Last chapter, so guys please comment :) (But, maybe maybe not, so you should read the author's note at the end.
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He lied.
Multiple times.
Yet, I continue to stay with him.
I wonder what is more important: my safety or his? I'm said to be selfish if I care about my well-being more than his, but if it was the other way around, I would be considered stupid for not looking out for myself first. I am going to get stuck in the middle of this, I just know it. This is the last thing I want or need right now. I have to look out for my own well-being before anyone else, but I can't help but worry about him more.
For years and years people have stuck together through fights, wars, beliefs and causes. I suppose that is how we're built, to fight together or not at all. But of course we can't dodge the inevitable of people betraying each other. And that's how we get in a sick place like this one.
Love
Greed.
Betrayal.
Hatred.
Such a sickening cycle.
I am in this place that makes me feel so confused on so many levels because of him. Sure, he's had to deal with this sort of shit before, but I haven't. He had to just lay it on me like I have.
No.
That is not okay.
None of this is okay.
What happened to our boring life? In that life, I would never had to ever think about anything like this, or even think at all for that matter.
Not anymore.
I look at James. It's like my jaw stopped working because I can't say a damn word. How could this possibly get so messy, so quickly?
"Please, say something."
His eyes are worried. I can imagine that mine are too.
"I..." That's all I got.
Autumn needed his help and she got it. After lying to me where he was going that night, he went to beat up a guy to save his life. I understand that and commend it, but what I don't understand is why it was necessary for James to have such close contact with his sister after so many years. I mean, yes, I get that they are siblings and if they want to mend that relationship, well, then all is well for them. The only thing is this it seems like she is pulling him back on purpose. I mean, he got pulled out of that place for a reason and just now she is deciding to be a sibling. It just seems a little bit foreseeable for the whole situation.
In fact, these circumstances seem to be contemplated beforehand.
Part of me wants to hug him and tell him that everything will even out, but that's not how it works, so why would I lie to him? This is a big fuçking mess and now that I've been dragged down with him it's become clear to me that I am not selfish, he is.
"Vena, please," he pleads.
I look up from the spot on the carpet that I was staring at attentively. "James, do you realize how royally fuçked we are?"
"I know." And he didn't argue the fact either.
-
-
I haven't said much to James since we had our stupid conversation in the kitchen. The more I think about it, the more it feels even more unreal.
His hurtful words from yesterday return to my thoughts. At this point, it feels like they have been cancelled out considering everything else that's happened, but they still stick in my head like superglue glue.
James is a real asshole, like holy shít. This is a huge mess. This is so bad that I forgot about him shouting at me. This really must mean that this situation is terrible if I forgot something like that.
He left a while ago to go to "Grant's", sure. I'm pretty sure "Grant's" is code word for Autumn's dungeon. I don't doubt it at all. It's pretty sad that I can't even believe my boyfriend when he tells me he is going to do something.
By the time dinner time rolls around, I'm in no mood to cook and it's not like James is home to cook. So, Chinese food it is then.
I am dialing the number with my order in my head (yes, I have it memorized), but the front door opens before I have the chance to press talk and I lose my train of thought.
James steps through the doorway with a pizza in his hands. He hasn't even said a word yet and I already know what he's doing; bribing me with food. I mean, It's worked before. I can see why he would think that it would work now.
"Vena, I got you your favorite: bacon, ham and pineapple," he steps further into the room, shutting and locking the door behind him.
I stand up from the couch and grab a plate and sit at the island for the food. I'm hungry and he can bribe and bribe and bribe, but it won't change the fact of what has already happened. I may as well eat up. I'll eat it, but I won't like it. Well, yes, I will because food is food.
He sits across from me. I put a piece or two on my plate.
Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. I take a big bite. New York's pizza at its finest.
"I love you," he says right as I start chewing.
Can he not see that I am trying to eat over here? I finish my bite and stare at him for a moment. I just wanted to eat. Nothing more and nothing less.
I shake my head. "People who love each other, protect each other, don't you agree?" There is this bite in my tone that makes him flinch slightly.
He clears his throat, 'Vena, I'm—"
"No, James. You continue to apologize, but does that really change anything? No, it doesn't. This a mess and a few simple words aren't going to change anything."
"Vena, why don't you see that this a part of who I am?"
I cackle laughter, setting my pizza down. What a bloody idiot. "James, what is your last name?" I ask him with all seriousness.
He crinkles his thick eyebrows, like he doesn't quite understand where I am going with this. "Henderson." He answers anyhow.
"And can you tell me where you got that last name from?"
He leans on the counter and sighs deeply, "My adoptive parents."
I nod, "Exactly. You are a Henderson, not whatever your biological parents are. You cook. You go to school. You have a girlfriend. Your life is in order. You belong and have always belonged in this world, not that one. I'm sure at one point your sister was in a good home too, but she left and look where she is now. Is that really where you want to be?" I don't let him answer, I just continue. "James, I don't want to lose you, it is the last thing I want in this world. But, ever since you gained contact with Autumn, you've been distant and different. I want to know where my James went and why I feel like he is so far gone that I can barely recognize him. I love you, James, I really do, but it's ridiculous to think that you belong anywhere else but here."
He had a sympathetic look on his face. I didn't want pity on me, I wanted him to feel pity for himself so he could at least try to get out of this before it's too late.
"Vena, please just trust me on this."
My eyes widen at him, "Trust you?! You want me to trust you? After all these lies and you expect me to trust you. I can't do this James. I tried, I really did, but it's like you can't get it through your head. Do you realize how screwed up this all is? Do you know what you are doing to your future? To us?"
He nods and wipes his hands on his pants. "Vena, can you please just understand that this is my problem and I will get through it, okay?"
I shake my head. "Why can't you understand that your problems are my problems? This is a relationship. We protect each other and we help each other."
"I am protecting you."
I scoff at him, "Oh please, don't flatter yourself. You got into a potentially messy situation that could very well and most likely get me involved and you call that 'protecting'? Try again, you'd have to be crazy to think that that is actually logical."
"Listen, Darling for one second, please."
I sigh. Oh, those stupid nicknames and pet names that he has given me over the time we've been living together. I love them, but at the same time I hate them because he knows I love them and he'll use that to is advantage.
"I just need some time to figure some of this stuff out. It won't be forever; I know it won't. Autumn just needs my help for a while and then after that, things should go back to how should be. I hate that you got in the middle of this and you know that I tried my damndest to keep it from you, but it has only made it worse," he looks at me from across the table.
This is a horrible mess, but if he says he's going to figure this out, then I can't help but believe him. If he can help her and get out, then it should be easy to get back where we should be.
His hurtful words from yesterday return back to my head.
'My family has never been split up, but they are so annoying. I'm beautiful, but not more than the next girl, you think these are problems? You need a reality check! You can't just act like everything is so terrible for you when everything is fine, you just can't. Don't act fuçking fake, Vena. It irritates the shit of me.'
I remember them so clearly and he never even brought up his spat from yesterday. I was hoping that I could just forget about all that, but I can't seem to.
"Vena, do you remember the first time you slept with me, like actually slept?"
I nod. I remember it was the night he had that nightmare and he needed a distraction. I mean technically, the first time we slept together was on the couch by accident.
He reaches across the table and grabs my hand in his. "Vena, I knew from that moment that you laid down beside me that we were going to be together for a long time. I could just feel it. For the longest time, I knew that you had feelings for me, but you didn't know yet. I knew that soon enough you would realize that you felt the exact same way I feel about you," he pauses for a moment. "Come here," he gestures and pat his thigh.
I stand up and he pushes the chair out a bit. I sit down on his lap and I look down at him. Oh, those baby blue eyes.
He reaches up and puts a free flying piece of my hair behind my ear and puts his hand on my cheek. "Oh, Darling. We will get through this, I know we will and things can go back to how they should be. I've loved you for a long time, long before you had any clue and baby, I am not going to let you go anytime soon. We'll get through this, you'll see."
I lean my forehead against his, "And if we don't?"
"We will."
For the rest of the evening, I feel completely out of it. My mind is in a different place when it should be where James is. He's blabbing and I'm completely ignoring him. I'm not necessarily doing it on purpose, but then again, maybe I am.
I just hope that he's right about being able to get out of this Autumn mess because God knows that if he doesn't we'll be in a bad situation and I just don't think that would be in our greatest interest. If he gets stuck in a place that he can't get out of, then what does that mean? What will happen to him and us? Will it be like in the movies? Or will he just leave me?
All of this seems so unreal that it's stupid.
"Fuçk," James's cursing knocks me back into reality.
I shake my head and look at him. "Sorry?" I say, not hearing him correctly.
"You're not listening, it's okay. I understand, I wouldn't either, if I were you."
His head is in his hands.
I sigh, "No, my head is just in a different place," I pause, "Sorry."
He lifts his head and looks at me, "That's my fault."
I sigh and pat the spot beside me on the couch, "Come here."
He moves from the chair and sits down beside me, slouching in his seat. "You're right, this is fuçked up. I have dealt with this sort of stuff before, but this time just feels more real, I don't know," he pauses with a sigh, "Autumn is my family and I can't just abandon her, again. I know that it's too late now and I have to deal with it, okay?" he looks at me. "Why didn't I just say no, Vena?"
I shrug, "You're a people pleaser, it's in your nature."
He chuckles, "I don't think that is true."
I look at him with the expression that says, "Seriously?"
He smiles and moves closer to me, wrapping his arm around my waist, pulling me into him.
I slouch down with him, getting closer. "Can we stop talking about it?" I turn my head to look at him.
He nods with a smile on his face. "I want nothing more."
I lean my head against his shoulder, "James?" I look up at him.
He looks down at me and puts a piece of hair behind my ear. "Yes, Baby?"
"Are you going to leave me?"
His face goes blank. "No, not as long as I live."
I put my head back on his chest, feeling it rise and fall slowly. His heart beats fast, but slows down to a steady beat. I kept my mouth shut and so did he. It's better this way. This way, neither of us can ruin anything by talking.
He reaches up and strokes my hair, almost like he is massaging my scalp. It made me tired. All of this shit made me exhausted. I let my eyes close. And just like this, I feel the world disappear.
"I am so sorry, my sweet Darling," he whispers into my hair.
I am still angry at him; boy am I ever, just not enough to sleep by myself.
_
_
My eyes immediately open to the sound of a door opening. My vision's blur clears just quickly enough to catch a glimpse of James before he left the room.
I stand up too quickly and feel lightheaded. My, God. I glance at the clock hanging on the wall. 3:35 AM
What the hell is he doing up? I can't help but feel paranoid about everything he does now. I mean, for all I know, he could be on his way to kill a man, or he could be out for a middle-of-night bagel. With him, no one can never really be sure.
I hear his shoes drops to the ground. Maybe a bagel?
Maybe I should follow him.
Is that creepy? I mean, I'm curious and I will do what I need to get the information I want and more importantly: need. Maybe I'll get yelled at later, but I really need to actually see what he is doing for it to actually get it into my brain. It's hard to believe something without actually seeing it. If he really is going to go get a bagel, then good for us because I'm hungry.
I'm still wearing my clothes from earlier, so I don't see any real problem here.
As soon as I hear the door shut, I rush out of his bedroom over to the front door. I put on my jacket and slide on my shoes.
Here we go. I need to do this.
I grab my keys and open the door, slowly, trying my best to make sure it doesn't creak. Of course, It does anyways, but at least I tried. I look down the hallway and there is nothing but silence and a chair at the end of the hall. He sure does move fast.
I step outside and lock the door as quickly as I possibly can. I run down the hallway, trying to keep my feet light so I don't disrupt my neighbors. He could be in the elevator; I'll have to take the stairs. Shit. I'm going to lose him and then getting up at three in the morning will all be for nothing.
I push open the exit door and rush down the stairs. It is about halfway down that there is a window. I glance out, hopeful to catch a glimpse of the front the building. It's the stupid side, all I can see is the building beside ours.
I finally get to the bottom and feel relief run through my body as I see James just walk out the front doors of the lobby.
Thank God. I did not do all this work in the middle of the night for nothing.
He steps out onto the sidewalk and a black BMW pulls up beside him almost instantly.
As soon as he gets in, it takes off.
I run outside and hail a cab (which I have no problem with. This is New York City for God's sake! Plus, I've lived here my entire life.)
"Where to?" I'm asked by the driver as soon as I shut the cab door.
"Follow that black BMW and hurry," I urge her.
She steps on the pedal and just like that we're following them. I feel like I'm in this action movie, like as if any moment now someone is going to start shooting at the car. She keeps her distance, but not enough to lose them.
I glance at the meter, it's already pretty high. I didn't even realize how far we'd travelled. We are far into Queens by now.
Where the hell are we going? This ridiculous to be going this far into the city.
Suddenly, the car slows down. The street we're on is dark and frankly quite freaky.
The black car comes to a stop, James steps outside and glances down at the street and at us for a brief moment, but he quickly looked away. The other side door opens and out steps a man a bit bigger than James. He shuts the door and the car takes off into the darkness.
"Stop." I tell the cab driver. She stops the car and looks back at me.
"Are you sure, this place seems a bit dangerous."
I nod, "I'll be fine."
She nods, "That'll be a ninety-five dollars and seventy-six cents."
I nod. This was an expensive freaking trip. I pull my wallet from my jacket pocket. I pull out two fifties and hand them to her, "Keep the change," I tell her as I step out of the cab. I pull my hood over my head.
She smiles and takes the money, "You have a good night, miss."
I nod and shut the door. I hear as she drives away from me. I slide my hands in my pockets. Tonight is a lot colder than most writer nights. I am just hoping I can get inside without some weird code thing. I mean, who knows? I know nothing about this kind of business, so really I have no idea how serious it really is.
I jog towards the door where James entered. I glance around and there is not a single person around. I pull on the door and my God, is it ever heavy.
I step inside and the door shuts behind me, sounding a loud bang echo throughout the hallway. I feel as my heart beat starts to beat faster. Oh, so now the fear starts to kick in. Great.
The walls around me are made out of heavy brick and the roof: metal. The fluorescent lights shines down into my eyes as I walk down the hall. My running shoes sound as if I am wearing heels against marble.
As I walk, there are several doors in the hall, made of steel.
What is this place?
I walk to the very end and stand in front of the door. Should I really do this? I mean, do I really need to know?
Yes. Yes, I do. I am tired of his shit.
I pull the door open, finding my real strength. I step inside and pull my hood off my head and my jaw drops. The room's walls are lined with all kinds of guns and ammunition. What is this place? Just a place to store weapons and such is what it looked like until, I look across from me. In the center of this room stood a glass box, kind of like a glass room of sorts.
Inside, I see James, along with the man who got out of the car with him. I walk closer, getting a better look. I notice in James's hand is a gun. A handgun, but it didn't look like a normal handgun, it looks larger and quite a bit more dangerous.
I look around me, there is absolutely no one in this place except them.
I step a bit closer, I don't know if they can see me or not. I mean, I don't see why not, they are in a glass room and I can see them.
The lights in the glass room suddenly go off, but the lights around me still shine brightly.
What the hell?
I step forward and look into the glass incased room.
Suddenly a light flashes down in the middle of the room, startling me for a moment. James steps out into it. This is already too weird for me.
The man with James opens a door and walks out of the room into a separate looking room. I take a few steps forward and look in, almost standing right into the glass. I look at James. Concentration is plastered on his face.
Abruptly, a man appears on the glass in front of him. What the hell? This is not right.
James raises his gun and shoots without hesitation. I feel fear rush through me as my heart rate starts to race. The fallen figure disappears. What is this? There was a man right there on the ground, lying there lifeless and now there isn't.
Suddenly, I see another figure appear in front me as I look into the glass. James's full-bodied eyes stare at me. His eyes show no emotion, mostly concentration.
His finger moves to the trigger. He pulls it and the figure falls to the ground, I jump back, startled.
He doesn't even glance down. I look down and see no blood, no wound, but I did notice a red X square between his eyebrows.
The body begins to disappear until it's completely gone. Perhaps a hologram? It is weird though, because this hologram type thing, well, they all have faces, dressed and have guns in their hands, but they never try to shoot.
I look down at my hands. This can't be real. I have to be dreaming. This can't be right. I feel like my life has been taken right out of a book. My hands are clear, not blurry at all. This isn't a dream.
"How did you get in here?" a deep voice scares me from my thoughts.
Oh, shit.
I turn around, the man was extremely bulky and tall. Oh, great. "The door." Oh God, not the time for the overload of sass, Vena.
He crosses his arms over his chest, trying to scare me, which he might be a bit. Although, living with so many boys throughout my years, it's pretty tough to intimidate me. Maybe it is the whole aura of this place scares me a bit. "Do you know where you are?" he asks with all seriousness.
Now to answer honestly or not. I mean in this city, there are liars everywhere. There is a ton of ways this could go, but if I just continue to stand here, I think I might get shot, but I don't know.
"No, I was wandering around and I was just trying to find a place to warm up. I got lost."
He stares at me for a moment, like as if he is trying to contemplate if I am telling the truth, which I most definitely am not.
He clears his throat, "Would you come with me?"
Oh, Hell no! No way, this is not the way I am going to die. I refuse to be murdered. Nope, nope, nope.
I need to stall, just until James gets out of there. I can't go with this guy. This place is already pretty damn creepy as is and I don't want to do anything. I want to go home and go back to sleep and let James deal with this shit. I'm done playing detective tonight.
I'm tired and this place is cold and I'm pretty sure this dude is a serial killer, so that's just great.
My head fills with anxiety and fear, making it feel like my heart is in my head. "Um, what is that?" I ask, pointing to the wall of guns. Of course, I know what they are, but maybe I'll get lucky and be stuck with one of those guys who obsess over weapons.
He gives me an unimpressed expression. I know, that was weak. I can usually stall, I mean, just look at James and my relationship. For example, it was weeks and weeks I stalled before I got with him.
I suppose that the fact that I am scared shitless can put a damper on it.
"Come on," he gestures for me to start walking.
Oh, great. Death here I come.
Of course James couldn't just walk out of that stupid fake-people-killer room and bail me out. But, of course not, because that would just be too easy.
I nod and follow him. It's not like I have much of a choice in the matter. I have to think smart about this. I know that I haven't had to deal with this sort of stuff before, but I know that this place is dangerous and I kind of don't want to get killed.
It's not like I can just stand here and start crying for James to come save me, no, that will only get me in more trouble.
I take one last look back at James in that stupid glass room. He's still shooting air. Oh, just fantastic.
Maybe I'm over reacting, but what if I'm not? I mean, it could be possible that this guy is just taking me to a place to sleep, but what if he is actually going to kill me.
I think I need to lay off the action movies for a while... They do wonders for screwing up your outlook on situations like this one.
I follow the man. He turns away from me and pulls open the heavy door (which probably wasn't very heavy for him) and glances back at me. I follow him right to the doorway, waiting patiently for him to let me through the door. It's not like I got lost in a magical time or five seconds.
He moves out of the way and lets me through.
I should be sleeping right now, at home in my bed.
The door slams behind him, leaving a big 'boom' echo throughout the whole hallway. He leads me back down the way I came in, but now he opens up one of the side doors.
He holds the door open for me and I walk through, extremely cautiously.
Down this hallway there are doors, like you would see in an apartment building. At every door, there is an initial and a last name. These doors are not made out of steel like all the other ones I have seen, they are made out of a softer looking metal.
He kept on walking till we were getting closer to the end, which was quite far, I must say.
"You can stay here tonight and we will get you where you need to be in tomorrow," he says as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a key.
He stops at the door, a few from the end and unlocks it. He pushes the door open. "I will be back in the morning to get you." he mentions.
I walk in and look around the room. There is a bed pushed against the door that looks like a double and a dresser with a mirror sitting on the floor. Around the corner there looks to be a bathroom, but I didn't get a good enough look without stepping further into the room.
I hear the door shut, I turn around. The only sound in this room is harsh breathing.
I seriously should have stayed in bed.
I try to open the door, but it's no use, it's locked. Great. Just great. They lock people in rooms. Well, on the bright side, he didn't murder me so that's an upside.
I look around the place. The walls are plain gray and the bedding on the bed is black. This is so weird. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if there is a bed full of nails underneath that blanket.
I sit down on the bed, surprisingly not getting stabbed in the ass. The silence fills my head with fear. There is really no way of talking out of this one. I suppose it's too late now.
How the hell did I get into this mess? I should be sleeping in my bed. No, I should be sleeping in James's bed.
Now the real question is: how am I going to explain this to James tomorrow?
~
~
I am awake long before the scary man comes to get me. I couldn't sleep at all. The cold of the room was so chilling that even the heavy blanket couldn't keep my warmth. Huh. Maybe it's the fact that I am so used to sleeping with someone every night, but then again, it could be that the walls are made of brick and it's the middle of the winter...
A part of me is happy that I did come here last night. I mean, I know it's really got me into a mess, but I kind of have an idea of what James was doing here: shooting air. Oh! What fun!
"Come on, she's waiting for you," the man says after opening the door.
I sigh and stand up. Weirdly enough, this guy doesn't look as scary as did last night compared to now. He actually looked pretty normal. Maybe it was the fact that I was a bit freaked out by everything that was happening last night. I don't know. All of this feels more like a dream than reality. I don't think being here is what is keeping me on my toes, I think that it is because I can't help but wonder where James is and if he is looking for me.
Once again, the man leads me down the hallway. I am just pretty worried about who this 'she' is. If It's Autumn then this whole situation could go to shit, seeing how we got off on the bad foot to begin with. Then again, if it is Autumn, I'll most likely be able to get home quicker.
I don't really understand why she hates me. I didn't do anything to her, yet she acts like I've killed her family.
"What's your name, anyways?" the guys asks, looking back at me.
Oh damn. Oh damn. Oh damn. What do I say now? My real name? Or a fake? I did a pretty good job keeping my identity a secret last night, but if I lie now and I am on my way to see Autumn, then what does that mean?
"Catherine." Hey, it's the first fake name that popped into my head.
He nods, "Well, Catherine, I am taking you to Candella. She will deal with you in what she sees fit."
I sigh. Who the hell is Candella? Is she going to kill me? I don't doubt it, the walls in this place give off a creepy murder vibe. This is stupid. All of this is stupid. I should just be able to go home. "Why?"
"She always wants to see her visitors off before they leave."
Seems reasonable, but also seems pretty damn fake. I look at the guy, well if she is going to kill me for coming into Autumn's layer then I may as well know the guy who took me to her.
"What's your name?"
He looks back at me, amusement spread across his face. "Are we really doing this?"
The small talk? Yes. I mean, if I am about to die, why not make one more person feel uncomfortable. What a great way to remember me by. I nod, I don't see why not. I mean, I would like to see my boyfriend one last time before getting murdered in his sister's dungeon, but I mean I kind of dug myself into this situation. I may as well make a friend out of it.
"Abel." He answers with this tone in his voice that made me curious. Curious about what? I have no idea. I just am extremely curious about him.
I nod, "Got a family?" I ask. I mean, he does look old enough to have a family, but then again, James does too and look at him.
He chuckles, "Uh, no. That just wouldn't happen here."
"What?"
"I'm sorry, I have said too much already. I just need to get you to Candella," his voice returns to the original tough tone. Too bad, I thought I might have actually made a friend before I get murdered. Guess not.
He pushes open another door and honestly, I have no idea what could be on the other side of this one. First, it was the weird weapons/shooting air room, then the apartment/ rooms and now I don't really know what to expect. Every door looks the same, but I can't be sure what is on the other side.
He holds the door open for me. A sudden rush of a mix of fear and adrenaline rushed through me. All this joking about murder is finally catching up to me. I didn't actually think I was going to get killed, but for God's sake, look where I am! This is either end with me going home, or it could end all together. For a majority of the night, I couldn't sleep because of the fact that I was scared. Whatever happens now is what happens and I will just have to go with it until I find a way out.
The first thing I can see is a coat stand and soon enough, I see a desk with guess who? Autumn.
Oh, great.
"Candella, this is the girl that was in the Armory last night. She says her name is Catherine."
She looks up from her computer to us and smirk spreads across her face.
She nods, "Thank you, Abel," she says and he leaves almost immediately.
I cross my arms across my chest.
"Well, Vena. This is going to be an entertaining," she picks up her cell phone and leans back into her chair.
And in that moment, I knew that this is going to end up being a terrible cycle.
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THE END OF BOOK ONE
If it isn't already obvious, there is going to be a sequel, (otherwise, that would just be a terrible thing to do to you guys) so it is necessary to read the author notes. READ LAST TWO PARTS TO COVER ALL CONFUSION BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING YOU DON'T MEAN. IT IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. I'm being serious here.
Hello, there is an author note and playlist for this book attached in the next two chapters. Please take the time to read them. It is very important that you do, who knows, you might be pleased with what I have to say.
Thank you,
BWS❄️