Intentional Touch Laurabelle
I woke up, disoriented. And under the heaviness of sleep. Grayson's sleepy breath warmed my forehead. I peeked through one of my eyelids to confirm the movie's end, but took me a few more seconds to process that I was snuggled up with a stranger on a train, leaning on Grayson's shoulder while his head rested on the top of mine. His arm was draped comfortably across his body and rested on my forearm. I tried not to move because his touch, albeit involuntary, felt good. Weird because I didn't usually do "closeness" with non-family members. Somehow I knew Niles and Julie wouldn't be too pleased.
The train conductor announced, "twenty minutes to next stop, Chicago." Grayson stirred, but I stayed perfectly still and tried my best to guarantee twenty minutes of bodily contact with a hot guy. It didn't work because Grayson moved his arm away from our casual embrace. Then he lifted his head off my shoulder. I imagined him evaluating the situation before frowning. His neck cracked a few times while I was a statue. Years ago, as a small child, I mastered the craft of "pretend sleeping" all so my dad had to carry me into the house from the car.
The conductor's voice interrupted my immobility in person; he asked who was exiting the train in Chicago. "We are, Sir." Grayson's voice evaporated into into air. We? And why was he whispering? Elation hummed inside of me because of Grayson's implication. We. Boldness—and a little desperation—crept through me. The result was me nestling into Grayson's shoulder even more. His breath hitched. And a few beats later, his warmth rested against my forehead.His arm wrapped my torso in loose hug. Fingertips gently grazed my forearm, and I shivered involuntarily under his purposeful touch. Until my combustable skin betrayed me. With goosebumps. His thumb was the last to stop moving, and my skin calmed. My heart and brain did not. Why did I find a great guy on a train going to a city I was only visiting? And, when I actually lived in Chicago next fall...Grayson would be at college. In Texas. So unfair because no one had ever made me feel this way.
Getting Digits Grayson
The train halted, lights became bright and the conductor made an announcement for the Chicago passengers to depart. I acted out my best "oh my, did I doze off" stretch, and we both sat up. Wordless. Her face had some unreadable expression. Stoic, maybe. Gorgeous, definitely. I put my laptop away.
"Would you please get my bag for me?" She asked.
I had to think of something to say to her because I wanted Laurabelle to end up being more than a journal entry. "Sure." Too benign. Probably best to prove my obvious ability to reach things than to blurt out something about having feelings for her. "My pleasure," I added along with a wink. Which regrettably caused her to flush through three shades of pink.
I moved into the aisle and pushed my arms into my jacket where Laurabelle's direct eye contact startled me. She was standing in the aisle too, staring at me within three inches of my eyes. She was waiting for me to hand the bag to her. I ignored her outstretched hand, slung her bag over my own shoulder instead, and was already moving down the aisle when I heard a small whisper, "thank you." She followed me down the narrow steps to the train's lower level. Then onto the concrete platform outside of Chicago's Union Station. My heart dropped. What if this is it?
Typically, I didn't let my guard down with people, especially girls. Happy to be a person who faded into the background. And now, when my circumstances demanded bravery, nothing. Say something! I looked back every few steps to make sure she still followed. Slow down. Let her catch up. Impulsivity won out over speech, and I ducked behind one of the platform support beams. My heart behaved like I had just committed a crime.
She paused. Said, "hmm...maybe I just imagined him." Her footsteps shuffled closer to my hiding place. "I should've known he was too good to be true," she added playfully then took off down the platform, running and laughing.
I slowed my breath when Laurabelle turned around and found me. She smiled at me, the tall, floppy-haired guy who sauntered her way. I would have been content to live frozen in that moment forever. Eyes on eyes. Heart pounding out of my chest. And I realized that having spent most of our time sitting, Laurabelle's height went unnoticed. Until now. She was much smaller than I realized. Even in heels, she'd be shorter than me. I shifted my own feet and looked down at my shoes for a second, but it was long enough to decide to take a chance. "I don't know what this is, Laurabelle, but I know it's something."
Her gaze mirrored my wide eyes. "Yeah, I concur," she said. What? Did she really just say "concur"? Adorable.
"Well, good, because you seem like someone I should know," I said.
"Umm, okay...I mean, that sounds like...really...," she started. Then, she just nodded affirmatively.
"Could I get your number?"
She gave it to me. One slow, blushing digit at a time. I put her number in my phone under the name: Kansas. The phone in her bag rang because I dialed her number as soon as I put it in my phone. She reached for the ringing bag, but I held it higher. She reached again, this time jumping. I managed to keep it out of her grasp while I left a message. Asked her why she didn't answer and to please call me back. Told her that I already missed the sound of her voice. And her smile. All the while, her eyes never left mine.
My delivery of the duffel bag brought us together once more. The touch of her hand felt as light as my heart. "Hopefully, she'll call me back," I said. Her eyes told me she would. Then our moment was cut short by excited squeals.
See You Soon Laurabelle
"Laurabelle! Laurabelle! Over here! Laurabelle!" It was Shanna and Remmy, my best friends from last summer's Shedd High School Lake Ecology program. My friends bombarded me with waving arms and smiles. Laughter and hugs. Shanna had tears in her eyes. She was talking so fast, "you look great." And then, "I can't believe you're actually here!!" Before I could respond to Shanna, Remmy nudged me and wasted no time asking, "who's the guy?"
He was still here.
My face passed through all the shades of pink and red. "Umm...this is...Grayson, my...train buddy...he's from Chicago...like you guys." Immediately, I wanted to take back calling Grayson "train buddy." Awkward. But, who was he to me? If I said "a friend" then he might think that was all I wanted to be. There was no way to properly introduce Grayson. I couldn't tell the truth...that he was someone I hoped touched me in places other than my arm the next time I slept on him. Nope. No other way to introduce him: Train Buddy. Thankfully, Grayson smiled at my introduction. And when I introduced Remmy and Shanna as my "aquarium buddies," everyone laughed.
"Well, Laurabelle...your train buddy needs to go," Grayson said. The heat of his hand rested on my shoulder. "It's truly been a pleasure and a privilege to meet you, share my seat, and carry your bag." He removed his hand and looked at the three of us, "be safe, Girls."
I barely managed, "bye, Grayson."
"See you soon, Kansas" was his reply before he walked away. But at the door, Grayson turned and gave me a loud smile. And all the while, his hand rested over his heart.
The girls lead the way out of Union Station. "Wow!" Shanna said wide-eyed and smiling.
"No wonder you stopped texting me!" Remmy added.
"Good thing Blane stayed in the car," Shanna said with a huge smirk. Blane had been last summer's flirtation that never went anywhere. Sweet guy with a crush, but no spark. Close friends, nothing more.
Back To Reality Grayson
Leaving the train station was harder than it should have been. As soon as Laurabelle was out of sight, I felt the loss of her. In the taxi, I closed my eyes and tried to relive the moments with her on the train. The first time I saw her frustrated face waking me from my dream bringing me into a greater reality. And the music...her iPod told me there was more to Laurabelle than I might ever know. And briefly, her photographs opened the door of her soul. When she almost fell in the train...and when I caught her. The smell of her hair.
Too much. I opened my eyes. The taxi was close to my apartment. So I still had few moments to be alone with her before returning to my reality. So, I closed my eyes again and pictured her eyes. How they were on mine as the movie started. No one had ever looked at me like that. Like they wanted me for more than my body. The weight of her leaning on me when she slept. And the comfort of leaning back. The way her soft skin felt under my fingertips. The way she responded to my touch. It was like all of the moments with Laurabelle added up to something. Something unexplainable. As if this chance encounter changed my life's trajectory.
Two days ago, Lilly's frantic plea was my wake-up call. Things weren't as they should be at home with Lisa. Lilly told me Lisa slept whenever she wasn't working, Often picking Lilly up late from school. I needed to see for myself. Was it depression or was Lisa just being irresponsible? I couldn't imagine either because Lisa had mostly been a good parent. Not to me though.
Lilly and Lisa were waiting on the sidewalk. Both greeted me when I climbed out of the taxi. I climbed into a three-way embrace. "Grayson, you're a sight for sore eyes," my stepmom said. Lisa's sigh of relief was what I heard loudest.
Lilly's smile burst with excitement. "I've been waiting all day for you to get here!" Shame was what I felt for not planning to be with Lilly on my own before she had to ask me. I was selfish. My sister needed me more than I realized. Dad was gone, and I had more than brotherly responsibilities where Lilly was concerned.
My original spring break plans involved spending the whole time in Wichita with my roommate, Colin, on his family farm. Possibly lame, but I loved a pasture's peaceful calm and so different from the city was a picnic by the creek. Warm, welcoming, and smelled of horses and apple pie. Even mucking stalls brought quiet pleasure. I longed for a life like that. Something simple, surrounded by a big family.
"I missed you both," I said to Lilly and Lisa, "but not this weather."
"Yeah, snow on Sunday," Lisa said. Her voice that held an eery coldness. "At least we'll have a couple nice days before the cold front moves in," she added.
Flings Can Be Fun Laurabelle
I heard Blane before I saw him. He yelled my name across Canal so loudly at least fifty people noticed and was across the street picking me up and swinging me before I took two more steps. "Ah, yes, here's my friend!" He yelled to the sky before taking my duffel bag and hugging me dizzy. Over the top as usual. He whispered "welcome back" into my ear as we walked to his car.
Blane motioned for me to get in the passenger seat. "Sorry, girls," he said to Remmy and Shanna. They knew he wasn't really sorry.
Shanna tried to bring up my train buddy in the car. I changed the subject instantaneously because I didn't want to discuss Grayson in front of Blane. We talked about school instead.
When we arrived at Shanna's house, Blane handed me my duffle bag out of the trunk. Quick hug. "See you later, Alligator," Blane teased while sporting his typical ornery smile.
"After while, Crocodile!" I smiled back.
Blane pretended to give Shanna a hug. "Nah...," he uttered.
"Thanks but no thanks, Loser," Shanna's retorted.
Shanna and I didn't linger in our "goodbyes"because we'd see Remmy and Blane later tonight. We had a dinner with our Lake Ecology team from She'd. I called Mom. Informed her of my safe arrival. Thanked her again for the goodie bag. But I didn't mention Grayson. She might worry. She would worry.
Shanna and I listened to Grayson's phone message at least ten times. I closed my eyes and tried to picture his face while Shanna laughed at me. Later, I lost track of time while standing under a cascade of warm water. My thoughts constantly drifted to a train and...a boy. All the thinking scalded my skin pink and wrinkly. But, in the shower, I found enough courage to call him back. The courage ended up being unnecessary because my phone already held a text. From a number I didn't recognize.
Parting is such sweet sorrow. -G
I certainly hope THIS thing between us doesn't
have the same outcome as Romeo and Juliet. -LB :)
Don't worry, our families are not sworn enemies.
I texted because I needed to tell you something
important: I want to be back on the train with
you. Well, I'd love to hear your voice, so call me.
But only if you want to. -G
Shanna was at my side before I finished reading, "Wow, romantic and cute? Not fair. How old is he?"
"Eighteen, I think...maybe nineteen...a freshman in college...some school in Texas." Shanna told me that Grayson sounded perfect. He was, but... "What am I doing falling for some guy who could only ever a be a fling?"
"Flings can be fun," Shanna replied.
"Or not." I said back.
"There's no harm in a little fun, Laurabelle."
I'll call you later, after I settle in here. Miss
you already. -LB
The Call Grayson
An hour later after I arrived in Chicago, Lisa left for the night shift at the hospital. Lilly's preference of evening activities involved shopping on Michigan Avenue where she tried on clothes then asked for my input. My opinion was based solely on hemlines and bra strap coverage. The clothes reminded me that my baby sister was getting older. Growing up. Truth was, I didn't like the idea. At all. Because now, Lilly was old enough to be the object of some boy's affection. Some adolescent punk with raging hormones.
Lilly and I ended up at Starbucks. Something about being around strangers allowed Lilly to speak freely. She told me about Lisa's recent behavior. Forgetfulness. Irritability. Profound sadness. Yelling. Frustration.
"Lil, your mom misses Dad, and unfortunately, there's no timetable for grief."
"But, Grayson," Lilly cried, "Mom doesn't even cook anymore."
"What about baking?" I asked.
"Nope," Lilly answered, "Mom comes home from work and goes straight to bed."
"What? Since when?"
"I live with her," Lilly said, "but we hardly interact anymore."
The kitchen had always been Lisa's domain. Her baked goods had a reputation with everyone. Neighbors. Firefighters at the local firehouse. People in hospital waiting rooms. The homeless on the streets of Chicago. If Lisa wasn't baking...
"You're old enough cook on your own, Lil." My sister's face perked up. "I can teach you while I'm here this week. Okay?"
Laurabelle finally called me while I was still in Starbucks with Lilly. And me—not being familiar with her voice—closed my eyes while we talked. I envisioned her face as best I could remember...a sprinkle of freckles across her habitually blushed cheeks. Perfectly straight teeth. Soulful eyes, brown and flecked with yellow. Our conversation ended too soon. Short because she was on her way to dinner with friends. Laurabelle told me to call her later tonight.
Lilly wanted information, so I told her about meeting Laurabelle on the train.
"It's so romantic, Grayson."
"Is it?" I tried to sound indifferent.
"Yes, I bet this girl is already in love with you."
I cringed. "There's no such thing as love at first sight, Lil."
"Not sight, Grayson...but because you're the sweetest guy I know."
"Thanks Lil." "Plus, all my friends think you're gorgeous..."
"That's not exactly encouraging when I'm trying to attract girls older than twelve."
One girl in particular.