I remember the first time he caught my eye, as if it were just yesterday. It was at a party my friend threw at her house when college had just started. I didn't really want to go. I would have rather watched a series or finished a book. I wasn't much of an extrovert, actually I'm still not, but I thought I'd go, for a change.
I saw him enthusiastically deep into a conversation with his friends. He was wearing a shirt with rainbow stripes and I thought he was one funny fellow. It seemed as if he was playing some sort of acting game whilst being intoxicated. Watching him from afar made me laugh a lot. Despite the place being packed, I was surprised that I didn't feel uncomfortable at all. I guess I didn't notice anything, but him and his bunch.
The next time I saw him was at class a few days after. It wasn't a class in my curriculum for that particular semester, but all the other classes were booked. The class was at seven in the morning and yet he looked as alive as ever. He was bursting with energy while most of us wanted to go back to bed and sleep.
"Hi there! I'm Nathan!" he introduced with his smile reaching his ears.
At the time, I could only barely open my eyes. I didn't sleep very well the night before and all I wanted was for the class to end.
But for him, I tried my best to return a smile.
"Shanon."
"Nice to meet you." he replied, still smiling, taking the seat beside me.
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We became friends and my friends and I started hanging out with his friends. We were quite a squad. You could say we all went everywhere together- movies, theme parks, museums, parties- EVERYWHERE. It was what made my college days fun and memorable, really.
But it was no secret that he was the closest to me. He'd walk me home from all those gimmicks and we'd drop by the park nearby my house. We'd spend lazy afternoons at her place, snuggled up in our own blankets and watch funny Youtube videos together.
We talked about anything and everything and we knew everything about each other. During a stormy evening, we were watching family feud and he told me that he hates pineapples in his pizza and that his parents have never once seen him act onstage. I told him about my imaginary friends from when I was five years old and that I was bullied as a child because of my appearance and weirdness.
"Their loss for not realizing how awesome you are." he assured me.
I laughed. "You're weird, he know that?"
"I'm most definitely weird and I think you're weird, too. One of the things I love the most about you." he said, ever so casually.
I stopped laughing and smiled. "You shouldn't say that kind of thing nonchalantly".
And he looked at me, into my eyes. I did the same. His blue eyes have never looked bluer.
"I mean it." he confessed, quietly and nervously.
A tidal wave of emotions rushed in my head. I've had a crush on him for a while by that time and I knew how much I liked him- I really liked him. But at the same time, I was afraid of losing my best friend. What would happen if we became a thing? What if things don't work out?
"I-I need some time to think about this" I replied.
"Oh." he said, turning back to the television that was still playing.
I had never seen him more dejected and what hurt me more was that I knew it was my fault.
I couldn't bear seeing him, the most cheerful person I know, look so sad.
"Nat."
He turned back at me, looking confused. I took his hands into mine.
"I want you to know that I love you, too. But.. I'm not sure about this. You're my best friend and I think you deserve someone better.. someone more--"
"That's not for you to decide." he interrupted. "You're the one I love."
I closed my eyes, slowly taking in his words.
I never thought it was ever possible for me to find someone who loves me.
And here he was, in front of my very eyes.
"Okay."
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I watched every play he starred in and he went to every single one of my exhibits. I helped him memorize his lines and get into character while he gave in whenever I wanted to go to places and try new things for inspiration on a whim. We were the best of friends and the weirdest of lovers.
Every day with he was a magical one. I loved him more and more with each passing day. Even during rainy days and thunderstorms, every day was a sunny day with him. Even at my lowest, he was there for me, keeping me on my feet- making me feel loved.
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A week after graduation, we were packing his things at his place. He signed an acting contract with a famous theater company in California. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and it was impossible to turn it down. Not that he would have. Not that I would have made him.
On the other hand, I decided to take a year off, before working at my dad's company, to travel around the world. There were so many places I wanted to go to and so many things I wanted to try.
"I'm sorry I won't be able to go with you." he apologized.
"I'd say the same to you." I replied, smiling. "I guess we need to go our separate ways to pursue our own paths."
Silence.
"What if I ask the company if I could take a--"
"It wouldn't be fair for you to postpone your dreams for mine."
"But--"
I put the clothes inside the luggage and zipped it close.
"I love you and I'll love you even if we're thousands of miles apart."
He smiled. "Thank you."
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Nobody could say that we didn't try. We called each other every day and talked about how our day went- the people we met, the places we went to, and the new experiences we went through. After a few months or so, I'd go home and he'd take a weekend off to visit me. Sometimes, I'd surprise him and meet him after his shows. Even during the busy weeks, we found time to send e-mails to each other.
But daily phone calls turned into weekly e-mails, then weekly e-mails turned into a postcard sent every month or so. Eventually, we lost contact and lost each other.
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"It's been a while." I said.
"Yeah. I'm sorry I've been too busy with work and--"
"No need to apologize. I haven't had the time to contact you much either."
Silence.
"Would you like anything? My treat." he offered, smiling.
"Really? Well, I've been starving. I'll have the Strawberry and Cream- Trenta size- and one Oreo cheesecake please!" I replied with a grin.
He laughed and went to the counter.
It has been two years since we last talked to each other, but somehow it felt as if we were together only yesterday.
He came back with our orders and we started eating.
"So, how have he been?" he asked, taking a bite of her honey glazed doughnut.
"Same old, same old." I smiled. "I've already visited most of the countries in Europe and Asia."
"And your art?"
"Has been displayed, sold, and duplicated in most of the countries I've gone to."
"Amazing!" he exclaimed joyfully. "I don't think my work is as half as exciting as yours."
"Trust me, everything I do, I do on a whim." I countered. "Sometimes I don't even know where I'd be going the next day until a few hours before."
"And that's what makes it so exciting!"
"You'll have your big break soon enough. And when you do, you'd be touring all over the world. I'd see your face wherever I look." I encouraged. "I'm expecting complimentary tickets, alright?"
"Of course. When that happens."
I smiled.
We ate quietly, initiating small talk every now and then
But I went out to meet him not for small talk, rather for something I needed to know- a question I was too afraid to ask.
"Are you--"
"I'm getting married soon and I'd like you to be there." he announced before I could finish my question.
But he answered it anyway. And I was speechless.
Silence.
"A-ah that's wonderful~!" I replied, trying my best to smile.
"Yes, it is. I've loved her for quite some time now. I couldn't imagine life without her."
"She's a very lucky girl." To have you- the only person I've ever loved.
"Probably not as lucky as I am to have her." he revealed, smiling shyly.
"Congratulations! I'm really happy for you."
Do he know how much it hurts me? To see he in love with someone.. with the same smile and expression as when we were in love.
"Thank you, but... well.."
"Hmmm..?"
"See, I haven't actually proposed yet."
"WHAT?? And yet you're here inviting me to her wedding?!?!" I demanded, standing up and slamming the table.
Idiot!
"My confidence can only do so much. I'm not really sure how she feels about me.." he confessed, standing up and walking to my side.
"Huh?"
".. after being separated and without contact for two years.."
I stood in awe as I watched him get down on one leg and hold out a red velvet box, revealing a diamond ring.
"Will you marry me?" he proposed, looking straight into my eyes.
I can't believe it.
"You're the only woman I want to be with for the rest of my life. My heart is and will always be.. yours."
Tears started falling from my eyes.
Was this really happening?
"And I know we've spent these past two years in different paths, but.. without you, everything else in my life seems meaningless."
If this was a dream, I'd never want to wake up from it.
I pinched myself as hard as I possibly can and closed my eyes.
I opened my eyes and I was still here.
And so was he.
"Yes."