Chapter 15
“Everyday I try to look my best
Even though inside I'm such a mess
Why do I always feel invisible, invisible”
-Invisible, Skylar Grey
“In the end, we always become the people we swear we’d never be.”
“Come on, Natalie, honey,” I pleaded for like the third time, sighing, “You need to sleep already. It’s almost midnight.”
“I don’t want!” Her cute little voice whined again as she giggled while staring at her Barbie dolls, “I am still playing with my dolls.”
I released an exhausted sigh as planted a kiss on her forehead, removing her curly dark hair that covered her cute little face, “We will play tomorrow, okay? I promise.”
She looked up at me, placing her dolls down, her wide emerald eyes sparkling with faint hope, “Promise?”
I nodded, holding my hand out in a swearing position, “Mommy promises.”
“Okay,” She smiled putting her all of her dolls down before wrapping her chubby arms around my neck, “Let’s sleep. I am sleepy.”
I carried her up from the ground, kissing the top of her head again as she smiled widely at me, her dimples being evident in her rosy cheeks. Tears prickled at the back of my eyes, but I blinked them away as hard as I can. I just distracted myself by lifting Natalie up the stairs and into her pink room. I pushed the door open with my foot as she giggled at my attempts, because to be honest, Natalie is one heavy toddler...
“What have you been eating lately?” I asked her and I heard cute soft giggle came out of her parted lips, while she played with my messy blonde hair.
“Sweets!” She replied cheerfully before she giggled again, making me shake my head, smiling as I placed her down on the soft little bed.
“But, baby, sweets are bad for your health.” I reasoned out, my lips curving down into a pout.
“But they are yummy!” Natalie exclaimed with a soft musical laugh, her emerald eyes locking with mine.
I turned off the lights on her room and walked over the nightlight, switching it on. Her eyes sparkled, fascinated with the lights dancing around in her room that is coming from the nightlight.
“Goodnight, sweetheart.” I smiled at her as I lifted the warm duvets up to her chin, kissing her forehead afterwards, “I love you.”
“I wuv you too, Mommy.” She said back at me, making my heart melt, “Can you pwease sleep with me, tonight?”
I nodded, the smile never living my lips, “Of course, baby girl.”
“Yay!” She cheered, bouncing up and down in her lying position. I laughed at her cuteness as I climbed next to her on the bed, pulling the duvets over our bodies. I smiled at my beautiful daughter, watching her get fascinated in every single thing that she finds interesting.
I honestly don’t know where she got that trait; being really adorable and cute because I know that I am not. And as Melinda had informed me, Natalie is a bit mature for her age, and she knew a lot of things that someone her age shouldn’t.
“Mommy, where is my Daddy?” Her question caught me off guard; snapping me out of my own trance and making me look into her wide eyes full of wonder.
“Honey, what are you talking about?” I pretended that I didn’t know anything, but deep inside my heart pounded louder than normal and my throat closed out on me, preventing me from uttering the right words.
“I watched it from the show,” She frowned, her eyes travelling to her chubby small hands, “They say that all babies have a daddy.” She looked up at me finally, her eyes connecting with my terrified ones, “So, Mommy, where is my Daddy?”
“Just go to sleep, Hun,” I instructed her softly, “Go to sleep.”
She nodded sadly, still frowning. I hummed softly, caressing her curls as I watched her slowly flutter her eyes close. A few minutes had passed before I heard her soft snores, and I take that as a cue to stop humming and I cautiously and slowly climbed out of the bed. My bare feet landed on the cold floor, making me shiver but I chose to ignore it. I walked towards the door of the balcony, opened it, before I stepped outside.
The chilly night air made me wrap my arms around myself, but other than that, the wonderful view from the second storey of this house is breathtaking. Multiple lights of different colors and sizes flashed through my eyes, leaving me entertained and lifting off all of my worries. The buildings and city lights stretched out far away, while tall trees and suburban two-storey houses surrounded our house.
The only times that I get the chance to be the real me is when I am with my daughter. No one judges me for what I do, no one gossips about my littlest imperfections and no one badmouths about me being the wife of one of the most influential and powerful businessman in the whole world.
I struggled just to be able to raise Natalie.
When I was pregnant, there were so many complications.
A lot of doctor advised me to discontinue my pregnancy because it is dangerous, but I didn’t listen.
I wouldn’t kill my own child. I just couldn’t bear the thought.
When the time came that I gave birth to her, she was premature and I almost died.
Lilly thought I was going to die because I went in a coma for weeks. And as for Natalie, the doctor thought that she couldn’t survive because some of her organs weren’t still properly developed.
To be able to get Natalie out of the hospital and pay the hospital bills, I forced to sell my body and be a stripper in a small club.
That’s where I met Zayn.
He loved for who I am.
Accepted me.
But I couldn’t love him back.
I am done loving people and just being hurt in the end.
And it became my source of income.
I am just tired of being judged.
All my life, I had always felt that I didn’t belong.
That I am an outcast.
And no matter what I do, no one ever did love me.
No one accepted me.
My Mom. She left me.
My Dad. He bruised, hurt me and made my childhood a living hell.
And the only man that I love. Harry. He never loved me back and all he did was physically, emotionally and mentally torture me.
I thought he would save me.
Tears smoothly flowed from my eyes down to my cheeks, smearing the makeup that I still had from work a while ago. I roughly wiped the salty tears with the back of my hands as I stared angrily at the beautiful view in front of me.
No one will understand me.
Every day, everywhere, people always think that I am the bad guy.
That I only married Zayn Malik for his wealth and all his luxuries.
They don’t know me.
And they wouldn’t even know the reason why I am a monster.
I am living a lie.
I am hiding under a mask.
And I believe in a set of rules that I made myself so I wouldn’t feel the same pain that I felt before.
Rule no. 1
Don’t ever show others that you are weak. Don’t ever, ever shed tears in front of them.
Rule no. 2
Keep a straight face and a blank emotion. Don’t let others see past the facade that you are trying to build.
Rule no. 3
Don’t trust anyone. Just trust yourself.
Rule no. 4
Always show them whose boss.
Rule no. 5
Don’t let others step on your dignity and pride.
Rule no. 6
Don’t get too attached to a particular person.
Rule no. 7
Move on and erase everything that happened in your past.
And last but definitely not the least,
Rule no. 8
I would never fall in love, ever again.
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UNEDITED. I will edit this tom.
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