How About Love?

From The Start

I remember the first time he caught my eye, as if it were just yesterday. It was at a party my friend threw at her house when college had just started. I didn't really want to go. I would have rather watched a series or finished a book. I wasn't much of an extrovert, actually I'm still not, but I thought I'd go, for a change.

I saw him enthusiastically deep into a conversation with his friends. He was wearing a shirt with rainbow stripes and I thought he was one funny fellow. It seemed as if he was playing some sort of acting game whilst being intoxicated. Watching him from afar made me laugh a lot. Despite the place being packed, I was surprised that I didn't feel uncomfortable at all. I guess I didn't notice anything, but him and his bunch.

The next time I saw him was at class a few days after. It wasn't a class in my curriculum for that particular semester, but all the other classes were booked. The class was at seven in the morning and yet he looked as alive as ever. He was bursting with energy while most of us wanted to go back to bed and sleep.

"Hi there! I'm Nathan!" he introduced with his smile reaching his ears.

At the time, I could only barely open my eyes. I didn't sleep very well the night before and all I wanted was for the class to end.

But for him, I tried my best to return a smile.

"Shanon."

"Nice to meet you." he replied, still smiling, taking the seat beside me.

****************************************************************************

We became friends and my friends and I started hanging out with his friends. We were quite a squad. You could say we all went everywhere together- movies, theme parks, museums, parties- EVERYWHERE. It was what made my college days fun and memorable, really.

But it was no secret that he was the closest to me. He'd walk me home from all those gimmicks and we'd drop by the park nearby my house. We'd spend lazy afternoons at her place, snuggled up in our own blankets and watch funny Youtube videos together.

We talked about anything and everything and we knew everything about each other. During a stormy evening, we were watching family feud and he told me that he hates pineapples in his pizza and that his parents have never once seen him act onstage. I told him about my imaginary friends from when I was five years old and that I was bullied as a child because of my appearance and weirdness.

"Their loss for not realizing how awesome you are." he assured me.

I laughed. "You're weird, he know that?"

"I'm most definitely weird and I think you're weird, too. One of the things I love the most about you." he said, ever so casually.

I stopped laughing and smiled. "You shouldn't say that kind of thing nonchalantly".

And he looked at me, into my eyes. I did the same. His blue eyes have never looked bluer.

"I mean it." he confessed, quietly and nervously.

A tidal wave of emotions rushed in my head. I've had a crush on him for a while by that time and I knew how much I liked him- I really liked him. But at the same time, I was afraid of losing my best friend. What would happen if we became a thing? What if things don't work out?

"I-I need some time to think about this" I replied.

"Oh." he said, turning back to the television that was still playing.

I had never seen him more dejected and what hurt me more was that I knew it was my fault.

I couldn't bear seeing him, the most cheerful person I know, look so sad.