Max and Sarah had located Bobby waiting patiently outside the hotel with his rickshaw and commenced their journey to the northern end of the city. The trip was uneventful for the first thirty minutes or so before Max insisted they pause at a bar so he could get his morning alcohol fix. Sarah wasn't wild about this idea, but caved in after he began to rant about the evils of Puritanism and sobriety. She allowed him a fifteen minute break and he quickly ran inside and chugged as many drinks as he could in the given time allotment. He emerged noticeably perkier and seemed to bring a new enthusiasm to the case at hand.
This unfortunately only lasted for another twenty minutes or so before he announced that he needed to take a short nap. Sarah rolled her eyes and turned her attention to Bobby. "So how far do we have to go?"
"Well, the city's pretty big," Bobby conceded. "I'm taking some shortcuts I know about, but it's probably about as long of a trip as the one we took to the eastern edge of the city yesterday."
"We don't have to cross any bridges along the way, do we?" she asked. "I don't think I care to deal with any more trolls."
"Nah, it should be a fairly dull trip. The northern quadrants are mostly residential areas. Actually, I wouldn't mind stopping by my house to grab a herring sandwich if it's not too much of a bother."
"I suppose I wouldn't mind seeing your house if you can make it quick."
"Won't take but a moment. It's right down this street." He turned down a side street and stopped in front of what appeared to be an oversized green igloo.
Max woke up abruptly as the rickshaw came to a halt. "I swear officer, I didn't do anything wrong! This glass pipe is just for blowing bubbles!"
"Relax, you were just having a dream," Sarah said soothingly.
"Oh, right," Max said as he blinked his eyes groggily. "Where are we? This doesn't look like the cloud factory."
"We're stopping at Bobby's house so he can grab a quick bite to eat," she explained.
"Sorry, mate," Bobby said somewhat sheepishly. "I haven't eaten anything since yesterday."
"What's with all this dilly-dallying around?" Max asked angrily. "We're working on a case here, people! Time is of the essence!"
"You're the one who made us stop at that bar," Sarah said.
"Yes, but that was a necessary side trip for the good of the case! I was following up on an obscure hunch that may yet pay great dividends down the road! You have no idea about all the complexities that go into running a proper investigation!"
"Oh please," Sarah rolled her eyes as she climbed out of the rickshaw. "You just wanted to get drunk."
"Seemingly," Max extended his index finger as he hopped out after her. "But that was merely a front for a far more insidious information gathering endeavor on my part."
"Sorry about the mess," Bobby said as he unlocked the front door and let them in. "It's my bachelor pad. I don't have a maid service or anything like that."
He wasn't kidding about the mess. There were fish heads covering the floor as well as numerous empty bottles of Eskimo Lou's Igloo Brew. The few patches of carpet that could be seen beneath the clutter were shaggy and red. The house seemed to consist mostly of one room with a small makeshift kitchen off to the side and a door carved into one wall that presumably led to a bathroom. A large unmade bed took up most of one corner and it seemed to be occupied by a plastic blowup female grizzly bear doll. "Oops," Bobby blushed as he tossed a blanket over it. "There's a perfectly good explanation for that. I think Timmy left that over here."
"This is a very nice place you have here, Bobby," Sarah said kindly.
"I know it's not much," Bobby shrugged. "But I'm pretty proud of it. It beats living in my mom's basement."
"Well I think it's perfectly lovely," Sarah replied.
"Thanks," Bobby blushed again. "Anyway, I'm going to fix myself a sandwich. Can I get you guys a brew or anything?"
"I will gladly take one off your hands," Max volunteered.
"Are you drinking again?" Sarah asked incredulously.
"Hey, there's no room for sobriety in my society," Max said importantly.
"Oh no, don't start with the aphorisms again," Sarah groaned. "Just go ahead and drink your beer."
"It's not beer, it brew," Max said snobbishly as he popped open a bottle. "Beer is for tourists."
"What's the difference?" Sarah shrugged.
"Beer is like liquid bread. Brew is like liquid tortillas. Here, you should have one." Bobby said as he offered forth a bottle.
"It's a little early in the morning for that sort of thing," Sarah said. "But what the hell? I may as well try one."
Bobby tossed her a cold bottle and began munching on his sandwich. Sarah eyed it suspiciously and then ventured to take a sip. "Tastes like beer to me," she announced. "But it's not too bad. I like it." She took another couple of sips and let out a belch.
"Nice one," Bobby applauded.
"Whoa, this stuff is pretty strong," she said after taking another gulp. "I'm feeling a little tipsy."
"Chicks," Max rolled his eyes at Bobby. "They're such lightweights. Come on, drink up."
"Don't worry, I will," she said and chugged the rest of her drink. She tossed the empty bottle on top of a large pile on the floor and appeared as if she were going to lose her balance for a moment before regaining her composure. "I like your house, Bobby, but is there any chance you could turn off the rotation in here?" she giggled. "Is there a switch for that or something? Everything's spinning around."
Max rubbed his chin thoughtfully at this new turn of events. "Hey want another one?" he asked devilishly.
"Are you trying to get me drunk?" she pawed at him and almost fell over again in the process. "Oops."
"Looks like we've already succeeded in that endeavor. So... how's about giving me a little kiss?"
"Oh no," she slurred. "I couldn't do that."
"Sure you can," Max said. "It's easy, you just press your lips against mine and voila."
"No, I mean what about Vance? I don't think he'd like it if I kissed you."
"So? What about him? He'll never know. Come on just one. I won't even use my tongue if you don't want me to."
"I think I need to sit down for a minute," she murmured as she plopped down on the edge of Bobby's bed.
Max sat down next to her and stroked her thigh gently. "What's one little kiss going to hurt? Kissing's a beautiful thing. You'd make my whole day with just one little innocent touch of your lips."
"Well, I guess one wouldn't hurt," Sarah conceded.
"Excellent." Max rubbed his hands together and leaned over eagerly.
Unfortunately Sarah's body chose this moment to transform into a hideous rat again. Max noticed just in time and leaped backwards. "Sweet merciful fuck!"
"What's the matter? I thought you were going to kiss me?"
"I'll tell you what, I'll take a rain check on that, okay baby?" Max's lips curled inwards in disgust.
"Oh come on. What's one little kiss going to hurt? You said so yourself."
"Yeah, but you were hot when I said that," Max gritted his teeth. "Look, I'll kiss you later. I promise."
"But I want to kiss you now," she leaned in towards him. He tried to back away but found himself cornered against the wall. Suddenly she stopped short and grasped her stomach. "Oh, I don't feel so good." She tilted her head and threw up all over Max's shoes.
* * *
This time it was Sarah's turn to nap as Bobby pulled them steadily along in his rickshaw. She was still a rat and curled up contentedly next to Max, leaning on his shoulder. He tapped his fingers impatiently on the edge of the rickshaw and gazed glassy eyed at the passing scenery. "Sorry about causing that mess back at your house, Bobby," he broke the silence.
"Oh, that's all right," Bobby said. "It wasn't too clean anyway, in case you hadn't noticed. How are your shoes, by the way?"
"I rinsed them off as best I could. I'm sure they'll be good as new eventually."
"That was pretty smooth operating, by the way. I actually thought she was going to kiss you for a minute there."
"Yeah, well, I had to take a shot. So are we almost there or what?"
"We should be reaching city limits any minute now," Bobby replied.
As if on cue they turned a corner and the large bright blue sprawl of the city wall came into view. It was punctuated in the middle by a massive red gate that appeared to be constructed of solid wood.
"Here we are," Bobby said cheerfully. "We just need to get through here and we'll be in the mountainous regions outside the city. The cloud factory should be up there somewhere."
"Well, what are we waiting for?" Max said. "Let's go."
"Okay, let me just... well... um... hmm..."
"What seems to be the problem?" Max asked impatiently.
"I don't see any sort of door handle or anything. I'm not sure how to get this thing open."
"Let me have a look." Max wriggled out from under Sarah's head and hopped out of the rickshaw. He mumbled softly to himself as he ran his eyes all over the door. "You're right. No doorknob. Well, we may need to result to alternative means. Do you think we could climb this wall?"
"Maybe, but I don't see how we'd get the rickshaw over it."
"Hmm," Max considered. "That is a problem. Well maybe there's a way to open the gate from the other side."
"It's worth a shot," Bobby conceded.
They tried grasping at the wall but found that it had very few footholds. After several failed attempts, Max dropped to the ground gasping for breath. "Okay, clearly that's not going to work. Let me think on this a minute." He clicked his tongue and rubbed his chin as he stared upwards at the top of the wall. "Say, you're pretty tall. Do you suppose you could lift one of us over it?"
"I might be able to," Bobby scratched his head.
"Sarah's the lightest. Let me wake her up," Max said and walked over to the rickshaw and nudged her gently. "Hey, wake up sweetheart. We've got a task for you."
"Hmm?" She opened her eyes slowly and appeared to be disoriented.
"Come on, snap out of it. Do you want to find your uncle or not?"
She stretched out and yawned, baring her sharp rat teeth in the process. "Oh man, I've got a terrible headache. What happened anyway? I remember going to Bobby's house and then everything's a blank."
"Yeah, it's probably just as well that you don't remember. It was terribly boring anyway. Lots of dull talk about statistics and budgets and that sort of thing. You fell right asleep. Anyway, come with me. Bobby's going to lift you over this wall."
"Okay." She yawned again and stepped out of the rickshaw.
"Why don't you climb on my shoulders?" Bobby said as he knelt down. She hopped on his back and held on tightly. He grunted a little as he stood back up but didn't appear to have too much difficulty. "Can you reach the top?"
"Almost," she said as her claws scratched at the wall inches from the top.
"Here, maybe this will help." He grasped her around her torso and extended his arms over his head.
"Thanks," she said as she scrambled to the top. "Wow, there's some nice scenery over here. That mountain is beautiful." Suddenly she teetered over and disappeared from view. They heard a loud thump on the other side of the wall followed by an "Ouch!"
"Hey! What are you people doing?" they heard an indignant voice call out from behind them. They turned around to see a fat porcupine in a dark blue Hawaiian shirt waddling towards them. "Sheesh, you skip off for a quick spot of tea and every delinquent in town's gotta come mess with your gate."
"Who are you?" Max asked.
"I'm Wilbur. City guard. And this is my gate. And who might you be?"
"I'm a detective on a very important mission and this is my able assistant Bobby. It's extremely vital that we get through this gate. Could you, by chance, help us out, kind sir?"
"Do you have your papers?"
"Papers?" Max repeated in confusion. "What papers? We just need to make a quick excursion outside the city."
"I'm afraid I can't let you through the gate without the proper papers. If you don't have them you need to go to City Hall and get signatures from ninety-two different officials. Oh, and of course there's an eight month waiting period."
"This is an outrage," Max sputtered. "What is this city becoming? Some sort of prison? I'll have you know I'm a citizen who pays his taxes every now and then! I want to speak to your superior immediately!"
"Well, I'll place a call in, but it'll take a few minutes for her to get here," Wilbur replied. He pulled out a small orange box with a purple button on it. He pushed it and it began to emit a high pitched buzzing sound. "Look, I'm sorry. Between you and me, I'd love to let you through the gate, but Trevor Mastodon has been pressuring City Hall to pass more stringent laws keeping outsiders out."
"And insiders in apparently," Max fumed. "It's really no big deal. We're clearly not tourists as any fool can plainly see. Just let us out. No one will ever know."
"Sorry, but unless you have the proper papers, I can't open this gate for you."
Max sighed and then put his arm around Wilbur's shoulder, carefully avoiding his sharp quills in the process and pulled him to the side. "Look, is this about a bribe? Personally I'm broke, but our friend Sarah is on the other side of that gate and she has plenty of floss. I'm sure she could slip you a canister or two."
"How'd she get on the other side?" Wilbur asked apprehensively.
"Oh, um, she lives outside the city. We're just meeting up with her at the gate."
"So you are dealing with outsiders," Wilbur said accusingly. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to add you to our list of suspicious characters. The authorities will be wanting to keep close tabs on you. Now what did you say your name was?"
"Damn it, man!" Max shouted. "I'm working for the authorities! I'm in the midst of a top secret mission of utmost importance to the security of the city! Now the last thing I need is a petty little bureaucrat like you slowing me up with your insistence on sticking to the book. Untold millions of lives hang precariously in the balance and I'm going to hold you personally responsible if I'm unable to complete my task! Now, have you called your supervisor yet?"
"Relax, buddy," Wilbur said. "I sent out a summoning signal. She should be here any minute now."
"Very well," Max said as he straightened out his shirt collar. "If you need me I'll be conferring with my able assistant." He walked back to the rickshaw and lowered his voice. "Now listen here, Bobby. I'm going to try to sweet talk this broad when she gets here. If I know anything about chicks that get into law enforcement they're usually plain, lonely wallflowers so desperate for attention they have to resort to becoming 'authority figures.' She should be putty in my hands. Of course she could also be one of those man-hating types, in which case we may have to resort to physical force. That's where you come in, big guy. Are you ready to kick some ass if necessary?"
"Gee, I don't know how I feel about beating up a girl," Bobby said.
"She's not just some girl," Max said. "She's 'The Man,' so to speak. Aren't you tired of 'The Man' keeping you down?"
"Wait, how do you know she's a man? You haven't even met her yet."
"Never mind that! The important thing here is that you need to realize she's the enemy. You don't have to knock her out or anything. You can probably just pin her to the ground long enough to force her to open the gate for us. Look, it probably won't even come to violence. I am a very charismatic man, after all. Let me work my magic on her and I bet we'll be through that gate in no time."
"Well, okay," Bobby shrugged. He rocked back and forth on his feet and hummed a little tune to himself. Suddenly his heart skipped a beat and his jaw dropped open. "Holy cow, I think I'm in love!"
"I'm really flattered, Bobby, but I'm afraid I prefer chicks," Max said.
"Not you. Her."
Max turned around to see a large panda bear in a low cut pink Hawaiian shirt approaching.
"Is there some problem here Wilbur?" she asked.
"Why yes there is," Max interjected before the guard could speak. "We're working on a very important case for the city and this peon is refusing to let us go about our work. Might I say, that shirt is very becoming on you."
"Hi, I'm Bobby," Bobby said stupidly. Max shot him a dirty look but he ignored it.
"Nice to meet you Bobby. I'm Cindy." She shook his hand.
"Do you have a boyfriend?" Bobby asked.
Max let out a loud fake laugh. "You'll have to excuse my friend here. He's on drugs. Could I speak to you for a moment Bobby?" He pulled him off to the side. "What are you doing? I told you I was going to sweet talk her."
"But I'm in love," Bobby said. "Why should you get to sweet talk her? I want to kiss her right now. Look at her, she's beautiful."
"She's an obstacle that's standing in our way! She must be crushed!"
"Sorry, Max, but you don't pay me enough to beat up an exquisite creature like that. I'm going to ask her out." He licked his paws and smoothed down the fur on top of his head.
"You don't have to beat her up," Max said. "Just let me do the talking. Once we get the gate open then you can ask her out, okay?"
"I think I feel a poem coming on," Bobby said obliviously. "You're all my dreams and hopes and wishes, I love you more than pickled fishes."
"Aw, don't get all mushy on me over some floozy," Max groaned.
"Do you think she likes clambakes?" Bobby asked. "Maybe I could ask her to go to a clambake with me."
"All right, fine!" Max flung his hands in the air. "I can plainly see I've lost you. If you must abandon the cause, go right ahead, but at least help me get past this gate. If I can distract the two of them for a minute will you lift me over the wall like you did for Sarah?"
"Sure, sure," Bobby said. "How are you going to distract them?"
"Obviously this is going to call for much subtlety and deception," Max said. He pointed behind the two guards and shouted at the top of his lungs. "For the love of god, what the hell is that?" They turned around and he quickly leaped on Bobby's shoulders, wiggling his way to the top of the wall. "Sayonara, suckers!" he shouted and dropped to the other side.