chaemin
Fuck. why are you saying this to me?
Fuck|
F|
I miss you|
I miss y|
I m|
I|
I want to see you so bad|
I want to see|
I want|
I love you. please don't do this to me
The girl stared at the screen, her eyes fixated on the send button. chaemin had read the boy's message countless of times and she badly wants to see him. she wants to see the only one who could make everything alright, she doesn't even care if her heart will be just shattered into pieces once more.
"noona?" chaemin heard that familiar voice that always made her feel loved, as her attention was deliberately snatched away into his childhood friend who sat beside her with a face contorted into a painful expression, she unconsciously pressed the send button on the phone.
"kook-" she was just about to ask how he was able to find her.
"what'cha doing alone here?"
"i . . you know ." she stuttered unable to find the words to speak as her eyes lowered to the ground of the playground, it was the place that held so much memories between jimin and chaemin.
it was the same hidden playground-where jimin and chaemin used to hang around to have themselves alone with each other's company ever since a child.
"I thought you were trying to move on?" the boy asked again the boy's eyes did not leave hers. it certainly hit a nerve on the girl.
chaemin opened her lips to say something but closed it once more right after knowing she couldn't say anything-- anything to answer the venomous question from the boy.
"why do you still love him?" chaemin's head snapped to face jeongguk's face.
"what's so perfect about jimin, Chi?" the boy uttered once more as his eyes seek for an answer all while using the long lost endearment he had always wanted to call the only woman who had his heart for so long.
"i . ." the girl averted her eyes from the mesmerizing brown ones of the boy, as she felt herself shrink within every question.
"why chi? why . . just tell me. why can't.." jeongguk paused, his voice cracking at the middle of his sentence as he find his heart shatter- a countless of time already.
" . . why can't it be me, chi?" jeongguk continued as his voice staggered and he found himself shedding tears.
the sight completely broke chaemin's heart to hear her childhood friend confess to her over and over again when she can't even reciprocate his feelings.
he sobbed. "I love you more than anyone . ." chaemin knew that, she knew how jeongguk treasured her more than anyone else. but, there was only one person inside her heart and mind.
"i've been loving you since i was in diapers." but the boy meant nothing but a little brother and best friend to her.
"jimin only came first in about two years . . if only i was made by my parents a little earlier than he was, then maybe . . maybe we could be together and you wouldn't even shedding any tears"
"don't you know that my mom said that you're name was my first word?" chaemin thought that it would've been better if she fell in love with jeongguk instead of the park jimin who made her suffer in depression for two years.
"i'd be willing to be used chi, please . . i just wanna be with you," he begged as his hands inched to touch hers.
chaemin felt the warmth of jeongguk's hand soothe her as it was very calming. jeomgguk's touch made her feel calm that she was afraid of hurting her best friend, she was so afraid. she never wanted to use someone just to be a rebound, most especially if it is her most treasured best friend.
chaemin could still remember how painful she felt when she rejected him.
"kim chaemin!" the younger boy screamed in front of the kim residence and chaemin who was already asleep was shaken up. the sun was no more seen as the stars dominated the sky for it was already nine at night and the boy's timing is justreally really good.
"aish! jeon jeongguk you rascal!" seokjin came out of the manor clothed with pink pajamas printed with crowns all of over the clothing, the older dragged the younger inside the house as his hand was on the ear of the younger one.
"what the fuck were you thinking, you little punk?" the older one snapped and chaemin could hear his voice even if she was at her room on second floor.
"yah! today, i'm officially a man and of right age!" the boy screamed in the older one as he stated the fact. it was his legality birthday.
"yah! jeon jeo-" chaemin plastered a tape in her brother's mouth once she was already at the living room, certainly this action made the older one in shock.
"kookie?" chaemin shut her older brother and her attention was directed at the boy in front.
"what are you doing here? did something happen? you called me from outside.." the girl asked as wonder filled her head.
"jeon?" the boy's face blushed immediately as he heard her speak his name. he always liked the way his name rolled perfectly in her tongue. all at once jeongguk's confidence wore off.
"da.." he stuttered.
"da?"
"noo, noona. da...t"
"dat?"
"FUCKING HELL! SPEAK UP YOU BEAN!" the older one removed the tape from his mouth and screamed at the boy as he was loosing his patience since this was disturbing his beauty sleep.
"DATE ME, CHI!" the boy screamed in the top of his lungs out of impulse.
The siblings mouth gaped open once they heard the younger's confession.
"i.." chaemin muttered completely shocked. she never looked at jeongguk in a romantic way, not to even mention that she was still recovering from a heartbreak.
"psh. i'll leave you two asses alone. you're disturbing my beauty sleep!"
"i . . jeon, yo-"
"i'm willing to become a rebound!" the boy held her hands as he spoke with confidence even if it hurt him inside.
"noona, please. I can make you happy" As much as his intentions were good, this hurt Chaemin.
"I'm fine with it being a rebound. Noona, y-" jeongguk felt a stinging pain on his cheek and his hand immediately traced it.
"FUCK OFF JEON! I WOULD NEVER BE SO DESPERATE TO USE SOMEONE!" tears erupted in her eyes, as much as she was hurting because of jimin, she would never use someone. she would never play with other's feelings when the pain of being left alone is something she clearly knows.
"i may be hurt, left alone and broken but I would never use anyone, most specially you! you're important to me and I could never use your feelings! I'm disappointed to you! go home!" the girl certainly saw how devastated the younger was when she turned him down with a bonus slap.
the tears she had kept to fall bursts uncontrollably in her eyes as countless of emotions ate her heart. chaemin really wanted to move on, true. she wanted to walk away from the painful memories so bad. two years has been so long, it has been so long enough to become a martyr.
jeongguk despite still having a heavy heart, he felt sorry for the woman he loves. no matter what happens, even if she can't return the feelings he'd still be willing to be there to be a shoulder to cry on.
jeongguk soon entrapped her small figure in a heartwarming hug. "kookie . . i'm sorry. i'm sorry." She uttered in between each sob that escaped her mouth
"i'm alright . . i-"
"i wanna move on, kookie. i want to break free from this painful misery. i don't want to live in this fantasy of hoping that we would be together, that we could still work it out, that everything will return back to normal . . i want to breathe again. i want to be happy again, please . ."
jeongguk slightly broke the hug as he cupped chaemin's face with caring hands.
"I'll do everything Chi.." the boy spoke with his still bloodshot eyes but still full of confidence.
"please try me, i'll make you happy." the boy continued as his face inched closer and closer, his eyes fixated on her lips.
chaemin knew what jeongguk wanted to do and she didn't stop him. as the boy's lips were just merely a centimeter apart and chaemin could feel his breath, an image of a smiling jimin appeared as if saying that she shouldn't do this and this is not right . . but chaemin, clouded with grief let him touch her like feathers. the feling was warm, loving and she could feel how jeongguk treasured her- he was shy at first but the kiss soon became hungry.
the girl closed her eyes but soon opened them, a tear unconsciously escaped on the corner of her eyes and as much as she didn't want to . . the kiss can never compare how she felt towards jimin's lips.
images of their first kiss would always pop inside the broken girl's mind.
jimin: i don't wanna be a fool . . let's end this once and for all
seeing jimin's message only urged her to the core"let me try kookie"