Please read: I actually haven’t written anything in almost a year, because of personal reasons I never really had the time or found the inspiration. It was hard writing the first chapter because frankly I had no idea what I was going to be writing about, but I’m going to really try to get back on my feet and focus on this story. I am a normal person, I eat, I sleep, I work and I have family and friends I like to spend time with. But I will try and upload whenever I can. If I don’t upload in under a week without warning, then I give you permission to phone someone.
Enjoy, L xo
Harry and I got out of the car and thanked the driver, telling him we’d be back in an hour. We'd just arrived at the mall and my mind was going crazy absolutely crazy with gift ideas for Zayn. It had to be something great!
"So, any ideas on a gift Lou?" Harry pulled his hood over his head and put on a pair of sunnies and I did the same, the last thing we want is a mob of fans attacking us. We needed to focus.
"Loads, but you know me, not exactly the best at giving gifts"
Harry laughs and I know we we’re both thinking back to the last time I got someone a gift on my own.
"Oh come on, I'm sure Niall loved the cards!" Harry winked.
"Are you mental? I got him a pack of cards with clowns on them. He hates clowns!" I flick myself in the head, feeling stupid just remembering it.
"You may actually be the worst gift giver," Harry casually put his arm around me, not noticing my body tense and my eyes dart down to stare at my feet. "But today you have me. And I, my dear, am amazing" I look up to see him smiling down at me. I wink and we trot off into a nearby shop, keeping an eye out for anything Zayn might be the slightest bit interested in.
I watched as Harry scans every shelf and clothes rack. Occasionally he'd find something interesting and pause, narrow his eyes, stare at the object for a good 20 seconds, turn away looking into the distance, obviously thinking hard, but then finally turning away and continuing on his search. It was kind of cute. In a friendly way though, it's not as if I find Harry cute. I'd find anyone who treated choosing a gift as a life depending decision cute. Wouldn't I?
I was inspecting a couple of mugs with witty sayings on them when out of nowhere someone grabbed my arm. My head shot up to see the girl from the register looking up at me, eyes almost popping out of their sockets.
“Louis? You’re Louis Tomlinson!” she whispered, careful not to let anyone else hear. I simply nodded, taking off my hood and glasses. A huge smile spread across her face and her grip loosened on my arm. “And that’s Harry Styles?!” Her eyes were now locked on a tall curly headed boy wandering around the shop. I nodded for the second time. Once again our disguises had failed.
“Ohmagawd! Larry Stylinson is out shopping!” Her arm had dropped from my side and was now covering her mouth, remembering to stay quiet. I laughed at the nickname. Larry Stylinson: the bromance. I’d read about it everywhere, fans went crazy over the bond Harry and I had. Some of them even suggesting it were a little more. Harry and I usually brush it off; we know where our relationship is at the moment. ‘Fans can fantasise all they want; Louis and I are just best mates. That’s it’ I remember Harry saying in an interview once. At the time it hadn’t bothered me, I hadn’t even thought about it. I had just patted him on the back and nodded in agreement. But now, for some reason, looking back on it I don’t feel so okay with it. What if the fans weren’t just fantasizing? Would Harry have a problem if it became anything more? I was suddenly offended by the thought.
Wait, what am I thinking? Of course I want to be best mates! That’s all I need, that’s all I think of us! I’d been so lost in thought I hadn’t noticed Harry come to my side and greet the girl, still covering her mouth like she was about to blurt out her own stomach or something. I glance over at Harry; he had his glasses on his head and his hood was down, he also had a pen and was signing his name on a small notepad. His curls falling over his face, but still revealing his green eyes. He looked so lovely from this side. His slips slightly curled and that clean shaved creamy skin looking as pure as always.
Harry’s eyes darted over to look at me. I didn’t move, just stared into his gorgeous deep green irises. Almost mesmerized. We stayed like that for a good 5 seconds, just gazing at each other. I noticed a smirk start to form on Harry’s lips. I heard a small forced cough and I immediately looked away, the register girl just gave me a confused look. Shit, that must have looked awkward. Why am I suddenly so interested in the way Harry looks? Honestly Louis, you’re such a dope. Harry is a guy! I then realised Harry was holding the small notebook at me, oh. I took the pen and paper and scribbled my signature underneath Harry’s and handed it back to the girl. I could feel Harry’s eyes still on me, but I didn’t dare glance back.
“Thank you so much!” she grinned, “Could I possibly get a photo of you two? I just love Larry Stylinson and you both look so good!”
Harry laughed, nodded and moved in closer, putting his arm around my waist. It felt… nice. Sure we’d had loads of photos taken of us together before, but right now having Harry’s arm around me, just felt right. Like it was where it should be all the time. We both smiled and the girl’s phone flashed.
“Well it was nice meeting you babe, but we really have to get going. Have a great day!” Harry gave a small wave and the girl returned the gesture. We swung around and walked out of the shop, Harry still with his arm around me. I was too focused on the warmth of Harry’s forearm on my hips to notice the fact that we’d just walked out of the store, no hoods, no glasses, no disguises what so ever. Harry mustn’t have realized either until we heard a couple loud squeals from behind us.
Harry’s arm quickly dropped and he spun around, leaving a coldness to linger on my waist.
“Maybe it’s better if we come back another time” Harry suggested and before I knew it, he’d grabbed my hand and we were bolting for the front doors. We skidded out into the parking lot and Harry’s grip tightened on my hand as he dragged me towards the car. I couldn’t help but laugh, it was such a rush. His hand let go of my sweaty palm and he swung the door open, diving in. I did the same, slamming the door shut behind me.
Harry laughed and I turned to face him. I hadn’t even realised how close we were. I was practically lying on top of him. His hand reached up to brush my fringe out of my face, the softness of his fingertips sent those same goosebumps to arise on my skin. His hand rested on the back of my neck. He exhaled and I felt his breath on my lips. I thought back to last night in the dark. The moment had ended so quickly, him leaving me in the cold. But this time, neither of us moved. He half smiled and I couldn’t help but smile back. I felt a bubbling sort of feeling inside my stomach, strange. It was a feeling I couldn’t explain. Almost like I was nervous, but calm at the same time. The feeling only stirred up more inside me as I noticed Harry’s eyes locked on my lips. I stuck my tongue out and he smirked. Then let his hand drop to his side. I shifted awkwardly.
“For such a skinny looking guy, you’re quite heavy you know”
At that moment I sprang up, realizing I had accidentally landed on top of Harry when I got into the car, but hadn’t moved. I scooted over so I was leaning against the door.
“Sorry” I mumbled, looking at the window. I could see our flat in the distance. I hadn’t even noticed the car had been moving the whole time, I wonder if the driver had noticed our little moment in the back. If that’s what I can call it, a moment. But did it mean anything? Sure Harry and I are always sitting close, one of us always having our legs drooping over the others lap. It just happens so naturally, that’s what makes our friendship so special. We can be so comfortable and relaxed with each other. So did just lying there with Harry before bring up so many strange feelings? What in the world has happened to me to make me think like this? Was it that dream? God Louis, delete that from your mind! It was just a dream. It doesn’t mean anything. Just like before. Just stop thinking!
But……. what was that feeling? And why had I only felt it now? Ugh, stop thinking! You’re Louis Tomlinson. Laugh it off buddy.
I glanced over at Harry, as if almost feeling my gaze; he turned around to face me. Winking.
My stomach started to bubble again, with that feeling. Butterflies, was it? No, more like bloody elephants, stamping around inside me.
I felt the car slow down and come to a stop. I looked away from Harry and opened the door. Harry followed behind. I made my way to our front door while Harry thanked the driver. I got out my keys and unlocked the door. Once again the room was dark. But I didn’t stop. I walked straight inside, not even worrying if I bumped into anything. The last thing I wanted was a replay of last night, another memory crashing around in my mind. I was already half way down the hall when Harry flicked on the lights.
“Going to bed then Louis?” I heard his voice echo from the kitchen.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked the time, 4:30. Maybe a little too early to go to bed.
“No just getting changed” I replied, “you can put a movie on if you like. Maybe order some food”
I heard the TV switch on as I turned into my room. I threw my phone onto my bed and stripped off into my boxers. Okay Louis, you’re just going to watch a movie with Harry. He might sling an arm around your shoulder and maybe you’ll throw your legs over his lap. But it’s just like any other time, it means nothing. I pulled on some trackies and threw on Harry’s Jack Wills sweater. He’s always leaving his clothes everywhere, might as well help myself. Besides, it’s probably one of the comfiest and best smelling jumpers I’ve ever worn. Not because it was Harry’s, just because it was a nice top. That’s all.
I sighed and flopped down on my bed, face planting into my pillow. Why am I even having this conversation with myself? I shouldn’t have to be convincing myself that Harry and I mean nothing. I shouldn’t have to be mentally slapping myself every single time I over think a situation, or every time I get those bubbly feelings. Because I shouldn’t even have those feelings. Wait, scratch that, I DON’T have feelings. It’s just my body being silly. Maybe I’m hungry? That’s probably what it is. It was just my stomach rumbling. Yeah, that’s it.
I groaned into my pillow before rolling out of bed and making my way down the hallway. Harry was spread out on the couch already watching ‘The Inbetweeners Movie’. He looked up over the side of the couch as I approached; sitting up a little so there was enough room for me to plonk down next to him. Just as I predicted before, his arm casually drooped over my shoulder and I relaxed a little, swinging my legs up so one was resting on his lap and the other entwined with his legs. His eyes never leaving the TV and occasionally laughing at Jay’s rude comments.
I was laughing at the movie when I noticed something warm on my neck. Harry’s hand had made its way from my shoulder to the back of my neck and his fingers played with my hair. I glanced over at him, but his eyes remained on the screen, smiling at the scene when Jay wakes up in an ant’s nest, totally unaware of how uneasy my breathing had become. This wasn’t something that usually happened when we watched a movie. But that doesn’t mean it actually means something, does it?
I watched his lips as they turned up into a big smile, letting out a laugh. When I think about it, Harry does have such a nice smile. His lips, thin and a light pink colour, spread apart revealing his straight and perfectly white teeth. Allowing two small dimpled to form on either side of his cheeks. Then his laugh, it was almost addicting. So chirpy, but deep and calming. I’d always liked his smile and his laugh had always put a smile on my own face, but now it was something more. As soon as that smile formed, I had felt those little bubbles inside me again. Those feelings once again, slowly erupting. I held my stomach; maybe I can hold them still. Ugh. I turned my attention back to the screen quickly just as there was a knock. I shot up from my seat and almost jogged to the front door. I opened it to find a man holding 2 pizza boxes, Harry must have ordered. I paid the guy, took the pizzas, thanked him and wished him a good night before closing the door again. When I turned around Harry was already out of his seat and getting two plates from the kitchen cupboard. I placed the boxes on the bench, took what I wanted and grabbed a can of Coke from the fridge.
“I’m a little tired so I think I’m just gonna eat in my room and head to bed. See you in the morning” I didn’t even wait for a reply before I made my way down the hall and into my bedroom. I needed to be alone. Away from Harry. I never thought I’d have to say that. But these feelings were just becoming too much for me to handle. I honestly have no idea what is going on with me. But I don’t like it.
This nonsense needs to stop.
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Harry's arms were still tight around me. Never for a second did he loosen his grip. He held me close and I felt my body warming up, my heartbeat steadied and I felt calm. Tears were no longer falling from my eyes, it was like I didn't have a reason to cry anymore. Not when Harry was here. Not when I had been folded into his arms, not when he was kissing my forehead and constantly whispering in my ear that I no longer had to be afraid. I felt his warm hand fall from my back and cup my face instead. I looked up into his eyes. His gentle emerald eyes. At that moment, I not only felt safe, but I knew I was safe. I knew he was here with me and that he wouldn't leave, I knew that as long as I felt his touch that everything would be okay. No more worries. No more fears. He leaned forward to kiss my nose lightly, my eyes slowly closed and my head rested on his shoulder. He stroked my cheek with his fingertips.
"Don't leave me." I heard myself whisper.
I felt his hand move to the back of my neck and press my body closer to his chest. A tear rolled down my cheek. But not because I was scared, or sad. Because I was whole. I felt.... happy.
"Never." he replied. And I believed him.
My eyes slowly fluttered open and I touched my face, feeling only my cold wet cheek. Had I been crying? It was just another dream Louis. Go back to sleep.
So yeah! Let me know what you guys think please, I love hearing your comments, and whether I should keep going or not. Thankyou all for reading, it means a lot :)