Seventeen
I always wondered if murderers were capable of remorse. Perhaps they weren't, because my mind wandered to Ahmose, and not Kephri. It disgusted me. I cared about Ahmose, and I didn't want him to resent me for what I had done, but Kephri was dead. She had been a human being, regardless of the horrible deeds she had committed in her life. Why couldn't I bring myself to feel the full capacity of remorse? Maybe it was the shock of her death, or maybe my resentment of her had turned me into a monster.
I paced my chamber like a wild panther, deliberating what I should do. If I said nothing at all about my involvement, this would all probably go away. No one would suspect me of murder. They were more likely to blame Thutmosis for the way he beat her. But how could I let this go on without a word? I couldn't let an innocent person be captured for a crime I had committed, even if it had been a complete accident. I had to tell Ahmose the truth, but that frightened me more than anything. It was the honorable thing to do, and I had to atone for my actions.
I tried to predict the possible outcomes. In the worst scenario I could imagine, he became furious with me and had me executed. I sank to my knees and began to cry. I wanted to go back in time and stop myself. I had been so obsessed with vengeance, that I had destroyed my own life in the crossfire. How could Ahmose ever forgive me?
I wished I hadn't been so hard on him last night. It wasn't his fault Thutmosis was such a brutal man. Ahmose was good and kind, and my emotions for him had become so perplexed and deep, I wondered if I cared more about him than myself.
In the other scenario, the one I prayed for, he would understand it had been only an accident and forgive me. I sighed and curled up in my bed, tangling the sheets around me and burying my face in the pillow. I had never been so afraid in my life, even more afraid than when I was first captured by his guards in the street. It wasn't just the fear of Ahmose's wrath that anguished me. Remorse began to take refuge in my heart, and I was suddenly overcome by grief. Maybe I wasn't a monster after all.
I heard shuffling next door, alerting me of Ahmose's presence even before he came into my room. I tried to calm myself with pleasant thoughts, but my stomach tossed and turned like a pitiless sea. I had to gather my thoughts before I could speak with him. He was so quiet, I wasn't sure if he was even in the room. I was afraid to look.
"Kara, I need to speak with you," he murmured. My heart sank.
I curled up in my indigo sheets and pretended to sleep, but to my dismay, a weight came gently down on the space beside me, and Ahmose leaned over me. He lightly ran his fingers over my arm, causing tingling bumps to form on my skin. I shivered and looked up at him. His lips were pulled into a thin line, and his eyes were tired. The dark hollows beneath them made him appear much older than what he actually was.
"It's early," he said. "Why are you in bed? Are you ill?" He placed his palm to my face, as if to check for a fever.
I wondered the same about him. He had dark circles under his eyes, like he hadn't slept at all last night. I sat up and wrapped my arms around his neck. I breathed in his skin, a soft fragrance of cinnamon and myrrh, like the desert itself. And then I began to sob.
Ahmose wrapped his strong arms around me, and held me against him. "Are you still angry with me?"
"I was never angry with you," I cried, feeling guilty for the terrible way I had spoken to him last night. "Please forgive me!"
Ahmose pulled me back so he could gaze into my eyes. He ran his hand through my hair and along my cheek, wiping away my tears. I brushed his cheek, soft as velvet, and took his face in my hands. I leaned into him and captured his lips with mine. He gasped in surprise, and his body went rigid in my arms for a moment until he kissed me back with as much feeling and tenderness.
I was crossing the line, the boundaries we had set when we agreed to remain only as friends. But I knew this might be my last chance with him.
My heart raged inside me, threatening to tear at the fibers that braided it into my chest. The heat in his lips as he kissed mine surged through his hands as they wound around my waist. My body flooded with desire, and the blood in my veins became liquid fire.
We finally broke the kiss by pulling away, breathless. I rested my forehead against his as we both drew in long, deep breaths; the same breaths. A pink hue spread across his cheeks and became the color of a bashful rose. In his eyes, I saw hesitance and confusion. He brushed his palm against my face and pulled me into another deep kiss.
When we parted again, this time because we were both breathless, I rested my head on his strong shoulder and shuddered.
"Kara, what's wrong?" His voice was a vibration against my shoulder as we embraced.
"I have something to tell you," I replied, clutching him against me. "You must know that Kephri has died."
He was quiet for a moment then nodded knowingly. "I don't want you to be afraid," he said. "Kephri was not a woman who was well liked. Of course, I needn't explain that to you, considering everything that has transpired. She had many enemies. The murderess could be anyone, but..." he broke off and shifted his gaze to the window.
My belly ached as if chemicals burned within it. It had only been one day, and already they suspected a female of this crime. They were close to the truth...
I watched as his eyes fell to the floor, as if his mind ached from his own thoughts. "Many of the women in the household have bickered and scuffled with her. They all had reasons to want to be rid of her. But the one who had the most reason...the greatest motive to kill her is your servant girl, Menefer."
A feeling I couldn't describe suddenly wrenched in the pit of my gut. My face felt cold as if the blood had suddenly rushed out of it. Sweet Menefer hadn't done this terrible thing; I was responsible for it all. I opened my mouth to deny his horrible suspicion, but my voice was silent. I gasped and attempted to speak again, but only the dry ache of fear was present.
Ahmose must have sensed my horror. He wrapped his arms around me, trying to secure me in the safety of his chest. Though he was trying to comfort me, he was rigid, preparing himself for what he was about to tell me. I could sense it. He didn't have to say anything at all; I already knew.
"She has been arrested," he began, and then paused, unsure of how to continue. Murder, one of the most heinous crimes in Egypt, would bear a heavy sentence if convicted. The penalty could be execution. He drew in a deep breath, and hesitantly, said, "Her sentence will be carried out three days hence. I know you cared for her, so I wanted to give you a chance to say goodbye..."
Though my motives had been driven by justification of Menefer, I had acted selfishly and ruined the lives of those I cared about most. If I couldn't overturn Menefer's conviction, she would be sentenced to die. If I confessed the truth, Ahmose would never forgive me, and then I would die instead.
"I'm responsible. This is my fault."
"What?" he whispered sharply.
My cheeks were wet, and I thought I glimpsed despair in his eyes before my tears blurred his face.
He grasped my hand. "Do you understand what you are saying? What you are confessing to? There is only one punishment delivered to murderers under Egyptian law, and that is death!"
Horrorstricken, I gasped, and my hands found my mouth, subconsciously trying to stop myself. "But I did this," I whispered. "Menefer didn't kill Kephri...I did."
"Stop it!" Ahmose exclaimed, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me. "Do not utter another word! I know you care about the girl, but do not admit something like this so easily to try and save her life! Especially in front of me...Pharaoh, the King of Egypt! I cannot ignore a confession!"
I wiped my eyes. "You are the pharaoh! Can't you just let her go? She is innocent-"
"Nay, I cannot let her go! I am Pharaoh, but the law is divine and guards the land, and even I must abide by it. I cannot change the law, so I cannot set her free. That is why you must never profess such a thing aloud. I will have to arrest you if you confess to this crime! And I-" he broke off and his eyes drifted to the wall, unable to meet mine. The timbre in his voice changed. "I would rather die myself than see you condemned!" He pulled me against him and I buried my face into his shoulder.
"Ahmose," I breathed. I pulled back to gaze into his eyes, deep, sorrowful pools that were the color of nectar.
"Never profess such a thing ever again." He ran his fingers along my cheek.
I felt as if I was disobeying him. "But you must set her free. I am the one who is responsible for Kephri's death. I swear I did not intend to take her life, but I am the one who is at fault, and I am the one who deserves to be in prison right now."
"I don't understand! How can you be responsible for this?"
"I will tell you everything," I replied. My brain swirled, not only from the memories that suddenly came hurling back to me, but also because of the disapproving gaze in Ahmose's eyes. "Yesterday, I took a leaf from an aloe plant in the garden. I had no plans for it then, but I had an overwhelming sense to take it anyway. After you left me in the dining hall yesterday evening, I took the leaf and squeezed the juices into one of the chalices. Then I gave the mixed drink to Kephri after I poured the wine. That's why she became ill so suddenly."
Ahmose fell quiet as he listened to my confession. My heart felt cleansed as the words left my tongue, but Ahmose's rigid form filled me with a new sense of terror.
"She was so ill at dinner last night! I can't believe she would die from that," I was sobbing again. "I was angry for what she had done to Menefer. I wanted to humiliate her! I swear I never meant to harm her."
Ahmose grabbed my shoulders and pulled me into his arms, clutching me tightly to his chest. "For a moment, you frightened me!" he scolded against my neck. I didn't understand what he meant, and so I began to cry again. "I was almost convinced you really had done this!"
Confused, I pulled back, "I don't understand."
He took my face in his hands, and said, "You are not responsible!" He lifted my chin to look into my eyes. "She was found dead this morning with her head bashed in. Someone beat her to death. Didn't you know that?"
"What?" I gasped. When I had spoken with Iset earlier, she had confessed she didn't know all the details. Were these facts just being released to everyone?
"Kephri was lying in a pool of her own blood. I saw it myself when I examined her corpse," he explained. I didn't know if I should feel relieved or afraid. Of course it was wonderful to know I hadn't been responsible for Kephri's death, but this also meant there really was a killer in the palace. Maybe it was the same perpetrator who had tried to kill Ahmose...
He wrapped his arms around me and breathed in my hair. "Please don't ever do something like that again. I like you much more when you're not cruel."
"Does this mean you forgive me?" I asked, clinging to him.
"Of course I forgive you."
Menefer...she was being blamed for the murder.
"Menefer is innocent," I reminded him. "She would never do something this heinous. You must know that!"
Ahmose's eyes became sullen. He wanted to believe me.
"Yesterday, you gave her a choice: arrest Kephri, or deface her. If Menefer had malice in her heart, then why choose the lesser of two punishments? She is incapable of harming someone. Besides a grudge, what evidence do you have against her?"
"The girl is quiet, and seems so docile. I admire your faith in her, but you cannot be so trusting. We searched her sleeping quarters this morning. We found a statue of Maat under her bed. We believe it was the weapon used to kill Kephri...its base it hefty and could withstand being smashed against bone. It also had fresh blood on it."
I shook my head in disbelief.
"Kara, the girl had access to Kephri's quarters. It wouldn't be difficult, or suspicious, for her to slip inside without detection. She has never caused me trouble before...but there is no other suspect, and the evidence against her is overwhelming. I am sorry...but it cannot be changed."
"Yes it can," I replied. "She is innocent, and I intend to prove it."
Ahmose's lips receded into a straight line. "The judges are gathering for her sentencing. You have three days."