chances are so slim plus I've never missed a day while taking them. The container of pills are stuffed in the bottom of my old room's, now guest room, mattress.
After the second negative pregnancy test I confirmed my thoughts. I heard a knock on the bathroom door and reach over to turn on the water. I rinse my hands as his voice fills the air, "Angel, w-what were the results?" I took a deep breath as I stared back at my sad eyes in the mirror. "Angel?"
"It was negative, I'm sorry," Things go silent for awhile and I feel a lump start to form in my throat. I turn off the water and walk closer to the door. When I open it his head is against the wall. "Niall, we'll be okay-"
"This is your fault!"
I took a step back after his words cause me to flinch away. "It's no ones fault-" He interrupts me again as his fist slam against the wall. Another step back. I was afraid that he was going to hurt me.
"It is your fault. Don't argue that I don't know how things work because I-i know. We committed to each other in a natural way. It's been a whole month! You did something, I know you did!" I knew him enough now and he wasn't going to treat me like his delicate flower when he's having a bad episodes. It's not his fault this happens to him but I cannot bring a child into a world with a man like that.
"You know what? You are a boy! You have no idea what goes on in the world because you put a box around yourself and now you want me in there with you." I grit through my teeth as the truth escapes my lips.
He shook his head, tears forming in his eyes and anger radiating off of him. He turns away from me and starts whispering to himself, "I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy...don't, d-don't...no hurt, no hurt..." I regretted what I said. He couldn't ever handle the reality of the situation, I should've know that.
"We...we didn't mean what we said. Let's go outside, we can get some fresh air." I take a step closer to him trying to be the light in his darkness. His eyes were completely dark and emotional when I finally faced him.
"Heathen," he spat at me. "You'll never get away with what you did to my angel, my Lyla."
This isn't happening right now. "Niall, I am Lyla." He knows me. He's just blinded by rage.
He blinks rapidly as he takes another look at me. A sudden realization hits him before he pushes me down on the mattress. "I'll fix it, I'll fix us. I'll fix it, I'll fix us." He repeats this over and over throughout the whole night. Hands pushed above my head, his body weight pressed against me and suffocating me. The whole night he forcibly takes my innocence, despite the crying and the screaming.
For so long, I buried the feelings I had for him. I was I love with him and now I'm regretting ever expressing that feeling.