Authors Notes: Dang, this chapter had me in tears the whole time I was writing. Thank you to all my readers for sticking with me for eight chapters, there are still plenty more to come! If you like what you read, please don't forget to vote and maybe leave a comment!
Also, song is the Nightcored version of "Believe" by Holywood Undead. Felt it fit this chapter pretty well. "I can't believe, that when I breathe, that there's something good inside of me. Just one good thing inside of me."
Alsen sat on her hands and knees with her hair hanging wildly over her face. Cosena laid on her back next to her, coughing. Her hair had come undone as well and both their clothes were tattered, soaked, and muddy. They were bleeding everywhere and Alsen was sore all over. "Naito...w-we lost Naito..." she bit her lower lip and gripped the muddy grass. Her little brother, her precious Naitey...how could she let him slip away from her? Alsen wanted to cry. But she wanted to cry on his shoulder like always, and he wasn't there. She used one of the trees to pull herself back to her feet and ran back towards the ocean. "Naito!!!" she called out for him.
"We'll find him..." Cosena assured her, wincing in pain.
"But what if he's d-d..." Alsen choked on the word. It hurt too much to even imagine that.
"He can't be, it's not snowing. Until it starts to snow, we know he's alive."
Alsen nodded. She's right...little Naitey is still alive, we just need to find him, she told herself. She sure hoped they would find him before the moltrogks or anything else foul.
"Do you still have your wand?" Cosena asked. Alsen fished through her pocket until she found it. Fortunately it hadn't sustained any damage. "Heal yourself up and we'll start looking for Naito and the soldiers."
Alsen whispered "Talerhawe.", and her hand began to glow white. She placed it on her wounds and sighed in relief as they healed up and the pain went away. Her head throbbed slightly, but she had healed far worse pain than this before. Cosena took her hand when she finished.
"Let's go." she tried to walk through the thicket of trees, but Alsen resisted.
"But I haven't healed you yet."
"I'm fine. You need to maintain as much of your mana as possible in case anything else happens."
Alsen apprehensively followed close by Cosena. It was much darker inside the thicket, so dark that they could hardly even see each other. Everything around them felt wet and every few seconds it felt like someone dumped a swarm of insects down her back. Knowing that the moltrogks were here somewhere only made this place all the more terrifying. They already destroyed the boat in one attack, so surely they could burn this little land down too. How were they supposed to defend themselves against that? Right now Alsen wished that Naito's coronation hadn't came so early and that they were still together in their little room, where they would be safe. At least, safe from this type of horror. She wondered how they were even supposed to find Naito like this when she suddenly heard his voice. "Leave me alone, Alsen."
"Naitey?" Alsen asked hopefully, turning towards the direction where she heard him. Although it was no doubt him, his voice was much softer...like he was much younger.
Cosena unexpectedly let go of Alsen's hand and said, "M-Mom...?" Before wandering off.
"Cosena? Where are you going?!" Alsen cried out and ran after her, but then she heard Naito's voice again.
"I don't want to play right now."
Alsen turned around and took a few steps towards the direction his voice came from, but looked over her shoulder and couldn't see Cosena anymore. Her heart hammered against her chest. Why did Cosena leave her here by herself? Now she lost both Naito and Cosena and was all alone. Where was she supposed to go now? A little yellow, glowing wisp floated out from behind the trees. It sat in front of Alsen's face for a moment before floating off towards the direction where she heard Naito's voice. She had no idea if she should follow Naito's voice or try to catch up with Cosena anyway, and now she had light to guide her to Naito, so she followed it.
"Cosena, where were you? Are you okay?" Naito's child voice asked.
"I'm fine, look. Father got us some new books." Cosena's voice replied. She also sounded much younger. The wisp turned left and Alsen turned so quickly that she bumped her head onto a thick and thorny branch. She didn't care about the bleeding, she just wanted to be with her brother and sister again.
"What type of story do you want to hear today?" young Cosena's voice asked.
"A story about a family." Naito replied. Their words were starting to become familiar. Hadn't this happened once, ten years ago?
"I don't think we have one like that..." Cosena's voice said nervously.
"Then what's this?"
The wisp turned right and Alsen followed it. She was no longer in the marsh. The trees had been replaced with white walls, the grass was now a floor, and the bushes and plants had become piles of books and dismembered stuffed animals. This was their room, and she finally found Naito and Cosena. They were their six and eleven years old selves. Cosena sat on one of the three beds, next to a stack of books with Naito in her lap. Seven year old Naito swiped one of the books from the stack and flipped through the pages, but Cosena quickly snatched it from him.
"That was a family story. What's a mo-th-er?" he asked, trying to sound the word out.
Cosena sighed and massaged her temples, left with no choice but to tell him. "Naito, every child has two parents, a father, which is the man, and a mother, the woman. Do you understand now?"
"No, I don't understand. How does mother and father have a child?" he asked.
"I-I don't know, there are some things that even big sisters don't know, Naito."
"If every child has a mother, why don't we have one?" Naito asked instantly, as if he had a thousand questions ready for her.
"I, uh..." Cosena bit her lip and fiddled with her braids. It was clear that she was mentally debating if she should tell him the truth and risk shattering his poor little heart, or lie to his face about something like this.
"Cosena," Alsen said in the voice of her eight year old self as she walked towards her siblings."He has the right to know." she tried to hug her brother from behind, but she couldn't seem to reach him.
"Right to know...? Have you two been hiding something from me? Tell me!" Naito jumped up and knocked the stack of books over furiously. Cosena placed her palm on her forehead, squinted her eyes and gritted her teeth in frustration before she spoke again.
"Naito, our mother, she was...killed. One day she left the castle without permission, and King Maru found out that she was a wizard, so he had her killed. We've never seen her because she was killed before we could."
"Cosena, you..." Alsen said, but Cosena covered her mouth. Naito sat in silence for a moment while the information sank in, then his eyes widened with terror. "Mother...killed by king..." he said robotically and began to pull at his hair frantically. "Mother...MOTHER!!!" he cried, grabbing one of the stuffed animals and started to rip the cotton out of it's guts.
"It's okay, Naito! We may not have a mother, but we'll always have each other, right?" Alsen said. She tried to hug him, but yet again he was out of her reach.
"If I could just leave this room, maybe I could have seen her at least once." Naito wipded snot off of his face.
Cosena shook her head. "No, you were only a baby when she died."
"Are we not allowed to leave our room because King Maru killed mother?" Naito asked. Cosena nodded. "But you're allowed to leave sometimes!" he protested.
Cosena clicked her tongue and her eyes and flinched in pain at his words. "I don't leave because I want too, father forces me too! You think I enjoy what he do-" she stopped herself before saying too much.
"Mother was killed for leaving the castle. We won't be killed just for leaving the room. As our future king, I have the right to see the rest of my castle and I say we should explore outside the room."
"He does have a point, Cosena." Alsen said in agreement with him.
A faint smile spread across Naito's face, knowing Alsen would always back him up. "See? You're outnumbered two to one, so we should explore the castle! Please?" he begged and made an irresistibly cute face.
"Aww, how can you say no to a face like that?" Alsen cooed.
Cosena paced the room in annoyance. "Look, even if I were to agree with that, the door is locked like always. We can't leave even if we want too!"
Naito pointed to the door. "Nope. Father forgot to lock it today." The door was always locked, but only Naito had even noticed that it was left unlocked this time.
"We're going to get in so much trouble if we do this..." Cosena said.
"We're going to get in trouble even if we don't do anything. What do we have to lose?" Naito countered.
"Fine! But if we get in trouble, don't say I didn't warn you!"
"Yay!" Naito and Alsen cheered together. Naito ran over to the door and excitedly swung it open, but he froze in place at what waited for him on the other side. Sartur stood several feet away in the hall. Cosena gasped and her eyes went wide with fear. She quickly tried to shut it back, but it swung back open from the other side. Their father walked in with his hands folded behind his back. He did not look happy.
"My dear children, you dare revolt against my orders?" he asked as he approached them. They took two steps back for every step he took forward.
"W-We're sorry father!" Alsen stuttered. Sartur ignored her. He stooped down and thrust his palm at Naito's chest, knocking the boy against the wall with a loud thud.
"Naito!" Alsen and Cosena both exclaimed and ran over to him. Alsen wanted to cradle his head in her lap, but it was like he drifted away from her every time she tried to touch him. Sartur wasn't even close to finished with him. He continued to approach, but Cosena grabbed onto his leg.
"Please father, don't hurt him!" she pleaded.
"Would you like to suffer your fate first?" he asked dryly and pushed her aside. She grabbed onto his leg again.
"Please daddy, no! It's not his fault! It was my idea for us to leave the room when I noticed you hadn't locked the door! Alsen told me we shouldn't go against your orders, but I didn't listen! Don't hurt them, it's all my fault..." she lied. Naito and Alsen saw her cry for the first time.
"Th-that's...that's not true!" Naito said between ragged breaths, holding onto his chest.
"It's okay, you two." Cosena turned to them with a weak, fake smile. "You don't have to try to take the blame for me." she said, even though she was the one taking the blame for them.
"I see...and here I thought I could trust you. Perhaps this will teach you a lesson." Sartur snapped his finger and their beds were ripped to shreds by blades of wind. "Sleep on the hard, cold floor from now on." he grabbed Cosena's arm and yanked her out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
"Cosena!!!" Alsen cried out in her eighteen year old voice again. She couldn't let Cosena suffer...it wasn't her fault, and it wasn't Naito's either. It was Alsen's own fault. If she hadn't agreed with Naito to begin with, Cosena wouldn't have felt pressured into letting Naito try to escape. Naito couldn't be blamed for wanting to get out of their room, so Alsen was the only one who could be blamed, yet nothing even happened to her. It was always like that. Cosena would try to talk Naito out of something, but Alsen would take Naito's side instead. When they would get in trouble for it, Cosena would take the blame to protect them. If Alsen wasn't such a terrible sister, Cosena wouldn't have had to go through so much, and neither would Naito.
Alsen ran towards the door and twisted the knob, but it was already locked. She clawed and pushed at the door desperately, scraping her palms and causing her fingernails to bleed. She pulled out her wand and chanted "Poydrushle!", shooting out a huge jet of pressurized water that blasted the door down. The hole that remained where the door had stood shrunk into a tiny little tunnel that she crawled through, scraping her skin against the edges. Once she got through the tunnel she was back in the marsh. Cosena, her twenty one year old self again, stood waiting for her. "Cosena!" Thank goodness she had found her. Cosena turned around and started running up a hill. Alsen ran after her. Just how high were they going to climb? Her legs were getting tired and wanted to give out on her, but she still pressed on until they finally reached the top. Cosena stood with her back facing Alsen, staring up at the stars.
"Cosena...you're okay." Alsen said with relief. Her legs finally gave up on her so she crawled over to her sister.
Cosena turned around and stared at Alsen incredulously. "Okay...? You think I'm okay?!"
"I-I..."
"I've finally realized something, Alsen. All this time I thought I was okay. I thought I could endure taking so much for you and Naito, but I was wrong. I'm only human just like you two, I can only take so much...I'm not okay at all! I'm shattered, and you're the one to blame." Searing pain raced through Alsen's head and her throat burned as if she had swallowed a teaspoon of lava. Yes, she knew she was the one to blame, but hearing it directly from Cosena herself still stung.
"Guilty...guilty...the culprit must be punished..." a chorus of distorted voices rang out from behind them. Dozens of stuffed bears, wolves, frogs, and eagles climbed their way up the hill and surrounded Alsen like zombies.
"You always disobey me, why can't you ever just listen to me for once? With everything I go through protecting you two, I can't even get obedient little siblings in return!" Cosena pulled a knife out of her pocket.
"What are you going to do with that...?" Alsen asked fearfully.
"Does this answer your question?" Cosena rolled her sleeve up, revealing a row of cuts on her skin. She sliced the knife across her skin, adding a new, fresh cut.
"Cosena, stop!!!" Alsen tried to step forward, but the stuffed animals blocked her path and started pelting her with pebbles. She winced in pain and crouched down, covering herself with her arms.
"Punish the culprit..."
"Why should I stop? You don't care about me, you only care about yourself and Naito. You were both always so close with each other, but not me. I was so hurt and envious, yet I kept protecting you." Cosena slit her arm again. Alsen was speechless. How come she hadn't realized Cosena felt this way for so many years? She stood up feebly and lowered her arms. She deserved to have much worse thrown at her than pebbles. "Sometimes I wish you didn't even exist. If you didn't, just imagine how much better my life could have been."
"Is that really how you feel?" Alsen asked, tears streaming down her face. All she ever wanted was to keep her family happy and loving, but instead she was the demon that caused them all to suffer.
"Of course it is! Look at this!" Cosena pulled her shirt up and turned around. Her back was horribly battered and bruised from so many years of abuse. "You see this? This is all your fault!"
"I-I'm sorry..."
"No you're not! But it's okay, I've finally figured out how I can be okay." she pointed the knife at her throat this time.
"No!!!" Alsen jumped over the stuffed animals in her way and tried to grab the knife from her sister, but she was somehow out of her reach. "Don't do that, Cosena...there's another way."
"Punish...punish the culprit!" the stuffed animals chants rang even louder in her ear.
"If I'm the cause of all your suffering, if you'd be better off if I didn't exist...t-then..." Alsen hiccuped, choking up sobs. "Then I'm the one who should be punished. I'm the one who should die." she sniffled and wiped the tears off her face, slowly stepping towards the edge of the hill.
"Jump, jump, jump..." Cosena and the stuffed animals voices echoed in her head, urging her on. I'm sorry Naito, I won't be with you anymore, she told herself and took a deep breath, but suddenly heard another voice whisper behind her.
"Alsen...?" she spun around to see Cosena, no...a second Cosena? "You're real this time...aren't you?" the second Cosena asked, her voice dry and hoarse as if she'd been screaming. She walked step by step closer to Alsen.
"C-Co-Co..." Alsen spluttered, looking from the Cosena touching her to the Cosena telling her to jump. How could there be two Cosenas?
The second Cosena reached out to touch Alsen, but she stepped back. "Don't come any closer, don't touch me!"
"Just jump already, ignore the illusion. If you don't jump soon, this knife goes through my throat." said the first Cosena, pointing the knife at her throat again.
"Jump...jump...jump..." the stuffed animals continued to chant and pelt her with pebbles.
"Alsen, no!" cried the second Cosena. "Listen to me...I don't know what you saw or heard, but it wasn't real. I don't even know if you're real...but if you come here and let me touch you, we'll both know what is real."
"Does it even matter what is and isn't real? I know how you feel deep down about me! I've been a terrible sister to you and the only way I can make it up to you is by jumping!" Alsen took another step back.
"That's right...and this knife is only getting closer to my skin..." the first Cosena said, inching the knife closer to her throat.
"Alsen, calm down...even if you were a terrible sister, this is not the way to make it up. I won't be happy if you're gone, and Naito would never be the same without you! If you met mother in the afterlife, do you think she would be proud of you for giving up on the life she gave you?" the second Cosena took a cautious step forward.
"Why are you still listening to that fake? Ignore her unless you want me to die!" the first Cosena barked menacingly.
"Alsen, if the three of us stay together, we can get through anything! You're not going to help anyone if you jump." the second Cosena said.
"I-I..." Alsen brought her trembling hands to her face. "I don't know what to believe anymore!"
"Then shut your eyes and cover your ears. Just block everything out and come here."
Alsen couldn't endure it. She couldn't endure those creepy stuffed animals throwing stones at her and telling her to jump. She couldn't endure seeing Cosena bleed with a knife pointed at her throat. She couldn't endure the confusion of seeing two Cosena's. Most of all, she couldn't endure imagining what it would be like if Cosena and Naito weren't better off with her dead and she still jumped. Alsen shut her eyes as tight as she could, covered her ears, and stepped forward. She was instantly wrapped into a warm, motherly embrace, granting her the comfort that only the real Cosena could ever provide.
"I-I'm s-so sorry, Cosena..." Alsen broke down in Cosena's arms, wailing uncontrollably like a baby. She didn't dare to open her eyes and uncover her ears, letting Cosena rock her back and forth and pat her back.