I DIDN'T KNOW HOW I WAS supposed to feel about all of this. Michael marrying someone else? Even after we had moved past everything and were in such a good place together?
All that was gone now.
All for some red head, Victoria.
Michael was still holding my hand when her and her parents had shown up at the resturant and joined our round table for dinner. I knew the Clifford's meant well, they really did, but this? My life wasn't for them to rearrange. First I was marrying their son and now I wasn't?
I snapped out of my thoughts at the sound of Gerald's voice, realizing that he had made a comment about his daughter being shy.
I watched as Michael looked over at her and she looked up a couple seconds after, turning her head so that they had made eye contact.
She smiled at him and I felt something in my chest tighten uncomfortably. My eyes flitted over to Michael, and I watched the color drain from his face.
He looked like a ghost within a 3 second time span.
The f*ck...?
I subtly nudged my shoulder against his, wanting to get his attention, yet he didn't move. His eyes didn't stray from Victoria's and I felt an uncomfortable realization that maybe they were having a connection.
As the waiter approached with everyone's pre-ordered dishes, I slipped my hand out of his and looked at my dish.
Throughout the dinner, I kept my head lowered and my posture stiff, not sure how I was supposed to wrap my mind around this.
I didn't want Michael with anyone else. That was the truth.
And was I just supposed to move again like it wasn't a big deal? Because it was a big deal.
Victoria seemed to really impress Karen and Daryl throughout the night as well. She kept conversation light and simple yet was able to delve into the topic of their empire with ease.
Michael also sat quiet, but was much more talkative then I was. His mother, occassionally scolding him a few times, was able to get him to speak, but it was like I wasn't even there anymore. No one had acknowledged me for the rest of dinner, which I was fine with.
"Excuse me a moment.." I spoke my first words of the night quietly to the dinner table, wanting to go to the bathroom to escape. Maybe there's a big enough window in their for me to climb through...
No one noticed as I left the table, and instead of making a beeline for the bathroom like I had originally planned, I headed straight for the exit instead, knowing that no one would even notice.
They would probably even wonder why there was an extra meal on their tab to begin with.
*
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*
*
"Then when she walked in I watched their eyes connect. And they... he, looked at her like he used to look at me. And I just... was forgotten about"
"Sweetheart," my mom paused to cough into her arm, "Maybe he was just shocked by the news. You know-"
"He. Doesn't. Love me anymore" I interrupted her, swallowing the lump in my throat.
After I had left the resturant, I realized that Michael was in possesion of the car keys, and I decided that I would just walk to the hospital, that happened to be about two or three blocks away, and visit my mom. Then grab a cab and get back to the house.
I had confided in my mother about why I was visiting her dressed the way that I was, and that had caused me to tell her about the whole marriage issue as well. My mother still had doubts about that entire night that Michael and I had ended things though, and she thought that us marrying eachother was a good thing. She still loved Michael as a son, despite the heartbreak he had put me through, but I hated how she couldn't see that us being together was a part of the past now, and would probably remain a part of the past forever.
"Don't use that tone with me young lady," she gave me a pointed look and I sunk back in the chair, looking down at the red dress that I was still wearing, "Now I know Michael, as a person, and I know that what happened to you guys two years ago must be some misunderstanding"
And here we go again. I ran a hand through my hair, waiting for her to finish. I knew that she didn't want to see Michael as having any badness in him, but that's what it was. I'm just unable to understand why she can't see what's right infront of her.
He doesn't love me anymore.
Just as I was about to respond to her, my phone rung from my black clutch, and I took it out and answered.
"Hello?"
"Where are you?" Michael's voice rung through my ears, "It's been three hours. I've pretty much realized by now that you're not in the bathroom" he accused, slight worry in his voice.
"I'm-"
"And why did you leave? I need you here with me" this time, anger was the emotion that I detected in his voice, causing alittle to stir within me as well.
"It was obvious that I wasn't exactly needed there, Michael" I glanced at my mother, knowing that she could very much hear both sides of the converstation.
"You were-"
"I've been gone for three hours, and you've just now realized it" I cut him
off, my fists clenching.
"Sorry that my world doesn't revolve around you" he snapped harshly through the line, and I rolled my eyes.
"Just remember that you called me" and with that, I hung up.
I looked to the ceiling as I huffed, closing my eyes and ignoring my mothers gaze.
If that wasn't proof enough for her, then I didn't know what would be.
Happy early f*cking birthday to me.
-Michael-
As soon as I heard the dial tone, I immediatly knew that she was mad at me. F*ck, I told myself I wasn't going to make her mad at me anymore.
I looked over my shoulder at the dinner table, seeing Victoria laughing with the adults.
I am never going to marry that b*tch. Never. Why? Because that is the same b*tch who broke Miley and I up in the first place.
Yup. There sat Tori, the same f*cking red head that had drugged and manipulated yours truely—me—into cheating on their girlfriend, and ruining the best thing that had ever happened to him, I mean me.
A red head, about the same height as Miley, strolled into the room, walking over to the kitchen counter opposite of us. She wore a v-neck crop top that could be mistaken as a bra, and a skirt so short that it could be mistaken as underwear. She wore 4 inch heels that made her almost my height and she wore bright red lipstick that made her lips stand out the most.
That night was still at the top of my list for being the worst night of my life, next to the day Miley broke up with me. The absolute worst. Everything was ruined. Nothing was ever the same again. All because of her.
"So now that you got what you wanted from me, you're just going to scamper back to your girlfriend now?" she clenched her fists and I felt my face pale.
"Holy mother f*cking shit," I muttered, "F*ck, f*ck, f*ck! Miley's going to kill me" I ran both my hands through my hair and tugged at the roots, realizing that this was a far bigger problem then I initially thought it would be.
"I have a solution to help you with your problem" Tori spoke up, and I turned my attention to her.
"What is it?"
"Leave her for me"
"But I don't f*cking like you!" I said exasperated and I dropped my hands to my sides.
"Last night was a mistake. And I regret it with everything in me. You f*cking drugged my drink, I barely even know who you are, and now my girlfriend who has been nothing but loving and loyal to me is going to leave me. I can't have her leave me" I panicked. Miley is going to hate me for this. I can't lose her. I just can't.
She's going to leave me. She's going to hate me. She's never going to love me again.
Oh f*ck no, this can't be happening.
My chest was starting to hurt again, and I cleared my throat, deciding to be a man and call Miley back. It wasn't right of me to snap at her like that, because she was right.
I had seen her get up, thinking that she was going to the bathroom. But three courses later and she still wasn't back yet. And that's the only time I noticed. The only time that I had bothered to excuse myself from
the table and call her.
I pressed the phone to my ear, waiting for her to pick up.
Please pick up.
And suddenly, a wave of nostalgia coursed through me, reminding me of the last time I felt this way.
When I tried all those times to get Miley to answer my calls after I had told her about what had happened. And she never did. Not once.
The call went to voicemail.
I redialed.
"You can leave her for me Michael. I can give you whatever you need-"
"The only thing that I need is Miley. And you're not her" My heart was beating fast. Faster than it ever has.
"I can give you everything!"
"Miley's my everything!" I yelled back at her, my words coming out like venom at Tori. I felt like I was about to cry. And maybe I was; The only thing I was thinking about was what Miley was going to do when I told her. Or if she finds out.
I can't tell her.
She can't find out.
She can never know.
The call went to voicemail a second time.
I redialed.
"You're always welcome to come over, you don't have to ask. What's wrong?" Miley asked, her voice holding just a small hint of worry.
"Nothing's wrong. I just miss you"
"You are so clingy," she giggled, and I felt myself smiling at the sound of it, "I just got home by the way" and as if on cue, I heard the muffled sound of a door closing.
"See you soon"
"Alright"
"Wait!" I quickly stopped her from hanging up.
"What?" she asked.
"I love you"
"I love you" she said back, making a watery smile come to my face.
I was gunna lose it all.
Voicemail.
It was happening again, dammit! She was shutting me out, but I didn't want that. I glanced back at the table again, seeing my mother wanting me to come back over. I held up my index finger, signalling that I would be there in a minute.
One more try.
I redialed and pressed the phone to my ear anxiously, biting my lip.
Please pick up.
She wiped the obvious traitorous tears that had rolled down my cheeks and I could see the worry cloud her eyes.
I hate those moments when you can't talk because you're about to cry.
"Michael-"
"I'm fine. I'm perfect. I-I just..-I love you" I didn't want to talk. Not now, not ever. I just wanted her to hold me like she always has.
"Are you sure you're alright Mikey?" Miley asked me, but I didn't want to answer her, afraid that everything would spill out and that I'd tell her the truth. And that she'd leave me. That she'd leave me forever.
But it ended up happening anyway.
Someone tapped on my shoulder and I turned around, my blood going cold at whom it was.
"We're missing you over there" Tori spoke, her voice burning my ears and her hand dragging down my arm. I stepped away quickly.
"You b*tch-"
"Excuse me?"
She answered!
"No! Not you!" I turned away from Tori and listened to the sound of Miley's voice through the phone, still alittle disbelieveing that she had actually answered.
"What is it then?" I could hear in her voice that she was still annoyed with me, but I didn't care.
"I'm sorry I snapped earlier. I was wrong to. I was upset, that's all," I would do anything to make her happy. Even though things arn't always okay between us, that much hasn't changed, "Where are you?"
She sighed through the line, taking a moment, "With my mom"
I felt a smile unconsiously rise to my face at the mention of the woman who had acted as a second mother to me, "You are? How is she? Tell her I miss her brownies" I gave way to a light chuckled and I felt my heart beat a little faster for some reason as Miley giggled too.
"She's okay... she wants to see you some time soon" I heard her say as a muffled voice in the background was also heard.
"Yeah, of course. I'll come by your house-"
"She doesn't live there anymore.." Miley trailed off, her tone changing alittle.
I frowned, "Did she move? Just tell me where you are and I'll just meet you there now"
She hesitated, "Well, uh, my mom-"
"Come back to dinner baby, I miss you"
F*ck.
"Excuse me?" Miley's voice didn't sound like a mix of playfulness and hesitancy anymore. I knew that she had heard Tori's words.
"Nothing-"
"Here give me that," without warning, my phone was snatched from me and Tori had it pressed to her ear, "He's thrown you away and made his choice, b*tch. Slut's like you are overrated. Have a nice night" she chirped, hanging up the phone on Miley.
What has she done?
I grabbed my phone back from her and attempted calling Miley back again, but it wouldn't work.
F*ck.
"What the f*ck is wrong with you!" I clenched my fists, my knuckles going white.
"This is about us now"
"There is no us" If someone didn't get her away from me, I think I was going to punch her.
"Well now there is. Don't you see? The universe is making a second chance for us to happen-"
"Get off of me!" I shoved at her, yet she was still persistent.
"You're the reason she left me! I can't even believe you're here right now"
"Happy?" she smiled.
"Go f*ck youself"
"Don't have too. You already did"
I pushed passed her agressively, heading back to the table with her right on my heels.
"There you two lovebirds are-"
"Mum can I talk to you for a second?" I asked her, cutting her off. I needed her to understand what was actually going on right under her nose.
"Of course honey. Excuse us" mum and I both walked away from the table, heading over to a secluded hall near the bathrooms.
"What is it dear?"
"I'm not going to marry that girl" I cut to the point, seeing confusion and frustration pass through her.
"Why not?" she crossed her arms over her chest.
"Because I want to marry Miley instead"
She huffed, "Michael, your father and I-"
"This isn't about just you and him!" I snapped, "This is about me too. And I will not marry that manipulative b*tch-"
"Language-"
"She's the girl that broke Miley and I up in the first place" I explained.
The only people who really knew what happened was Calum and Julia. Everyone else at school believed one of the lies I spread, and I shut out my mum and dad and they never knew the reason.
"What?"
"I went to one of Calum's parties. She was there and she took me upstairs. I wanted to leave so nothing would happen, and she gave me this drink and said I could leave if I drunk some. And I did. And I was hallucinating—she drugged me up—and all I knew was that we had had sex that night. Mum," I took a breath, trying to understand what emotions were coursing through her, "I love Miley. And that girl in there? She's the reason that Miley stopped loving me"
I was quiet and watched as she bit her lip, glancing over her shoulder, "Michael... I understand that you don't like this girl-"
And at that moment I realized that something bigger was going on here.
Mum loved Miley just as much as I did, and her response right now was the opposite of what it usually would've been.
"What are you not telling me?" I asked her, but she looked away from me.
"Mum, what's really going on here?"
"Nothing, Michael. Now, you are marrying Victoria whether you want to or not. This marriage-"
"This marriage is bullshit," I cut her off, "And the only way I'll do it is if you let me do it with Miley as my wife" I finalized.
"Michael Gordon Clifford-"
"Don't pull that shit on me. I love Miley and if it has to be anyone, it's going to be her"
"I know that you would rather choose someone you used to love over someone you completly can't stand, but-"
"No mom. I love Miley"
"Michael-"
"I'm inlove with Miley!"
What?
My chest was hurting again and I cleared my throat anxiously, awaiting my mother's response.
I knew that was truth. I knew that's how I felt about her. She had this certain ability to just make me want to be near her all the time. To talk to her, whether we were arguing or just talking, or even when she was just next to me.
And I f*cking missed her all of that time that she was gone. I messed us up and she left me. And though in the beginning, I knew how I felt about her—that I loved her more than just my best friend—as our relationship progressed on, my feelings about her didn't seem so important to prove anymore. I already had her, as my best friend and my girlfriend, so I didn't need to prove anything anymore. That was the problem.
And then Tori came into the picture. And the next morning after Calum's party is when it all finally clicked of how shitty of a boyfriend I had really been to her all that time.
I didn't want to lose her, so I didn't tell her right away.
I wanted her to stay with me. I wanted her to stay so badly, that I tried to be good for her—to her—to see if all my good deeds lately would win her over after I told her. But that didn't happen. And I learned the hard way that that wasn't how it all worked.
"I know that you used to have strong feelings-"
"No. You're not getting it. I'm inlove with her now" I snapped. Her eyes were slightly wide and she was tearing up, making me even more confused.
"You're marrying Victoria, and that's final" she held her head high and turned, walking back to the dinner table and leaving me there, dumbfounded.
Something wasn't right.
Tori waved me back over to the table, all the adults smiling at me like nothing was even wrong.
Something was wrong.
Without thinking twice, I grabbed my coat and walked out of the resturant, hurrying to my car before anyone could stop me.
*
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*
I stood from the lounge room couch the instant I heard the echo of the large oakwood front door shut. It was nearing 11.
I walked to the front hall to see Miley, her sexy red dress having a fresh slit up the length of her leg, and as she finished removing her heels and had caught me staring, I couldn't seem to look away.
"My eyes are up here" she snipped harshly, drawing my attention to her face as she brushed past me and up the large staircase. I followed behind, not knowing what exactly it was that I wanted to say.
"I'm not going to marry her" My first words to her didn't really convey what I wanted them too, but it was better than remaining silent, sneaking glances at her slightly exposed leg.
My thoughts are all over the place.
We got to her room and she turned, about to shut the door on me when I stopped her, "Did you hear me?"
"I did. But what does it matter to me? You and Tori really seemed to have hit it off tonight-"
"What are you talking about?"
"I tried to call you again, after she took your phone and hung up," she fished her phone out of her pocket, "But then I got this text from you right before you blocked my number"
Frowning, I took her phone into my hands, reading the text message she was talking about.
From: Michael
ur job is done. I'm with Victoria now. I want you moved out by the end of the week
"I never sent this to you" I defended.
Tori must've sent it before I took back my phone.
"Whatever. The look you and her shared when she sat next to you proves it" She didn't believe me.
No more secrets.
"I need to tell you something, okay?"
Something flashed in her eyes, "Did you cheat on me again?"
My chest was hurting once more, f*ck. Why does it keep hurting?
"I don't want you to ever think that again"
I recongnized a sense of relief flood her body and she ran a hand through her hair, waiting for me to continue.
"Victoria... the way I looked at her tonight... tonight wasn't the first time that she and I have met before"
A frown crossed her lips, "What do you mean?"
I took a breath, "She's Tori..." I looked her in the eyes, not wanting to miss a single emotion.
She took a sharp breath and took a step back from me, and I took one closer to her, "I don't know how this happened-"
"So you're marrying the same girl who you cheated on me with?" she spoke, incredulous.
"Stop saying that" I was quiet.
"What? That you cheated on me? Why? That's what you did!" she turned around and walked further into her room, and I followed her, "She came between us the first time and now she's doing it again? Unbelieveable!"
"I won't marry her. I told my mom that I wouldn't, but Miley-"
"But what? You can't run from this forever. Sooner or later they're going to make you marry her-"
"I'm not going to. But Miley, something bigger is going on here"
That certainly caught her attention.
"What are you talking about?"
I recalled the conversation that I had had with my mother at the resturant, "I told my mum that I..-" I stopped myself short. What was I supposed to tell her? That I had openly admitted to my mum that I was inlove with her?
I wasn't ready to face another rejection.
"That you what? What did you tell her?" she urged me, and I shook my head to clear it of thoughts.
"I told her that Tori was the one that broke us up in the first place," not a complete lie, "That she drugged and manipulated me. My mum, she loves you like her own daughter so I thought I could change her mind"
"And?"
"And she almost broke down into tears. She finalized that I would marry Tori and she didn't give a second thought about you. That's not like her. Something else is going on, don't you see?" Another step closer.
"Okay.. then let's think. They said that she had some business advantage. All we need to do is figure out what it is" she thought, and I nodded. Another step closer.
"Sounds good," I was close enough to her that I had to look slightly downward to look into her eyes, "How do we find out what it is?"
"I don't know," she noticed how close I was and stepped back alittle, "But I'm really tired. Can we talk about this tomorrow?" as if on cue, a small yawn left her lips.
Her lips, f*ck.
"Michael?"
"Would you be mad if I kissed you?" I glanced into her eyes, not seeing them convey anything, so I trained my eyes back on her lips, not really even understanding my own thought process.
"Uh.."
"F*ck it" I took a step towards her, caging her in against the wall, and I moved my mouth towards hers. She turned her head to the side, causing me to press a light kiss to her cheek.
There goes that chest pain.
"I don't think..." her voice was above a whisper, and I dragged my nose down her cheek gently before I reached her jawline.
I wasn't leaving without kissing her tonight. Not when she was dressed as hot as she was.
"One kiss" I bargined softly, careful when I pressed a kiss against her neck, her collarbone, her exposed shoulder.
Heaven help me.
All at once, she turned her head, her hands coming up from her sides to run against my jawline, causing my breathing to become uneven.
Only she could do that to me.
Her eyes looked alittle like melted chocolate, and I wanted nothing more than to be apart of her life again. Apart of her life like this—not just in any way.
"Have you been sleeping?"
The moment wasn't gone. It wasn't. It was still lingering, yet I could tell she was trying to make it pass.
I leaned my forhead against her own, my hands coming off the wall to sit on her waist tentively, and I closed my eyes.
"Can you untie my tie for me?" my voice was slightly strained, making me alittle embarressed. But this was Miley.
She's seen all of me.
"Uh.. okay?" she breathed out.
I didn't stop looking at her eyes when she trained them on my tie, which I had horribly knotted. She pulled against the knots, causing me to move forward. Closer.
"You should've let me tie it the first time" she huffed quietly, making me smile.
"You looked too damn sexy tonight. If you came anywhere near me, I didn't think I would've let us leave the house"
Her movements fumbled and she got the first of three knots undone.
"I wasn't drop dead gorgeous-"
"The boner that I got by just merely looking at you would highly beg to differ"
She rolled her eyes, moving to the last knot.
"And this slit on your dress," I couldn't help myself. My hand moved on it's own to run up the exposed skin on her left leg, "This wasn't here before. What happened?"
Her breathing wasn't so composed anymore, "Caught in the door of the cab" she rushed out.
"I think it looks sexy"
"I think I ruined the dress"
"I think you made it better"
"For you or for me?" she tilted her head to the side ever so slightly, playing along with me now.
"Me" I breathed. She rested her hands at the back of my neck, her touch making my head spin. I rested my forhead against hers, closing my eyes for a brief moment, trying to get my thoughts in order before I opened my eyes again.
With a final glance at her lips I leaned forward.
And she let our lips touch.
She slid the tie off from around my neck, causing me to shiver and I pressed my body agaisnt hers, finally able to soothe the ache in my chest. She lifted her left leg and hooked it to my waist, allowing me to freely run my hand along the exposed skin, and I moaned at the pleasure of it all.
Soon enough, both her legs were wrapped around my waist, and I had her propped against the wall, kissing her like it was the last time.
I wasn't sure if jt was.
She let her fingers grip my hair, the slight tugs she gave it becoming dizzying to me, but in a good way.
Without thinking twice, I walked over to her bed, laying her down gently on the sheets and moaning as she tilted her head, deepening the kiss.
Oh f*ck.
She was the only one who knew how to kiss me the way I liked it.
The way I loved it.
I let her undo the buttons on my collared shirt, and I didn't break the kiss as I helped her slide it off, exposing my chest to her.
Her cool hands and painted nails ran up and down my chest, my stomach, my abdomen. I shivered under her every touch, most likely giving off the impression that I was cold or something.
Most likely the temperature of the shower I was going to need to have after this.
I rolled my hips against hers, causing me to hold back a moan and I listened to her let one slip between our kisses.
I've never realized till now how much I've mourned the loss of her lips against mine. Her hands against my skin. Her body against my body.
She arched her back and I slid my hands behind her, unzipping the dress. The amount of clothes between us were too much.
I wanted less.
I moved my lips from hers to her neck and collarbone, hearing a whimper leave her lips at the lost contact. I smiled against her skin. My hands moved lower on her body, and I ignored it when I felt her stiffen.
"Stop" A voice in my head, maybe. I ignored the feeling, not wanting to listen. Not wanting to stop.
Never wanting to stop.
I pulled my head from her neck and kissed her lips once again, pinning her hands above her head and lacing our fingers together.
It was there. It was right there.
"Michael stop"
I rolled my hips against hers again, feeling the pleasure skyrocket through my body. I felt her shiver underneath me, causing me to smile again against her lips as I moaned, unable to help myself.
All the things I've wanted to do to her. I haven't touched her like this in years and I couldn't stop.
It was there. Right there on the tip of my tounge.
I love you.
I wanted to say it.
Miley, I love you.
"Michael, stop it" Miley was talking.
I pulled away from her addictive lips, seeing them swollen and red, most likely matching mine, and I went in for another kiss but she turned her head again.
It was then that I noticed that her dress had come off. Hickeys patterned her chest above her bra, acouple up the side of her neck, and two or three on her stomach. Frowning, I also noticed that I wasn't holding her hands above her head with our fingers laced together. The grip I had on her were on her wrists, and they were tight enough to cut off circulation. And when I looked at her face, I saw that she was about to cry, her lip showing a small cut on it.
Did I do this?
She shivered against me again, and I realized that she was actually cold.
What was I doing?
I noticed as well that she was trying to free her wrists and I immediatly let go of her. I moved off of her, sitting on her bed and watching as she sat up and grabbed her robe from the end of the bed, slipping it on her and tying it.
She rubbed her wrists and got up from the bed, wiping the corners of her eyes.
Don't cry.
The chest pain was back again, and I ran my hand through my hair acouple times before speaking.
"What just happened?"
She walked over to her red dress, which seemed to have come off a long time ago. She picked it up and hung it on a chair near her desk and picked my tie up off the floor as well.
"We were, you know.." she blushed, and I got up and walked over to her. I brushed over the fresh purple brusies along her neck, and opened her robe slightly to look at the ones I had made across her chest.
"I didn't even know I did these"
"You zoned out or something. Your eyes were closed and you wouldn't look at me when I tried to stop you. You were getting really agressive. You were scaring me"
I took her wrists in my hands, rubbing my thumbs as gently as I could over the imprints of my fingers.
"I thought that we were... I didn't know I was doing this" Had I always been this agressive with girls?
Here I thought her dress was still on and I was clawing at her back to get her dress off. By the looks of it, her dress had come off a long while before that.
And I thought our hands were interlaced and instead I was cutting off the circulation to her wrists.
And while I thought all I was doing was kissing her, I had been littering a trail of hickeys on her. Hurting her.
She was never one to like hickeys much.
"I think I should go to bed, I'm kind of tired" she scratched her head and glanced at the door, signalling for me to exit.
"Uh, yeah, I'm tired too," I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling the lingering sensation of her hands still there, "Night"
I ducked my head and walked towards her doorway, looking over my shoulder at her.
It was still there.
I love you so f*cking much it hurts.
"I'll see you in the morning"