Chapter 3
(Nurse Flora----->)
For the very first time since I could remember anything in my life, I broke a promise to myself. I told myself that I would give Isaac two weeks to settle into the everyday life and routine at the Institute. And here I am breaking that promise as I swiped my keycard on the panel to open the gates of the Institutes compound. Nodding to the Guards as I drove past them, I made my way up the drive and parked my car in my designated parking space in the garage.
It was still early in the afternoon and the patients should be involved in whatever duties they were allotted and some of them should be in group discussions. I knew Isaac was in his room because like a crazed stalker that I have turned into, I have been watching the security feeds especially for his floor.
Taylor and Flora have been providing me with daily updates as well. Flora in her very outspoken, no hold barred manner basically told me that I was moddle coddling Isaac and that I needed to give him a nudge if not an outright push in order to open up his communication skills, but I disagreed with her point of view.
There were still too much about him that I didn’t know, we were all working on what the physical and medical evidence have shown us about him, but in order to really help him I needed to get into his head in order to know what and how he feels about it all. I could very well do him more harm than good if I didn’t know where his head was at. I also needed to know what happened to him and for how long had been going on and how he coped with it and so forth.
There was a laundry list of things I had to find out and shoving him into unknown territory wasn’t going to work. He would clam up and close himself off even more. I advised her to leave him alone and let him take his time to assimilate himself towards everyone and the Institute itself. It seemed that he never had time or the freedom to just do what he wanted to do and I felt that giving him that time would help him open up, but I wasn’t following my own advice. I said I would give him two weeks but here I am with a bagful of his favorite chocolate bars in hand as I made my way to my second floor office.
Nurse Flora and Taylor had both agreed with my assessments after I explained them and I had breathed a sigh of relief that they understood where I was coming from. I placed Isaac’s treats on my desk and took a seat. There was a small pile of paperwork I had to go through, so I busied myself with that as I shored up the courage to go to see him again. I had to keep my personal feelings for the gorgeous man completely out of this situation. He was my patient first and foremost.
I steadily made my way through the invoices and office paperwork. I logged onto my computer and answered my emails and declined conference requests and cleaned out all the junk mail in my inboxes. I couldn’t procrastinate anymore. So with a deep sigh, I stood and straighten my suit jacket and pushed my glasses a little further up on my nose. I grabbed Isaac’s candy in my way to the door.
The floor was pretty quiet for a Monday, but this floor only housed the Administrative offices, the patients were housed on the third and fourth floors. The more intensive patents were on the fourth, those that required locked environment and limited freedom for their safety and around the clock supervision. My milder less inhibited patients were on the third floor. There were a total of six patients on the third and ten on the fourth. The first floor housed the main security room, the computer server rooms, the kitchen, unisex hair studio, the gym, the laundry room, the maintenance office, and the family consulting and visiting areas.
I made it to the elevators without seeing another soul as of yet and swiped my keycard to call the car and for the doors to open. I heard the ding as it arrived and the silent stainless steel panels opened to the empty lift. I got on and pushed the button for the third floor and the doors promptly closed and the car started to move. The ding signaled my arrival and the doors swooshed open again revealing the lobby of the third floor. I stepped out and immediately turned to the right and swiped through the security doors.
Once inside I went straight to the Nurses area and I was greeted by some of the Orderlies and I smiled at them as I made my way over to the daily chart reports that were kept by the staff on each patient.
“Well, well if it isn’t the cute little Doctor Shrink Man.” Came the saucy salutation and I couldn’t help but smile as I turned around to greet Richard, another one of my awesome Nurses and Flora right hand man.
“Hey Richard, how are you today?” I asked as he sashayed his way over to me and I smiled even brighter. Richard was so stereotypically gay, he was the flamboyant type that waved his hands when he spoke and rolled his eyes in true dramatic fashion whenever he was displeased with something, and when he was actually pleased he squealed and clapped his hands like a happy valley girl. We all loved him to pieces and he flirted shamelessly with me but it is all in good fun. Richard was married to a bear of man that worshipped the ground he strutted on.
“I am fine darling, now that you have graced us with your sexy nerdy self. I must say you are the only cutie to be able to pull of that look.” He winked and smiled his high voltage mega watt smile at me.
“You never change, and thank you.” I politely responded and he winked and wiggled his fingers at me before making his way out of the circular desk area and down the hall.
I went back to the daily report sheets and skimmed over them to make sure all of my patients were alright. When I got to the place where Isaac’s report was supposed to be the slot was empty and I looked around the desk to see if one of the Nurses were working on it and forgot to put it back in its place.
“I think Flora has it, she is in his room as we speak. He doesn’t seem to like the male employees here and sometimes when his food is delivered by one of them he panics.” I heard Taylor explain from behind me and I turned to see her giving me a curious look.
“How come you never mentioned it when we spoke? Is it a severe reaction?” I asked immediately concerned for Isaac.
“Because he is getting better and he works through it without having to be medicated. And I think Flora has taken a real shine to him because she tends to spoil him rotten although he would never know that seeing he doesn’t really know the hard ass she really is.” She stated as she made her way over to my side.
I had to smirk at her assessment; yes Nurse Flora was a tough as nails Psychiatric professional that took no prisoners. The patients learned to toe the line for her and in turn she was a real mother hen to them. It seems that she has taken Isaac under her wing and I couldn’t blame her. He was so innocent despite the horrors of his life, and you just wanted to fold him up and put him away somewhere so nothing or no one could hurt him. Especially when those expressive blue eyes darkened with remembered pain.
“So, are you going to explain what you are doing here? You have office rotations for another week.” She inquired as she leaned her hip against the desk and folded her arms across her chest. She was slightly shorter than me and I must almost if I wasn’t gay, I would seriously be into her pixie like beauty, all that blond hair and her elfin features. She was a stunningly beautiful woman.
I tried to look her in the eye when I responded. “I had some paperwork to take care of and since I was here, I decided to stop by and let the patients see that I am here and address any concerns they may have or listen to anything they wanted to share with me.” I found myself babbling, but in a sense it was true what I said to her. I did do paperwork and I am making myself available to my patients, especially to one in particular, but she doesn’t need to know that particular piece of information.
She raised a knowing brow at me that I chose to steadfastly ignore it. She righted herself onto her feet and patted me on the shoulder before sauntering off down the hall towards the exit. I watched her disappear through the door after she swiped her keycard and I knew that she had thoughts about my being here, but she was keeping them to herself and I didn’t mind that at all. Taking full advantage of this minute of silent reprieve I turned quickly to the desk and snatched the shopping bag off the counter and made my way down the hall to Isaac’s room.
His door was open and when I stepped through it and into the room I almost groaned and wished that I had stayed far away from this place. Flora was sitting at the table charting on his daily record and Isaac was sitting next to her shirtless as she took his vital signs. I could feel my saliva pooling in my mouth at the awe inspiring sight of all that skin on display, the man was simply delicious. His skin was pale due to his non exposure to the outdoors, but it didn’t deflect in any way from the sculpted and fit beauty of his body, not in the least.
I managed to swallow the lump of desire in my throat and I schooled my features and cleared my throat to get their attention. Flora smiled and Isaac looked up at me with a look I could only describe as expectant relief, if that made any sense at all, but that was what his gaze on me felt like. Those stunning blue orbs locked onto my green ones for a moment before he flushed slightly and looked away.
“Hey Doc, I wasn’t expecting you until next week.” Flora stated as she rose from the table and gathered her paperwork. Isaac shrugged back into his scrub top and remained right where he was looking down steadfastly at his feet.
“Yeah, I know Flora, but I had some paperwork to take care of and I just stopped by real quick to see how everything was going with everyone.” I answered her trying to keep my attention on her and not to let my rebellious eyes stray to the man sitting so silent at the table.
“Well, Isaac here still won’t open his mouth to do anything else but shove food into it. That Boy know he can eat.” She said as she smiled fondly at the man sitting by her and his face turned a darker shade of red at her words. Although there was a jus the hint of a smile curling at the edge of those lush lips. And I immediately called a halt to my inappropriate thoughts chastised myself for thinking like that about his mouth.
“Well have a seat and have a talk with him, one thing I can say is that he sure is stubborn. I have tried everything to get a verbal response out of him and still he refuses to utter one word.” She said as she made her way to the door she turned and glared at him for a second then ambled off leaving the door wide open and I left it that way; my will power of proving to be nonexistent especially now that I was face to face with him.
I drew a deep breath and made my way over to the table and sat down in the chair that Flora had occupied. “Hi Isaac, how have you been?” I asked him and watched and waited in hopes that he would finally respond verbally to my inquiry.
His eyes flicked back up to mine and he just nodded his head and looked back down. I studied his features and I was happy to see that the shadows under his eyes were no longer there and he had healthy glow to his skin. His face and body filled out a little more and I attributed that to the fact that he was finally eating a proper diet. I lifted the bag and emptied out onto the table so show him his treats and I watched his eyes light up, and he immediately picked one up and smiled at me before tearing into it.
I felt my heart flutter in my chest at the sight of one of his genuine honest to goodness smiles. It was my first time to actually see one of them on his face and I had to admit that it transformed his usually stoic features completely. He was absolutely the most stunning man I have ever laid my eyes on and I knew I was in deep shit. I knew it, but like the total selfish human being that I was, I couldn’t walk away from him and hand his case over to one of my partners like I should be doing.
I sat and watched him as he enjoyed his chocolate. He finished it and got up to put the wrapper in the garbage by his desk. He stood there for a minute looking a little lost and unsure of what he was supposed to do. So I waved him back over, for him to sit back down beside me so we could chat for a minute or two. I was determined to keep things professional so I put a firm lid on my inappropriate thoughts and I began asking him a series of questions about his stay so far and about the staff and how they were treating him.
When I got to the topic of his fear for the male staff members he withdrew from me completely by sitting back in his chair. It was as if he trying to distance himself from the turn our conversation took.
“Isaac, I am trying my best to help you in every way possible. I understand that you don’t want to talk about it; you don’t want to go back there not even in your thoughts. But I need you to realize that although you may not want to do it, you are going to have to in order to continue to move forward with your life.” I said to him as I leaned forward to try to get him to look me in the eye so that he could see that I was absolutely serious about this.
He blew out a trembling breath and my heart ached for him as he turned those beautiful blue eyes on me and they shimmered with unshed tears. I got up and I closed his door to his room to maintain his privacy because those big fat tears of pain began to roll down his face. I picked up the chair I was sitting in and placed it right in front of him and sat back down. Invading his space a little as I leaned forward and it was a potentially dangerous move for me if he snapped again, but I was willing to take the chance. Isaac was not insane or prone to fits of rage. His sense of self preservation and instants had taken over at that point in his life and it led him to do what he did. So I wasn’t worried at all about him harming me in any form what so ever.
“Isaac, that pain right there is what I am talking about, it is affecting you, it’s holding you back and you need to get rid of it. You need to talk to me, to tell me about it so I know how best to help you through it. Everyone in this building is here to help you, especially the Orderlies. Some of them may seem a bit intimidating but they are the gentlest souls you could ever meet. They are here to help Flora and Richard as well as all of you.” I said as he continued to let the tears flow.
Reaching into my pocket I removed my handkerchief and leaned forward moving my hand slowly so that he could see it coming and that I was only intending to wipe his face and nothing else. He sat stock still as I mopped up his cheeks and I bit my tongue so I would release the whimper I was holding in as the tingles that shot up my arm from the warmth radiating off of his skin. I could feel I through the cotton as I cleaned his face.
“Okay, imagine if one of the patients got rough with Flora, those guys are here to help so that scenario doesn’t happen, other than that they are here to care for you too.” I said as I placed the handkerchief in his hand for him to finish the job before I was driven to lean closer to him to taste those quivering pink lips of his.
Attempting to put him at ease and the regroup myself I asked him, “I want to do something before I leave today. I want to introduce you to the guys, all of the male staff members on this floor. I want you to be comfortable around them because I don’t want you to have any undue stress, because starting next week we are going to start your sessions and Flora is going to assign you your daily chores and we will go from there.” I leaned back a little further to give him some breathing room.
“And what I mentioned earlier about talking about your life, that we can ease into slowly. So, I don’t want you to feel anxious about it. But please try to remember what I said about you moving on from it and what you need to do in order to do. I also want you to think about speaking out loud, talking to people. You don’t have to say anything about yourself or your past, but simply try to verbally respond to what you are asked, things like what you want to eat for dinner or a snack, or answering yes or no to things. Imagine how over the moon Flora will be, she might even let you eat more.” I teased and watched as the beautiful smile wobbled back onto his face and I felt like a Superhero for putting it there.
I stood up and I held out my hand to help him up from the chair. He looked at it for a few moments before he cautiously placed his much larger palm against mine and I did my best to ignore the tingles shooting up my arm and spreading all over my body, waking up my nerve endings as I firmly gripped onto his warm hand. I led him to the door and opened it with my keycard and we paced down the hall to the Nurses Desk. Flora looked up and I hoped she read the silent message in my eyes properly, and she did when she acted like it was an everyday occurrence to have a patient in the station.
“Okay everyone as you may have known this is our newest guest, Isaac. I wanted to formally introduce him to everyone that is going to be involved in his care so that he feels a bit more comfortable with all the new faces in his life so far.” I said to my staff and I was never more proud of them as I watched them introduce themselves one by one, never invading his space or making an attempt to shake his hand.
Little did I realize that the whole time we stood there talking to them that Isaac kept a firm grip on my hand and that he never ventured more than a centimeter away from my side. It wasn’t until Flora declared that it was time to get cleaned up for dinner and came to over to help Isaac back to his room, that I realized it because he refused to let my hand go and his eyes pleaded for me stay with him and I didn’t have the heart to walk away. And that was how I wound up sitting in his room eating dinner at the little table that evening.
I was a pushover for him and I knew it, but it seemed at this moment in time I didn’t care about it. He needed me and I stayed with him until he was almost falling asleep in his chair. Flora came bustling in to shoo him to bed. She didn’t make any remarks about the length of time I spent with Isaac, for which I was very grateful. I knew it probably looked like I was giving him special treatment and I was because as my patient he needed it, but as I full blooded man, I needed it. He drew me in like no one has ever had before and I must learn to separate myself from my personal feelings in order to be of any use to him at all.