Cause its fantasies and reality, baby which one are we living in.
When it hurts by Avant
I am sitting in the back of this cab on my way to the bus station, I dont know anyone out of town. I dont know where I am going but I do know, I am getting the hell away from Chris and Whispers ass. How can people be like this? We arrive at the bus station; I pay the driver and get out. There are folks bustling all around, going every which way. I walk in the station and look for somewhere to sit. I see a corner that I can hunker down in and watch without being watched. My pager is blowing up, I know it is Chris and I have nothing to say. I feel so betrayed by him, not like with the others. His is more gut wrenching because allowed him to get close to me, I allowed myself to be vulnerable, to be revealing, knowing damn well I was setting myself up for failure. To be honest I am not mad at Chris or even Whispers, they only used the weapons I gave them.
Fuck, I cant believe she thinks I helped Whispers concoct this story, shit I aint that good and neither is he, if we are then Hollywood here, we come. The night that Storm told me everything that she has been thru, tore me apart. I was filled with so much rage and contempt that all I wanted to do was hunt this motherfucker down myself and kill him. It took the heavens for me to remain quiet as she told me, I wanted to snap, and I wanted to tell her exactly how I felt. This sick motherfucker needed to die and in the worse way possible, but I knew in that time, in that moment she needed me and not a rescuer. So, I did what I thought she wanted me to do and that was just listen. Take what she was telling me to heart and see that how she is, isnt because she wants to be, but because life gave her no other choice. I saw the child that she is so desperate to protect. I see her fear, her unsureness, her mistrust, seen and felt every ounce of pain she was conveying to me.
In my mind I understood that child that only wanted to be loved and cared for. I could relate because I was once the same child. I thought what I experienced as a child was the worse and then I met Storm and I found, I had no reason to bitch and gravel, I found someone at an early age who taught me how to make a way and how to protect myself. She didnt have that, the worthless piece of shit of a dad she had didnt protect or care to see, his child was being hurt. No matter what shit has gone down before those two nights, I can honestly say, I have never seen her cry or be close to tears. I saw her break, she became unhinged, and she allowed herself to show me how broken she was. So now that you know the truth, let me guess I am someone you could never be with? Damaged goods, I get it. She thought cause of what she went thru, I wouldnt want her but that made me want her even more. I didnt see a victim; I didnt see a bruised and hurt little girl. I see a fucking warrior, I see a fighter, I see a survivor, I see the underdog making her own self shine and that is what drew me to her. I always knew there was something special about her, I just didnt know what. How could I take something so vile as that and use it against her? Hell, even the night she killed Jay and Debbie, Chauncey asked me, and I didnt even tell him.
I was sitting there listening to Whispers and I am floored, my boss is my girls grandfather! I cant believe this shit and the look on Stormys face indicates she doesnt either. I can feel the heat radiating off her, her breathing is shallow as hell and the noise under her breath is letting me know, she is about to pop, and I mean pop for real. I try to hold her hand, but she snatches away from me and gives me some death dagger eyes. She scoots to the edge of the seat and has planted her feet. Next thing I know, she is up and in full blown attack mode and her main aim is at me. When I tell you she verbally handed us our dicks in our hands. She literally does and without skipping a beat She goes, gets her stuff, informs both of us, that she is leaving to get away from us. Oh, but she was so kind to tell me before she left, that I need to call Chaunceys mom cause the wake is Friday. I stand there and I watch the door close behind her, for some stupid reason, I stood there hoping she would come back but she didnt. I went to see where she had gone, she was by the elevator waiting for it to come, before I could say her name, she looked at me and got in the elevator without a backwards glance. Fuck, I havent even done nothing. Fuck, fuck, this is crazy and what is she thinking right now, it supposed to be us against everyone and anyone. Where the fuck is she going to go, she cant go home. I didnt make it no better pointing that fact out to her, when she said she was leaving. The look she gave me should have torched me to my soul. Honestly though, where she is going, her other option is dead waiting to be buried. I spin around and I look at Whispers, you dont think she is going to leave da burgh, do you? I mean go back to Philly; I know she must have someone up there she could go to. My mind is racing, I dont know where to look. I have more places she wouldnt be, then she would be.
Chris keeps paging me but I ain't calling him back. Fuck him, sorry isn't going to work, him telling me why he did what he did and how he didn't do it to harm me, blah, blah, blah, bullshit. I'm over people thinking my hurt is a fucking joke! I'm over folks assuming they know what is best for me, I should have just kept doing what I was doing and that is staying to my damn self. Oh no I had to be a dumb ass and fall for the first man that said some sweet shit to me, hell from what I'm hearing. I ain't no better than good ole Cynthia. Now ain't that some shit for that ass. I guess stupidity runs in my damn genes. Fuck it, I'll remember this, and I will not make the same mistake again. Believe that one! I have learned so many lessons in life, matter of fact too many to be repeating any of them, that is for damn sure. Sitting here wallowing in shit that wont change isnt helping my present situation. I grab my stuff and I walk out the bus station, I get outside, and I get my sense of direction. I am familiar with downtown, but not so much this part but I will figure it out. Folks are everywhere I look, I start to walk down Liberty Ave and I come across The W Hotel, it looks nice, and I doubt anyone would think to look for me here. I need a drink bad as hell, I just hope my fake I.D passes in here. This place is truly upscale and very pretentious. I walk up to the door and get ready to go in, then out of thin air a bellhop appears and opens the door for me. Ummmm, thank you sir. He nods his head at me as I walk in and I am instantly taking back to a time era where high tea is served and eloquently spoken women talked about different luncheons and charity functions, the must attend for the week. Where business attire dressed men, come and talk business deals over old scotch and brandy. The entrance is grand and decorated in a steel silver and different shades of light gray. The chandelier is three tiers of dangling crystal tear drops, beautiful. There are numerous Borne Settees thru out the lobby, all done in a faux sued, there is circular glass tables and tall lamps scattered thru out as well. I walk to the front desk, welcome to The W Hotel and suites, what may I help you with today. She was very pleasant and professional. Yes, I was wondering would you have a room available for a week? she smiles and tells me she will check on availability, she types on the computer for a few seconds. As a matter of fact, maam we have a room on the 3rd floor facing Liberty Ave or we have a suite on the 6 floor with a view of our inner courtroom. That suite is gorgeous if I may say so myself. It has a master suite bedroom with a king size bed, you have a full kitchen, living room as well as a dining room. Which one is more to your liking maam? I ponder for a few seconds, As wonderful as the suites sounds, I think it is best that I go with a simple room. The woman shakes her head and asks for my ID, I hand it over and she begins my check in process.
I finish at the front desk; I get my key and the hotel lay out. I asked the receptionist if they had a bar in the hotel, she informed me that they did. So off to the bar I go. The bar wasnt too far from the front desk, I walk in, and it is dead as hell. Just the way I like it to be honest. There is a young lady wiping down the bar as I walk further in, good afternoon to maam, is there something I can get for you maam? I walk over and sit on one of the bar stools. In that exact moment I felt defeated, I felt lost, I felt alone and just disappointed. Ummmm, yeah let me get a shot of 151. To be honest I dont know shit about ordering a drink, I just ordered what I seen Cash and Chris drink. Sure, thing but no disrespect to you, but can I see your license cause you have a young-looking face? I go into my bag and fish out my license hand it to her, she looks from me to my picture, from my picture to my age and then back at me. I am going to let you have this one drink because you look like you have been to hell and back, after that I must ask you to leave. Whoever did this, did an awesome job but sweetie, you are clearly not 25 I would give you 17-18 at best. Question for ya, are you in any kind of trouble hun? I hang my head down cause I am fighting tears back and I will be damn if I spill my guts to another fucker like they care. I just had a bad break up is all. I hear her sigh; hey my name is Angie and trust me sweetie I know how you are feeling. I went thru a bad break up a few months ago. It sucks when you put your all in someone and they show they wasnt even worth your time. Trust me, it will sting for a while, but it will eventually fade away with time. I give her a weak smile, thanks Angie for the drink. I hope I didnt cause you any trouble serving me. Also, thanks for the advice but I doubt this hurt will ever go away. Angie gives me a sad smile, as she pours me another drink and slides it to me. Its fresh right now so its going to feel like, it is never going to get better, but it will, trust me. Listen no one is here and if you conduct yourself like a lady, you can stay but this time, slow down on the drink. Cause 151 is known to put hair on your chest and put you on your ass. I thank her and I slowly sip my drink.
I am paging the shit out Stormy, but her stubborn ass won't call me back, no matter what number I leave. What the hell happened? How could she think I would betray her? Fuck, maybe she is gone just to cool off. I go to our bedroom to grab my keys and stuff and that is when I see it, the ring I just placed on her finger less than 4 days ago. My fucking heart sinks to my stomach. I sit on the bed with her ring on my pinky finger just looking at it, I feel my eyes burning and Im trying my damnest not to cry but this shit here is crazy to me. Where are you Storm and when are you coming back to me, if you are coming back at all. There is a knock on the bedroom door, Whispers pokes his head in the door. Hey, you ready to go and see what we can found out? I hold up my finger with Storms ring on it, I dont think there is a point in looking for her. Whispers walks further in the room, what makes you say that? I hang my head, this is the ring I asked her to marry me with and I found it on the bed. She only took it off once and that was when she went with the police to get her stuff from her parents cause she didnt want her parents to see. The fact that it is here, lets me know she is done with me, done with us being together and she is gone, with no plans of coming back!
Youngblood listen, I dont think that is the case. She is pissed off and probably somewhere cooling off and getting her head right. You said it yourself; she has no other place to go. Women do this type of thing to get our attention and to get us to listen to them. She is doing what all women do, she will be back. I snap my head towards Whispers. What do you know about her? Nothing, not one single thing do you know about her. She isnt like any other female that I have come across. If she is gone, trust me it isnt because she is trying to make a fucking point or to get me to listen to her. She thinks I fucking betrayed her, the one thing she asked me to never do. All because of your ass, why didnt you say anything to me about her possibly being your granddaughter, why the fuck would you come out of nowhere telling her? Do you have any idea what that girl has been thru and what she has had to tolerate and endure? No, no you dont! that day you came to drop the news, she had a huge falling out with her so called parents and they put her out with nowhere to go. Then here you come saying you are a long-lost grandfather that she didnt know she had, and no one told her about! We just lost our best friend; her life has been anything but a fairytale. If you would have told me or let me know then I could have softened the blow but no, you came and drop this news and was expecting her to receive you with open arms, with not one care how the fuck she would take the new. I am fuming and I dont care about screaming at his ass, he feels disrespect oh fucking well. Stormy is out there thinking she has no one, the one person she thought she had betrayed her! whispers is standing there with his hands in his pocket just looking at me. Chris explains to me how you betrayed her? I dont get it. I punched the wall cause dude isnt getting it. I am the only person who knows the truth, I am the only one who knows what she went thru, again I am the only one who knew the history of her father and mother. She thinks I told you her story and now you are to be her hero. She doesnt believe that you are her grandfather, she thinks this is a cruel fucking joke! Do you fucking understand now?
Whispers is standing there ridge and quiet, just staring me down like his next prey. He stalks towards me, let me make myself very clear to you right now! I know you are upset, and you are worried about Stormy but if you ever rise up and talk to me in the manner that you just did, I will cut your fucking tongue out myself! Now do I make myself fucking clear?! Now I must admit that I went about this all wrong and I should have come to you first but my excitement in learning she was my granddaughter was overwhelming and I had to know for sure if it was true. I wont lie to you, yes, I was hoping once she learned about me being her family, she would be overjoyed and accept me. I had no clue what she has been thru, that part is true. But when I was talking to you, it wasnt to minimize her and you, I was trying to smooth her thoughts, but I failed and, made shit worse. Chris tells me what you want me to do, how can I help you find her?
Angie is a cool ass chick and she tried to help me with her advice, but it isnt working. I finish my third drink; I pay my bill and give her a huge tip. Thank you more then you know, have a good one Angie. Maybe I will see you around sometime. I receive a huge smile from her and a wave goodbye. I go find the elevators so I can go to my room and just block the world out. I get on and push the 3rd floor, I get off and find my room. I dont have a description of the room, cause all I cared about is closing the curtains and blacking the room out. I slide my sneakers off and lay across the bed and surrender myself to the tears that I have been holding back. The damn opened and I just cried and cried and cried. I cried until all I had left was dry heaves and my stomach was doing cartwheels cause I drank those shots with nothing on my stomach. I hurry up and get off the bed and run into the bathroom, just in time for my stomach to fully empty into the toilet. I slide down on the floor with no energy, no will to move or to go on. I just curl up and place my hands under my head, I just lie there until sleep takes me. Maybe this time I will be lucky enough not to wake up.
I called the Hyatt and asked the man that answered did he have someone by the name of Foster there Stormy being the first name? The man on the phone told me no one by that name was there. I thank him and hang up. There are hundreds of hotels in downtown, no telling where she is at damn it, I call about 20 more hotels when it dawned on me, she isnt using Stormy, she is using her fake I.D name, so I go back, and I see the W is the next hotel to call. I dial the number and a women answered the phone, she gave the company spiel and then asked me how she could help me. Yes, I was calling to see if my wife landed and checked in ok, her name is Alicia Martin, she would have arrived sometime this afternoon. The women told me to hold on while she checks, I hear her clicking keys on the keyboard, Yes Mr. Martin, she is checked in with us. Would you like me to connect you to her room? Son of a bitch, she is literally right under my fucking nose, No that is fine, I am at the Hilton, I must didnt give her the right information. I will be checking out of here and coming to stay with my wife. There wont be an issue giving me a key to the room, would it? there was a pause, unfortunately without Mrs. Martins permission or your name assigned when she checked in, we wont be able to do that, but we do have another room on the same floor as hers. Would that be ok sir? I think for a minute, yes that will be fine, I will be there within an hour to check in, if that is, ok? Well sir I will be off by then, but I will leave a note for the next staff that comes on that you will be arriving soon and to check you in on the third floor. Just make sure you have a form of I.D and we will handle the rest. I thank her and hang up.
I go and pack up all our things and load it in the car and truck, I go back in the hotel and inform them we are checking out and hand in the keys. I go to the payphone and call the trap cause I need cash to come grab my car and park it at his house. I get a hold of him and tell him what I need and where I hide the keys, after I put the keyes in the wheel well, I jump in my ride and off I go. I arrive at the W; I give my keys to the valet and have them park it. I walk to the counter where there is this goofy looking white boy, I bet I can game him into letting me in Stormys room.
I dont know how long I have been on that bathroom floor, but I am now cold and sore as hell. I dragged my ass off the floor and went to the bed, I flung myself across it and then rolled myself up in the comforter like a blunt and went back to sleep. Sometime later I am aroused out of a deep slumber to someone trying to come in my door, but they cant cause I have the slide guard on, I silence my moves, I slide out of the bed and feel around in the dark for my bag so I can get my piece. I find my piece and I tip toe to the door. Whoever it is, seems determined to get in my room. They keep opening and shutting the door, so I wait for them to close it and I slide the guard off, and I step back, so when they do come thru the door, all they will see is the barrel of this gun. Just like I knew they would, they try again and this time, the door opens. I took the safety off and aimed right at the door with my finger on the trigger. The door come quietly open and right before I blasted this mother fucker, I see the face of the last person I wanted to see, Chris! Hold up, hold up, fuck Storm! I lower my shit, what the fuck are you doing here, how the fuck you find me, better yet how the fuck you get a key to my room? Chris is standing there looking shook, but I dont care. I walk back in my room and turn the lights on, again what the fuck are you doing here? He comes in and stands there looking around, he goes into the bathroom and looks around. What the fuck you looking for or should I say, who are you looking for? Listen I dont know why you are here, havent you and ya friend done enough? You came and you saw, now get the fuck out!
I walk over to the desk, hey man. I was wondering if maybe you can help me, I called earlier and spoke to someone about my wifes room and how we got out wires crossed, and she came her instead of the hotel I was at like plan. I was wondering if there is any way for you to maybe give me a key so I can get in. Its late and I tried calling her, but she didnt answer so she must be sleep. He looks at me with this eagerness to help look on his face. Sir what is the name on the room, and do you have an I.D with the same last name and address on it? I shake my head yes and get my wallet out, I go behind my real license and get my fake one. I hand it to the man, and he types on his computer. Yes, she is staying with us in room 316 facing the Liberty Street side, she checked in this afternoon. Let me place your information on file and I will get you a key. Yeah, she thought she was slick but baby I am much slicker then her ass will ever be. Now lets see what you have to say when I am dead ass in your face. This is some fuck type of shit she is doing, that temper of hers is going to be her fucking downfall. Ok sir, here is your license and your room key, so you are going to take this right and go to the elevators that are to your left, get on and press the 3rd floor, get off and make a right, your room will be on the left side. Anything else I can do for you tonight? I thank him for his time, I grab my things and I slide him a fifty for his troubles. I walk to the elevators; I cant wait to see her face when I come thru that door. I jump on and ride to the third floor, once there I try my key, but I still cant get in cause she has something that is keeping the door from fully opening, I keep trying, maybe I can get it to nudge off somehow. I keep going at it and then suddenly, the latch must have budged cause now I can open the door the whole way. I get ready to walk in and I am met by a barrel of a gun! I start yelling at Storm, Hold up, hold up, fuck Storm! The look on her face is anything but welcoming, she looks like she still wanted to pull the trigger even though she knew it is me! What the fuck are you doing here, how the fuck you find me, better yet how the fuck you get a key to my room? I just stand there looking at her cause she hasnt put the strap away and the way she is looking I just might lose my life tonight. Again, what the fuck are you doing here? I come in and stands there looking around for a sec, then I go into the bathroom and look around. What the fuck you looking for or should I say, who are you looking for? Listen I dont know why you are here, havent you and ya friend done enough? You came and you saw, now get the fuck out! This chick right here is trying my patience and the way I am feeling right now, I may just choke the snot out of her. I turn on her and I charge in her direction, Shut the fuck up Storm, listen you have said some fowl ass shit to me, and I allowed it cause I know you are upset but youre not going to keep running your fucking mouth to me like I wont put you on your ass! You are really on one and I am at my breaking point.
I am fuming and I am not one to put my hands on a woman, but she is trying the fuck out of me right now. I wish the fuck you would touch me, just cause I am a female dont mean shit, you wont be the first or last man I put my hands on. I am tired of you motherfuckers thinking you can put ya hands on me and nothing is going to happen! Thats it, she thinks her ass is so hard, ok Storm I got your ass. I charge and scoop her up and I slam her ass on the bed, but she recovered quick as hell and hit me with a left hook in my jaw and I am not going to lie, I didnt see that shit coming, I tackle her ass and we roll onto the floor, I straddle her and hold her hands by the side of her head, so she doesnt round house on me again. Get the fuck off me Chris! Before I can even let her ass go, she bites the shit out of my hand and claws at my face. Fuck Storm, what the fuck in wrong with you? I lost my balance and she anchored herself and levied me off her and hoped on me and started to wail on me, I mean this chick was throwing combination blows, I blocked a few but a couple got thru and them bitches stung my ass good. Oh, hell no, I am not fixing to have her beat my ass like this. I get my balance and I drop her ass on the floor, and I hop on top of her and use my weight to stop her. She wraps her legs around my mid-section and starts to squeeze the hell out of my ribs. Fuck, Storm! Stop it! I am not going to lie to you, in the mist of this crazy shit, her friction on my member is turning me the fuck on and the fact this chick can handle herself, now mind you, Im not fighting her like no dude but either way she got some hands. I am over her and pinning her hands up by her head. The look of pure hate is clearly in her eyes but right now I could give a fuck less. She is going to listen to me and stop all her shit.