At first he had seemed mysterious. The kind of man who knew that people had a thousand questions, but only gave the answers he wanted to give. Then he had seemed simply lonely. The kind of man who needed someone to take care of him. But nowadays he seemed something else.
You just didn't know how to describe it. You had tried to be everything you could be. You had tried to be patient and understanding. You had tried to be caring and friendly. You had tried to be exciting and interesting. You had tried to be intelligent and brave. But no matter what you tried and no matter who you were, he didn't let you in.
He never told you anything. He never told you about the family he did or didn't have. He never told you about where he had and hadn't lived. He never told you about the people he had and hadn't met. He actually never told you anything, apart from unimportant trivia like his favorite movie and his favorite color.
"Derek?" You walked into the living room and leaned against the doorpost with your arms crossed over your chest. "Do you have time to talk?" You licked your lips and swallowed.
Derek looked up from the book he was reading. Even though his room was empty and undecorated he had a huge bookshelf with books you wouldn't even want to read if you had sleeping problems. "What do you wanna talk about it?" He closed the book without leaving a bookmark inside of it and placed his hand on the seat next to him.
"About us, about our future, about you and about everything." You sighed and while you sat down you felt how he wrapped an arm around your shoulder. "We've met almost a year ago and sometimes..." You paused for a moment. "Sometimes it feels like I still don't know who you are."
For seconds, minutes, maybe even longer, Derek didn't say anything. He just sat there and stared into nowhere. No, he wasn't mysterious and he wasn't lonely.
"At first I thought you just wanted me to figure you out. Then I thought you needed me to fill a hole in your heart, but now..." You swallowed and cocked your head to avoid eye contact. "Now I simply think you're ruined, in some way."
Derek bent his head and his free hand grabbed yours squeezing it gently. "No, I am not ruined." He took a deep breath and his hands started sweating. "I am ruination."
You opened your mouth to say something, to encourage him, to tell him he for sure was not ruination. But you were afraid that if you would interrupt him right now, he would not continue telling his story and you really wanted to here it, no matter how sad or scary it would be.
"A big part of my family died because of me. I killed my own uncle. I turned the lives of three teenagers into a living hell." He turned his face towards you and grabbed your chin. "And I should stay far away from you to make sure I don't end up hurting you too."
"You can't just dump me like that, Derek." You shook your head and pressed the palm of your hand to his cheek. "Not before you've told me the entire story and let me be the judge on whether or not you're ruination and whether or not I'm willing to live with that."
"It's a long story." Derek whispered and he licked his lips.
"I don't need or want to go anywhere before I've heard it." You stared straight into his eyes and Derek nodded at you.
"Don't freak out, okay?" He pressed his forehead to yours and your lips curled up into a smile.
"Nothing can be more shocking than you finally talking about your past." You kissed his lips, but Derek placed his hands on your shoulders and carefully pushed you away.
"You don't get to say that before you've heard the story."