dan
Dan isn't sure what to do when Phil collapses into his arms, sobbing his heart out.
All he can do is just hold him and hope that it will be enough as Dan has never had a way of comforting with words - he stutters too much and sounds unsure of himself.
"How did you do it Dan?" Phil asks, his voice timid and scared - as fragile as a shattered window.
"Do w-what?" Dan asks, his head still resting on Phil's shoulder and arms wrapped around him.
"How did you manage to put yourself back together, even though the world was entirely against you," Phil asks, "how do you keep getting up after you've fallen to the ground for the hundredth time?"
Dan unwraps his arms from around Phil's body and holds him away by his shoulders, looking deeply into Phil's shining blue eyes. Dan wishes he could make Phil instantly feel better - take the pain away from Phil.
"I-I was close t-to giving up, t-to letting myself j-just fall apart f-for the last time, b-but then I m-met this b-boy. His n-name's Phil. H-he was as b-bright as the s-sun, s-still is in m-my eyes, o-only he just h-has lost his w-way a l-little. H-he gave me light, w-warmth and m-made me r-realise that e-even if o-only one person b-believes in y-you, if it's t-the right person, t-that's all y-you need."
As the last word leaves Dan's lips, he realises that a tear has slipped down his cheek. He smiles softly at Phil and sees part of him seem to fix itself. Dan watches as the mood above Phil slowly shifts into a small, blue heart.
"Thanks Dan," Phil says quietly, "I'm sorry."
"Don't a-apologise for being u-upset," Dan says, "i-it's out o-of your control."
"I was mean to you, I shouldn't have been," Phil says, his gaze flicking downwards, "all you did was try to be there for me."
"I-it's okay. I-it's when s-someone tries to p-push you a-away, it's when y-you know t-that they n-need you the m-most," Dan replies with a faint smile, his hand resting on Phil's cheek now, his fingers brushing tear stained skin.
"How are you so good at this?" Phil asks, looking at Dan with somewhat amazement but mostly gratitude.
"I-it's how I-I've felt before; I just s-say what I-I wished s-someone would s-say to me when I-I felt l-like that," Dan explains with a shrug.
"I wish you didn't have to feel like this, I wish no one felt pain or sadness," Phil says.
"You h-have to feel s-sad," Dan says, "otherwise y-you wouldn't know w-what happiness is, y-you wouldn't a-appreciate it."
"You are the wisest person I know," Phil says, looking at Dan with a smile now - not one of his full smiles, but a smile nonetheless.
"No Phil," Dan replies, "just the most broken."
Dan doesn't seem to register what happens next. One minute Phil is staring deeply into his eyes, blue on brown, then the next his face is close to his, Phil's breath on Dan's lips, waiting. Then his lips briefly press against Dan's own, soft and warm, and something inside Dan clicks into place.
Phil pulls away and hugs Dan tightly. Two broken boys hugging onto one another behind a school classroom, lost to the world around them, but are the world to each other.
***
Dan is sobbing in his room.
He hears his door creak open and someone walks in, closing it again softly behind them. Dan looks up to see a blurry image of his brother kneeling in front of him.
His brother reaches out and places a hand on Dan's knee. He smiles sadly at Dan, who can see that his brother is hurting seeing him hurt.
"What's wrong Dan?" He asks.
"E-everything."
Dan's brother sighs sadly, shaking his head and looking at his brother with an expression which is unreadable to Dan.
"Why is t-the world a-against me?" Dan asks his between sobs, "why m-me? What d-did I ever d-do? Why c-can't I just b-be like e-e-everyone else?"
"Did someone say something to you? Because I swear to god-" his brother starts, his mood turning to anger.
"N-no one s-said anything. I-I'm just t-tired. I-I'll never belong h-here."
"Who says anyone belongs anywhere?" His brother asks, "others opinions don't matter. In order to belong, only you have to believe you belong."
"I-I can't. I don't b-belong," Dan says with a sob.
"Listen Dan, I know it may seem like the world is completely against you - and I don't blame you for that. But I promise that the whole world isn't against you, one day you'll find someone who will make you feel like you belong," he says, "don't give up on the world, it may be dark for you now but you'll find your sun."
"H-how?" Dan asks with tears in his eyes, "I-I won't. T-the only p-person who b-believes I b-belong is y-you."
"No Dan, I'm just the only person who tells you so."
"I-I don't... T-there's... What if I d-don't ever f-find my sun?" Dan asks quietly, a feeling of dread and sadness beginning to take over his heart.
"You'll find your sun Dan," he says, "trust me."
Dan smiles sadly as he lies on his bed later that day, this memory of his brother filling his mind. He finally knows what he was talking about. Dan always thought he was destined to fall and break, sentenced to a life without light by the universe for no apparent reason.
But now he understands - he sees everything clearly. Maybe not crystal clear, but he knows what his brother was saying. All this time he was obsessed with wanted the world to believe he belongs, but he just needed to believe it himself (well, him and Phil Lester).
Maybe it's just the fact that someone needs him, someone is there for him, he is there for someone... Or maybe it's just the fact that Phil seems to complete him in a way that the last piece completes a puzzle that makes him feel this now.
But Dan thinks that he has finally found his sun; he has found Phil Lester.
He just has to make sure that he can keep Phil shining, burning... Even if Dan has to destroy himself just to fuel Phil's light.
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an// I know it's been a long time wowza pls don't attack me okay...
sorry it's short but.. fluff right? I mean what else could you guys want :)
please leave a vote and comment if you want :)
thank you if you're still reading - I know I'm not uploading as much or being as active now but I promise you it still means the world to me.
thank you so much. hopefully I'll update again soon :D.
^-^ xx
p.s TROYE WAS AMAZING!! I got completely crushed and the audience was very immature and terrible - someone pulled my hair trying to push me out of the way and someone else kicked me - but TROYE WAS FUCKING PERFECT LIVE AAAH
plus I was so close :D