Madaling araw nang biglang magising si Miho sa mahimbing niyang pagkakatulog. Nakaharap parin siya sa bintana at agad niyang napansin ang malalaking patak ng ulan sa labas. She faced the opposite side, expecting to see Pat lying on the sofa but he wasn't there— ang unan lang at ang kumot ang nanduon.
Her eyes searched for him. Halos tumalon ang puso niya nang makita itong nakatayo sa may kusina; tila isang eksena sa isang horror-thriller na pelikula. With her eyes half-open, nakita niyang tumungga ito ng inumin galing sa isang bote; she assumed that it was wine.
He should be sleeping at this hour; maaga pa kasi ang pasok nila. May insomnia ba siya? She wondered. Gusto niyang tumayo at pigilin itong uminom, pero nag-alangan siya. It was her first night in his place, ayaw niyang makagawa ng bagay na baka ikasira ng mood nito. Instead, she just forced herself to shut her eyes as she decided to return to sleep.
After a few seconds, she heard the shuffling sound of his footsteps. Naisip niyang baka pabalik na ito sa sofa para matulog. Hindi niya minulat ang mga mata niya dahil desedido siyang makatulog pero wala rin iyon nagawa. She couldn't sleep as she was worried. Gusto niyang sapakin ang sarili. Was she overthinking again?
If Pat has insomnia, siya rin nagkakaroon ng mga episodes ng ganito lalo na noon. She would sometimes do the same, drink some alcohol instead of sleeping pills; alam niyang masama yuon but she preferred the warmth of beer than ingesting medicine.
She wondered if Pat suffers from the same problem; She wanted to talk to him about it but she's a little hesitant. Naiipon na ang lahat ng gusto niyang sabihin dito; maybe tomorrow or one day, she'll be brave enough to start asking personal questions to him.
Pakiramdam niya umabot na ng trenta minutos na nakapikit siya at hindi makatulog. She felt awfully sad and the fact that she could feel sadness without any reason made her feel worse. Or maybe there was a reason— but an unclear one. The scene earlier must have made her feel this way even if in the first place, she doesn't have any idea why Pat was still up, drinking alcohol in the kitchen.
Malungkot ba siya? This question was bugging her. Everyone in the world feels sad at some point, this is a universal truth. But she still seemed to be greatly bothered by what she saw; Siguro nga masyado lang siyang nag-iisip. Nagpaikot-ikot na siya sa kama at dinilat na lang ang kaniyang mga mata.
Pat was already lying on the sofa, nasa paanan lang ang kumot nito. Umupo siya ng dahan-dahan at sinilip ito mula sa pwesto niya. His eyes were closed, arms crossed over his chest; mukha itong nilalamig. She heard before from a teacher that if someone's sleeping position is such— chances are, he's going through a stressful experience, tinatago nga lang niya lahat ng iyon. Gusto niyang matawa, she must be really overthinking again, pati ang posisyon nito sa pagtulog ay kinokonekta pa niya sa pag-inom nito.
Dahan-dahan siyang bumaba sa kama at lumapit dito. She tip-toed until she reached the sofa and then knelt beside it. Hinatak lang niya ng dahan-dahan pataas ang kumot hanggang sa balikat nito. Then, she immediately tiptoed back to bed. She felt a lot better and was able to sleep after a few minutes.
The next day, it was the smell of pancakes that greeted her first thing in the morning. Agad siyang bumangon sa kama dahil naalala niyang hindi niya narinig ang tunog ng alarm niya sa cellphone.
"Tumunog yung alarm?" She asked as she took her phone and checked it.
"Yes. I turned it off. Gigisingin palang dapat kita," He said as he transferred the pancakes from the pan to the plates on the wooden table. "A few minutes of additional sleep wouldn't be a problem. Hindi pa tayo ma-l-late. I made some pancakes, let's eat."
As they ate their breakfast, Pat asked her about her sleep. She told him that she slept well, not mentioning that what she saw when she woke up in the middle of the night had bothered her for almost half an hour. Matapos mag-agahan agad na rin siyang naligo at nag-ayos. Pat was already in his khakis and white button down shirt when she woke up; napaisip siya kung maaga ba ito nagising o baka hindi naman talaga ito nakatulog kagabi.
There was no sign of him getting drunk last night; he was even cheerful this morning. Ito pa ang ganadong mag-lagay ng maple syrup sa pancake niya kanina at madalas niyang nakita itong ngumingiti sa kanya habang kumakain. Parang wala lang nangyari nuong madaling araw.
Pagdating nila sa eskwelahan, dumiretso sila agad sa 4th floor at naghiwalay rin nang papasok na sila sa magkatabing classroom. But before Miho could enter the room, Pat called her.
"May lunch obligation ka ba with," A short pause as he cleared his throat before continuing, "Francis?"
She shook her head. She never had any permanent lunch obligations with anyone. Sabay sila ni Francis kapag nagtutugma ang schedule nila at minsan, sinasabay siya ng ibang mga taga-Japanese department tuwing break. May mga araw din na minsan ay mag-isa lang siya.
"Then.. cafeteria at 1?" He fixed his glasses as the corners of his mouth lift up into a smile.
"Sige," Miho replied. She couldn't help but smile back at him; nakakahawa ang good mood nito.
Napakapit siya ng mahigpit sa librong dala at napayuko bago pumasok sa silid-aralan. She hate to assume anything but somehow the lunch invitation made her feel that Pat must have considered her now as a friend.
---
"Hoy, Pat. Ano 'yan, may baon ka na uli? Yung exotic sisig na naman ba yan?"
Pat turned around and saw Ivan holding his pink mug; nakangiti ito at nakatingin sa kanya.
"Yup, probably just for a few days and no, hindi 'to sisig," He replied as he stood up. "Sige, baba muna 'ko." He patted Ivan's shoulder before taking his lunch box with him. Before he was able to reach the door, Tanya called him; niyaya siya nito para makipagusap. He told her he's in a hurry, but she forced him to stay for a few seconds.
"You're just playing around with Miho, aren't you?" She seriously asked; nakapamewang pa ito sa harapan niya.
"If I'm playing around with her, then, what?" He stared straight into her eyes and smirked.
"Hindi naman kami close friends dati nung highschool, but I have this impression that she's really a good girl. Before, she has trust issues with the people around her, if I'm not mistaken. Pero kahit ganon, hindi 'yun nakikipag-away, madalas tahimik lang. You're a nice guy too kaso nga lang, masyado kang maharot para sa kanya. Do you get my point?"
Tanya held his arm. He immediately removed her hand as his lips formed a faint smile, "I have to go."
Hindi na umimik si Tanya. She just smiled back at him. He didn't know what her smile meant. Hindi rin niya sigurado kung bakit siya nito tinatanong ngayon. It must be plain curiosity or she's just really worried about Miho because she knows he's a player.
Pagkarating sa cafeteria sa ground floor, nakita niya si Miho na nakaupo sa may tabi ng bintana at nakatingin sa labas. He took advantage of distance by staring at her for a few seconds. Agad nga lang siya nitong napansin kaya nilapitan na rin niya ito.
"Sorry, medyo matagal. Kanina ka pa?" He sat on the chair beside her after putting his lunch box on the table.
"Medyo, pero ayos lang. Pupunta pala si Ma mamaya. Dinner time daw, okay lang ba? Kung may lakad ka—"
"I'm free tonight."
She looked into his eyes, halatang may gusto itong sabihin. He was already expecting her to apologize, inunahan na niya bago pa ito magsalita.
"Don't apologize, okay?" He told her. Tumango naman ito at napayuko. "Tell me about your half-sister and her relationship with Greg."
Kikitain nila ang nanay ni Miho mamaya kaya naalala niyang magtanong pa tungkol dito. While having lunch, she told him almost the entire history— simula ng magustuhan ni Goyong si Dolly hanggang sa paghihiwalay ng dalawa dahil dito. He couldn't help but comment how this love story was "dramatic" and very "telenovela-ish".
"Now I understand why your mom slapped me but I wouldn't also blame Greg for his actions. Paano ba kayo nagkakilala?"
Ikinwento ni Miho na sa probinsya sila nagkakilala ni Goyong at pagkatapos, tumira sila ng magkasama bilang magkaibigan. Her stories roused more questions in his mind but he set aside those as of now. Hinayaan lang niya itong magkwento ng hanggang saan lang nito gusto.
He did not mention it to her but he did notice the sadness in her eyes as she did her story-telling. She kept on smiling as she spoke, but it was obvious that she's trying to hide her feelings. Alam niyang sa bawat banggit nito kay Goyong ay may kirot itong nararamdaman.
He knew he shouldn't care in an exagerrated degree, but he did felt different as he heard her story. Hindi pa niya matagal na kilala si Miho, pero alam niyang iba ito sa karaniwan niyang nakikilala.
She's independent, kaya umaasta itong kaya na nito gawin ang lahat ng mag-isa lang. She's always apologetic, masyado itong mabait at ayaw nito na nakakaabala sa kahit kanino kaya baka naaawa lang siya dito. He convinced himself that it was empathy that he was feeling as he listened to her, if empathy means feeling a tinge of pain inside mixed with an urge to touch her.
Paalis na sana sila matapos kumain nang may marinig sila sa likuran.
"Dindate daw ni Pat yung bago sa Jap department?"
"Oo nga raw, may nakarinig na tumitira daw yun sa unit niya ngayon!"
Familiar voices— ang mga nag-uusap ay mga guro galing sa Spanish department. Ito ang mga kilala niyang walang ginagawa kundi makipag-chismisan tuwing free time nila, sa cafeteria man o sa faculty room.
"Yung batang 'yun talaga, ibang-iba sa tatay niya! Napaka-babaero! Nilandi din kaya nu'n si Steph, paasa nga raw eh!"
"E ano naman yung babae niya ngayon? Mukhang malandi ba 'yon? 'Di ba yun yung mga type niya, yung mukhang madali mapapayag sa kama?"
He glanced at Miho who was staring at her small tote bag on the table.
"Nakita ko na yung babae. Mukhang inosente! Tinuro sa'kin ni Ellie nung pasakay sila sa kotse ni Pat! Ano nga uli pangalan no'n.. Miho ata 'yon."
"Turo mo sa'kin 'pag nandyan! Pero diba looks can be deceiving? Hindi naman 'yun sasama kay Pat kung walang interes sa alam mo na.. Malay mo, baka sa loob ang kulo!"
At nang marinig niya silang nagtawanan, tumayo na siya sa kinauupuan. Hinawakan siya ni Miho sa braso na tila alam nito ang gagawin niya.
"I need to talk to them. Dito ka lang."
Nilapitan niya ang mesa kung nasaan ang mga ito. Tama nga siya, sila Ms. Andres at Ms. Tamayo ang nag-uusap. Napatingin sila sa kanya at napangiwi parehas.
"Mr. Del Pilar, nandyan ka..pala? Kamusta? Do you want to join us for lunch?" Sabi ni Ms. Andres na napapatingin sa kasama habang nagsasalita.
"Miss, I really don't give a damn if you like spending time talking about me and my fucked-up life. Wala naman akong magagawa kung yo'n ang source of enjoyment ninyo," He paused as he looked at both of them. Nakatitig si Ms. Tamayo sa kanya at ang isa naman ay napayuko.
"But make sure, leave her out of this!" His voice was loud. Loud enough that the people around them could hear him, but he didn't care. Naramdaman niya ang mga kamay ni Miho sa balikat niya. He heard her call his name but he ignored her; hindi pa siya tapos sa mga kausap. "Hindi bagay madawit si Miho sa isa sa mga walang kwentang pinaguusapan ninyo. Kung wala kayong masabing matino tungkol sa taong hindi niyo pa kilala, I suggest you just shut the fuck up!"
"Pat, you just misheard us. Hindi naman ikaw yung.. Yung pinag-uusapan namin!" Sabi ni Ms. Tamayo; ang mga mata nitong malaki na ay tila nanlalaki pa.
"Punyeta!" Pat clenched his fist in anger. Gusto niyang idabog ito sa mesa pero pinigilan niya ang sarili. "Misheard?" He laughed and shook his head. "So you're saying na hindi ako yung Pat na may ka-date from Japanese department na dating nakipaglandian kay Stephanie? Tell me, sino 'yung Pat na ibang-iba sa tatay niya? Tell me who the fuck he is!"
He could already feel Miho's arms around his waist. Mahigpit itong nakakapit at sinusubukan na siyang ilayo sa mga kausap. Nahimasmasan siya sa hawak nito. He would need to stop for her sake as well; baka madamay pa ito lalo.
Both Ms. Tamayo and Ms. Andres were quiet. Wala na silang nasabi. Kung magsumbong sila, wala na siyang pakialam. Nang palabas na sila ng cafeteria, napansin niyang nakatingin sa kanila ang iba sa mga naroon; ilang mga teachers at estudyante. Hindi siya nakaramdam ng hiya. It was the first time he did this; lumabas na ang parte ng inis niyang naipon.
"Pat," Napansin niyang nakahawak pa rin si Miho sa braso niya kahit na nakarating na sila sa hagdanan. She was caressing her arm as if she was still trying to calm him down. "Kapag pinatawag ka ni Mr. Vargas, kakausapin ko rin siya. I'm sorry."
"I should be the one to apologize. Nadamay ka pa," Sabi niya bago hawakan ang kamay nitong nakahawak sa kanya. "Ako na ang bahala 'pag nangyari 'yon," Tumigil siya sa paglalakad at ganuon din ang kausap.
"Pero—"
"You don't need to worry about it. In fact, I'm used to their everyday gossips. Naririnig ko ng diretso, minsan naririnig ko galing sa iba. Everywhere, there's always people like that and I normally ignore them. Minsan totoo naman kasi ang nasasagap nilang balita— that I'm a jerk, a flirt and I can never be like my dad. But this time, they made a mistake of mentioning your name." He led out a sigh and shook his head, "It's my fault. I'm really sorry."
Naramdaman na lang niya bigla ang malambot na palad nito sa kanyang pisngi. They were in public, kaya nagulat siya sa galaw nito. Iniisip niya kasing matapos ang mga narinig, lalayo si Miho sa kanya, sa takot na madamay pa sa mga chismis at masira ang pangalan nito.
"Wala yo'n. Hindi mo kailangang mag-sorry. At kahit totoo yung karamihan sa sinasabi nila, hindi naman ibig sabihin na 'yun na yung kabuuan ng pagkatao mo."
Miho seems to radiate a different kind of energy as her mere presence triggers a somewhat contradicting sensation in his body. Her words felt warm and comforting but the smile on her face and her lovely gaze made him a little uneasy.
Pat held her hand and planted a soft kiss on her knuckles. He saw her blushed. Taliwas sa pag-aakalang iiwas ito ng tingin, hindi nito tinanggal ang pagkakatitig sa kanya.