Waking up to Jessie Ware's sweet voice singing something about love was quickly becoming a habit to me. But then, so was going to sleep with Gabriel by my side, and waking up alone. Of course, today was no exception to that. The sheets on the empty side of the bed were all crumpled -just like usually- Jessie singing to me about how she didn't want to fall in love.
And yet, today was not exactly the same, since I was capable of making out his deep, husky voice even through the noise made by the running faucets in the bathroom. My murderer was angry judging by the string of curses coming from him, the sound of breaking glass then ringing throughout the room. Standing up, completely oblivious to my current outfit -meaning one of Gabe's large T-shirts- I headed towards the door that opened a moment later, revealing the deadly specimen of a man Gabriel Shaffer was.
"What the fuck did you do, Julia?" And even though I could've thought of a number of things I'd done, I was quite sure he wasn't talking about any of them. So insted of giving him an answer -which I was quite sure would've been a wrong one anyway- I simply folded my hands over my chest, silently waiting for him to elaborate. "Please tell me you didn't quit your job." Oh, so that was it, then.
"Ok, if that's what you want to hear, then I didn't quit my job." My voice was still sleepy, my brow slightly raised due to his outburst. What the fuck was wrong with him? Why was he so damn angry at something I was supposed to be angry about? Visibly clenching his teeth, my murderer's hands fisted at his sides, the one holding the cell almost turning the poor thing into dust.
"Why would you do such a thing? Why the hell would you give up on your bench?" He was obviously trying to hold on to his temper, but, unfortunatelly, he was not too good at it. The man looked like he wanted to punch a hole through something.
"Look, I'm fine." One of my hands shot out, softly touching his chest in a soothing manner. Again, he was not the one supposed to be angry about me quiting my job, but out of an unknown reason to me, he was and I had to make sure that he didn't do something stupid that we both would've ended up regretting. So putting on a brave face, I tried my best to give the angry man in front of me an explanation that wouldn't have made him go ballistic. "I did what I had to do, Gabriel." My voice was stronger than I felt, but right then, I couldn't afford to be weak. My murderer needed to believe that I was ok with my choice. "There was no going back after what I'd done. I knew that from the moment I'd decided to take sides." I didn't need to say more. I knew Mathew had already told him about what had happened at the last hearing. I knew Gabriel was aware of what I'd done for him.
Stepping to the side, he walked to the bed behind me, lowering himself onto the soft mattress. I silently watched his hands gripping his head, what I considered to be an incredulous laugh making his body shake slightly.
"Is there anything that I didn't ruin for you?" A frown marred my forehead as I stood competely still in the middle of his bedroom, staring at the man who used to own my heart. And since I honestly doubted my answer would've helped, I decided to keep quiet. "I wish I would've stayed away from you." My eyes teared up, my heart literally hammering against my ribcage. I'd known this moment was coming, but... If this really was the time he told me he regreted everything that had happened between us, then I didn't want to hear it. Because I didn't. I didn't regret it at all.
Heading towards the bed, I sat on the edge of it, my hand reaching out for one of his. His hazels found my blues, his mouth opening but then closing again, as if failing to form any words.
"I'm not sorry for having to leave the bench." Mildly shaking my head at him, I felt his hand squeeze mine a little tighter. He didn't believe me yet, but he was going to, because as I stood there with my hand in his, I realised that I was actually telling the truth and I knew that he was going to see it too at some point. "There are more important things in life than a job, Gabriel. I know that now." Taking my hand to his lips the man I feared was luring me back into his world, reverently kissed my knuckles. And right then and there, I gave my heart a break from her constant attempts to get over Gabriel Shaffer.
$$$
The moment Gabriel announced me he was taking Tom and James to the hotel his other proteges were currently staying at, I knew that it was also probably the time for me to get dressed and go set things straight with Mathew. I knew I was no longer his favourite person in the world after that police thing and I also knew that some apologies were not going to help, but I was really out of options. So trying to talk to him -explain everything to him- was pretty much all I could do to try and make things better. I mean, come on! I was not the one who'd told that sales woman to call the police. He had to understand that.
Picking up the only summer dress I had in the closet, one with some nice white flowers on a green background, I slipped it on while also taking a deep, steeling breath. It was not going to be easy for me to make my point, especially considering the fact that Mathew appeared to be avoiding me, but I was also not going to let it go, because one thing I knew for sure -I didn't want Mathew as my enemy.
Stepping out of Gabriel's bedroom I started for the livingroom downstairs, hoping to God for Mathew or at least Angie to be there. I was not looking forward to having to knock at their bedroom door. But then something else caught my attention making me lose my train of thought. The entire villa was quiet. Too quiet even. Where was everybody?
The dining room was empty except for the two maids polishing the furniture and so was the kitchen. Frowning, I headed for the livingroom, my only chance left of actually finding the man I was looking for. The sound of Sinatra's smooth voice singing something about New York made me smile even before stepping into the room.
"Beautiful, right?" Recoiling ever so slightly I dared a glance in the direction of the voice. Mr Shaffer was sitting in the huge armchair by the window, his lips forming an amused smile. "I didn't mean to scare you, dear. You just seemed so enraptured by the music that I couldn't help but say something." Returning his smile, I slowly nodded my head. "This was my wife's favourite, and with time, I think I grew quite fond of the bloody song as well." A secret smile replaced his earlier amused one, Mr Shaffer's eyes closing for a second, the look on his face, one of pure happiness. "I'm sorry, dear. Were you looking for someone?" His dark eyes opened again and took me in.
"I was, actually. Do you happen to know where Mathew and Angie are?" Briefly glancing out the window before giving me an answer, the man nodded his head.
"As it happens, I do know where both of them are." I smiled in expectance of his answer, but he seemed in no hurry to tell me their whereabouts. "Please take a seat, Julia. Keep an old man some company." Signaling for the couch sat in front of the fire place, the man watched me patiently until I did as I was told.
Raising his voice and calling for one of the maids, Mr Shaffer gave her his empty glass and raised two fingers, probably asking for two more drinks. I was just about to refuse his silent offer the moment the maid -whose name I think was Roza- left the room, the man's entire attention returning to me.
"I wanted to thank you." My mouth opened in something resembling shock, but then closed when Gabriel's father smiled kindly at me. "What you did for our son was... You're a brave woman, Ms Groves and I'd be happy to call you family one day." Swallowing hard, I forced my lips to form another small smile. How was I supposed to tell him that, as far as I was concerned, that was never going to happen? His eyes dropped to one of my wrists and I soon realised that he was actually looking at the tattoo his son had given me, a smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. "Ms Groves, do you happen to know...?" He was interrupted the moment Roza came back with our drinks. Mr Shaffer's drink of choice was appearently bourbon -no surprise there.
I accepted the glass I was being offered while Sinatra sang his last New Yorks, silence enveloping the room afterwards.
"As I was saying, do you happen to know what that tattoo means, Julia?" I quickly realised that we had the room to ourselves again, my heart racing. I wasn't so sure I even wanted to know what the tattoo meant. A short laugh escaped the man watching me closely. "He didn't tell you, did he?" I was officially intrigued and just about to ask what the hell he was supposed to tell me the moment Mr Shaffer stood up abruptly. "My son may be an idiot -and now I know that more than ever- but, please, Ms Groves, don't give up on him quite yet. Gabriel might still surprise you." Heading for the exit, the glass of bourbon still in his hands, the man gave me a sad smile. That was also when I stood up, decided on getting an explanation for his words.
"Mr Shaffer!" Freezing at the mention of his name, Gabriel's father turned on his heels, giving me an intimidating look.
"Do you love my son, Julia?" It was my turn to freeze to the spot. I had a feeling that the man in front of me could see right through me. "That's what I thought. So just don't give up on him quite yet." Turning around again, the man resumed his walking, his shoulders slightly jerking with laughter as he kept mumbling the words Mr Shaffer.
Dropping my ass back onto the couch, I allowed a deep sigh to take all the air in my lungs with it. And then my eyes landed back onto the glass of bourbon I'd placed on the small coffee table in front of me. Oh, so what if it was ten in the fucking morning? Grabbing the glass, I threw my head back and closed my eyes, embracing the burn the liquid had left while travelling down my throat.
$$$
I was a little tipsy by the time Gabriel returned home, I must give you that. And that was also probably why I fel like the entire room was spinning around with me in the centre of it, in spite of the fact that I was lying in my murderer's bed.
His scent invaded my nose the moment Gabriel stepped into the bedroom, my murderer turning the lights on and making me squint my eyes. My head hurt like a bitch, the nausea that I was experiencing making me marvel at the fact that I hadn't threw up quite yet.
"Dea? What's wrong? Roza told me you weren't feeling well." Kneeling next to the bed, the man I could no longer deny loving, placed his hand onto my cheek. "Julia, tell me what's wrong." What was wrong? I much rathered telling him what was right. That would've saved us some time anyway.
"Why did you kill her?" My voice was nothing but a hoarse whisper, my eyes closing while I muttered the question. I didn't care about the damn tattoo at the moment, and I couldn't give a crap about what his father had told me. All I wanted to know -all I needed to know- was why the hell did he have to start a war with the man who had almost killed me.
"What are you...?" My mouth opened before I even got the chance to understand that I was about to cut him off.
"Marco's wife, Gabriel. Why did you kill her?" Standing up, he went to the small music player placed on a shelf, turning on the Ipod already inserted there and turning on the music. Jessie Ware's voice rang throughout the room, making me laugh slitghtly.
But then my laugh subsided, the moment Gabriel came back, lowering himself onto the bed, one of his hands taking a hold of one of my own. He was silent for so long that when he actually started to speak, I was taken aback.
"Her name was Lori." His voice was low and pained, his eyes closed tightly. "I first met her when she came looking for my help." My brow furrowed, my mouth opening slightly. She'd went to him? "She had filed for a divorce and she needed my protection." That was when it dawned on me. It was so tipically Gabriel.
"So you helped her." My murderer slowly nodded.
"So I helped her." He was saying it almost regretfully, a bitter smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. "We took her in. She moved in with us at the mansion. Life went on." Gabriel shook his head. "Everything was fine until one day when Marco appearently found out that I was sleeping with Lori." The man's words came back to mind. You know what's the worst part of all? That he'd taken her away from me a long time before killing her. That he'd made sure she fell in love with him first. "A transport of meth was hijacked that night. The driver died before talking to the police, but not before talking to me. It was Marco's doing." My mouth went dry. The poor woman's ending was near, that much I could tell.
Gabriel closed his eyes tightly, his teeth gritting, his breathing harsh.
"The fucking bastard costed me three million dollars." My breath hitched. Even through the dizziness caused by the alcohol I could tell that three million dollars were cause enough for Gabriel to kill Lori. After all, she had been the reason behind Marco going to war with Gabriel. "I cared about her, dea. She was one of my proteges. I would've never killed her if I had a choice." My murderer said, as if knowing exactly what I was thinking. "The same night, she told me she loved me. It didn't really come as a surprise. I'd let it get too far." Remembering his no fucking the proteges rule, I couldn't help but consider the fact that he might've been in love with that woman too. He'd let it get too far, by his own admission. And somehow, the thought that my murderer had been in love with another woman, made me feel even worse. Stephanie, I could deal with -I knew that he was over her- but another woman... Not so much.
"You loved her?" I could barely recognise my own voice. Gabriel glanced at me, his eyes wide and sincere.
"I didn't." Shaking his head at me, my murderer took my hand to his lips. "She was... Lori was a prize, Julia. She'd belonged to my adversary and then she became mine. She had chosen me. I'd won. I was the better man and that was nursing my ego." I could perfectly understand what he was trying to say and that scared me for a moment because it made me realise that I was starting to think like him. "So I freaked out the moment she said it. I didn't want her to love me. For fuck's sake, I hated her for loving me. I hated her for ruining everything." His body stiffened, his hazels searching my face. "I told her the truth. That I didn't feel the same way. That we had to stop sleeping together."
I wanted to tell him that he'd done the right thing. I wanted to kiss him and wipe the bad memories away from his mind. But I'd done neither. There was more to the story that he still had to tell me.
"I still don't know where she took that knife from. She started screaming that I lied to her, that I was guilty for everything that was happening and that she could no longer go back to Marco. And then she lunged at me. The bitch had tried to stab me. I stabbed her instead." My head hurt, my heart breaking for the man sitting next to me. Either he admited it or not, Gabriel was not ok with having killed Lori. Then a short, unamused laugh escaped him. "I could've called an ambulance. I could've helped her. But I didn't. I just stood there, watching her bleed to death on my carpet." And I'll be damned if I didn't try my hardest to find an excuse for him. It was just impossible. Gabriel was a killer. End of story. "So now you know..." So now I knew.
Standing up all of a sudden, I felt my stomach doing a backflip, biles rising to my throat. It wasn't entirely his fault. Marco had made me believe that he'd started it. He'd made me believe that my murderer was guilty for my close to death experience. And now, with just a few words, my world went back to being upside down. What the fuck was I supposed to believe in?
"I'm sorry, dea! I know he took you because he wanted to get his revenge on me. Trust me that I would've never gotten involved with that woman if I knew this was going to happen. Only if I knew that I would find you... If I knew that you were real -that you existed." His hand was placed onto my shoulder, his fingers flexing and softly digging into my skin. "I need to know..." He hesitated for a moment before speaking again. "What did he do to you?" This time, I litterally choked, my hands pushing me off the bed, my feet rushing to the bathroom. Gabriel was at my side in no time at all.
"You don't need to know. It's over now." And it was. Marco was dead. His friends were going to stop hunting me down eventually.
"Dea!" The commanding tone of his voice was what really made me look at him. "I need to know. I wanna help you, but for that, I need to know." Tears finally won the fight, streaming down my face while I crumbled to the ground, in front of the man I loved.
"I can't. I can't remember, Gabriel. I won't." Crounching in front of me, his hands shot out, picking me up from the ground and carrying me to the bed. Slowly placing me down, he climbed to his side, his hands enveloping me into a tight, comforting embrace, his lips repeatedly kissing the top of my head and I knew I'd won this fight. He was not going to push for answers that night. He was not going to make me remember what had happened to me. For that one night, Gabriel was going to simply hold me in his arms, while I drowned in denial.