Chapter 4: Punishment
Nox's POV
Strong emotions engulf me in despair, twisting inside me like a snake, winding and winding its way around my body until I'm suffocating.
They aren't mine.
They are Wrenley's.
She feels used and hated. She feels violated. I can't blame her.
That's exactly what I am.
A user.
A violator.
A disgusting man.
Lily is the only woman in my heart, but this female is entwined inside me with her vise like grip, her vice like strength that she tries to keep hidden so well.
The connection between mates shouldn't feel this way. It shouldn't feel so constricting. It should feel light and airy, swirling our two souls into one.
I guess this is my punishment.
I can't deny that I deserve it, but I don't want her to know about Lily. I don't want her to see the beautiful memories I have stored away in my mind of her. I don't want this female to know that I would rather be with a human than her, if only she were alive.
I try not to think about it after a while. I try to think of this as a new path, but I can't and I'm not ready for that.
She says her goodbyes, her steps small and careful. I can feel her discomfort cutting me up inside.
I hate the way this bond makes me want to care for her.
One of her brothers is glaring daggers into my skin. He's sniffing the air and I ignore it.
I have my reasons for this one sided bond just as they had their reasons to sell their daughter off for protection.
I try to keep my distance as she picks up her last few bags and tosses them haphazardly in the truck bed. I have to fight the urge to help her into the truck, to close the door for her, to buckle her seat belt and I silently curse this bond.
I curse it again as her feelings of self doubt, of hatred towards me curl in my stomach.
I don't say a word as I drive off and she eventually let's herself fall asleep. Her head is beating against the window and I wonder how she doesn't feel that.
I want to reach over. I want to pull her head across to use my lap as her pillow, but I shake these thoughts away.
I remind myself that only the animal in me has a care for this little bird. The human only cares about how Lily might feel right now.
After a while of driving in horrendous traffic, I pull over to the diner that had previously served me and mine in our youth. It brings back good memories,
and bad.
We order our food and I make sure that we aren't seated at my usual table, I don't want to destroy the only good memories I have here by sitting this brand new female at the table I first met Lily.
She was so beautiful, Snow White skin, blonde hair tied up. Her brown eyes were curious in the beginning, mischievous along the way and always so loving.
I'm dispelled from my happy thoughts when I notice my little bird has flown away. She is across the room, heading towards the bathrooms and staring at me in disbelief. I can feel her anger, her pain, her discomfort. She's appalled, but I don't say a thing.
I see the grimy man she was standing next to slap his buddies hand. "What a nice ass that one has."
My animal bases are being tested today. I don't even try to stop myself as I launch at him, one hand grasping his collar, the other cocking back.
"What did you just say?" I don't give this disrespectful pig the time to make up his excuses before my fists are on him and the waitresses are pulling us apart.
"Sir I would like to ask you to leave." The head server says, not to me of course.
He's sputtering, a pure imbecile, and when he doesn't realize he has been bested, his much more intelligent friend drags him out.
When Wrenley makes her appearance from the ladies' room, her seething anger is still on full blast. I don't want to pick a fight now, so I let it go with great reluctance.
Even my animal side is upset when she purposefully bumps her shoulder into mine. I get rid of that scum bag and this is how she treats me?
But I let it go.
She is still confused with our predicament. She is still hurting, physically and emotionally.
---
When we finally make it home, I try to be brief with her. I don't want to overwhelm her and I also have my own duties to take care of since I have been gone.
I inform her that my Beta's mate, Senna will now be her guide before rushing towards the house.
Beatrix was nowhere to be found when the news of my mating had been announced. I have to let her know before I create even more problems for myself.
I don't have to look far. She's lying in my bed, sleeping peacefully, an old medical book in her hand.
I shake her, trying to wake her quietly. "Trixy, you have to go."
She only grumbles at me before pulling my pillow to her nose, inhaling its scent. "Five more minutes."
"I don't have five minutes Trix! Didn't they tell you?" Exasperation is my new unwelcome friend.
"Tell me what?"
"I've been Mated."
Her attention is successfully grabbed.
"What?" I can see the depression in her eyes, the knowledge that she won't be able to play her game of pretend any longer.
"You need to leave, now." She slowly stands, stretching, no bounce to her step, no joy in her actions.
She doesn't leave though, she clings to me as if I were her favorite teddy bear as a child and her mother wants to sell it in the yard sale. She's not ready to leg go yet.
I let her have these last few moments before I make her keep her distance. I don't want to deal with the drama that would come if my mate finds out about this.
But I have spoken too soon, and my little bird is glaring with menacing intent from across the family room.
I'm frozen, unable to make a sound as these females battle it out amongst themselves. I am now the disgraceful one. I should be the protector of my mate, not Senna.
But still,
I can't seem bring myself to fully give in. I can't bring myself to allow my animal's urges to lead me to this female only to satisfy what the bond wants, what the bond needs. I don't want to protect her because the bond pushes me to. If I protect this female, I want it to be on my own terms.
I leave after a few moments, trying to step away from the swirling her that she is feeling, that is magnified throughout my body.
This is my punishment.