Chapter 17
“A story has no beginning or end: arbitrarily one chooses that moment of experience from which to look back or from which to look ahead.”
― Graham Greene
Now I’m sure that this was it. We would be gone in matter of minutes. I saw what happen to the people who entered the Death Chamber or the Gas Chamber as it’s called. People go in the chamber alive, but come out dead. It was fast death in way besides the fact of not breathing. And the fact that they just shoved the last person into the chamber and was about to shut on the door.
All we really had to do was wait. Wait for death to show up and take us away from this place. I wanted to see my family again. At least I would see them again. Really that was the only thing I was looking forward too but no here I was about to die.
Tick Tock Tick Tock went the mental cloak in my head. Okay that sounded weird but it was something that kept me going at least even through facing almost death once again. I wondered if there was a light at the end of the tunnel or I would wake up somewhere and see my parents again. Mostly I didn’t know what to think of, what would happen when I died. I felt as if I sinned and shouldn’t be left with anything. Maybe we deserved what was coming.
Tick Tock Tick Tock
Still nothing, and I knew that deaths were fast over with. At least that’s what we saw in the past. Why weren’t we dead yet? Was I really just questioning why I wasn’t dead? That still seemed a little strange to me even with everything was going on.
Here I was, alive. I was actually alive, and had to make sure I was here because I didn’t feel like I was here. But here I was not dead, but free. We were free, well not really free. I had no idea what was going on. By the look of everyone faces in the chamber who were with me were just as shock as I was. That in turn gave me some hope and of course made me worry.
Being free wasn’t a term we used often. Force to see stuff, and rights that were taken away as soon as that Man got power. What did Freedom Mean? What was freedom when you didn’t have it forever, I didn’t get what that meant. Was this another trick? Was this a joke? Because it seemed like a very cruel joke. It seemed that life gave a lot of those out lately.
There was shouting, and running about outside but the door didn’t close. The door didn’t close like it was suppose too. We were supposed to be dead right now but we were all very much alive. I didn’t know what to do, nobody knew what to do really. It was awkward standing there naked starting at the open the door. We stood that for minutes waiting for our finale scene. That sounded as if it came from the novels I use to read. I didn’t see the reason to even be here.
One of the older adults decided go outside. I wasn’t that brave anymore like she was. We waited to hear gun shots, or soldiers yelling but nothing. Which was weird as we knew if one of us stepped out the soldiers if were there would shot us. Also knew, we all knew that they didn’t believe in second chances or chances if any. I know we didn’t so where were they? We waited for ever, scared that whatever was waiting out there for us was going to be our death.
We all jumped when she came back in. This time with clothing in her arms, it seemed to be as much as clothing she could carry. She came back, almost scared us half to death as she made no sound really. She threw bunch of clothing at us. The women I knew as Madeline had a huge smile on her face. The kind I haven’t seen for years. She grinned at all of us telling to put the clothes on.
“There gone” she said softly, making us stare at her as if she was saying the Queen of England was here.
“THERE GONE” She shouted as us, and ran out of the gas chamber and we could only stare at her retreating figure in shock. Ounce we were all dressed, we walked outside to see no soldiers around at all. They seem to disappear, I don’t know where. But All I did know was that we were free. Freedom was actually real and this all seemed like a really good dream. Most of us turn to our neighbor’s and pinch them just to make sure. Again this felt like a really weird dream.
It was real, it was actually real!! I could even hear birds singing which I haven’t hard for years. It was the most welcoming sound. It seemed that everything looked better and I knew that sounded weird, but it was like nothing could hurt us kind of feeling and just made everything brighter and better. Sure we were all hungry, tired and well mostly all of those things, but we couldn’t help but dance or sing.
I didn’t know why really, but we started shouting and singing. Most of us did dance as if we didn’t have care in the world and for the first time in what seemed like forever and it really was. I mean wouldn’t you if you finally have a chance to be free? We felt as if nothing could hurt as anymore. We cried and dance for what seemed like hours. No soldiers were in sight, and for once we couldn’t stop smiling.
It wasn’t till a little later that recuse came to save us. We had our first real meal, got new clothes and even new things but there was one place I had to go back too. Everyone decided to go home. I didn’t know if I had a home to go to anymore but I wanted to see if I did. Even if I did still have my stuff, my families stuff there, I knew I would want to leave there. I would take everything I could and head out of Europe maybe America, or somewhere safe.
I got some help from the people who recuse us and headed back to the Ghetto. I didn’t know if anything would be there. Or if it would all be gone but I had hope. Even if the hope seem like a small candle in pitch dark room it was still light. I knew light always overcame darkness and I couldn’t wait to go home.
When I got to the Ghetto, a place I once saw of life.. It was in ruins. Luckily I could still remember where everything was. It was the memories of my family that kept me going, even as it was some memories of the small apartment we lived in. It was still, or had been home.
The straights were bear, few people walking about trying to find their things. Nobody I recognized. I felt tears go down my face as I walked. It seemed like a ghost town in way. Everybody was just gone. I didn’t see the kids who once ran around playing, I didn’t hear voice singing at all. It was just quite way to quiet and I hated it.
I walked down a road taking a right to finally were the old apartment once stood. I faced what use to be home was just a tall building that was about to fall down. It didn’t look like home anymore. But it was my home. Here was place where Mother would cook us Dinner, Dad would read us stories at night and where my sister would play. This was the place we had when even if the world seemed dark and scary outside, we still had our family and most importantly hope. This was my home and now it was gone.
I decided to go find my Uncle Johnathan. I had enough money after searching the place to take a boat all the way to New York. I never been in the boat so it was a new experience for me. I packed as many things I could and vowed to never look back. I didn’t want to come back to the place that killed my parents and my sister. The place that made me face demons I didn’t want to face.
I was looking for the future and maybe some new things. I would try my best and finish school if possible. Maybe I could get a job as long as it wasn’t peeling potatoes or digging then I would be fine.
I only knew that my Uncle Johnathan, my dad’s brother lived in New York and was well known doctor there. I hope that he would let me stay with him. He was family after all and hope he would mind because I had no place to go.
I was looking forward to a new start and hopefully new home. I wanted to forget what happen in the past two to three years. I knew I would never forget my family or friends. But this new start would hopefully help me move on.
A picture of Holly 17 years old standing in front of her old apartment which was in runs. Photos followed that picture. One of her picking stuff from the rumble. A watch was found, some photo graphs, some of Holly’s favorite books and a brown worn down teddy bear that belonged to her sister Emma. One of her room that had no roof. The Desk was in broken pieces. Writing was on the wall. The paint on the wall was also destroyed. Her other things were also thrown around the room or broken. Nothing was in its original place which made Holly very sad.
Holly hold up old torn up Teddy bear that was in the picture. The teddy bear had stiches on the arms and the Eyes of the bear was White and Black button. It looked like it has been repaired so many times. But you could tell the bear even if was a stuff animal was well taken care of and loved.
Holly walked around the podium and face the crowd. Almost everyone had tears in their eyes just like her. Austin and Emi wiping away tears, Sophie was hiding behind the computer, most likely crying.
“This was Emma’s favorite toy. She used to hug it when she got scared. Mother gave it to her, said that if anything happen to our parent’s or me, if we hugged the bear we wouldn’t be alone” Holly said brushing her tears away. She was glad her voice didn’t break.
“I hugged this bear every night after I moved to America. I felt as I hugged this Teddy bear that Emma once had. That maybe my parents and she were hugging me back. It made me feel as if I wasn’t alone.” She said with small smile on her face.
Holly missed them every day of her life she missed them and hope that they would return even though she knew they wouldn’t. She felt like this was mostly a bad dream. She hoped she would awake from it but she knew it was real.
“Getting over it wasn’t something that really did happen, I’m still not over what happen. The memories seemed to turn into nightmares that kept me awake in my early years. Seeing some of the soldiers going to jail didn’t really help. I knew that those going to jail wouldn’t bring my parents’ home. My sister wouldn’t come back to life. No matter how many people went to jail the ones who died, their voices would be silent “she said bringing the stool up in the middle of the stage and sitting down. She was
“11 Million Voices were silenced because they were different. And even through the holocaust is not happening now, voices are still being silent. Just because someone is different, doesn’t mean they are worth less than you. We can learn a thing or two from each other. Being different is what makes you unique. We judge to quickly and we never take the chance to get to know a person. A through this is not like putting thousands of men, women, and children in a gas chamber. It changed to bullying, to hate, and still thousands of people commit suicide because of it.” Holly said shaking her head looking around at the seemed to be blank voices hoping that they were actually listening.
“I know that this has been a very long day for everyone, and most of you have to get home, so I’ll end with this poem I found”.
I believe in the sun,
Even when it’s not shining.
I believe in love even when I’m alone.
And I believe in God even when he is silent.
- Jewish refugee who wrote an inscription on the wall outside Cologne,
Germany, during World War I
“People asked me every day, after surviving the holocaust and see my family being killed if I still believed in god. Even through most of the time while I was in the camp, I felt that God wasn’t listening and most days after seeing death everywhere, I wasn’t even sure god was actually real. But at the end of day, it wasn’t just luck that got me here. I guess I believe that I’m here for reason and even if you don’t believe in god. There was always the time in my life during the long nights or days when I wanted to die. I didn’t see why I was there and my family was not. We are still here right now alive and I’m alive, for that I’m thankful” she said looking around once again.
She gave a small smile to the group of people who listen to her story.
I went to American and I found my Uncle who was happy enough to take me in. He heard what happen in Europe and was worried about the family. He help me get back into school and get a job as Librarian. Thankfully I spoke English rather well and fit in America Right away” Holly said with smile on her face.
In the white curtain was pictures of Holly at the age of 18 with tall man with black hair. He had kind face, with brown eyes. He and Holly were standing in the photo smiling at the camera. Holly didn’t seem like the girl she was when she was 15. She was taller and still thin but looked much heather then she was during the Holocaust. Her eyes shining bright as if she was ready to take on the world. And she was she really was.
“If you learn anything for today, don’t take your life for granted. Don’t live your life in the past because right now it’s all that matters. Thank you for having me today” she said getting up from the stole. She didn’t expect it but everyone in crowd stood up clapping and which Holly return by saying thankful. Soon everyone left the room. John giving Holly Handshake and letting go back to the room to get her stuff.
Holly’s kids followed her to the room. Not really saying anything just yet. As soon as the door closed behind them. Her son spoke first, the girls not trusting themselves to speak. Both obviously crying and kind of mad.
“Why didn’t you tell us” Austin as, clearly his throat. He wasn’t the kind of guy who liked crying in front of his family but tears were coming down his face.
They all sat down at the couch. Holly still had the Teddy bear in her hands not wanting to let go with it. All three of her children sat around her. Sophie on her Right, Austin and Emi on the left. All Three of them sending worried looks at their mother.
“I was scared I guess” she mutter at first knowing that wasn’t the real reason why their mother didn’t tell them.
“Why Mom” asked Sophie softly taking her mother’s hand and giving it squeeze.
“You guys were young when you asked about what happen. I didn’t want you to know everything I went through and saw. I wanted you guys to have hope, and not see all of the world’s darkness. All three of you were too young to understand, even I was. I didn’t want you guys to know what really happen. I didn’t want you guys to have nightmares” Holly said carefully looking them all straight in the eye to show she was telling the truth. She still wasn’t letting going to let go of the Teddy bear.
“Mom, we know something happen worse than what you told us because we heard you when you woke up screaming for Auntie Emma. Dad had to calm you down and told us to go back to bed. Even after dad died and we would visit you still would wake up screaming. You can’t just go through something like what you did and not tell the truth Mom or it will eat you alive” Austin said giving mother a hug. Which she return now having tears in her eyes.
“You did brave thing Mom telling your story. Many others couldn’t tell the story but you did mom and maybe the voice of the ones who suffered and are still alive will talk about it too. You showed others that they weren’t alone Mom, and really that’s what everybody needs” Emi said also giving her Mother hug. It became a Cohen Group hug as Sophie joined the group hug.
“I think Grandpa, Grandma and Emma would be very proud of you Mum. Not to mention Dad” said Emi with smile as they were done hugging. Holly smiled once again, and chuckled, there was a lot of smiling going on today but some tears also.
They all got up and decided to go at local dining area and eat some food. All of rather hungry, decided to like their Mother choice. Emma said she would meet them outside, while Austin went to go get the car. Sensing that their mother need some time be herself the girls followed their brother into the cool chilly air.
Holly got her coat on, and looked around the room. The teddy bear was still in her hand and she could let go with it. Holly felt a tear fall down her face as she started at the bear. She missed Emma a lot, and not a day goes by that she didn’t miss her. The world seem so quite without her sister around it. Not to mention her parents who she also miss. They were her rock, her friends and of course her parents. They were always there for her when she need anyone to talk to and now she need someone to talk to and they weren’t there. It hurt Holly that she couldn’t see her parents or her little sister again.
But she would always remember the times she had with them and never forget the good times they had together. No matter what happen, the things they taught her will forever be in her heart. She hoped the wisdom she got from her parents were passed on from her to her children. At least she hoped it did.
Sure Holly didn’t remember all the things her parents taught her. She was allowed to forget a few things at her age at least. That’s what her children told her which made her laugh. She was glad they got her late husband’s humor. Live with them was never boring and Holly had to admit that’s how she liked life.
She put the bear back in her suitcase/ purse. Her thoughts soon turned to her late husband. Wondering what he would think of all of this. She was he was here once more. She had to admit she missed the hugs of his not to mention the kisses.
She laughed at the random memories that came to her as she put the rest of her stuff in her bag. She grabbed the strap of the bag and pulled it over her shoulder. She gave one last look around the room making sure she didn’t forget anything. And set off to meet her children who were still waiting for the car. She went pass the information booth were John was waiting. He step her wanting to say something.
“Thank you for coming by the way” he said with smile on his face. Holly nodded and gave him a grin.
“It was honor to come here and tell my story. Thank you for inviting me” she said softly and John nodded giving her a hug. They said their goodbyes and Holly headed off into the cold crisp air.