Summary: Raphael teaches Simon about being a vampire. Simon teaches Raphael about being a nerd.
By: inlovewithfictionalcharacters
So Raphael offered Simon vampire lessons. It all sounded pretty good until Simon found out it was less True Blood and more Interview With A Vampire. Less partying and more skulking around in a fancy house with expensive furniture and maybe learning to look decorative while laying on a chaise lounge like a Victorian lady facing consumption.
Okay Raphael didn't actually teach him the lounging around part. But he was pretty Lestat about the whole thing. Minus the gay undertones. Probably.
Simon had accepted that he wouldn't be able to see his mother and sister for some time and so he made up a lie so he'd be able to stay at the Hotel Dumort. He told her he had an internship that was closer to where a friend lived and would require a lot of his attention and late night work so he would be staying at his friend's place for a few weeks. His mother was sceptic because she knew Simon would rather invest his time in his band than pursue an internship but she eventually accepted his excuse.
And so Simon moved in at Casa Creepy Vampire Hotel, which was kinda like the Hotel California in that everyone had a lovely face and there was plenty of space but you could also never really leave.
Simon decided that this would be a problem for future Simon to deal with after he had the whole blood sucking urges down to a normal Edward Cullen level of restraint. Or maybe Carlisle Cullen in case he met his Bella Swan. He stopped his train of thought right there because while he wasn't ashamed to make a Twilight references there was a limit. Given that two of his best friends were girls and he had a sister he was open minded. Plus vampire knowledge might actually come in handy now.
Raphael gave Simon the room next to his. Simon figured it was a sort of mentor thing to keep him close so Simon wouldn't have to waste time stumbling through the whole hotel to find Raphael in case of emergency.
Simon wouldn't say that the room was to his taste seeing as it was decorated with gothic furniture and a depressing Delacroix painting featuring - ironically - souls of the damned. It might have been an original. Most of the painting at the hotel were.
Simon had actually gotten Clary to fetch some of his stuff for him from home. His laptop, a few DVDs and his Buffy poster because Simon was just gonna roll with the irony at this point. Apparently someone had managed to install electricity because there were outlets but wifi was sadly missing. Apparently vampires didn't believe in the power of the internet.
His first night Raphael taught Simon about all the abilities the vampires had. Healing, strength, speed, shape shifting. Simon wasn't sure if Raphael was being serious about that last one because it sounded pretty made up. But then again, so did vampires.
Raphael "taught" Simon while wearing an expensive black suit and lounging on one of the ridiculous gold couches in what Simon would think of as the common room except this was so not Hogwarts.
After Simon had gotten over the initial shock (and the fact that he couldn't drink coffee anymore) he was actually grateful that Raphael had decided to take him on. He could have just left him to fend for his own until he accidentally broke the Accords and was killed by a Shadowhunter. When Simon asked Raphael why he had decided to take pity on him Raphael just responded that Camille had caused enough drama for the vampires and that he would like to keep all of this quiet.
After the vampire 101 lesson Simon attempted small talk. He felt like it was only polite to find out more about Raphael since he would basically be his sort of roommate/student for the foreseeable future.
"So...where were you born? I was born here. New York, born and raised and died and raised from the dead, as they say." Simon said attempting to break the ice.
Raphael gave him a stare. He raised an eyebrow. Simon felt himself growing nervous. Kind of like when Clary was close to seeing through his blatant flirting with her. Not that she ever really had. Simon couldn't deny that it looked attractive but Raphael was pretty much always attractive just like all the other vampires. Simon wondered when that would happen for him.
"I was born in Mexico and immigrated to New York as a kid. I was then turned while trying to hunt down vampires."
"Ah Mexico..." Simon struggled for something to say about Mexico that wouldn't make him sound like a Trump supporter. Nice tequila there? So you're an illegal vampire instead of an illegal alien? No, that wouldn't go over well, even if it would be meant as a joke. He was Jewish after all. Although he didn't know how his rabbi would feel about a Jewish vampire. Was blood kosher?
Raphael raised his eyebrow again. He was good at that. He was also good at making Simon feel like an idiot.
"How old are you then? If Mexico was already a country when you left it must have been after 1800?"
Raphael inclined his head. "Yes it was in the 1940s when I left for New York. I can't recall the exact year. I am no older than 80 years I would say."
"That's actually a lot younger than I thought. You have all that old world air about you."
Raphael looked like he suppressed a smile. "Is that a compliment?"
Simon nodded. "Sure. I thought you were some ancient Aztec sacrifice to the vampires or something."
Now Raphael laughed softly. "When you mundanes think about vampires you always imagine those who are several 100 years old. Yet here you are and you're not even a month old as a vampire. That should teach you not to assume."
"Okay man but you gotta admit you guys haven't exactly been subtle. What with all the legends the...um mundane have of your species. You can't have been hiding too well."
Raphael nodded again. "Yes vampires back then were more careless. Humans didn't have the necessary tools to prove or disprove the existence of vampires and sometimes it was better to be feared. We were left alone. Or so the others tell me. As you said I'm only 80 years old, so what do I know of the struggles during the witch hunts."
"So what do you guys do for fun? Other than kidnap humans and be a thorn in the Clave's side? Do you guys ever watch Buffy and laugh about it?"
Raphael looked almost embarrassed. "I have to say we're not much for modern culture as you can see. We have all these old paintings but we can't exactly go to the cinema or anything like that. We like to think ourselves more dignified than that."
"But you guys could right?" Simon said now getting into the idea of seeing Raphael at the little independent cinema he went to with his friends. "I mean there are showings at night. And you don't have to buy snacks. Don't you ever want to see what mundanes make out of vampire legends now? Or just take in pop culture?"
As a self proclaimed geek Simon couldn't comprehend someone not having the desire to see Star Wars or Van Helsing. Especially if you were a vampire. Wouldn't you want to have a good laugh at how wrong humans got it? Simon certainly would.
"I suppose we could, if we wanted to but we're not really used to so many humans. The temptations. Most of us actually don't want to get into a fight with the Clave because we got a little too eager with a human."
Suddenly Simon had a thought. "Hey Clary brought me a few of my things. My Star Wars collection, my Buffy box set. You know, the essentials when surviving un-life without the internet. I could show you some stuff right here. And I bet after I do you'll want to try going to a mostly empty midnight showing. It's a trade off. You teach me all about being a vampire and I update you on pop culture so you'll look more normal in front of humans!"
Raphael thought it over. "That would be acceptable. Although I don't think you investment is on the level that a normal mundane's would be."
Simon snorted. "You'd be surprised. There are a lot of geeks out there, my friend."
Raphael looked surprised. "Friend?"
"Sure, I mean we're helping each other out right? That's what friends are for. Plus if we're stuck together more or less for eternity it would be a nice perk to actually be friends."
Raphael seemed to look pleased by what Simon had said. Simon figured he didn't have too many friends that weren't subordinates or crazies like Camille who would give Raphael grey hairs if vampires had the ability to get grey hairs. He kind of felt sorry for the guy. And also because Raphael had never experienced the joy of total pop culture obsession.
Simon got up. "Well come on. The empire waits for no man!"
Raphael got up and followed Simon to his room. His laptop was already set up on the extremely creepy gothic bed. Simon turned to look at Raphael.
"Is it okay if we do this on the bed? I mean we could relocate to the golden couches but I didn't see an outlet and my battery is pretty shitty. It's an old laptop."
"It's fine" Raphael replied. "I suppose we can 'slum it' for one evening."
He smiled and continued. "Just don't tell people. I have a reputation to uphold."
Simon smiled back. "Right. No destroying the broody vampire Mr Rochester image. Got it."
Simon made himself comfortable on the bed and set to inserting the DVD of A New Hope into his laptop. He wouldn't want to inflict the prequels on Raphael. It might make him change his mind about the trade-off.
"Alright. I suppose we can't have popcorn but this is gonna be as good as it gets." Simon turned to look at Raphael who had made to get up on the bed. He had taken his shoes off because apparently he was considerate like that.
Despite the big bed Simon could feel Raphael's presence next to him. It wasn't the warmth obviously but the sheer space Raphael took up. It wasn't uncomfortable. Just different.
As the movie played out Simon would turn to Raphael to point out things and explain scenes and nearly every time he found Raphael already looking at him with a peculiar look in his eyes. Simon couldn't place the look. Each time he'd say something like "Watch the movie. I know I'm a hot vampire distraction but you should be used to those" jokingly and Raphael would look away with a thoughtful glance.
After the movie finished Simon turned to Raphael yet again. Somehow they had moved close during the film and now their arms were almost touching.
"So what did you think? I thought starting off with a vampire lore thing would be too on the nose. But if you tell me that you don't like Star Wars I'm afraid I have to take everything back about being friends with you. Sorry, I don't make the rules."
Simon smiled nervously to show Raphael that he was joking.
Raphael was smiling back but there was something hidden behind that smile. He ducked his head. "No I liked it, Simon. Thanks for educating me."
"You did?" Simon felt ecstatic for some reason. "I mean. Of course you did. How could you not."
They said in silence for a while. Simon closed his laptop. "So the sun is almost out. Time for sleep?"
Raphael got off the bed and started putting on his shoes. Why he did that when his room was right next door Simon couldn't say. It was proper he supposed.
"Yes I think that's enough pop culture for me for one evening. Perhaps something with vampires tomorrow?"
Simon was startled that Raphael made the suggestion all by himself.
"Vampires? Yeah I can do that. I've got it all here. From sparkling vampires to vampire hunters who fall in love with vampires. Every cliché you can think of."
Raphael smiled. "Sounds good. I'll see you tomorrow, Simon."
Simon waited until Raphael had left and closed the door behind him before he pondered why he felt so flustered. It was almost like this had been a date. But Simon had never been interested in boys before. Then again he had never been a vampire before and he always had Harrison Ford down as his one exception. Clary was obviously out of the (romantic) picture what with Jace McHunk literally being in all of her pictures. It was a bad idea to get involved with friends anyway. It had ended badly with Maureen.
Simon decided not to dwell on in.
Over the course of the next few weeks Raphael continued educating Simon on all things vampire and even trained him in combat. Despite the supernatural strengths Simon still needed to learn how to properly use said strength. After their training they'd go to Simon's room and Simon would continue Raphael's education.
Simon found himself more and more distracted by the looks Raphael would send his way whenever Simon was off on a rant as to why Willow was bisexual or why George Lucas was full of shit when he claimed that Han didn't shoot first. Raphael indulged him and didn't interrupt but while he wasn't as invested as Simon he never seemed condescending when he just listened.
Today they were watching the last of the Star Wars movies. Simon had shown Raphael the prequels after watching episode IV and V but he had made it clear that it was just for the sake completion and not because he actually thought they were good. He kept his obsession with them as a kid secret. He was older an wiser now. As a vampire you couldn't be a secret prequel fan.
They were just on the scene where Leia and Han were about to kiss after the whole sibling reveal when Simon felt something touching his fingers. After the first night they had always started out sitting close together and neither of them had questioned it. Simon hadn't questioned how sparring with Raphael made him feel either. Except that he had explored the thought once or twice in the shower. Maybe.
Simon realized that Raphael was trying to hold his hand. He also realized that he wanted Raphael to. He let Raphael grab his hand and they stayed like that for the rest of the movie. Then a long silence followed.
"So" Simon said. "What did you think?"
Raphael looked at him and smiled. "You were right. I was missing out. Maybe we could see the new one when it comes out? At that place you mentioned? The cinema you like. Sort of a field trip for this class mh?"
Simon felt himself blushing. Could vampires blush? This sounded an awful lot like a date. He ducked his head.
"Sounds good."
"Simon" Raphael had told him that vampires weren't able to compel other vampires with their gaze and tone of voice but in that moment Simon couldn't do anything but raise his head and look into Raphael's eyes.
Raphael reached up and touched Simon's cheek with his right hand. His left was still lightly holding onto Simon's.
"I just want to be clear. It would be a...courtship. A date?"
Simon laughed embarrassed. "Oh yeah. I could be okay with that."
Raphael smiled and leaned in. "I really like it when you get passionate and explain things to me. It's new. The others are all respect my authority too much and I never had this kind of relationship with Camille."
"He likes Star Wars and my geeky rants? What more could a nerdy Jewish vampire ask for?"
Raphael grinned. "Exactly."
He leaned in and touched his lips to Simon's. Although it was Simon's first kiss with a guy he didn't feel weird about it. It felt right like this had been coming for a long time.
Simon moved forward and wound his arms around Raphael's neck. They kissed again. By now Simon was getting worked up and he was also half in Raphael's lap. He could feel that Raphael was just as affected by this.
They kissed for a while until Simon noticed the time.
"So do you want to share my coffin tonight?" he said in his best Count Dracula expression.
Raphael was taken by surprise but laughed. "Why do I even like you, fledgling?"
Simon grinned. "Because without me you still wouldn't know what a Death Star is?"
Raphael sighed. "The things I do for love. Alright I'll stay with you in your ridiculously large bed tonight."
Simon sat up. "Right? It's ridiculous. And spooky."
Raphael shook his head. "It's classically gothic."
"Classically creepy" muttered Simon.
Raphael kissed Simon's cheek.
"I'm sure we can make the best of it." He said and drew Simon closer so that Simon was splayed over his chest.
Simon looked up at Raphael. "You know what? I think we really can. You're no Harrison Ford but I'll make do."
Raphael sighed but he wasn't truly annoyed. "Do I even want to know what that means?"
"Nope" said Simon and gave him a peck on the lips. Then he settled in to sleep.