I had a plan. I thought I did. Sneak into my house, grab my guitar and then leave again. But already from step one, I knew I was going to fail. I didn't have the keys. I must have left them in the kitchen this morning, thinking it wasn't important anyway. I was naive this morning, I was happy. This morning felt like decades ago.
One soft knock, and my mum was already at the door. For a moment I felt thankful, but then I looked at her and something in me broke. She was up at midnight because of me. Her eyelids drooped as she looked at me from head to toe. I expected her to yell, I wanted her to yell at me. But she just embraced me, in a way only a mother could do.
''Oh, Pietro,'' she whispered,'' You do this again and I swear to God I will –''
''I know,'' I said, ''I'm sorry, Mum.''
She released me from the hug and let me in. I went straight to my bedroom and grabbed the guitar. When I came back to the living room, she looked at me like I was nuts.
''Where do you think you're going?'' she asked.
I put my dead phone on the coffee table, where an empty bottle of wine stood.
''Look,'' she said, ''I know that you're sixteen and everything seems to be so overwhelming, but tomorrow is a school day and – ''
''Mum, I need to do this.''
She seemed confused, waiting for a detailed explanation.
''I just need to fix... I need to do this, okay?''
''Can't you do it in the morning?''
''It will be different in the morning. It might be too late.''
My rambling didn't seem to make sense to her, but she knew this was important to me. That's how mums worked. They just understood even if they didn't really understand.
''Please be careful,'' she said.
I nodded my head and walked out the door.
So I thought I had a plan. Sneak into my house, grab my guitar and then leave again. But as I stood here, shivering in front of this pink palace with a guitar around my neck, I wondered what the hell I was doing. Dozens of little stones had already hit the 4th floor window, but the room was still dark. I tried again and again and again. Most times I missed. I forgave myself, though. It was almost 1 a.m., my arms were exhausted and it was too dark to see anything.
''Fuck,'' I muttered. And the lights in the room turned on. Funny, huh? I had been throwing these little stones for half an hour, while all I needed to do was just swear. Sometimes I wondered how Noemi's brain worked.
A shadow appeared behind the curtains. It was her. I gulped and tensed my muscles. Was I supposed to start now, or wait until she opens the window and pops her head out? I didn't know. I'd never done this before, I'd never imagined myself doing it.
My fingers ran down the strings. One sound, and the shadow disappeared again. The lights turned off and I wondered what the hell I had done wrong. I lowered my head and looked at the guitar. I still remembered that trip to Milan, our first kiss, our conversation on the rooftop. The next time I'll be there, she won't be my side. That thought devastated me.
I sighed and turned around, ready to leave. But then I heard the squeaky sound of the door and I knew it was her. I smiled. I saw this scene in a thousand movies and they always made me vomit. Too cheesy, too romantic. But in that moment puking was the last thing on my mind, kissing her was the first.
I cleared my throat and put my hands on my guitar. She was still at the door, with her eyes glued on me. The wind was soft and the street lamps blinked. They were nervous just like me. I cleared my throat again and sang.
''Worlds apart
Or two inches away.
One day
You won't remember my name.
One day
You won't remember my face,
Or the sound of my voice,
Or the taste of our kiss.''
The strings trembled to my touch and my voice was raspy. The words came wobbling out of my mouth, tuned to the pumps of my fast beating heart. And she was just standing there, with her eyes twinkling in the dark. I couldn't tell if it was the excitement or tears that made them sparkle. I just kept playing and singing and I hoped it was a little bit of both.
''One day
You'll look at the sky
And while you fall for the sun,
A part of me...
Will always...
Fall in love with you.''
My fingers plucked the wrong strings and my voice cracked. Something in my eyes blurred my vision, something suffocated me.
''Worlds apa – ''
Silence. My fingers froze and I exhaled a long sigh. My heart tore itself apart. Come on, not now. I couldn't cry now. This was supposed to be romantically cheesy, not pathetic. Of course it wasn't perfect, but I couldn't break down like this. I had to be grinning, like in those stupid movies. I wasn't supposed to feel half drunk and play all the wrong notes because my hands were shaking. I shouldn't have looked like a complete mess, with dirty, ripped pants and bitter cheeks. And it shouldn't have been 1 a.m., and the lights shouldn't have been blinking. Noemi shouldn't have had bags beneath her eyes and tremble in her pyjama. Our souls shouldn't have felt like earthquakes.
I was trying to make it better, to make it right. But everything in me cracked and broke and my bones felt too heavy. I looked up, meeting Noemi's gaze from afar. My face was the definition of ugliness, grimaced with sadness and distress. She stepped closer. She had the same look on her face. We were at the outburst of tears, the silence so acute and deafening. But then she ran to me and fell into my arms. She had been holding her breath for awhile, and now her chest was free of that heaviness. Somehow the moment when I finally held her was the moment I burst out crying. Icebergs could melt in the warmness of that hug.
''I'm sorry,'' I whispered,'' I'm so, so sorry.''
Our breathing was ragged, our hug a mix of sincere happiness and heartbreak. It lasted an eternity, but not long enough. From now on, it would never be long enough. When our bodies disconnected, she looked at me and smiled softly.
''You look horrible,'' she said. Laughing, she wiped off her tears. ''Come on, I'll make you some tea.''
And of course I followed her. When we were upstairs, we completely forgot about the tea and scrawled into her room. As we lay on her bed, she carefully examined me.
''Are you okay?'' she asked.
I glanced at her and shook my head. I told her about my friends, and with every word her eyebrows became more furrowed. Then a long silence followed. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the smell of this room, the smell of her. I wanted it to penetrate under my skin and stay with me forever, even when she would be gone. I wanted to breathe her in. I wanted her in my bloodstream, for pieces of her to become pieces of me. We had other five months and in those months I would study the curves of her lips and the fire in her eyes and all the books she'd read and all the things she'd paint.
"Tell me about it," I said. "The Physics project, the engineering school. I didn't really listen the first time you explained."
"Are you sure?"
There was doubt in her eyes, but there was also a sparkle of excitement. I nodded my head and reassured her with a smile. As soon as I did that, she started talking and talking like a little child. Quantum mechanics, astrophysics, the first steps to become an astronaut. She showed me pictures of the school, a map of the city she would be living in. There was already a Swedish dictionary on her desk and a notebook dedicated to advancing her English. As I watched her, so busy and excited and a little anxious, I realized she had never been more beautiful than in that moment. She babbled like a burbling stream of spring and breathed of morning air in the middle of night.
"My mum is really happy," she said. "She already contacted the local hospital and they might offer her a job and now we're just looking for a flat that is near the –"
Her phone rang and she stood up, making the heat of her body next to mine suddenly vanish. She looked at the screen of phone and then glanced at me. "It's Virginia."
I wondered why Virginia had Noemi's number and vice versa, but then I realized that the idea of them potentially being friends wasn't that crazy. As the memory of today's events activated in my brain, Noemi had already put the phone in my hand.
"Hello?"
"Pit? Oh thank God. We've been trying to call you for like an hour."
It was Virginia's voice and although she didn't say much, she said a lot. First of all, she wasn't crying, which was the most important thing since her sobs behind the door made me think that she had lost all hope. She also said we, which meant that she finally left her room and wasn't alone anymore. All of this should have been reliving, but the fact that she'd been trying to call me for an hour meant that something was going on.
"Yeah, my phone's dead, I uhm... are you okay?"
She let out a sigh and a moment of silence followed.
''You should – you, uhm, you should come to the hospital.''
I cocked my brows and sat up. It took me awhile to process all the information she was giving me. All I knew is that it was about Dario. And all I felt was numbness.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
So, let's all appreciate the amazing cover that @layla_El made. She did it for fun, but I really liked it so I put it as the cover of the book.
And, the lovely @WonderingWildChild made a picture book for Like Hurricanes. That is so cute and lovely and it filled my heart with joy. Seriously guys, thank you so much for the support. It means the world to me.