Adrienne just nodded her head and glanced towards me with a smile. Picking the plate off of the table, I stayed slightly more quiet. I wasn't hungry; but for some reason neither my mother nor my sister could understand that. Jamie couldn't even understand that. Though it did bother me, I couldn't let it stop me from doing whatever I wanted to do in my life - but Megan, I couldn't get her off of my mind. Not that I would tell anyone that but I do miss her, and I hope she's happy. I constantly wonder about her; where she is, what she's doing and how she's been. Does she have her memory back or is she learning to walk all over again still. I supposed I could call Liz or even Cameron, but what would they tell me and why would they even consider telling me a single damn thing about her. Hell, if I were them I wouldn't even tell me. It is my fault she's like this, isn't it?
According to Popstar Magazine, "Ryan Follese and Megan Mace call it quits due to Ryan's drinking and cheating behavior." Whatever. I didn't cheat. I know I didn't. Morgan kissed me.. She's the one who started all of this and she's the one who should be being punished. Not me, not Megan, but her.
Slowly finishing off the last bite of toast, I placed my plate into the sink and rinsed it. I looked out of the window, a small smile forming across my taunt face as a memory came into my mind.
It was last summer, we had the chance to go back home for a while. I was dating Megan. In fact, it was our some month anniversary, a few months before the accident where instead of an ocean of useless shit, it was calm and collected. It was one of the most invigorating days of my life. I could remember every detail exactly as it was - like a picture. Nothing was missing, empty or even just blanked out. I sighed heavily as I finished the plate and headed over to the living room. For some reason, I couldn't get the day of my head.
Megan was sitting in the couch in front of me, playing a new song she had written. Honestly, it was one of her better ones. I couldn't quite remember the lyrics, but I could remember her smile. It was wide, proud even. She tilted her head to the side as she cleared her throat.
"How was it?" She asked, holding the neck of the guitar up to her chest.
"It was great," I said with a soft smile. I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her lips happily. "It's my favorite,"
"You say that about all of them," She argued with a roll of her eyes.
"Maybe all of them are my favorites," I answered swiftly, taking a large sip of my lemonade. I tilted my head to the side to look at her once again. She was truly beautiful. I couldn't help but to fall more in love with her.
"You're an ass, Ry," She punched my upper arm gently before laughing. "I love you."
"I know," I smirked, rubbing where she hit.
In reality, I could hear my mom and sister arguing over whose turn it was to wash the dishes; mine or hers. It was obviously hers. I did them last night, the night before, the night before that and even the night before that. I snapped out of the day dream when I heard the front door open. I looked over to it and saw Nash. With a raised eyebrow, I got up and walked over to him.
"Hey," I said, my eyebrow still raised. "What're you doing here?"
"What, can't a friend visit a friend anymore?" He snorted, punching my arm in the same spot Megan did in the vision. "You, me and Jamie have a meeting, remember?" He raised his eyebrows. I nearly forgot why he didn't mention Ian. He had left the band due to 'personal reasons' which more or less meant he wanted to explore more opportunities within himself. It was fine with us so long as he was happy. We could find a new bassist, but none would quite fit Ian's role. I glanced back at my mother as she gave an approving head nod and swiftly grabbed my jacket.
"Make sure he eats!" She demanded at Nash. Nash only laughed. He followed me out and together we got into the suited up, black and rather large SUV. I buckled up as Jamie took off, driving like a maniac out of the driveway. I had a sudden recollection to the feelings I had when I wrote Bleed. I couldn't help but to sigh. I leaned against the window as my arms crossed over my chest.
"You look better," Nash said after a few moments of driving. We got onto the interstate within a few moments and all I could do was huff. I pushed my hair out of my face and looked back at him.
"I look good too," I whispered, trying to joke.
"No," He said with a small laugh. "I seriously mean it, Ryan. You look good. You're starting to look healthy again. Are you? How do you feel?" He raised a slight eyebrow as he clicked his tongue. I just opened my mouth and slightly shrugged. I rain my hand through my hair and played with the strap of my belt. No one's ever really asked this question; how do you feel? They must've known I was going to lie or something. They asked me when I was in the hospital, but that was it. Mom didn't ask. Jamie didn't ask. My sister didn't ask. Dad didn't ask. I actually had to think of an appropriate response.
I glanced over towards Jamie who looked back at me with a sluggish smile. "I think you look great, too," He finally admitted. He parked the car in a large garage and turned to face me. "I don't think you're over Megan, but I do think you're looking so much better." He offered a smile as he patted my knee cap.
"Thank you," I said somewhat unsure of the entire situation. I stepped out of the car. My hands instantly went straight into my pocket as the three of us went inside. Looking around the building, I bit onto my inner cheek. I knew what we were here for - songs, music, music videos and etc. I already had a bunch written and a bunch of new feelings to quickly write a new one on the spot. I walked down the slender hallway and sat down on a large chair. I grabbed a guitar near me and started to strum out the notes to 6 Months from Hey Monday. I hummed quietly.
You're the direction that I follow to get home. When I feel like I can't go on, you tell me to go. And it's like I can't feel a thing without you around. And don't mind me if I get weak in the knees cause you have that effect on me, you do
I looked up as the producers walked in. They looked sharp with their brief cases and suits, but who were they trying to kid? They were only here for the money. Not me. Not Jamie. Not Nash. Not anyone other than themselves. I could only laugh as they sat down. They started talking but I could only continue to play the song, the humming soon turning into a very quiet whisper of singing. I knew Nash would be listening but what got me was, where's Cameron? It was not like him at all to miss any meetings whatsoever.
Everything you say, every time we kiss I can't think straight. But I'm okay. I can't think of anybody else who I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you.
I heard them speak about starting to do follow sprees on Twitter and doing more personal shows. Maybe doing more acoustic things randomly in random cities we were in. That sounded like a fun time, I love playing guitar and I loved singing along with a guitar.
Months going strong now and no goodbye. Unconditional, unoriginal. Always by my side. Meant to be together meant for no one but each other. You love me. I love you harder so,
Jamie looked bored out of his skull. He started messing with his hair and playing drums on the table with his pencil. I laughed once more before looking down at the guitar. It was the same color Megan had when she first arrived to Tenneesee. I strumed the strings sligtly harder, trying not to let my emotions show.
Everything you say, every time we kiss I can't think straight. But I'm okay. I can't think of anybody else who I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you.
So please give me your hands. So please give me a lesson on how to steal, steal your heart as fast as you stole mine.
Everything you say, every time we kiss I can't think straight. But I'm okay. I can't think of anybody else who I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you.
So please give me your hands.
So please, just give me your hands.
Ironically, the end of the song marked the end of the meeting fore I had starting crying. Great. I thought about how pathetic I must've looked to everyone. I looked down at the guitar as I felt Nash's hand on my back.
"Ryan?" He asked, frowning. It wasn't one of those are you okay oh my god tell me what's wrong now i can help frowns. It was a uh, a soft frown. One that said, I'm here for you.
The room was silent except for my whimpers. I sounded like I was in pain but the truth of the matter is I haven't cried since I saw her in the hospital. Fuck, I needed this. I hated this, but I needed it. I laughed pathetically before wiping my hands on my eyes, hearing the guitar crash down onto the ground.
"I miss her," I finally said. Jamie's face went from up to down as he looked at me. "I miss her so much." I said softly, looking at Nash. "What did I do so badly to lose her this way? Hell, what did she do? It was my fault. I should be the one with no memory and the one struggling day by day to get my life back in order. Not her. Oh my god, they're all right. They're all so right. This is my fault," I gasped out as I fell back into the seat, sinking more into it before getting up and dashing down the hallway. I soon found myself out side. Looking from side to side as if I was actually debating on which way was the easiest to escape. I heard Nash and Jamie screaming my name from behind but that didn't stop me from running from the studio, or wherever we were, all the way through town and back to my house. When I saw that no one's car was in the driveway, I sighed a huge breath of relief for I had barely prolonged the amount of questions that were going to be thrown me way. I ran inside and up the stairs to my room.
This was it.
I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take the pain. I couldn't take the amount of pressure from my family to get better or the amount of pressure from the fans.
I just needed something. Anything to distract me. I stumbled into my room and started shuffling around. As I made my way around the room for the seventeenth time, I finally remembered my mom had taken anything sharp and pointy out. She said, "I'm too scared of losing you," and "This is for your own good," as if she didn't trust me. I huffed a little as sweat dripped down my forehead. "Ryan?" I heard someone screaming down the hallway. My heart was still beating a mile minute from the run, but I was assuming I now had a bit too much anxiety pent up. "Ryan!" I heard again, this time much closer than the last. I gasped out slightly as a pain struck my chest. I felt my knees slamming into the ground before letting out another gasp. "Ryan!" I heard one again before the brightness was tainted with dark and all I could hear was my door cringing open then absolutely nothing.
------------------
Hiii, guys! I just wanted to make a HUGE apology for not uploading this for nearly an entire year. I had gotten so busy with school, issues at home and friends that I just completely abandoned it and other stories as well. I am SO sorry. I really hope you're enjoying it so far. I am going to try to upload this at least once a week, maybe once a month to start off with. I have the third book in mind, yes, a third, but I need to get through this one before I even start to write that. Right now, I am completely changing whatever it is I had in mind so bare with me. I am re-reading the previous chapters and hopefully it'll still make sense with what I want to do with Ryan and Megan seeing as though I was not that far into the book. Thank you so much again! Also, my tumblr is utterlyirwin and my twitter is WhatTheBrooks
xx, meghan