“I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was hurricane.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska
Dear E,
I wish you felt this way about me. But she asked you if you like me as a friend and you said yeah, soo I guess that's a start, right?
I don't feel good, but I don't want to tell you why. It's embarrassing but your taking health right now, and you went to Robert Crown in 5th grade so you probably have a pretty good guess.
I asked her what if you and I started going out, if she would hate me. She said a little. It's funny because I said what if her and you started going out and as I was typing I literally planned on how to kill myself. If realized how truly greedy I am. I didn't even stop to think that she probably had the same thought when I asked about you and I. Plus I have reasons to live. Don't I?
I do. I just want you to know that. That you're not my only reason to live, and you're not her only reason either. Even though we say you are, were wrong. I mean, c'mon were not old enough to know anything about how life's gonna go. The only thing I do know is that I want you in my future, and you most likely don't want me in yours.