Immediately, Josh regrets his words. Tyler is trembling violently, repeatedly shaking his head, his voice comes out crackly as he protests,"I don't! I-I don't cut myself. I swear, I..I don't."
"Tyler...it's okay, I can help you, I told you this. Don't think I'm going to yell at you, I promise I won't. It's serious and if you don't let me help you, I'm going to have to tell my mom or so-"
"No!" He shouts, causing Josh to flinch. Never once has Josh heard Tyler speak so loudly, he's always mumbling ortalking slightly above a whisper.
Tyler's eyes are watering, "You can't tell a-anyone, please! No one can know."
Josh frowns,"So you do cut yourself."
The brown haired boy lowers his head in shame, nodding.
Josh reaches for Tyler's arm, and at first Tyler protests but soon he lifts his sleeve and Josh's breath hitches seeing many red lines going up his arm, many are fresh, like they were done the night before.
Each line is like a stab in Josh's heart, he didn't like seeing scars on the boys beautiful body.
Josh can hear sniffles coming from him and his heart breaks at the sight. Tyler's shoulders shake with small sobs and Josh hesitantly wraps his arms around him, he flinches but soon falls into Josh's chest, crying quietly while Josh whispers, "It's okay, I'm here for you Ty. Don't be ashamed, I...I've never dealt with this before, but I'm going to help you. I'll make sure you get better."
"Why do you care so much?" Tyler's voice is muffled, him speaking into Josh's shoulder.
He's never had anyone care much about him, no one knows he hurts himself, but now Josh does and he thought if anyone found out that they would call him a freak or send him to a mental hospital.
A small smile appears on Josh's face, "Because," He pulls Tyler' back slightly, pondering before wiping the tears that have fallen from his red eyes with his thumb.
Tyler blushes at the gesture, heart fluttering for an unknown reason.
Josh continues, "I care about you, and you may not believe it but it's true. I hate knowing you hurt yourself. It hurts me knowing you cause yourself pain."
Tyler whimpers out a confused, "Really?"
"Really," Josh nods. He rubs the smaller boys back softly, "And from now on, I'm going to be making sure you never do it again. But, you have to promise me you're going to try to stop okay? But first, I need to know why you do it."
"I...I don't want to t-talk about it," Tyler whispers, leaning his head on Josh's shoulder.
The action made Josh blush, and he asked, "Why? Maybe talking could help. I won't pressure you, I understand if it's hard, however sometimes it's hard because you bottled it up for too long. Perhaps if you let it out, then you wouldn't feel as bad anymore."
There was a silence for a moment, and Tyler soon sighed shakily, "I just feel alone, I guess? I don't...I don't have any friends. Not one. Everyone usually has someone to talk to. But, then there's me, who just sits at home in my room. I feel like if I died, no one would notice except my dad. And the kids at school, they just hate me so much and I don't know why, did I do something wrong? I've always failed when I tried, so I just gave up. I'm stupid and an idiot, I don't feel any reasons to go on. People hate me anyways, they tell me to die. So, why don't I just do it slowly, starting with cutting. I disappoint people, teachers, my dad, other kids, so I cut as a punishment. I deserve it. I deserve the pain I cause myself, I'm a big mistake."
Josh sat there speechless, staring at Tyler who sat there emotionless. He didn't like that, moments ago he was crying and now it's just like how he met him. Sitting there with a vacant look, not a look of sadness or happiness in his eyes, just emptiness.
He gulped slowly, turning so he sat criss crossed in front of Tyler.
The brown haired boy looked into his brown eyes, seeing how they sparkled with sympathy and pity. He didn't like pity, it made him feel bad for making someone feel sad for him.
Josh looked at the brown haired boys hand, slowly reaching and grabbed it, lacing their fingers.
He squeezed Tyler's hand, while the other boy sat there shocked. No one has ever held his hand, and to him it was such a meaningful gesture.
"Tyler, no matter what happens, how sad you are, how dumb you think the reason is, how late it is, or how empty your feeling, call me. Come by, sneak in, or just scream my name outside my window. Just know I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I...I care about you way more than you think, I'm your friend and as your friend, I want you happy." Josh told him, only truth spoken. Each word he said, he was looking into his dull, dark, brown eyes.
The emptiness changed for a small second, it was so quick that it could've been Josh's imagination but he saw something shining in those brown eyes.
Happiness.
The smallest bit of happiness, but it was there.
-
When Tyler left, it was 9PM and Josh hugged him, the action made Tyler stiffen but quickly he hugged back and walked home. His house was at the corner and Josh thought it was a good thing, so he could make sure Tyler's okay at all times.
Once Tyler was gone, Josh showered and afterwards he got ready for bed.
Before he could lay down, Jordan knocked on the door that was open, sticking his head in.
"Yeah?" Josh yawned, sitting up in bed, putting his phone on the side table and charging it for school.
Jordan smiled sadly, shutting the door and sat at the foot of his brothers bed.
He ran a hand through his hair, "How did it go with Tyler? He seemed like he was crying when he left. I'm assuming you talked to him."
"It's true," Josh mumbled, just knowing that he saw Tyler's cuts made his stomach churn, not exactly in disgust, but more in guilt that his 'friend' was cutting and he didn't know. Though, he's actually only known Tyler for over a month.
"I saw them and ... I'm helping him."
Jordan was proud of his brother, even if the boy annoyed him with his cheerful and outgoing attitude, he loved his brother.
"How do you plan on doing that?"
"I'll make him happy I guess. I'll just be there for him, be his friend." Josh replied, pursing his lip thoughtfully. He's not sure if that's the way to go, but in his mind it seemed right.
His brother nodded, "Okay, but make sure you don't annoy him or make it seem like you're doing it because you feel bad. That might make him hate himself more, or something okay? It's getting late, we should get to bed."
Josh sighed, laying down,"Night Jordan."
-
Once Josh woke up, he got ready for school and kissed his mom on the cheek and said goodbye. Tyler wasn't on the bus, but he never is in the morning.
He's been told that his dad drives him on his way to work, so Josh was use to this.
When he got to school, he spotted Ian at his locker and sighed, knowing yesterday he talked to Andrew, not Ian so nows the time. Ian felt his presence, and looked up facing Josh, who's a couple inches taller.
He frowned, "I'm really sorry. Andrew and I-"
"It's alright. I talked to Andrew and I forgive you guys. I'm still mad, but please stop judging Tyler. He has a lot going on and doesn't deserve the teasing, okay?" Josh pleaded, pouting.
Ian smiled sadly, "Yeah, okay. I don't like him, but I guess I just won't have to deal with him." Josh glared, but nodded.
-
Arriving to class, he walked in and was happy to see Tyler there already. He had that black hoodie on, skinny jeans and worn out vans.
Josh smiled, making his way to their table and gave Tyler a small smile. Tyler nodded in acknowledgement, "Morning."
The class was boring, and they basically did notes, well Tyler didn't, and Josh was nice enough to write some out for him.
When they left the class, they walked together and once almost there, Josh quickly grabbed Tyler and rushed them in the janitors closet, shutting the door.
He turned on the light, hearing the bell ring and Tyler frowned, "I'm gonna be late Josh-"
"Let me see your arm," He raised an eyebrow.
Tyler sighed, nervously lifting his sleeve. He's not use to having people check his cuts. Josh made sure there weren't knew ones and nodded, smiling at Tyler, "One day down."
"A million more to go," Tyler mumbled, shifting on his feet.
"I wrote you some notes, I want you to try to study," Josh interrupted, and when Tyler tried arguing, Josh stuck out his bottom lip, much like he did earlier.
Tyler's face became pained, obviously frustrated at the cute look Josh was giving. He let out a huff, pouting, "I...I can't okay? I'll fail anyways, it's not worth it."
"But you're smart Tyler, and you don't even realize it! You're not dumb, you're a intelligent person, maybe not book smart but surely people smart, and I don't like seeing you be insecure and lowering yourself. You have so much potential," Josh said, placing his hand on Tyler's arm softly, "Please, just try. Try making friends, try doing your work, try being happy. Because you'll keep being depressed if you don't make an effort to be happy."
Tears ran down Tyler's face, and this was the second time in 24 hours he's cried, making him feel pathetic and like a baby.
"I..It's so hard, I hate it," He sniffled, wiping his eyes in embarrassment. Emotions make you weak, they take control.
"What? What's hard?" Josh pressed.
"Hiding," Tyler whispered. "Pushing people away. Not letting anyone get to me. I don't like people, whenever I use to get close, they'd leave me. I don't want friends, because everyone knows something will go wrong and they'll hurt you."
"Has that happened to you?" Josh spoke softly.
"No, but I see it. And I don't want to feel anymore pain Josh, I ... I can't handle anymore," He tried speaking more, but it just stopped there. An exhausted look covered his face.
"Aren't I your friend?" Josh asked.
Tyler shrugged, giving him a sad look, "Do you really wanna be my friend? All I do is make you and your friends fight. I saw you guys talking and I...I'm sorry."
"They're jerks. I think we're friends. Good friends. You make me laugh and smile all the time Ty, don't you realize that? That's what friends do, so yes we're friends and of course I want us to be friends. You're special to me."
And then something amazing happened.
The corners of Tyler's mouth turned and a small smile appeared on his face.
He glanced at the ground, a blush covering his cheeks and Josh swore his heart stopped.
He lifted the boys chin, looking him in the eyes, whispering, "I knew you'd look even more beautiful with a smile."