Serenity
I hated being clumsy. How can I pretend to be invisible when I was always tripping over my feet or spilling things? I scrubbed the mustard stain on my gray sweater with a wet wipe. One of my many unwritten rules was to avoid messy foods at work but the sandwich Ireland grabbed for me at the deli in our building was drowning in mustard.
"Serenity, you busy?"
My hand stopped abruptly and I looked up to see Lincoln walking toward my desk. "No," I said, wringing the wet wipe in both hands.
"Ireland told me she wasn't feeling well and you guys went home early on Friday." That wasn't exactly how it went but I nodded anyway.
"I wish we could have hung out some," he added with a closed lipped smile. I mirror him and smiled back in the same way.
"So listen, I have an invitation for a restaurant opening in midtown on Wednesday. It's a Thai-Mexican fusion place," my eyebrows shoot up and he chuckled awkwardly. "Do you think you might want to go with me," he asked timidly.
My brain stalled, something that I should be used to but somehow I still wasn't. It sort of felt like a railroad gate came down inside my head and I was stuck in one spot while a train of thoughts flew past me at full speed. I had a hard time grasping the right ones to verbalize.
No sounded rude. Yes sounded eager. Did I even want to go? Not really.
"Sure," I said robotically.
"Seriously?" He sounded shocked. He gave me a big boyish smile and clapped his hands together. I nodded and tried smiling back. My lips were tight and I wasn't sure if it came off like a grimace.
"Awesome, I'll pick you up after work on Wednesday around 7. Email me your number and address."
Lincoln almost skipped out of my office. He looked giddy as hell while I sat and stared at the door he just exited from feeling like I was going to puke.
I told myself that I wanted to try new things and take risks and here I was doing it. So why did it feel like an awful idea? Deep down in my gut I had a sick feeling and it wasn't excitement or the flutter of butterflies. It was heavy and grated on my nerves.
I tried to look on the brighter side of things. The process of becoming accustomed to different people and places might be long and hard and tedious but at least I was trying. I didn't feel any spark at all for Lincoln. Then again, who knew what could happen if I got to know him more.
Life wasn't a fairy tale. There was no love at first sight, no tether that pulled two people together. Lincoln and I's compatibility would always be up for debate unless I took some time to get to know him outside of our office. We could end up having a great time. Maybe I'd have an easy time talking to him in the same way I did with Rylan.
I'd thought a lot about our long conversation on Blindspot the other day. I found out we both shared the same love for 90s pop culture and we reminisced about the things we loved from our childhood for hours. Lincoln and I could have things in common. We were both designers who worked right down the hall from each other. That was a start.
The thought of Rylan had me clicking my bookmarked Blindspot link. When we last spoke, I'd somehow forgotten that he was an actual flesh-bearing person. Typing to him on a computer was easy and I hoped maybe it could translate to real date practice. But I wasn't an idiot, I knew it couldn't be that simple. After all, Blindspot had a logout button for when communication got tough. I wished I had a logout button for everyday life. How convenient would that be?
An alert telling me that I had new message popped up on my screen. Rylan. I clicked the alert and read the message.
Hello Ren,
I hope you're well. It's Monday and I know most people dread them. Do you? I don't mind them. I happen to think the worst day of the week is Tuesday. Tuesdays are right at the cusp of hump day and they always seem to last the longest. They're just there with no purpose. We should get rid of Tuesdays. I may take my proposal to congress. Would I have your vote?
Anyway, I enjoyed our conversation. Hope to chat again soon.
My lips turned up into a small smile. The message was only sent about an hour ago. I looked at my online matches and there he was. I hesitated to send him a message before I convinced myself I was over-thinking it and double-clicked his name.
Serenity: Hi
And then I waited. I stared at the screen waiting for a reply for a while before I looked down and worked on a revised sketch. My eyes drifted back and forth checking for a response.
Rylan: Hey! Can we talk later?
Serenity: Yeah. Sorry to bother you.
Rylan: No bother. I want to talk to you. Meet me here tonight at 8?
I felt my cheeks heat up. He wanted to talk to me.
Serenity: Sure.
Rylan: It's a date. Talk soon.
A date. I'd actually made two dates in one day. Okay, not really but I was looking forward to my faux-date that night more than my real date on Wednesday. Partly because it would be easier than sitting across from Lincoln at a Thai-Mexican restaurant and partly because Rylan made me blush and smile and feel like some whimsical teenager.
I hadn't thought too long or hard about who Rylan was so it would be naive of me to grow any attachment to him. He was closer to being a figment of my imagination than a real person but that didn't stop my heart from beating with anticipation to talk to him again.
__________#__________
It was 8:00. I lied and told Ireland that I wasn't feeling well so that I could get out of our nightly ritual of watching House Hunters and shut myself in my room. She wasn't aware that I'd been using Blindspot and I had no intention of telling her yet.
My Blindspot alert dinged to notify me of a new message.
Rylan: You know what I find incredibly sexy?
Serenity: What?
Rylan: Punctuality. Mmm...
Serenity: Did you just type out a moan?
Rylan: Yeah. You judging?
Serenity: Yes.
A minute in and I was already grinning at my computer like a fool.
Rylan: How was your day?
Serenity: It was okay.
Rylan: Tell me what happened.
Serenity: I went to work and came home.
Rylan: Come on, you can do better than that.
Serenity: Umm...mustard got on my sweater and my co-worker asked me on a date.
I had no idea if that was an over-share since I usually don't share anything at all. I wanted him to think I was normal and pretending it was true in front of a computer was easier than expected. It was nice not to have to present the unfortunate parts of myself that everyone else saw to Rylan. All those defective parts that were scraped and scarred and undesirable.
Rylan: A date, huh? You going?
Serenity: I guess.
Rylan: Great...
Serenity: When was your last date?
Rylan: A long time ago.
Serenity: Is that why you're here?
Rylan: Maybe. What about you, is that why you're here?
Serenity: I don't know.
Rylan: I bet a cool chick like you gets asked out all the time.
Serenity: I wouldn't bet on that if I were you.
Rylan: I'm sure you're just being modest.
For the first time since we'd started talking I couldn't think of a response. I could've confessed my disability of sorts but I didn't want to scare him off and make him think I was damaged goods. I wanted him to find me desirable. Even if I never met him, having a seemingly normal man think I'm cool was more than I could have hoped for. My computer dinged.
Rylan: So axing Tuesdays. Yea or nay?
Serenity: Only if it makes the work week 4 days.
Rylan: I wouldn't have it any other way.
I was happy to talk about some meaningless topic and that's exactly what we did. For hours. We talked about music and food and movies. We talked all the way until 3:37 in the morning, making the timer on our chat meter rise to double digits. We'd only spoken twice but we'd already been chatting for over 11 hours. Time seemed to fly by but I knew I'd feel it when the sun rose on Rylan's dreaded Tuesday.
- Thanks for reading! -
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What's your ideal date night?