*Damien’s POV*
One…two…three. I hold my breath and wait less then half a second for the knock to resound, vibrating up my spine, due to my back being leaned against the door. I press the back of my skull flat against the cool wood of my door. What do I do?
“Damien” Seth’s voice chases me through the door. “We need to talk”
“I don’t think we do” I disagree, safely behind the door.
“I won’t leave” Some of his stubborness leaks through his voice “I refuse”
I frown. Annoying, but not exactly fatal. “Fine-stay out there as long as you-” the words dry up. Shit. Kyle said he wanted to come over today. And if Kyle were to come over and see Seth at my front door they might engage in conversation, which could lead to…
I fling the door opened. “Five minutes. That’s all I’m giving you”
He simply steps in. I want to look at his face, but I’m scared of what I’ll find there. Not hesitating, I turn away from him and stalk towards the kitchen. He follows silently behind me. I don’t look and I don’t hear the door shut or his footsteps, but I know he’s following.
I spin around once in the kitchen, eyes bravely seeking out his own. My blood turns to ice. Memory fragments… drunken daze… on a bed, the springs groaning, pleasure, pain, tears, want, hate, but most of all an echoing emtpiness in the pit of my stomach. Where love used to be.
I couldn’t look at him without flashes of naked skin dancing in my vision instead. Betraying Kyle, betraying Darcy. Feeling sick about treating my boyfriend so horribly and vegance against my dead sister. Something was wrong with me. And Seth’s face reminded me of who I was. I wasn’t a very good person.
I place my palms on the table, the support needed. “You wanted to talk so badly. Go ahead”
Kicking a puppy was the image that daned in my head. Seth really was such a puppy. The coldness in my tone, unlike how I’d ever spoken to him at any given time, seemed as harsh and cruel as a winter’s night, the indifferent ice creeping in on those not prepared for the blizzard.
“Damien… I don’t think that what happened that night….was a mistake” he reaches for me, but the second his fingers brush skin the coldness inside grows stronger, takes over. I slap his hand down, stepping back at the same time. “Don’t be like that. I think… we could be together”
“I used to think that to… actually, that’s all I used to think about. And you know that” I cross my arm, still not looking at him directly. “Why now? Why when I’m happy with someone else?”
“We made love-” he started.
I bite the end of his sentence off “No. Making love is for people in love. Me and you? We fucked. Me and Kyle make love” defensive. That was the word that best described me. I’d done wrong, but it took two to tangle, so I’d blame the other half of the problem for more then his fair share. I’d pour this boiling guilt, this self-hatred that steamed over at his very mention, onto him. Watch his nerves fry under its intensity, its inability to show a drop of mercy to its carrier. “I hate you”
I wanted to feel pity for him when hurt flashed in his eyes, but I’d gone cold. It was his fault really, just like everything else. How was I supposed to deal with this? I was to stressed out already. And all he cared about were his precious feelings. “You don’t mean that”
I look down. I didn’t mean it. But anger could feel like hatred, and it often did.
When I look back to him, I see something I hadn’t noticed before. A change in his expression. When he looked at me it was warmth and affection….as a friend. His look now betrayed his deepest feelings, and when I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mircowave, it all came together, making sense.
Poor Seth. That lost sense of pity finally reaches me. He was so confused.
“I look just like her, don’t I?” I sigh, eying my own reflection. I really did. “We seem to have this problem a lot Seth” I could feel them falling away, the layers of anger and self pity, leaving me open and tired to the world “I can’t replace her”
Stubborn. The boy was so stubborn. “I don’t want you to, I think we could-”
“You’re not gay.” I cut him of. His teeth grind in frustration.
“It doesn’t matter, Damien I-”
“It does matter” I argue. My arms cross “You’re being ridiculous”
“No, look” he steps forward, popping my personal bubble. The sensation of him leaning over me is altogether unpleasant. It makes my stomahc ache with regret. Still, he leans downa nd brushes his lips against mine, and when he does I’m grateful because I know that in that moment we both feel it.
Perhaps I’d held onto a tiny shred of hope for us buried deep down inside but with that kiss he killed it. He wasn’t Seth. I wasn’t Darcy. This wasn’t love. Kissing your best friend with no deeper emotion didn’t feel right, now when you had deeper emotions for someone else.
“Hey Seth” he stays close, looking down so his haiir falls in his eyes. I sweep it back, the two of us caught in a moment together. “Did you love her?”
He nods sorrowfully. I lean my forhead into his tyring to smile “I bet she loved you to. I’m sorry”
“Me to.” he nods again, his voice mumbling. Sad. Defeated. He was still grieving. Maybe he’d greive the rest of his life. But he didn’t need a mirror image. He needed time and he needed relfection, and he probably needed a girl to love him and treat him properly.
“You’re a good friend. Not in the traditional ways but still…” he says after a moment.
“Thank you” he steps away and we both pause, frowing at the distance. We still didn’t feel right, neither of us, and it was something only we could share. What we’d done wrong. The understanding of one another we felt. I’d loved him. He’d loved her. She’d loved us both in very different ways.
Slowly, hesitantly, a weary smile touches both of our lips. A real one. “A hug goodbye?”
“Yeah…” he agrees slowly. We step forward and hug each other, and it’s a nice goodbye.
I wish I could leave it at that. Closure. A nice goodbye. Seth and me no longer friend but no longer enemies either. Darcy’s betrayal not mended but apoligized for. Sadly, that’s not how it went. There was a noise where there had been no noise before. There was a face in the kitchen doorway.
“You really should leave your front door closed” Kyle’s smile is not a smile at all. It’s a grimace.
Theres a crunch as his fist connects with Seth’s nose, and all I can think is it’s broken before I dart between them. Kyle isn’t sadistic but neither is he kind as he shoves me easily to the side and darts after Seth. This was a fight he’d waited for since the moment we met.
Seth, much to his cedit, gets to his feet. Another fist lands. Seth takes it. No retaliaztion at all. An apology to Kyle? Kyle didn’t seem to think so “You fucking asshole!” never so chaotic, not Kyle’. Where was his calm demeanour? Where was his formality? “Hit me!”
Seth did nothing. Kyle hit him twice in a row, quick and painful, before I’m in their faces again. This time it’s two different hands pushing me away from the violence, from the blood staining the front of Seth’s shirt and the knuckles of Kyle’s fists. “Hit me!” he demands once I’m out of the way again.
“Kyle stop!” he knew. The world was falling away and that one fact made it hard to breathe. He knew. Did he love me still? Was that even possible? My heart is a hummer bird of led, so fast but heavy. Tears sting my eyes “Kyle!”
Seth’s face again. And Seth finally hits him back. A hard punch to the wide of his face. Kyle isn’t weak. Seth is big and strong, but Kyle certaintly isn’t weak. He spit’s the blood on my kicthen floor and I can see murderous intent in his eyes. “It’s me you’re mad at!” I scream.
And the room falls still very quickly. A long pause, stretching endlessly. He thought about it. I tried not to cry. Seth tried not to even breath. Then he laughed. It started light, but grew. He stepped over to me. Towered over me. And my love for him was painful, so painful. I’m sorry.
I wanted to say it. I’m sorry Kyle, I’m sorry. But my lips wouldn’t move. He didn’t want an apology. I didn’t deserve to apologize, I didn’t deserve to even look at him. He knew, and I was disgusting. I was a slut. A whore. A cheater. A jerk. A prick.
“You know Damien” he laughed. “For once you’re fucking right”
Gone. Within moment’s he’d slipped through my fingers.
And then he was simply gone.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
People seem to hate me asking for comments. I hate not getting comments. Seem we've reached an equation with no easy solution.
One chapter of part two left, then onto part three-which still needs a title T.T and the plot holes worked out T.T-Does the song for this chapter fit? I think yes, but give me your opinion. and screw it-I'm saying it-comment.
Then go read iswearidon'tbite becuase if I could write like her and got that little attention i'd throw things.