author's drabble: this is actually based on something that happened to me. Not exactly, just the letter part. 'Cause I'm not sure I even have a guitar to shove up people's ass. Lol.
song recommendation:
Still Lonely - Seventeen
(This song suits the mood at the end of the story, and I was listening to this while writing)
-
Today was no special to Jihoon. All he felt was stress, frustration and the terrible bad breaths of his classmates. He was pissed.
Nothing new.
Lee Jihoon was basically a walking bomb. Any wrong move, and he'll shove a guitar up your ass.
Hah.
"Shitty day. Is anything new?" Jihoon asked himself, disgusted by the sight of the average high schoolers in front of him.
Students kissing, fighting, the likes. Everything was repulsing in Jihoon's eyes.
Except for one person.
"C-choi Seungcheol." Jihoon stopped in his tracks as he saw a familiar man leaning on his locker. "Fuck."
He turned to the other direction, shaking his head.
Goddamnit, Jihoon. Why do you have to be so obvious?
"You fucker, Seungcheol." Jihoon whispered to himself.
How ironic, he laughed to himself.
He was the one who dumped Seungcheol and yet here he was, acting as if he was the victim.
Stupid.
He shook off his thoughts and headed to his first class.
He walked to his room, still disgusted, he sank down on his chair, throwing his bag to wherever and started napping.
He felt a slight shake on his shoulder as he stretched out his arms.
"Had a nice nap, Ji?"
Jihoon's expression quickly shifted and turned to something similar to shock. "W-what?"
"You heard me. We'll talk after class, Lee." The class president said.
There was a coldness in Seungcheol's voice. Which was not what Jihoon was used to.
He knows Seungcheol as a happy, weird, gummy guy who loves him.
Hah, sorry. Loved.
Jihoon just nodded at the class president and went back to his own business.
He couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt and longing as he looked at Seungcheol.
Jihoon misses him.
"So much." Jihoon looked down and fiddled with his fingers.
It was too late, perhaps he had already moved on.
Jihoon remembered the letters he kept in his bag. He quickly opened it and rushed to retrieve the pieces of paper. Which meant everything to him.
He opened the paper labeled '#1'
"When I look you in the eye,
Its like the love I feel won't ever die
Because for you and me,
We're meant to be."
He softly laughed at the memories, and opened a random one.
'#7'
"When I hold your warm hand,
I'd never want time to end.
Every kiss, I'd cherish each one
Your love, it shot me like a gun."
Seungcheol's poem made Jihoon smile. They weren't A plus material but they meant a lot. And that's what matters to him.
He kept browsing through Cheol's poem, until he heard the bell ring.
That's my cue to leave, I guess, Jihoon thought as he kept the poems in his bag.
He practically sprinted to the door when he heard an achingly familiar voice call his name.
"Hoonie."
Jihoon took a deep breath to prevent himself from tearing up.
He felt weak, because the way Seungcheol called his pet name, was the same way he used to, back when he loved him.
That name was full of love and admiration.
Full of love that was only for Jihoon.
Was.
He turned to look at the class president, looking like he always does. With his signature neutral face.
"Seungcheol."
Jihoon didn't expect it, but Seungcheol actually smiled.
"You're still like before, serious as fuck." He chuckled, "Lighten up, Hoonie."
There he goes again.
Jihoon smiles a little, "Sorry."
Seungcheol smiles too, a bit sadly, "Don't be. I just remembered that you liked my poems before. And, I miss you. I really do. I- I know, I'm not supposed to feel this way but, I'm still in love with you." He sighs and hands over a piece of paper.
Jihoon stared at it as if it would disappear from his sight.
"Go on, take it, Hoon."
Jihoon blinked and takes the letter with trembling hands.
He quickly looked down and sighed.
"I- I should go."
He walks away, with the letter in one hand and his heart being crushed in the other.
-
He laid on his bed, the letter on his nightstand.
Jihoon wanted to sleep, but the thoughts of Seungcheol admitting his feelings wouldn't let him rest.
"Damn this. What is in this note anyway?" Jihoon groaned and grabbed the letter. He opened it and he saw Seungcheol's handwriting.
There we're splotches of ink, which may have been because of water. Or tears. But he wouldn't cry.
"My love for you,
Won't ever die
These feelings that remain,
it makes me want to cry
But I am a man, I can't be weak
But you, my Jihoon
You're the strength that I seek
For the light in your eyes
Becomes my guide in the dark
But when you left
You left me a mark
It was a mark of your love
A mark of the pain you've caused
And yet I still think that
If I could go back time and hit pause
Maybe, just maybe
You'd still be in love with me."
Jihoon felt a pang in his chest. He didn't like the feeling of guilt.
But he didn't like the feeling of longing more.
He longed for Seungcheol.
His hugs, kisses, everything.
He placed the note close to his chest but he didn't notice another piece of paper fall.
"Dear Jihoon,
I didn't know I'd still be in love with you. I try to get you out of my head, but whenever I see you, everything comes rushing back to me. It hurts when I think that you'd be over me. And you might be. That's what hurts more. Sighs.
I don't know why I wrote that poem. Maybe it's because I know how much you love them. I suck at being a poet, and yet youre the reason why I try to be one. But hey, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for inspiring me to be better, for being a friend, for being you. I love the way you threaten me, the way you try to be sweet, the way your eyes disappear when you smile, I miss it.
You're perfect, and I'm glad I got to see it up close. Even if it had to end.
I guess this will never change.
I will forever be in love with you, Jihoon. And I don't mind at all.
-Seungcheol"
Jihoon was holding his phone in one hand, looking for the number he never thought he had to call again.
The line started ringing, as Jihoon's heart raced.
"This is the voicemail of the one and only Choi Seungcheol, if you wish to leave a message to the handsome me, do it after the beep!"
Beep
"Hey, Seungcheol. Uh, it's me, Jihoon."
"I just wanted to say that, I- I'm still in love with you too. And maybe, we're worth another chance."