As Lauren walked into the kitchen to get some drinks for herself and Sebastian, she grew nervous. It was too early for her liking to talk with her child's father, but she knew it was best to talk now and deal with it all later, that way there can be an understanding between the two about what's going to happen.
Her hands shook as she filled the two glasses with water, and Lauren wondered if she could just run out the back door of her house and never look back. She knew there was a lot to say but she just wasn't ready, although, she knew if she sorted it out now then she'd feel more at peace with her situation. Sebastian had been on her mind every second of the day, and even at night when she was asleep, ever since she was pregnant.
Actually, he had been on her mind for longer than that.
Ever since they shared that night together Lauren couldn't forget it. She didn't particularly remember him, but she remembered his touch, the feeling of his bare skin against her own naked body. And it wasn't until she bumped into him in the alley way that she got more of a clearer view of him in her mind, that the constant wondering of how he really looked like was put to rest and her mind didn't do him justice. Her being sober and him in the light, he was even more handsome than she remembered.
Not a single flaw marked his skin, unlike hers where she had scars across her back and a couple on her face from her parents brutality. His hair was soft and looked alive, where as Lauren's was messy and flat with no life to it. The white shirt he was wearing today made his lightly tanned skin look even darker and more alluring, making the muscles in his arms looking even more defined and toned. The tightness of it showed the outline of his nicely, not overly toned stomach and chest that Lauren had the pleasure of running her hands all over. Something which she found herself wanting to do again, and again, and again.
''Are you going to stare all day or are we actually going to do what I came here to do?'' Lauren snapped out of her little daze and realised she was now stood in the living room doorway facing Sebastian, who was now sat on the sofa staring at her with a raised eyebrow.
Is it too late to run? Lauren thought, and her eyes flickered to the left where the doorway to the kitchen was that showed the backdoor faintly, making Lauren realise she was just being stupid. She was pregnant now and going to be a mother, she needed to mature up and face her problems.
A faint blush dusted Lauren's make-up free cheeks as she walked forward, placing Sebastian's water on the table in front of the sofa before she placed down her own. She sat in the corner of her sofa as Sebastian sat in the other, and she faced whim with a deep breath.
''So, what did you want to talk about then?''
''You know what I want to talk about.'' Sebastian replied before standing up, making Lauren look up at him in confusion. ''I'll be right back, I forgot something in my car.''
Before she could reply Sebastian walked out the door. Lauren slumped back in her seat with a sigh, even though they haven't talked about anything she still felt drained. She hadn't thought about Sebastian's part in the whole of this if she was honest, other than the fact that he was the father she hadn't thought what she wanted him to do, or what he could do.
He could tell her to get rid of it. He could tell her he'd be there for her and the baby. He could tell her he wanted nothing to do with it. There was endless possibilities that was making Lauren dizzy with trying to decided which one she hoped for him to do.
''You dropped this yesterday.'' Sebastian's voice broke Lauren out of her thoughts and she looked up to see him place a bag in her lap. Her bag. She had totally forgotten to go back and get it, it had her purse with everything she needed in it, her books, her scan. She couldn't believe she actually forgot it.
''T-Thank you.'' She smiled at him, and Sebastian returned it with his own before he turned serious.
''Now, I've looked at the scan and going on you're words yesterday. It's obvious I'm the father, am I right?'' Lauren nodded and he continued, saying what needed to be said instead of beating around the bush. ''I don't think I can be there for it.''
Lauren's stomach plummeted immediately as soon as she heard his words, and she fought hard to catch her breath back. She knew it was a possibility but she didn't prepare herself for whatever his answer could be.
''W-Why?''
''Because, Lauren. You obviously know who I am, or have heard of me. I'm about to take over my fathers gang I can't let anything get in the way. Plus, it wouldn't be safe for you or our baby if anyone was to know I have a child.'' Sebastian replied, his mind telling him he was doing the right thing, but his heart was wanting the opposite. ''I want to be there, believe me I hate the fact that I'm going to be some dead beat dad like my fa- I just... I cant put you or our baby in danger like that. And I'm not even worthy of being a father Lauren, no where near worthy of having a child, ever.''
Lauren tried to fight the tears in her eyes but she couldn't. They spilled down her cheeks, and she turned to the side to hide her face from Sebastian. Even though she hadn't thought over what she hoped for what Sebastian was going to do, she knew what she wanted for her child. She didn't want her child to miss out on having a father. That small time she got with her parents before everything went wrong, she could still remember it. And it wasn't something she wanted her child to miss.
Sebastian froze when he heard her sniffle, he didn't want to make her cry. He didn't want to admit he was scared, and the fact that he knew he wouldn't be a good father was what was stopping him saying he'd be there more than the fact that his child could be in danger. He was in a gang for christ sake, one of the best, and not one of those petty ones who just liked to deal drugs and wave a gun around for the sake of it. He's be able to protect his child, and Lauren, especially when he was going to be leader and wouldn't have to follow anyone else either, day for instance his father.
''Lau-''
''I'm sorry.'' She blurted, wiping her eyes trying to rid the tears but failing miserably. ''It's just, I don't want the baby growing up like I did. With a father who isn't there like he should be. Of course they'll have a mum unlike me, and I'm going to be ten times better than my mum ever was, but, I don't want them always wanting their dad there like I did. Or wanting that relationship with their father like others she will see as she grows up. I hated my father for not being there for me, and making me miss out on everything.''
Sebastian froze as Lauren unconsciously spoke about her parents. He knew she didn't mean to say that, but he was glad she did. Although, it didn't change the fact that he was sticking with his decision.
''I don't have a mother.'' Sebastian replied softly, hoping to ease her up a bit. He didn't know why talking about his mother would help, but he liked the idea of being close to Lauren as well. She just screamed someone he could trust.
Lauren looked up at him then, ignoring her tear tracked face and red, slightly puffy eyes. She wondered why he was telling her this, but then she wasn't going to ask, afraid that he might close up on her and keep his mouth shut in the end.
''Well, I did. But she's gone now. You always wonder what it would have been like if she was there, how you're life would have turned out. I know I wouldn't have been in the gang then.'' Sebastian smiled slightly, as if he was remembering his mother when she was alive and the memories they shared. ''They were getting a divorce- my parents- and my mother had me weekdays and my father weekends. I hated going over my dads though, because he would train me for hours, never giving me a break in the day, for something I didn't even know until I was eleven. When he told me what it was for, I couldn't believe it and went to my mother and told her. She tried to get full custody of me then because I didn't want to be in any part of it. But, when my father found out he was enraged and the fact that he was loosing the battle of getting me, he resorted to drastic measures. ''
''He killed her.'' Lauren softly spoke up, but her emotions were the opposite. Her heart clenched in anger at the man she didn't even know, how could he do that to such a young boy? He was a monster.
''He killed her.'' Sebastian echoed and they fell in silence. It wasn't comfortable, but it wasn't awkward either. After sharing something like that, they weren't such strangers any more, but it didn't mean that they could have silences like friends would. Both didn't know how to fill the silence, especially after something like that.
Lauren wondered if she could change his mind though. Make him realise that he could be a good father if he tried. He was being a bad one by not even thinking about trying, she wouldn't mind if he gave it a shot before flat out refusing to even bother. But then, safety came into the matter, still, even then he could still be there. Maybe it had something to do with his own father that was stopping him, he seemed to have a bad experience with them, maybe that was why.
''You're father's an asshole.''
Lauren's eyes widened when she realised she had blurted that out, and she was about to apologize when Sebastian laughed. A full blown laughter, straight from the belly came out his mouth and Lauren looked on confused.
''I-I''m sorry, it's just that people always say to me ''I'm sorry for your loss'' or ''It was for the best''- the second one by gang members- and you're the first to ever say that. Granted, you're the only one of a couple out of the gang to know, but still.'' Sebastian knew he shouldn't have told her his father killed his mother, but he also knew that no one would find out if he kept her out of the eyes and ears of the gang. Meaning no talking about her, or being seen with her. That also meant he couldn't hang around with her like he so desperately wanted to. He wanted to know more about her, get to know her and be friends with her, maybe more. But he couldn't, not with so much to lose on the line.
Lauren had no clue what to say to that. She just looked at Sebastian as he cooled his laughter, admiring the way his smile lit up his features and the way his eyes twinkled as the light reflected them.
Sebastian caught on to the silence and grew serious, his smile turning into a small frown and his eyes growing sad.
Clearing his throat a couple times, he spoke up.
''I really am sorry I can't be there. Trust me I want to be, it's just not safe for you or the baby.'' Partial lie, and he wanted to shout at the top of his lungs that he was scared. But when your in a gang, more specifically about to become leader, you struggle to admit your weaknesses, even if it is to someone you trust.
Trust.
He had unconsciously trusted her.
He didn't know how to feel about that. Living the life he did, trusting someone was hard, and other that Liam and his sister, Lauren now too, he trusted no one else. But that still didn't mean he was going to admit he was scared, it was something that he himself didn't want to admit because he was nervous of her reaction, not because she was someone who could take him down.
Lauren stayed silent after his words. She so desperately wanted him to be there, a child needs their parents, but their baby had her, and she was pretty sure even though Sebastian wouldn't be there, he would be there watching silently in the background, making sure his child was alright.
That thought comforted her, and instead of feeling her heart dropping in defeat, she started to feel hopeful. Their child will have an uncle who would spoil them rotten, she was sure of it. As well as a mother who was going to be there no matter what, Lauren was definitely sure of that. She would never let her child go without, and would protect them with everything she had. And even though they wouldn't see him, they'd have a father who would always be watching over her.
If that's the best she can get, then Lauren was going to make the most of it and make sure her child was happy.
But, as Lauren watched Sebastian stand up ready to leave, she felt herself break a little. She didn't want him to go. She wanted him to stay with her, for them to talk and get to know each other. For him to stay with her and the baby and be a family. Yes she didn't know him that well and wanting to be a family was a bit silly considering that, but doesn't everyone want a family and what's best for their child?
Lauren unconsciously felt safe with him around, and happy that the father of her child was there with her. She didn't want him to go so soon.
And neither did Sebastian want to go so soon either.
But his mind was telling him to leave now before he couldn't, and would definitely ruin things even more so than he already had done. He just wanted to utter the words ''I'll stay'' and make her and himself happy, but he couldn't, and he wouldn't.
Please, don't go... Lauren felt the words on the tip of her tongue, but a lump in her throat was preventing her from saying anything. And she swallowed hard, closing her eyes tight when Sebastian leaned forward and placed a gentle, lingering kiss on her forehead before whispering.
''I'm so sorry, Lauren.''
She kept her eyes closed as she heard his retreating footsteps. Partly because she didn't want to witness him leaving, but mostly because she was trying hard not to cry.
She didn't know why it was so hard letting him leave considering she hardly knew him. But he took a little piece of her with him when he left. She felt attracted towards him, she couldn't deny it. He was handsome, there was no denying that either, but it wasn't what attracted her to him. It was the way he carried himself, so strong and powerful. His different moods. The cocky, hardy, nonchalant attitude at the club and the soft, caring one just a few minutes ago. She liked both, and even though she hadn't spent much time with him to make something of it, there was no denying she wanted something to have come out of it in the future.
Collapsing to her knees, Lauren leaned her back against the sofa and dropped her head back onto the seat. Tears pooled in her eyes and she finally realised something. She had been hopeful, and part of her had been excited that Sebastian would be in her and their baby's life. Him dropping the bomb like that had crushed any kind of hope and excitement she had, and as she laid there trying to not let the tears fall, she felt deflated and drained.
Opening her eyes again, she just stared at the ceiling. Her drained body not caring as the tears finally made their way down her cheeks, leaving a damp path as they went. She tried to be optimistic, telling herself that her baby was going to be just fine without its daddy. But the more she tried to tell herself the harder the tears fall.
When her parents had died, she promised herself she would never have children without a father there. Because even though her parents were together and were around her, they were never there. Not like parents should have been. And she wanted her children to have a mother and father, happily together. Not just a child with a mother, who was always wondering where their father was and what their life would have turned out like if they had a father figure.
Lauren always wondered what it would have been like if she had loving parents like the ones she had a small time experiencing before everything turned bad. She knew she wouldn't have been alone before Liam got out of jail, and Liam wouldn't have even been in jail. There was so many ways her life would have turned out for the better if her parents just did what they were supposed to do as parents.
Liam walked along the path towards his sisters house, now his new home for the time being. He couldn't believe his sisters generosity, but then again she had always been the compassionate sister and even though he always tried to comfort her before he went to jail, she used to be the one to end up comforting him because she hated it.
Looking up, Liam spotted a figure walking out of his sisters house and he suddenly remembered why he went for a walk in the first place.
His sister was pregnant... With his best mate.
It was a shocking revelation. He was still angry, but not at Sebastian it was more so himself. He had tried his hardest to keep Lauren out of the gang and succeeded, but now she was pregnant with not only a member, but the soon to be leader, that brought her into it more than he ever wanted.
''Oi, Sebastian!''
When Sebastian looked up to the voice, he smiled. Having his best mate back was one of the best things that could happen, it felt like he had lost a brother when he got sent away.
Liam grinned back, earlier forgotten for a moment as two best friends who were like brothers reunited properly. Stepping forward, Sebastian brought Liam into a tight, brotherly embrace, both boys grinning from ear to ear.
''I've missed you buddy.''
''Missed you too mate.'' Liam replied.
Giving each other a pat on the back, both let go and looked at one another. Liam knew Sebastian was about to apologize when he opened his mouth, so he held a hand up to silence him so he could talk first.
''We will talk about Lauren another time. Right now we have business we need to discuss.''
''Ok. My dad isn't going to be happy when he finds out you're out.'' Sebastian muttered, frowning when he remembered the day Liam got taken away.
''Yeah, I know.'' Liam responded bitterly. He didn't know why he had pissed the leader off so much, all he knew was that he didn't like him.
''We'll leave it for today. Or, maybe for the rest of the week so you can settle down but then I'm going to have to notify my father before he finds out some other way and becomes pissed off with the both of us.''
Liam nodded, knowing that Sebastian was going to get a lot of shit if his father was to find out he didn't tell him.
''Thanks man, just till the end of the week and I'll go to the house myself.'' He replied to Sebastian, and for a little longer they talked.
For a little while longer, both boys talked about anything and everything. They had so much catching up to do, considering both used to be attached by the hip when they were younger, but with Lauren back at home in a mess Liam gathered, he had to cut the conversation short.
With the promise to get a phone and call Sebastian, Liam walked back to the house he would now be calling home. He liked that, a real home and not one like he used to live in before he got sent away.
When he made it to his new home, he walked through the front door after hesitating- even though it was now his home he still felt rude barging in. Liam was about to shout out to Lauren to see where she was when he froze.
Looking into the living room, he found Lauren lent against the sofa, her head bent back at an awkward angle, and she was fast asleep if her quite snores were anything to go by. Breakfast- or lunch now considering the time- would just have to wait, he thought as he walked over to his little sister and picked her up. Liam didn't know where her bedroom was, but he'd just have to guess because he wasn't waking her up. Not when she had tear tracks down her cheeks with worry lines marring her forehead. She needed rest and to forget about her current situation, and if sleeping helped that then Liam wasn't going to stop her.
Walking upstairs with a two month pregnant woman in your arms was no effort when you spent every day for five years in the prison gym, and Liam was up the stairs in no time and entering Lauren's room when he found the right one.
''Good night, Lauren.'' Liam whispered, bending down and kissing her forehead before walking to the door. Even in her sleep she looked troubled, and no doubt the conversation she had with Sebastian had caused that.
He wanted to be angry at his friend, and a small part of him was. But, that was only because of what Sebastian was involved in. Other than that, he knew Sebastian would have been good for Lauren, considering he knew him the best. Although with the way Lauren looked- the tear tracks and worry lines- he knew the conversation didn't go good.
He'd have to talk to Sebastian.
Liam wanted his little sister happy, and he knew there was a possibility to make her happier than she could be. He just had to find that way, but with what he was now going to be involved in, again, it was going to be a lot harder than he thought.
''I've changed my mind. I don't want a baby, get rid of it!'' Sebastian snarled at Lauren.
She whimpered from the pain that came with his words, where had this suddenly come from? He seemed adamant that he wanted to be there earlier, he just couldn't.
''N-No!'' Lauren stuttered back, tears were falling freely from her eyes and she felt a lump form in her throat. He can't make her get rid of the baby. She won’t.
''You get rid of it Lauren or I will. Do as I say or you won't like the consequences.'' He snarled at her, causing her to flinch when a little spit flew out of his mouth and onto her cheek. Shakily she brought a hand up to wipe it off, letting out a small squeak when he grabbed her wrist in a painful hold and dragged her forwards so he was in her face. ''You were just another slut I slept with Lauren, nothing else and I don't want stupid sluts having my baby. You’re not going to be a good mother anyway Lauren, you’re going to bring that baby up into a world of suffering and pain. You. Are. No. Mother.''
Lauren cried out in pain, his words were hurting her, so was his grip around her wrist. She knew he'd leave bruise marks later. Sebastian's lips curled up into a cruel smirk and he let out a harsh chuckle.
''Did you really think I meant what I said earlier.'' She flinched again, hating the way he was affecting her so easily. '''I was just messing. I don't want a baby. Especially not with a whore like you.''
''I'm not getting rid of my baby! You can't make me, it's my baby too, I have a say in this. I AM NOT GETTING RID OF IT!'' She screamed her last words, she wouldn't ever get rid of her baby, definitely not because he told her to.
''You will Lauren.'' Sebastian replied coldly, raising a gun that he took out his pockets moment before and settles the barrel against her forehead. ''Or I won't be afraid to use this. I'm a cold blooded killer remember. And I definitely don't care if you're another body on the list.''
''No!'' She shouts. ''You don't like it remember, you never wanted to be in the gang. You told me!'' She pleads, trying to find a way to make him put the gun down.
''Again, I was lying. Now, what are you going to do?'' He asked, raising an eyebrow intimidatingly. Lauren wasn't intimidated though, far from it.
''NO!'' Her tone was forceful, determined, but that didn't stop Sebastian.
''Very well then.'' He chimes, but Lauren could see in his eyes that this wasn't really what he wanted, maybe he was lying?
The tears were falling even faster now, and Lauren tried to get a word out but her throat closed up, the barrel of the gun tormenting her.
''Any last words Lauren?''
''I hate you.'' She replied vehemently, not showing him just how scared she really was.
His eyes flash with a strong emotion. Hurt. He was hurt by her words but he couldn't back out now. He didn't want a baby. He couldn't.
He grips the gun tighter and settles his finger on the trigger, whispering the familiar words from earlier.
''I'm so sorry Lauren.'' And he pulls the trigger.