The commander wasn't lying. The workouts became harder. At the end of the exercise routines, I end up too exhausted to even want to go pee. The routines are long and cruel.
He would make me do ninety minute workout circuits based on cardio movements. Sometimes reps of squats, lunges, chin-ups and split squats to strengthen the upper body and thighs. We also do MMA. Very little though for now since he says he wants to get me in "excellent" shape.
I wake up super sore that it hurts to even crawl of of bed. He makes me stretch real well before starting and it helps the sorness go away a little. The commander would make me do the rountine and yells at me to stop complaining about needing breaks in between. He hasn't punched my face and he hasn't hit me too hard when we go over the defense movements.
My nose is now healed so I no longer have the bandage over my nose. Dr. Adams was right. Since I was made to heal, it includes my bones.
Today, I am too tired to do the workout rountines. I slack a little so he makes me do flutter kicks. After a while, my stomach starts to burn.
"Bring your legs up higher!" He shouts.
I want to rest. I should just rest a little or else I feel like I'm going to pass out. He doesn't give me breaks in between the exercises. No, if I stop, he will push me even harder. I feel a pressure on my chest. It feels like someone is pushing against my chest. My vision starts to blur a little and I lower my legs close to the ground.
"I said bring your legs higher!" He screams.
I can't no more! I'm too tired! I feel like my heart is going to either get squished or explode out of me! I know it's all in the mind, but I feel awful and dizzy. "I can't!" I scream.
As I lower my legs down, all I can do is lay on the ground. My arms are out stretched across the cold floor. I don't care that I stopped becuase I start feeling nauseous. Inhale from the nose, exhale through the mouth. The ceiling is all I want to look at right now. Knowing the commander is mad, I avoid looking at him.
"Get up," he growls.
Standing up makes everything much worse. My arms and legs start shaking a little. The pressure on my chest is still there. Dots start covering my eyes. The nauseous feeling grows stronger.
"Why did you stop? Did I tell you to stop? Do you think you have a right to scream at me? Answer me!"
Wobbling a little from side to side, I try to focus on the commander. "I was too tired sir."
"Are you still tired?" A frown spreads across his face.
"Yes, sir. I need breaks in between exercises. Please, without them it is hard to focus. Let alone continue. My heart is about to explode plus I'm feeling nauseous."
"Stop complaining! You are acting like a little girl! Are you a little girl?"
Crap, now he is more mad. "No, sir."
Really want to lay in bed right now! Standing is not making me feel better.
"Then tell me how old are you? Hmm? Tell me!"
The question hits me like a bullet. How old am I? Never really thought about it since I've lost track of time. Though I'm sure it's been lots of years since I was little when I first came here. "I-I...um...I uh-"
The commander interrupts me. "You don't even know!" He chuckles to himself. "You don't know how old you are!"
Not wanting to look at him as embarrassment washes over me, my gaze falls to the ground. Now I feel like passing out plus I am embarrassed by him yet again. The guards at the door probay heard too. How worse could this get?
"Maybe this can explain why you complain and slack too much."
That is not true. Not knowing my age has nothing to do with me not doing everything right. He pushes me too much that it makes me want to pass out. The worst part is that he pushes me more when I slack even for a little bit. I have reached my limit today. Maybe if he gives me a couple of minutes I would be fine. No, instead we jump into the next exercise after another. The only real break is when we walk to equipment or tells me what to do. Age has nothing to do with it. I want to scream this at his face, but being too scared and dizzy, I remain silent.
"So weak." He motions the two guards at the door. "Take her to Dr. Adams. She is shaking and wobbling from side to side. Get her out of my sight. Such a dissapointment."
The two guards chain me up and lead me to Dr. Adams room. It feels so good to leave the commander.
When we get there the guards unchain me. They leave. Dr. Adams pats the exam table for me to sit. "Vienna, you were here just last week. What is wrong now?"
Being here again does make me feel weak. This is something I don't like. "The commander pushed me so much without giving me breaks that my chest started to feel compressed or like it was about to explode."
"Is that all?"
"No, I started getting dizzy and my vision started to blur. My hands and legs were shaking. They still kind of are. Plus I feel nauseous."
Dr. Adams stands making his way to a drawer. He pulls out a stethoscope. He listens to my heart for a while and shifts places. "You're heart is beating really fast."
Pulling the stethoscope off, he grabs my arms and extends them out in front of me. "May you please leave your arms like this for a few seconds?"
He stares at my arms as they are indeed still shaking. From my point of view this looks funny. It's like I'm a zombie.
"You may put your arms down now."
He puts the stethoscope away. "When ever you feel this way, it is best to stop and rest. A way to help get rid of that pressure on your chest is to stand up, and bend over a little with your hands above your knee. Try it."
I slide off the exam table and do as he says. "Like this?"
"Not on your knees. Bring your hands a little more higher. Right above your knees."
I move my hands a little higher. Sure enough the pressure on my chest goes away. "Wow, this does help!"
Dr. Adams laughs "What? You think you don't know what I'm doing? There's a reason I'm a doctor."
"I didn't mean that."
"I know you didn't. Lighten up. If you want I can talk to the commander about this."
I slowly stand up. Dr. Adams never used to talk to me like this. Recently, he has made conversations with me even if it has to do with science or about my health. He even gave me a banana a few months ago. "Dr. Adams-" I pause.
He seems concerned now. "What is it?"
"Why are being nice to me?"
"Excuse me?"
Should I have asked this? Is this going to make him like before? No talking just sedating. I already asked though. "You've been nice to me recently. You've never made conversations with me a couple months ago."
He doesn't break eye contact with me as he says nothing for a few seconds. "Vienna, I'm doing this for your health. A doctor has to do their job. Talking is better than silence right? I've known you for a long time now. Can I not talk to you about your health with you? Don't worry. I'll talk to the commander about this." Ending the conversation, he calls for a guard.
I feel ridiculous now! What I meant is that he wouldn't even talk to me about anything! Not even my health, but now he is open about it. It's better if I just don't say anything else before I make this conversation awkward. More awkward is what I meant.
"Don't feel embarrassed, Vienna. It's okay."
My eyes must have changed purple! Oh, how I hate not feeling when they change sometimes! Embarrassed even more now, I look away. I'm an open book for everyone to figure me out. I can't lie or else my eyes give me away!
When the guard comes, I hope it's my favorite guard. But to my dissapointment it's not him. I wonder if other guards are friendly as my favorite guard. Can I talk to this guard? When the elevator door closes, I decide to greet him. "Hi," I say.
The guard reacts immediately. "Don't talk to me. Don't say anything. You understand? I will report you for this if you talk to me again. Consider this a warning." His grip in his weapon tightens as if threatening me that he will use it if necessary.
Lately everything I say and do leaves me looking and feeling like a fool. A weak person. I guess my favorite guard is my one and only friend. I know I shouldn't stereotype all the guards, but I don't want to bump into one that will report me right away just by saying hi. It will lead me to a severe punishment.
Once I am left alone in my cell, I double check to see that the key to my chains is still there. As usual, it is. A random scientist brings me my two glasses of water and leaves.
After my shower, I lay in bed only to stare at the ceiling. The commander's question sweeps through my mind. How old are you? How old am I? Am I this dumb that I don't even know something so simple? I feel stupid! A tear rolls down my cheek. Am I seriously going to cry about this? Am I really this weak? The commander is right. I am weak. I'm a fool. Another tear rolls down my cheek. I feel my eyes change color. They must be dull orange right. Stupid eyes! I wish I didn't have this ability! They always give me away! Ferious with myself, I ferociously rub and scratch my eyes. I hate myself! Why am I even here? Why me?! Why was I even born?!
No one cares about me! Did my mom and dad even bother to search for me when I went missing? Did they give up yet? Have they forgotten about me?
This night ends with me crying myself to sleep.
No guard comes to get me the next day to work out with the commander. Dr. Aderman doesn't bring my water, so he sends someone else. I ain't complaining.
Not in the mood to get out of bed, I lay there all day. Only time I get up is to go to the bathroom, shower, and when a scientist brings me my water the second time in the afternoon. I don't want to do anything or see anyone.
The next day after I shower, I dress in the last black jumpsuit. Time to request new clean ones. The button for clothes has become quite exciting for me since I know I will have a new message from the stranger.
The reflection in the small round mirror shows a girl who looks sad with stained eyes caused by tears. It doesn't seem like I've ever been harmed thanks to my healing ability. My hair grew a little. The black jumpsuit gives off a depressing feeling. It really does. I seem like the type of person to run to a dark corner to hide in the shadows to stay away from society. By looking at myself I'll say I'm seventeen. I'll go with that.
A scientist brings me my water who is accompanied by my favorite guard and another random guard. Yes! The scientist tells one of them to take me to Dr. Friesen's since he wants to see me.
"I'll take her," volunteers my favorite guard.
As soon as the elevator door closes he speaks to me. "Are you okay, you look like... crap."
"I'm fine," I lie. "I just had a terrible dream." Lies. Dreams are something that hasn't occured in years. Don't even remember the last time I did have a dream. Not in the mood to talk, but this is the only chance there is to talk to him. "Listen, um, is there any way you can find out how old I am?"
He gives me a confused look "How old you are? You don't know how old you are?"
If I did know I wouldn't be asking, but it's better not to respond. He notices that I really don't know so he looks away as if feeling sorry for me. "I'll see what I can do."
This is also a good opportunity to ask him something about himself. "How old are you?"
Before he can answer the question, the elevator comes to a halt. The door opens meaning the conversation is over for now.
Dr. Friesen encourages me to take a seat once unchained. He types something in his computer. "I've been told that you have been hiding in your room a lot recently. Let's see here. The last two days you remain in your room. I was shown the surveillance camera and only time you seem to come out is for water."
"So?" It's not like I've never done this before. Since when is this important?
"What do you do in your room?"
"Oh, you know, just the usual. Fly to the moon with my awesome spaceship, talk to all my friends that I don't have, take long walks across a meadow-"
Dr. Friesen cuts me off "Vienna, please take this seriously."
I put my hand on my heart "I am being serious."
Before he speaks again, he writes more stuff down on his computer. "How are you feeling?"
I give him a thumbs up "Amazing. Never been better."
He writes down more stuff. "May you explain to me about how you feel about your training with the commander?"
Should I answer him honestly? I know I'm being rude answering him really sarcastic, but right now I don't seem to care. It's not like they'll do anything. Dr. Friesen is just a psychologist. What's there to lose? "It's great. Look, some muscle is starting to show." My arms seemed a little more toned now. It's not a lot, but it is the truth. "Training is all I look forward to. Such an easy exercise. The commander is just amazing. He is super friendly. By the way, he's really easy to approach too."
He doesn't say anything but gives out a small scoff. "How would you describe yourself right now?"
"Happy."
Dr. Friesen pushes his laptop to the side. "Be honest."
He wants the pure truth, then he'll get it. "Like nothing. I'm nothing. That's the truth. Maybe to all of you sick scientists and everybody else here-" of course not my favorite guard so secretly he is excluded from this statement "I'm your rag doll. Just something you all can mess around with and experiment on. I'm nothing to you all. How would you like to be cut open, poked at, tested on, and be treated like a piece of crap? So the answer to your question is nothing." I make sure I stare deep into Dr. Friesen's eyes to get the words burned into his mind. Engraved deep into his brain.
He calls a guard over to take me back to my cell. He doesn't say anything else. I can feel my eyes change color and as I look at the reflection on the back of Dr. Friesen's laptop, it shows black eyes. Good, he better know that what I said is true.
When the guard walks in, it isn't my favorite guard. It's another guard. Where'd he go? The walk back to my cell is full of silence.
Half way to my cell, I see the blonde guy pushing a laundry cart down the hallway. He sees me as well but avoids making eye contact so he keeps walking. He's the guy who looks at me funny when he walks into my room. Then it hits me like when a wave crashes against giant rocks. I may know who he is now.