Alice Blake was a different person nine years ago when she had first met Chris Beck. She was already ahead of herself in school, taking courses that were at a higher year that she was. Ever since she had gotten off track in her early high school days, she never wanted to hit that state ever again. Seeing what her family was putting on the line to get her through school, it was all she could think about. Getting through those tedious, tiresome, harsh years of university in order to make something of herself. But she was also more fun back then, she loved to have a good time and be spontaneous. The night she met Beck had been one of her spontaneity stints, and every time she thought back to nights like that, she felt a smile creep onto her lips.
But time tamed her, hard work and constant focus on school had sucked out that spontaneity and left her lacking something in her life. When she had met Patrick a few years later, she had already settled into this version of herself that was serious, work-driven, and independent. It was a version of herself that she liked, but being so focused on making her career goals had left her able to accept settling when it came to other aspects of her life. Things moved slow with Patrick, it was nothing like her time with Beck. But it was cohesive, it fit in well with the way her life was going; everything simply fell into place as though it was a puzzle. Like any relationship, it had ups and downs, but Alice never considered leaving because she was comfortable.
There was something missing in her life because she became too comfortable.
She missed the spark that she would get from her playful side. She became her job, both at work and at home. But she had settled into that niche; now it was completely uprooted and every last puzzle piece was askew. Scattered over the floor, mixed in with other puzzles, it would not simply be sorted out like she wanted it to. In the last few months on the Hermes, Alice had rediscovered that fun part of her. Not just with Beck, but with everyone on the crew. They worked together like clockwork, but it was not boring, it was not simply comfortable. It was quirky, and it had brought out a part of Alice that she missed. So as she sat there on her bunk, recent events leaving her cheeks hot and her eyes red, she realized that this was exactly what she needed.
She needed to be uprooted; she needed the comfort to end.
And it had.
She crawled out of her bunk, and Beck had just flopped on his bunk just beside her room; his laptop was propped up on his lap, and he was reading something. Trying to remain quiet, she closed her own personal laptop and began to slip out of her room. While she had just come to the discovery that she was able to be a version of herself that she missed dearly, that version was heavily influenced by people like Chris Beck. Officially and freshly a single woman, both hurt and torn, she was too vulnerable to start thinking about Beck. Though, she had to admit, she had been thinking about him more than she wanted to ever since she joined the Ares 3 crew. He crept into her dreams like he belonged there; and maybe that was where he belonged. In her dreams, as opposed to reality.
"Hey." Beck spotted her as she was walking passed his door. "How's the ankle?"
"Much better," she replied, but her voice cracked as she had previously been crying.
"And you?" he asked, sliding his laptop to the mattress and sitting on the edge of his bunk.
Alice turned and looked at him, a smile on her lips. But the redness in her cheeks and eyes was enough to give her state away to anyone, especially someone who knew her. Nervously, she clasped her hands in front of her and dug her nails into her own flesh to try and distract herself; she felt like crying still. The wound was fresh, every part of her felt as though she'd been slapped, hard. When she had only suspected Patrick, she handled it better because she had the essence of hope that she was wrong. Even though she'd still reacted poorly and ended up hurting her ankle, she still had hope. She hadn't even gotten a straight answer out of Patrick, and that was what hurt her the most. He flipped the script on her and blamed her for everything she didn't do.
"Alice, what-" He stood up, and approached her until she put her hands up to tell him not to come any closer. He paused for a second, and just when she thought he was going to drop it, he wrapped his arms around her in the warmest, most comforting hug she ever could have asked for. It was the hug that did it, made her start crying again. She sobbed silently into his grey sweater, wishing that she wasn't so weak and upset about the whole situation. But six years of her life was demolished by one insidious thought that must have kept Patrick up at night. Beck's words were soothing, quiet, as if they were simply whispers only for her. "I'm so sorry."
After a few minutes, Alice took a shuddery breath and pulled back. Still in Beck's arms, she felt as though everything in the world might make sense. "I just feel so stupid."
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, pulling back slightly so that his hands rested upon her shoulders and he could look her in the eyes.
She sniffled slightly. "You're gonna do my job for me?"
"I fix people, that's what I'm supposed to do." he said. "So if you need to talk to me, if that's what will fix whatever has you down and out, then yes. I'll do your job."
She cracked a smile, feeling that youthful part of herself spark up once again. Sitting back down on her own bunk, she moved the laptop to allow Beck to sit next to her. The bunks were small, and their knees were brushed against one another. Alice leaned forward, her forearms resting on her thighs as her head hung low in a sense of defeat. Beck sat down beside her, and for a moment he raised his hand to place it upon her back, but reconsidered. There was too much at stake, they were already too close, and the mission was not even half way completed. Beck placed both of his hands in his lap, and sat as still as he could while he waited for Alice to explain why she was crying.
"I should never have told him about us," she started, and already felt as though she had started off on the wrong foot. Blaming herself was not the right way to go about it, but the words were already out there. "I planted an insidious seed in his mind and I can't blame him for worrying, for making such assumptions, for..."
"For?" he asked, urging her on.
"Six goddamn years I put into that relationship!" She clutched her hands into fists, digging her nails into her palms. "And he goes and fucking cheats on me the minute I leave. How long... How long had it been going on? Who was it? These questions run through my mind over and over again, and I keep wondering what I could have done differently to have prevented it. I never should have told him... I- I..."
"No, telling him was the right choice," Beck said, his voice trembled slightly because he clearly wanted to spill some nasty thoughts about Patrick, but knew better than that. It wouldn't help Alice deal with the situation, and it wasn't Beck's place. "His choice... his idiotic choice to cheat on you... That was going to happen either way. When someone does something like that to someone they are supposed to love, the problem wasn't one thing. The problem is deeper than that, he was the problem, Alice, not you. You can't blame yourself for this, not at all. He was just waiting for a reason; an excuse."
"Do you actually think that?"
"The last year or so, did it feel right? Did you come home and feel your heart skip a beat when you saw him? Did it feel like..." He paused, he was going to ask if it felt like when they were together, but changed his direction. "Did it feel like there was no one else in the entire world who could make you feel that way?"
Alice opened her mouth to speak, but the words didn't form right away. She took a moment to compose herself, and wasn't sure what to say until the words bubbled up. "I never felt that way with him."
Something in the way she said it, Beck felt his heart skip a beat. Adrenaline pulsed through him now more than ever; he hadn't felt this way in nine years, and this time it felt even stronger. Realizing that he was about to break a very strict rule, about to break protocol that he agreed with, he felt his hands tremble ever so slightly. Taking that bold move, he brought his right hand to her cheek and tilted her chin up. Her eyes were filled with something he couldn't pin point, but there was nothing in there that was telling him to back off, to stop what he was about to do. The words tumbled from his lips. "That's how you make me feel."
His lips crashed down upon hers, and even as Alice kissed back, she knew that nothing was going to make sense from here on out.